by Kelly Oram
Grayson chocked back a laugh. “You do not.”
I gave him a grim look. I did. Detailed fantasies.
“I gave him my whole heart. It hasn’t even been three weeks, and I barely cry about it anymore. I have all these new friends, and I do all these new things as if Aiden never even existed. As if he wasn’t my whole universe for my entire life. It’s like I completely moved on. And I didn’t just almost kiss anybody. I almost kissed his brother. What kind of person does that?”
Grayson sat there with his hands on the wheel, staring out the windshield. Eventually he lifted his shoulders into a shrug. “Maybe you were never really in love with him.” He turned to face me with a serious look. “What you felt tonight when we almost kissed, before you panicked, have you ever felt that with Aiden?”
I felt my cheeks heat up and looked at my lap. “I’ve never felt anything like that before. I didn’t even know a person could feel like that.”
“That just proves my point,” Grayson said softly. “Aiden was your best friend. You loved him, but you weren’t in love with him.”
“Yes I was! I am!”
Grayson shook his head. “You’re in love with the idea of him, but if you were really in love with him, you never would have gone on a date with me, much less let things go as far as they did.”
We were quiet for a minute, and then Grayson tried a different approach. “Aves, you haven’t done anything wrong. Aiden let you go. You should be able to move on. Even he would want that for you.”
He was trying to make me feel better, but he was having the opposite effect. I started to cry again, so he reached over the center console and took my hand in his. He rubbed his thumb gently over the backs of my knuckles. The touch calmed me down some, which then of course made me feel guilty all over again and I started to cry harder.
“Please just take me home.”
Grayson put the car back in motion. He didn’t say another word as he drove me the last few miles to my house, but he held tight to my hand the entire way. Selfish as I am, I hung onto it, even though I’d basically just rejected him for his brother who had already made it clear he would never want me.
Even though the date ended a complete bust, Grayson, always the gentleman, walked me to my door.
“I’m sorry for losing it on you tonight.”
Grayson tipped my chin up until he could see my eyes. I wasn’t surprised by his understanding smile, but it hurt my heart. I didn’t deserve his understanding.
“Let’s consider it a good thing.”
I frowned. How in the world was this mess I’d made a good thing?
As if reading my mind, Grayson grinned. “I think we’ve officially reached the fourth stage of grief. Perhaps tonight was more of a success than we thought, eh?”
I had to think back and repeat all the stages of grief, even though it should have been obvious. “Guilt!”
Grayson laughed. He stepped forward and dropped a feather light kiss on my cheek. “One step closer to acceptance, Aves.”
He flashed me a beautiful smile and then winked at me as he climbed in his car and drove off.
Grayson
Of all the stages of grief, so far guilt sucks the most. My date with Avery had been perfect. She looked amazing, she faced an insane party for me, and she was even having a good time! She severely dominated my best friend at a game of pool, making me the envy of every guy in the room . . . and then there was that dance.
She said she’d never felt anything like that, but what she doesn’t know is that I hadn’t either. Even with the countless girls I’d danced with, or done a whole lot more with, never in my whole life had I felt a connection like I did with Avery that night.
Forget my idiot brother. Avery was never meant to be with him. She was supposed to be with me. But, thanks to him, we didn’t kiss that night. In fact the perfect evening ended so disastrous that I was worried she’d never speak to me again.
She didn’t call Saturday or Sunday, and then at school the following week, she really distanced herself. She still sat with me at lunch and didn’t pull away when I put my arm around her or held her hand, but it was different now. It was like she wouldn’t allow herself to feel anything for me, not even friendship. I hated it.
She didn’t come to school on Friday, and then I got another weekend of radio silence. I tried to call her a couple times, but I only got voicemail. When she didn’t show up at lunch Monday, I really started to get worried.
“Maybe I should call her mom,” I said for the umpteenth time. I looked across the table, hoping for some advice from Pamela and Chloe, but they were busy looking over my shoulder with wide incredulous eyes.
Owen and I looked at each other and then turned around at the same time.
Avery’s friend Libby was standing there tapping a foot impatiently with her arms crossed. Her hair was in two buns on the top of her head that had tiny strands of hair sticking out from them in every direction. She was also wearing a giant hot pink t-shirt with a picture of a bored looking cat on it that said, “Do I look like I care about your problems?”
I’d seen this girl before at the science club meetings I was forced to attend every Monday after school, but my friends had never been exposed to the holy little terror, and they clearly didn’t know what to make of her.
When he could hold back no longer, Owen snorted and said, “Nice shirt.”
Libby’s eyes narrowed, and her hands went to her hips. “I make it work,” she said matter-of-factly. She gave her head a little jerk and said, “Heard my girl Avery stomped you so hard in a game of pool last weekend that Grayson had to take pity on you before every college freshman at UVU saw just how small your junk is.”
I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. I laughed so hard I cried, and when I got a hold of myself, I realized that everyone at the table was laughing just as hard as I was. “Damn, Grayson!” Owen laughed and had to wipe tears from his eyes. “Where did you dig this chick up? Is she for real?”
“She’s a nerd to be reckoned with, that’s for sure,” I said. “She’s Avery’s best friend. Libby, Owen. Owen, Libby. Never make the mistake of badmouthing cats in front of her. I think she used to be one in a past life.”
We started to laugh again, but then Libby cleared her throat. She sounded more than a little agitated. “Are you coming after school today?”
I stopped laughing. A wave of panic surged through me. The science geeks had promised they’d never rat me out, but who knew how loyal they were? If Libby told these guys where I spent my Monday afternoons, I’d never live it down.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Libby rolled her eyes and said, “Are you going to hang out with Avery after school today?”
At the mention of Avery’s name, I realized Libby must know what happened to her. “Why? Do you know where she is? What’s going on with her? I tried to call her this weekend, but she wouldn’t answer her phone. I was planning on going over to her house after school to check on her.”
“Relax, lover boy, she’s here. She’s doing a make up math test right now since she missed school on Friday. She’ll be around after school.”
I was relieved, but at the same time I was a little hurt. “Do you know what happened? Why she won’t answer my calls?”
Libby’s face flushed with anger. “Your jerk brother is what happened! She was feeling all crazy guilty after last weekend, so she dragged me to his debate on Thursday.”
Again, I was stung. She hadn’t said a word to me about it. “Why didn’t she ask me to come?”
“Something about not wanting to make Aiden feel bad. She doesn’t want him to think she’s replaced him with you.”
Libby rolled her eyes again as if Avery’s feelings were absurd. It actually helped to know that I had the little firecracker of a geek’s approval.
“Anyway, we went to his debate because she felt bad that she hadn’t talked to him in weeks. She was going on and on about how he’d said
they were still friends and that she hadn’t been supportive enough since he got a girlfriend. She was determined to be nice to Mindy and prove that she could be friends with them both.” She snorted. “Please. As if anyone could be friends with that witch.”
“So what happened?”
“What happened?” Libby laughed, but there was no humor in it. “We get there and the first break the team gets, Aiden comes over, and instead of saying hello, he asks what we’re doing there.”
I pulled in a long breath through my nose.
Libby nodded in agreement with my anger. “Avery almost cried right then and there,” she said. “But instead she was all, ‘You said this was important to you, so I just came to support you.’ And then Aiden said, ‘Aw, that’s real sweet, Aves, but you shouldn’t have come. I think it’s upsetting Mindy, and you’re kind of distracting the whole team.’ The douche actually asked us to leave! Avery had a massive meltdown on the way home. She was so upset her mom called her out of school on Friday. They went to Vegas for the weekend just to get away.”
“I’ll kill him!”
“Please do,” Libby said. “And put a foot up his ass for me while you’re at it.”
Next to me, Owen laughed again, but I couldn’t appreciate Libby’s colorful personality at the moment. I was way too pissed off. I was also worried about Avery. I couldn’t imagine what that must have done to her.
“No wonder she didn’t return my calls this weekend. I can’t blame her if she never speaks to anyone in my family ever again.”
I earned another eye roll from Libby, this one laced with a don’t-be-an-idiot undertone. “Oh, please! Avery’s not answering your calls because she thinks having you around right now will make her feel worse, but that girl has never known what she needs.”
“What does she need?”
Libby looked like she was going to smack me upside the head. “She needs you, moron! She needs you and all your glorious manly perfection to come and make her forget that that loser ever existed. She’ll be in the science lab after school today, so come and get her and do not let her shut you out no matter what she says.”
“Okay, but—”
“No buts! She needs you. You go. End of story. I will not let another Kennedy brother let her down.”
By now I was trying to hide my smile, but I wasn’t succeeding very well. “I got it boss,” I said, giving Libby a mock salute. “Science lab. After school. Bring my glorious manly perfection.”
Libby’s posture finally relaxed a little. “Good.”
“Definitely a cat in a past life,” Owen muttered next to me. “But, like, a big scary one that ate people.”
Libby eyed Owen critically for a moment with a raised eyebrow. “And I’m guessing you were probably Adonis . . . or a golden delicious apple because you are positively yummy.”
Owen’s jaw dropped to his lap while everyone else at the table fell apart from laughter.
Libby, in her all-business attitude said, “Call me if you need a date to the prom. Grayson can get my number from Avery.” Then she spun on her heel and left the cafeteria.
Once she was gone Owen—with pink cheeks—turned back around and scowled. “That girl is a menace,” he grumbled as he shoved his sandwich in his face.
It was true, but we all laughed at him again anyway. I even offered to lend him the keys to the condo in Park City for prom night. I almost got punched.
For the rest of the day all I could think about was getting to science club. I know, I know. I deserve to be shoved in a locker or given a swirly for that comment, but it was true. I needed to see Avery.
I was the first one there. Mr. Walden gave me a curious look when I bounded in the door and started pacing the length of the room, but he didn’t ask.
After a minute Avery walked in with Libby and I froze. I’d never been afraid of a girl before, but I honestly had no clue what Avery was thinking, and I had no idea what to say to her.
I wasn’t sure if I should approach her, but then I saw the what-are-you-waiting-for look on Libby’s face, so I crossed the room, scooped her up into my arms and said, “I can’t believe you and Kaitlin went to Vegas and didn’t invite me. Not cool, Aves. I love Vegas!”
Avery let out this strangled laugh and finally threw her arms around my neck. When I set her down, there were tears in her eyes. I dried them for her and then dragged her over to a lab table and pulled out my project journal.
Avery cracked a small smile. “You’re awfully excited for science today.”
I shook my head. “Just anxious to get to the next stage of the experiment. Please tell me we’ve finally reached anger. Libby told me what happened at lunch, and I am so ready for you to slap my brother around.”
“Sorry.” Avery sighed. “I’m definitely still in guilt.”
“Well, I don’t like the guilt stage. Seeing as how I’m the stupid source of your guilt, the result is very dissatisfying for me. There is way too much of you ignoring me going on. A whole weekend of absolute silence, Aves? Unacceptable. I’ve grown way too attached for you to ditch me for four days straight without so much as a text.”
Avery sighed again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. I hope you at least had some fun on your weekend off from the Avery Shaw Experiment.”
“No, as a matter of fact, I did not. But you know what does sound fun? Punching Aiden in the face. Or better, watching you punch Aiden in the face. So let’s dump the guilt and bring on the anger. I’ve been waiting for this stage since the day he ditched you.”
“Grayson, stop. I’m not going to punch him.”
“I figure good old confrontation is the best way to trigger it. The debate team meets just across the building. We could all go together. We’ll make it a science club field trip. We could have the geek squad film it for our final presentation at the fair.”
“I resent your use of the term geek squad,” Science Nerd Brandon said, throwing his bulky book bag down on the table across from Aves and me.
Science Nerd Levi plopped down next to him and said, “And I resent the fact that just because we’re smart, you automatically assume we would know how to film your experiments. Not every geek is born with audio-visual knowledge.”
Avery’s science club friends all freaked me out and cracked me up at the same time. Seriously. I’m not sure how Avery and Aiden turned out seminormal when these are the kids they’ve been hanging out with for years.
“Brandon, your shirt is tucked into your pants. You are a geek,” I pointed out. “It’s cool, though. Everyone has their thing. I’m an athlete. You’re a nerd. The world needs both to maintain balance. And Levi, there is absolutely no way you do not have extensive AV knowledge, am I right?”
Levi frowned but then sighed. “You are correct. I do know my way around video equipment, Mr. Dimwitted-jock-who-gets-tons-of-hot-girls-but-is-failing-high-school-science.”
I laughed. “Touché on the stereotyping.”
“Actually, I have my camera in my bag because Brandon and I are going to film the mixing of our next chemical compound for our experiment. I would be happy to capture on video the punching in the face of Aiden Kennedy if for nothing else than to show my posterity.”
“Levi!” Avery gasped. “How can you say that? Aiden is your friend.”
Brandon responded before Levi could. “He didn’t just abandon you, Avery.” He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose as if it made him look tougher somehow. “He quit on us all. I personally would love to see him get punched.”
See? Science geeks aren’t all bad. I gave my nod of approval and then grinned at Libby. “Well, I know my girl Lib is in.”
I held out a fist in Libby’s direction. She frowned down at it. “My intelligence is evolved far beyond fist bumps. However, as the action would involve getting to touch your godliness for however brief a moment, I will allow it.”
I had no idea how to respond to this, so I just said “sweet” and knocked my knuckles against hers.
&nb
sp; When I looked back, Avery was watching us with a smile.
“Well, that just leaves Tara,” I said, turning to the last geek of the group.
Tara was a freshman and somehow impossibly shier than Avery. She didn’t seem to panic the way Avery does, but I guess a good-looking, popular senior such as myself was too much for her to handle.
Sweet girl, as far as I can tell, but she’s never managed to say more than three words to me. The first time I spoke to her directly, she turned scary-red and almost fainted. She’s gotten a little better over the last two weeks, but not much.
“You down to crash a debate club meeting and witness a little science in action?”
Tara couldn’t get any words out this time, but she managed to nod her head, so I turned back to Avery. “The nerd herd has spoken, Aves. We’re all here for you. Time to find your inner Rocky.”
“You guys, no one is going to punch Aiden in the face, okay?” Avery rubbed at her temples like her head was starting to pound. “I’m not mad at Aiden. Hurt, yes; confused, very; but I’m not angry. Just because he hurt me, doesn’t make it okay for me to hurt him back. He had every right to want a little space from me. I can also understand the need to pull away for his girlfriend’s sake. If I was in her position and my new boyfriend had some girl that he’d been best friends with since birth, I’d be more than intimidated by her.”
“Come on, Avery!” Libby groaned. “You are not actually condoning the way he treated you Thursday night, are you?”
“Lib. They wanted to win. If I really was causing contention and distracting their team, then I can understand them wanting me to leave. He was really polite about it, at least. I don’t think he was angry that I showed up. I just feel bad that I messed them up. I heard they lost the debate.”
“They lost the debate because they suck!” Libby said. “And Aiden sucks for having no regard for your feelings whatsoever! He’s a jerk, Avery! How can you not be mad at him?”
“I’m just not, okay? Can we please drop it? I’m done working on the experiment for the day. We’re supposed to be helping Grayson with his physics too, and he’s got a make up quiz tomorrow on Newton’s Laws.”
