He waved a hand, as if to wave away his pain. “It was a long time ago. Ancient history.”
“But it still hurts.” She sighed. “The hurt never completely goes away, does it?”
“No. It doesn’t.” He looked at her again. “I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you otherwise.”
“At least you tell me the truth. Most people tell comforting lies.”
“Most people don’t deal well with the truth. But you, you’re made of stronger stuff.”
“I wish I felt as strong as everyone keeps telling me I am.”
“You survived. That takes a lot of strength. So does deciding to raise and protect your brother.”
“What else could I do?”
“Give up. That’s what I did.” His mouth twisted into a wry half-smile. “That’s why I’m a vampire.”
They walked in silence for a moment before Hannah asked, “What did you want to be?”
“A good husband. A good father. And a good doctor.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground. “But that was all taken from me.”
“Not all of it,” said Hannah. “You’re still a good doctor.”
Alek turned his head to look at her in surprise. When he smiled, it had a bashfulness to it that tugged at her heart. “Thanks.”
They fell into silence as they turned the corner onto School Street. As the school playground came into view, Hannah said, “I’ve never had big aspirations. All the other kids in my little town, they couldn’t wait to get away. They were going to move to New York, or LA, and they were going to be actors or writers or politicians or whatever.” She shrugged. “But I didn’t want to leave. It was my home, you know? I always planned to go back there after I finished nursing school. I just wanted to graduate and get a good hospital job, or maybe at a private practice. All I wanted was to help people feel better and make a decent living at it. Maybe meet a doctor, or another nurse, and get married, and then be a mom. I always dreamed of a big house out in the country to raise kids in.” She smiled. “I used to daydream about stupid, mundane stuff, like homeschooling and baking brownies and sewing Halloween costumes every year.”
“That sounds like a perfectly lovely dream.”
She nodded, and wiped her nose. “And now it’s all gone.”
“Well… you did meet a doctor, at least.”
She smiled, in spite of herself, but said nothing. She briefly imagined herself in that big house with Alek and Noah, then banished the thought from her mind. Of course it would figure that the only handsome doctor in her life would turn out to be one of the monsters.
Except, he really wasn’t, was he? Hannah still didn’t know what to think, or what to feel. His inhumanity still made her uneasy, even as she grew to trust him more with each passing moment. What he was… it wasn’t natural. It wasn’t right.
So what did it say about her that she was so drawn to him?
Suddenly, Alek stopped walking. “Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“Listen.”
Hannah strained her ears, but she couldn’t hear anything. The nights here tended to be eerily silent, and this was no exception. Then it dawned on her. “He stopped crying.”
“He’s asleep. Let’s get him home. You should get some sleep too, while you’ve got the chance. I’ll stay and watch him.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I don’t mind. Besides, I have a feeling you’ll be able to sleep better if I’m there, in case he has any more complications.”
He was right. Even as recently as last night, Hannah would never have been able to sleep while a vampire watched over Noah. But whatever Alek’s ulterior motive might be, whether he influenced her thinking or not, she knew one thing on a gut level: he would protect them. And if Noah’s fever rose again, or if he had trouble breathing, Alek would know what to do.
“Okay,” she said. “Let’s take him home.”
THIRTY-ONE
Hannah slept on the sofa, despite Alek urging her to go to bed. She left Noah to sleep in his stroller, and Alek camped out in the easy chair, where he could keep an eye on the boy. But it was Hannah he found himself watching more often than not. She looked so young as she slept, her face free of the load she carried, and so innocent without the weariness and apprehension in her eyes. When she rolled onto her side and a lock of hair fell across her face, it took every ounce of his willpower not to reach over and smooth it back from her brow.
He needed a distraction. He looked around for something to read, but if she had any books, they were still packed in one of the boxes stacked at the other end of the room. He wasn’t about to dig through them without permission. With a sigh, he hauled himself out of the chair, its cushions so deep they threatened to swallow him. He checked to make sure the baby was still breathing freely, then went out to the porch, leaving the door open behind him so he could hear if Noah ran into trouble.
As he leaned against a post and stared out at the night, his fingers itched to hold a cigarette. It had been a lifetime since he’d last smoked one. The cravings had mostly died along with his humanity. But it had been a comforting habit, even more so in a time when nobody knew it could be a deadly one, and sometimes he still missed it.
He still missed so many things.
One of those things was simply being a doctor. Over the last several decades, he had mainly been a researcher, a scientist chasing that elusive cure. It wasn’t exactly easy to run a practice when you were confined to the night, although he had occasionally found work in emergency rooms and overnight clinics, and he’d managed to stay current on modern medicine. But since the outbreak, he’d been all scientist, all the time. Of course he was available if his camp residents needed a doctor, and they thought of him as the local “doc,” but there was never anything so severe that Zach couldn’t handle it during daylight hours. Noah’s illness was the first he’d actually been called upon to treat. It felt good to be able to simply help. He’d missed that.
He had loved his former life as a simple village doctor, before the Nazis made him a field medic. He could still picture the faces of every single fallen “enemy” soldier they had refused to allow him to treat. But there was one face in particular that still haunted him. A woman. A civilian. Debris from a mortar shell had torn through her torso, leaving her bleeding out from the stomach. An awful way to die. He had just knelt down to try to stop the bleeding when the butt of a rifle struck his jaw and knocked him over. “You’re not here to help that trash,” the German soldier had said. “She’ll go on the pile and be burned with the rest.”
“But she’s still alive,” said Alek. “I can help her. At least let me make her more comfortable and ease her pain!”
The soldier turned the rifle around, and Alek found himself staring down the business end. “You have more important work. Come with me.”
He reached out and squeezed the woman’s hand as he climbed shakily to his feet, a small gesture of comfort that he wasn’t even sure she’d be conscious of. He got a jab in the ribs for his efforts. “Come!” the soldier repeated, and herded him into a medical tent that had been erected in the center of the village. Its patients were all German soldiers and officers—not one cot was given to the civilians they’d just butchered. “Here,” barked the soldier, and led him to a bed holding a man in an officer’s uniform… or what was left of one. There didn’t seem to be much left of the officer, either. “Save him.”
“I don’t know if I can,” said Alek as he surveyed the damage. “His chances don’t look good.”
“You will make them good,” said the soldier, “if you want any hope of ever seeing your wife again.”
Alek closed his eyes. “Forgive me, Irina,” he prayed, and then he got to work.
He had saved the officer, although he hadn’t saved the man’s arm. Small revenge. Not long after that, an English battalion defeated his unit, and took him captive before realizing he’d been forced into service. By the time they processed hi
m and released him, it was already far too late for Irina.
He had given up medicine by the time Esme found him. Of course, by that point he had given up on everything. And after his transformation, for a while it was the furthest thing from his mind. He remembered the day it all changed, when he knew he was and would always be a doctor. He and Esme were on the prowl, strolling the streets of Berlin. Hunting. They stepped onto a busy street just in time to see a boy get struck by a car. Alek didn’t think, just acted, and managed to keep the boy stable until help arrived. It was the first innocent life he’d saved since before his village was invaded.
Esme had laughed when he tried to tell her how good it had felt, that he knew deep down that saving lives was still his purpose. “A vampire doctor,” she’d said, cackling. “Don’t be absurd. Your purpose is to kill. Your purpose is vengeance. Don’t ever forget that, my sweet Alek.”
Alek’s itchy hand had balled into a fist, so tight his nails dug into his palm. He forced himself to unclench, and pushed bitter thoughts of his past from his mind. Inside, the baby started to cough. He was already there, unbuckling the straps that held him upright in the stroller, by the time Hannah sat up. “Is he okay?” she asked.
“He’s fine. It’s time for his medicine. I’ve got it. You go back to sleep.”
“I don’t think I can,” she said, pushing back the coverlet and standing up. “I’ll get it.” She disappeared down the hallway, then came back a moment later with the medicine. Alek held the baby while she administered a dose. He started to cry. “Aw, c’mere,” she said as she took the baby into her arms.
Alek stood back and watched as she bounced him and did her best to sooth him, until his angry cries subsided into hiccups and sniffles. “Is he gonna be okay?” she asked.
“He’ll be fine. Just keep doing what you’re doing. This should run its course in a day or two. If it doesn’t, I’ll need to see him again.” He smiled as she nuzzled her brother. “You’re really good with him.”
Hannah gave him a sleepy smile. Her hair was tangled and disheveled, and sleep still clung to her eyes. But she was beautiful. Alek caught himself imagining what it would be like to wake up to this sight every day, and cut off that fruitless line of thought.
Hannah’s smile morphed into a thoughtful frown. “What time is it?”
Alek checked his watch. “Just after six.”
“You should go,” she said. “The sun’ll be up soon. You don’t want to get stuck here all day again.”
“I’ve been stuck worse places, believe me. Are you sure you don’t want me to stick around?”
“You said he was out of danger.”
“He is. Just remember to give him his medicine every four hours. That should keep his fever down.”
Hannah nodded. “Thanks.”
Alek returned her nod, and turned for the front door. She grabbed his hand, and he froze. Slowly, he looked down at his hand caught in hers, and then at her face, full of earnestness and gratitude. “I mean it,” she said. “Thank you.”
He looked back down at their hands, and gently, carefully, stroked her fingers with his thumb. He felt her go very still, but she didn’t pull away, nor did she back up when he moved closer, close enough to share her breath. Still slowly, as if reaching for a deer that might dart off into the woods at any second, he brought his other hand to her cheek. She gasped at his touch, but she held still, allowing his caress. He could hear her heart pounding, her blood rushing through her veins. Her mouth went slack, and her bottom lip, so full and luscious, begged to be tasted. The scent of her arousal made him bold, made him hungry for something other than blood, something he hadn’t allowed himself to taste in a lifetime. As his thumb traced her lips, she let out a soft sigh, and as her eyes locked on his, he saw his own hunger reflected back at him. He leaned closer, closing the small gap between them.
Hannah went stiff. “The sun,” she said. Her voice sounded desperate, afraid. “It’s coming.” She started to tremble.
“Damn the sun,” he wanted to tell her. He wanted to taste that bottom lip, to pick her up and carry her to her room and taste all of her, to soak up her warmth and feel her heart beating against his chest, to stay with her forever and make sure she never again knew what it was like to feel alone and afraid.
Instead, he redirected his unspent kiss, and placed it on her forehead. Then, without another word, he walked out into the remains of the darkness. She didn’t try to stop him.
THIRTY-TWO
The buzzer mounted over Alek’s bed screamed at him as the flood light it was attached to snapped on, nearly blinding him and signaling that it was time to end the charade of trying to sleep. Already wide awake after a day of tossing and turning, Alek rolled out of bed and padded into the front room, but he paused before reaching the front door. The scent coming through from the lobby was familiar, but it didn’t belong to Zach.
A basket of clean laundry that he hadn’t gotten around to putting away sat next to the coffee table. Alek retrieved a tee-shirt and a pair of jeans from it, and put them on. He raked his fingers through his hair in an attempt to smooth it into something presentable as he headed for the door. “Hannah,” he said as he opened it.
She reached for him and took his face in her hands. “We have unfinished business,” she said before crushing her mouth against his. He welcomed her kiss as he drew her into his arms. She went gladly, leaping up and wrapping her legs around his waist as he stumbled backward and into a wall. He turned around,leaning her against the wall as he ravaged her face and neck, all of the desire he’d felt for her that morning cranked up to eleven.
“Alek,” she moaned as his lips traced the line of her jaw and moved down her throat. “Alek.”
“Alek!”
He blinked, and came back to reality, and looked down at the real Hannah. She still stood in the hall, holding a plasma bag, wearing her scrubs and a look of concern. “Are you okay?”
He needed a cold shower, and he needed to not be near her for a while. But instead he said, “I’m fine. Sorry. I didn’t sleep well.” He stood back and held the door open for her. “Come in.”
“How’d you know it was me?” she asked as she entered.
He paused before answering. Humans tended to find it disturbing that he could smell them coming. “I sensed you.”
“Oh.” She seemed nonplussed by that. She looked down at the bag in her hands, and held it out to him. “Brought you breakfast.”
“Thanks.” He took the bag and started for the kitchen. This time, she followed. “Can I get you some coffee?” he asked as he put the plasma in the fridge. “I need to make some.”
“That’s okay.”
“How’s Noah?”
“Better. His fever’s gone. Paula managed to scrounge up a humidifier for his room. It seems to be helping.”
“Good.”
She moved closer, and he could sense her heart speeding up as surely as if it were his own. “I wanted to thank you again,” she said. “For helping out with him. I still don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t been there.” She seemed nervous as she spoke. Afraid. Her face remained composed, but she kept fidgeting with her hands. If she was so afraid of him, why did she come? Why was she standing so close?
He put some distance between them as he busied himself making coffee. “I was just doing my job,” he told her. “That’s what I’m here for.”
“Oh.” Was that a note of disappointment in her voice? “Anyway, I’m sorry I kicked you out so abruptly.”
He faltered on his way to the sink, then sighed. “I’m sorry I gave you a reason to. That was… unseemly of me.”
An awkward silence fell between them as he filled the carafe. Finally Hannah said, “I’ve been thinking about Chris.”
“Right.” Alek shut the faucet off a little more forcefully than necessary. “Your boyfriend.”
“What? He’s not— we went out twice. That doesn’t exactly make him my boyfriend.”
“Sorry.�
�� He was losing the battle of keeping sarcasm out of his voice. “I didn’t realize. So what about him?”
“I’ve been thinking that maybe I shouldn’t see him anymore.”
“So, what,” he asked, irritably, “you came to me for breakup advice?” When she gave him a look that said he was being an idiot, he held up his hands. “Sorry. You can’t break up if he’s not your boyfriend.”
“You sound jealous,” she said, and her voice was hard to read. It seemed somewhere between irritation and… amusement? “And kind of bitter,” she added.
Because that’s exactly what I am, he thought, but kept silent as he scooped grounds into the coffee filter.
“Anyway,” she went on, “it’s not like I’m exactly swimming in people to talk to about this sort of thing. The closest thing I have here to a mom or a girlfriend is Paula, but considering she’s his mom…”
“Great. So that makes me your default best friend.”
“What? No! Would you stop… you’re like a hundred years old. How can you still be such an idiot?” Her words struck him like a glass of cold water in the face. He didn’t have an answer for that, but she didn’t give him a chance, anyway. “Alek, you’re… you’re a freaking vampire!”
“This isn’t news.”
“No, but it’s… I mean, you’re great. Okay? You’re this awesome guy, and you keep saving my life, and my brother’s, but you’re still… I don’t know. I mean, that’s it. I just don’t know. I don’t know what to think, or how to feel, or what’s okay…” He heard a tremor in her voice, as though she were near tears. “I just don’t know, and it’s scary. You’re scary. The things you make me feel are scary.”
She stopped, and put a hand over her mouth, obviously fighting back tears. It struck him, then, just how young she was. And he really was an idiot. If he couldn’t figure that out, with his century of experience, how could he expect her to have her feelings worked out with only twenty years behind her?
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