by Elise Faber
He hadn’t argued when she’d said she was making him cookies, though—her way of evening the scales. Yes, she knew, or at least was coming to understand that, logically those scales didn’t need to be balanced, but she couldn’t just take all the time, she needed to give, to care. She just promised herself that she wouldn’t use it as a way to keep her distance.
She would care for Jaime because he was lovely and sweet and it made her happy to see the soft way he looked at her when he’d stolen a scoop of raw dough—and the faux wounded expression when she’d smacked his hand, warning him off because the raw eggs and uncooked flour, and then he’d teased her into a “dangerous” kiss.
And she didn’t protest when he’d cleaned the bowl and utensils she’d used to prep the dough because he had already stolen way too many hot circles of deliciousness off the baking sheets after they were baked and before they were fully cooled. He’d laughed when she’d teased and said there was no way he was going to keep his abs flat if he kept that up.
“I think you’ll still like me even with a keg,” he’d said, stealing a kiss that tasted of dark chocolate and brown sugar.
Because that much was true, she’d kissed him back, slow and deep and—
Had stolen the rest of his cookie. Which had gained her another teasing kiss, another bite of the treat, and plenty of laughter, soothing the tears in her heart, but instead of blocking them off with steel or barring the entrance to the door that had cracked, Kate had resisted the urge to retreat.
She’d stayed open.
And had received another yummy mouthful for her trouble.
And that was something she couldn’t say around Heidi for fear of dirty-mindedness teasing.
Aw, who was she kidding? Just thinking about it two days later still made her giggle.
Anyway. Moving on.
So, after they’d finished with their Cookie Battle Royale, they’d watched a movie, cuddled on the couch, and he’d said goodbye with a sweet kiss that had left her wanting more.
Monday had been crazy for them both.
She had the usual weekend catch up and he had back-to-back clients, but Kate had pushed herself a bit, too. She’d called him after a particularly trying meeting with a client, let him tease her into a lighter mood with promises of more carbs and kissing and a way to work off the “keg.”
Not keeping him at a distance.
Plus, there was little fucking hope of that now. He’d seen the blubbering. He’d listened when she’d explained. He’d . . . stayed.
And after the cheer up call, she’d sent him lunch.
A salad he’d mentioned he liked from Molly’s—which proved that the man had good taste and might keep his abs yet.
She wasn’t entirely vain, didn’t begin to think that her body was anything close to perfect. She’d just . . . like to trace those lovely squares once.
Okay, once with her fingers.
And once with her tongue. Maybe twice.
“Focus,” she murmured, waving to her sister and Dave as she bounced little Lacy on her shoulder. She had been pleasantly surprised that Ann had called and asked if Kate was still up for watching Lacy so she and Dave could go to dinner.
Of course, she’d said yes, but paired with that affirmative was the realization that perhaps the taking care of everyone and everything around them, sometimes to the detriment of themselves, was a McLeod female trait. Their mom had certainly never taken time for herself. Her whole life had been her work and family, and more often than not, her work had bled over into family—interns staying at their crowded house when their air conditioning went out in the middle of a heatwave, a visiting colleague coming for dinner, endless piles of paperwork stacked on her dresser and nightstand to be completed after the kids went to bed.
Kate’s dad worked hard and loved them all.
But she didn’t think he comprehended the extra burden her mom carried. Or maybe . . . it was part missing the signs and part those barriers that hid that heavy load.
“Damn,” she murmured, waving until they were out of sight before slipping inside and closing the door behind her. This being aware of and trying to ferret out understanding of her emotions wasn’t for the faint of heart.
Luckily for her sister, it seemed that Dave was beginning to understand that extra weight Ann was shouldering.
And she was beginning to be able to communicate her needs.
Who said McLeods couldn’t learn?
Grinning, Kate thought of Ann tugging Dave’s hand when he’d lingered, clearly already missing Lacy, and saying they needed to go because she wanted to be able to have an adult conversation with her husband over food that wasn’t from a box or stone-cold because it had been interrupted by a little monster who was absolutely adorable but had terrible timing.
She ran her finger down Lacy’s nose, giggling softly when she wrinkled it and squirmed slightly. “They’ll be okay,” she murmured. “I think your Mommy is a lot less stubborn than your Auntie when it comes to matters of the heart.”
Lacy squawked. Kate giggled again. And then she went into the kitchen, ready to start her girl’s night.
Jaime had offered to bring her dinner when he stopped by her office that afternoon on the way to a house call for one of his elderly clients—and yes, she was grinning when she remembered that she had a man in her life who stopped by her office, one who’d made her coworkers’ jaws drop open because he was so handsome—but she’d seen the circles under his eyes, knew he’d been slammed the last two days.
So, she’d kissed him and sent him on his way, told him they could have a sexy conversation when he was tucked snugly in bed.
“Promise you’ll tell me what you’re wearing?” he’d asked, sliding his hands through her hair and making a shiver skate down her spine.
“Only if you promise to do the same.”
A smiling kiss, and then he’d gone.
And now she had a sexy phone call to look forward to. “Maybe,” she murmured, walking Lacy around the kitchen as she scrounged some ingredients for dinner, “I’ll even get a sexy FaceTime.”
Lacy cooed.
Laughing, she held the tiny bundle of cute and threw together a sandwich and some fruit, not feeling capable enough at the whole cradling a fragile infant and cooking at the same time.
As those things went, she managed to eat exactly one bite of her sandwich before Lacy stopped being adorable and sweet and fun and turned into an angry, crying beast.
Just kidding.
Sort of.
She got hungry. And when Lacy got hungry, she got Mad.
Yup. Mad with a capital M.
Kate bustled over to the fridge, grabbed the bottle of milk Ann had left for her. But what Kate didn’t have was a fancy bottle warmer like her mom and sister had on their counters.
She had to rely on her old babysitter tricks.
And they were a hell of a lot slower than the fancy warming contraption.
God, who knew it took water an eternity to boil? Or what felt like one anyway, when there was an unhappy baby in her arms. An unhappy baby who wasn’t shy about letting her unhappiness be known to the room.
The house.
The universe.
Snorting as she kept moving, trying the pacifier and rocking and singing and talking and bouncing and anything else she could think of in order to distract Lacy—none of which made the least bit of difference—she wasn’t exactly pleased to hear the doorbell.
Pulling the pan of boiling water off the heat, she plunked the bottle into it and hurried to the door, turning the handle just as the bell rang again.
She tugged it open, saw Jaime on the other side.
“Sorry,” he said over Lacy’s crying, lifting a hand and gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I didn’t think you heard over her.”
Kate nodded, turned and kissed his palm. “It’s okay.” She stepped back, inclined her head to the kitchen. “I’ve got to grab her bottle.”
“Here. Let me take he
r.”
They made the switch, and she bustled into the other room, snagging the bottle and quickly testing the temperature, before screwing on the nipple and walking back over to Lacy and Jaime.
Lacy, who’d stopped crying.
Lacy, who was looking up at Jaime adoringly.
For God’s sake, the man was good.
“Do you want me to—?” She began.
“I can,” he murmured, rubbing slow circles on Lacy’s back. “Unless you want to.”
Lacy had stopped crying. Kate wasn’t messing with that. She passed over the bottle. “It’s all yours, baby whisperer.” He glanced up and smiled, and for the first time since she’d seen him on the front porch, she realized that there were shadows in his eyes. She touched his jaw. “Jaime,” she murmured. “Are you okay?”
All trace of amusement faded, and a flash of pain slid through his pale brown eyes. “I’m fine.”
“Hey—”
Lacy began to cry in earnest, and he smiled, repeated, “I’m fine.”
But she’d seen that glimpse of hurt.
And this was a moment she could give as well as take. Give care. Take some of his pain, his burden, whatever he was carrying that day that was weighing so heavily on him.
Because the man talked a good talk about getting Kate to take his care, about out-stubborning her into it if he had to, but now she saw he needed a taste of his own medicine.
He needed to accept that she was damned well going to do the same for him.
First, though, Lacy needed to be taken care of.
Then she was going to find some freaking courage—and hold on to it—and she was going to keep the door cracked while she took care of Jaime.
Not put up barriers while helping him.
Not pulling back.
Because one thing had become crystal clear to her over the last week—she wanted a different future. Not so scared that something was going to go wrong at some hereto unknown point coming down the road that she missed out on all the great things in the now.
Lacy quieted, the sound of sucking filling the space, and Kate took the opportunity of free arms to start pulling ingredients out of the fridge. “Have you eaten?” she asked.
Silence.
Frowning, she turned, saw that he was watching Lacy, but he didn’t really seem to be all there.
“Jaime?” she asked.
He jerked slightly. “Sorry, what?”
“Are you hungry?”
A slow blink as he processed her question, and that more than anything told her that her instincts were right.
He was as good as her about giving care.
And as bad as her about accepting it.
Give and take. They both needed practice at it.
“Yeah, Red,” he finally said, “I’m hungry.”
“Okay, baby,” she murmured, and went back to gathering up supplies to whip up a quick dinner. Her sandwich and fruit wouldn’t fill him up, so she wrapped it and stuck it in a lunchbox for the next day. Then she pulled out a Tupperware of pasta sauce she’d swiped from her mom’s freezer not long before, some fresh pasta she’d grabbed at a farmer’s market near her office earlier that day. More water into the pot before putting it back on the heat. While that was heating, she grabbed a loaf of bread she’d picked up at the same market and sliced it then threw together a quick salad.
By that time the water was boiling, and she tossed the pasta in.
Five minutes later the pasta was cooked, some sauce was slapped on top, and she had two plates with dinner on them.
Nothing fancy, but tasty and she even got some veggies on.
Jaime paced back in, the bottle empty, and she winced when she saw a spot on his shoulder. Ann had mentioned a burb cloth in the diaper bag, but she’d been too frazzled by Lacy being hungry and Jaime arriving.
He met her gaze. “What is it?”
She crossed to him, paper towel in hand, and wiped off the spit-up. “Sorry,” she said. “I forgot about the burp cloth.”
The bottle hit the counter; his free arm wrapped around her waist. “Do you know the kinds of things I’ve had on this shirt?” he asked lightly, brushing a kiss to her forehead. “Thank you for cooking. It smells delicious.”
She shrugged. “It’s nothing.”
Hand sliding up her back, fingers running over her jaw. “It’s something to me.” Eyes locked on hers. “Thank you.”
Kate was still for a heartbeat, taking in the warmth, soaking in the way he stared at her. He saw her, saw what was inside her, and he was still there.
The door creaked open a little further.
And she managed to resist the urge to slam it closed, to throw every lock. “You’re welcome,” she murmured, and took his arm, bringing him to the table so he could eat.
Which proved difficult with one arm.
“Here,” she said, snagging his fork and scooping up a bite, holding it to his mouth. “I think Lacy’s trying to say you need to go on a diet,” she teased.
He chuckled but parted his lips and let her feed him the pasta.
“Do you want me to take her so you can eat?” she asked after she’d fed him two more bites.
Warm brown eyes. “I like just what you’re doing.” A beat. “So long as you feed yourself, too.”
A flush crept into her cheeks, but she nodded, even though she suddenly felt shy. The moment hadn’t felt intimate before, but with him so close, with that hot gaze on her, she took abrupt notice of exactly what she was doing.
Feeding him.
Fingers on her cheek. “I do like it when you blush. Whatcha thinking, Red?”
Since she wasn’t a ninny, she lifted her chin and said, “What I’d like to feed you in bed.”
Heat flared, his lips parted, and a soft groan filled the air. “Killing me, Red.”
Feeling quite pleased with the obvious hunger in his gaze, she smiled and scooped up a bite of pasta, before chewing and swallowing. “I was thinking of chocolate sauce,” she said quietly. “But I figure that would be messy, and I really love my sheets.”
His jaw fell open then he laughed, startling Lacy into tears. He stood and rocked her, managing to soothe her quickly, and leaned over to kiss her. “Sorry, little one, your Auntie Kate is funny,” he murmured, brushing a kiss over her soft, brown hair, and when she settled down, he sat back down next to Kate. “Thank you,” he said, warm eyes on her again.
“For what?”
He shook his head.
She reached over, took his hand. “Jaime,” she murmured. “I’m trying here, trying to accept your care, but you need to accept mine, too.” A squeeze. “If you want to be in my heart, you have to let me into yours, too.”
Soft brown eyes on hers. “You saying I’m being stubborn?”
A brush of her fingers on his arm. “I’m just saying it takes a stubborn to know a stubborn.” A beat. “But seriously, I need you to let me take care of you, too, okay? I need to tip the scales as often as you do.”
He turned his palm over, captured her hand, and brought it up to his mouth. “Okay, Red.”
Her heart swelled. “So, what were you thanking me for, baby?”
He didn’t deny her this time, just held her hand and said, “For making me laugh when I didn’t think that would be possible today.”
She set down the fork she’d been using. “What happened?” she asked. “You didn’t seem sad earlier at my office.”
The warmth fled, cold filling the depths of his eyes. “My last house call didn’t go well.”
Reaching over, she squeezed his leg. “Tell me what happened.”
He covered her hand with his, sighed. “I don’t normally make house calls, but this woman has been one of my clients from the very beginning. She has some health problems, and it’s been harder for her to come in for appointments. Her dog, Charlie, hasn’t been well either.”
The quiet and careful way he said that made her stomach clench.
“Turned out Charlie was doing worse than
either of us realized,” he said, continuing the quiet recital. “He was struggling to breathe, was septic, and his heart was failing.” He sighed. “I had to . . . it had to be done today.”
“Oh, Jaime,” she murmured, hugging him as well as she could with a sleeping baby between them. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I know that has to be so hard.”
He nodded, brushed his lips against her temple.
And her heart clenched.
She pulled back. “That’s not it, is it?”
“No.”
“What, baby?”
“Margaret was so upset she started having chest pains.”
Kate gasped.
“She’s okay,” he said quickly. “But I had to call an ambulance, and they took her in for monitoring while I took care of Charlie. Her grandson is with her now, and she’s going to stay the night.”
Carefully, she lifted Lacy out of his arms and carried her to the playpen she’d bought when her niece was born.
Of course, this was the first time Ann had left Lacy, so she’d never used it.
Luckily, Lacy didn’t stir when Kate set her down, and she was able to walk back over to Jaime and do what she’d wanted from the moment she’d first noticed the shadows in his eyes.
She straddled his thighs, sat down in his lap, and hugged him tight. “I’m sorry.”
He was stiff for a long moment then released a shuddering breath and wrapped his arms tight around her in return.
They held on to each other tightly and for a long time.
And . . . give and take.
Yes. This was give and take.
Jaime coming in and not hesitating to help her with Lacy, just stepping up and doing what needed to be done. And . . . Kate doing the same, seeing that he was hurting and offering comfort.
It was Jaime holding her when she realized a painful truth about herself.
And Kate making him dinner when he was hungry.
Give.
Take.
Give.
Take.
Love.
Yes, that, too.
Seventeen
Jaime
