by Kelly Oram
No, I am not kidding. Prescription goggles.
They were elbowing each other and whispering as they both tried to discretely check out Pam and Chloe.
I laughed. “Same twenty says they’d both have asthma attacks if they ever got close enough to a girl to try it. Come on, dude, let’s go. I need to hit the pool.”
Owen smirked. “I hope for your sake the water’s really cold.”
Down at the pool the strangest thing happened. Once we were all in the water, Chloe dunked Owen and started a massive water fight. The weird part was, the fight instantly turned into boys verses girls, and somehow the lines of social status were blurred. For a while we weren’t cool kids and geeks. We were all just friends of Avery having a good time. Never tell anyone I said this, but it was kind of cool. The science nerds can be pretty entertaining.
Eventually the girls raised the white flag and suggested we move the party to the hot tub. I squeezed in next to Avery, of course, and laughed when Libby pushed Brandon out of his spot in order to be by Owen. The fearful look on Owen’s face was classic.
When everyone settled into the crowded space, the differences between the cliques slammed back into place. Before the silence could get awkward, I exaggerated a stretch and dropped my arm over Avery’s shoulder. It got the laugh I hoped for.
“I know you said you weren’t ready to be my girlfriend, Aves, but would you still be my sweetheart?”
“What do you mean?”
The Valentine’s dance was next weekend. No doubt Pamela and Chloe had been talking about it for at least two weeks, but being asked to a dance was so far off Avery’s radar that she didn’t recognize what I was doing.
I smiled at her confusion. “Will you be my date to the Sweetheart Dance next weekend?”
“Oh!” Avery gasped. Her eyes got really big, and her face flushed bright red. No doubt she was remembering our last dance and imagining what a whole night together could be like. I know I was. I wasn’t sure I could survive that much torture, but I was looking forward to trying.
“Oh, um, actually Libby and I were going to go to the revival theater this weekend. They’re doing a Nicholas Sparks movie marathon.”
I didn’t see how that was appealing, but before I cold say so, Libby said, “No, it’s okay. Go to the dance. I’ll just make Brandon go with me.”
“No way, Libby,” Brandon immediately argued. “I can’t subject myself to such rubbish.”
“I’ll let you put your arm around me in the theater,” Libby negotiated.
“Will you let me feel your boob?”
“Are you serious?” Pamela asked, offended on Libby’s behalf.
“You cannot ask a girl if you can touch her boob!” Chloe added, disgusted. “It’s so degrading.”
Owen and I both choked on laughs, but Libby ignored Pam and Chloe. She took a moment to seriously consider it. “I won’t rule out the possibility,” she finally said. “There is a chance that with Ryan Gosling on the screen, I will be in the mood to make out.”
“Fine. For that, I will sacrifice my manly dignity and suffer through some of the sappiest movies ever made.”
Wow. There was no end to how much the nerds continued to surprise me. Owen, either, for that matter. He was staring at Libby like she was an unsolvable equation.
“There,” I said, turning my attention back to Avery. “Libby’s all taken care of.”
“Yeah, sounds like she’ll be in good hands.” Owen snickered.
Libby grinned at Owen. “If you’d rather I be in your big, strong, capable hands instead, that can definitely be arranged. I wouldn’t need Ryan to get me hot with you sitting next to me.”
The nerds all snickered, as if this statement didn’t shock them at all, but Pamela and Chloe gasped. Owen floundered for a moment and then snorted. “You are insane if you think I am ever going on a date with you.”
Libby rolled her eyes. “Your loss. I happen to have the spirit of a wildcat. I could take you places sexually you never knew existed.”
This time even the nerds gasped.
“Libby!” Avery cried.
“What? When a girl knows what she wants, she should go for it.” Libby waved a hand at Owen. “Look at those abs! Libby definitely wants.” She glanced up at Owen. “Can I feel them?”
“What?”
Libby didn’t give Owen the chance to say no.
Owen was too shocked to stop her as she placed her hand on his chest and slowly dragged it down his six-pack. She let out this tiny squeak of excitement, which sent Owen scrambling from the hot tub so fast I wondered just how low her hand had gone.
“Whoa! Avery!” he yelled as he snatched up his towel. “Tell your crazy cat friend to stop objectifying me! I’m not a piece of meat!”
That sent Pamela and Chloe into peels of laughter. “Karma, Owen,” Chloe gasped, clutching at her stomach from laughter. “Maybe next time you start to objectify a woman you’ll think twice!”
After that, we all went back upstairs. I caught Avery’s hand and linked our fingers together before she could take off ahead of me. “So?” I asked her. “You never gave me an answer. Will you go to the dance with me?”
“I’m sorry, Grayson, but I don’t think I’m up for a Valentine’s dance this year. Actually, I’m quite positive I want to forget the holiday entirely.”
I was surprised she turned me down. She’d seemed okay all night. This was the first sign that she was struggling with what happened.
“You sure?” I asked. “I think we could have some fun despite everything with Aiden.”
“I’m sure. Sorry. But I know you won’t have a problem finding another date.”
Sure. If I wanted another date. Which I didn’t.
That was the beginning of an endless string of rejections from Avery. She didn’t go to the dance with me. I tried several more times that week to get her to say yes and then just ended up going stag. On the actual day of February fourteenth, she wouldn’t even answer any of my texts.
After that, she stopped coming to my basketball games and said no to hanging out on the weekends no matter what I suggested we do. Pulling the experiment card didn’t even work anymore.
I’d never been more frustrated in my entire life. I got that she’d been through a lot and that she was trying to cope, but I was losing my patience. I could deal with her stupid mood swings and insecurity when she was trying to get past them, but she wasn’t trying anymore. As adorable as I thought the girl was, her wallowing in self-pity was not attractive. Nor was it any fun to be around.
By March, I was so fed up I just stopped trying. For two weeks, I didn’t see or talk to Avery outside of lunch and science club. I had way too much else on my plate anyway. The basketball team had made it all the way to the state championships, so we were holding extra practices. It was also the last week of third term, so all of my classes had major tests that week. It was a cruel twist of fate, really, and it left me absolutely no time or desire to deal with a mopey, depressed, cranky Avery. Especially not when she didn’t want to hang out with me anyway.
I didn’t really have time to think about Avery’s current stage of grief. Depression was something I’d never understood. Anger and guilt made sense, but I’d never felt depression. I didn’t get how someone could just be sad all the time.
I figured that when Avery was ready to get over it, she would. It didn’t occur to me that she might be unable to pull herself out of it until her mom came to my house the morning after the state championship.
We’d lost the game, which was okay—second in the state is still awesome—but it was one of the biggest games of my life, and Avery had blown me off when I asked her to come. I honestly wasn’t in the best mood that morning, and seeing Kaitlin sitting at my breakfast table only reminded me how much Avery’s brush-off had hurt.
Kaitlin and my mom had made up, but she was still really mad at Aiden, so she hadn’t been to the house as much.
I looked around for my mom, but there was
nobody home.
“Morning, Kaitlin,” I muttered awkwardly as I went in search of some juice.
“Afternoon,” she corrected. There was a nervousness about her that didn’t make sense.
“What’s up? Where is everyone?”
“Your parents went to Home Depot. Something about re-tiling the upstairs bathroom?”
I rolled my eyes. My parents were obsessed with remodeling. Real Do-It-Yourselfers. A strange hobby, if you ask me, when they could afford to hire someone to do it for them.
“I haven’t seen Aiden,” she added.
Not surprising. “Not many do these days. He’s been pretty pathetic since Avery’s birthday.”
Kaitlin suddenly sent me a desperate look. “I actually came to see you. I’m really worried about Avery.”
“Don’t know what I can do to help,” I grumbled.
Kaitlin’s face fell in disappointment. “I know you’re frustrated, but try not to be too upset with her. Please. I need your help, Grayson.”
She had my attention instantly. She’d been walked out on by her husband when Avery was four. She’d become quite the independent woman since then. Asking for help was something Kaitlin Shaw did not do.
“I know she’s been sad and a little depressed lately, but I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
“It’s more than a little,” Kaitlin whispered. “She sleeps most of the day. She’s losing weight because she’s not eating. She failed her math test this week. Failed! Avery! Several of her teachers have called me, concerned about her. I tried to ask her about it, but she won’t talk to me.”
Kaitlin started to cry. “I think Avery has a serious problem. Libby’s been over a couple times, but nothing seems to work.”
I could hardly believe what Kaitlin was telling me. I’d known Avery was having a hard time, but none of that sounded like her. I couldn’t imagine a world where Avery Shaw failed a test and blew off Libby. I knew she was blowing me off, but I figured that was just because of Aiden. It’s what she did when she felt guilty. I suddenly felt awful for giving up on her.
Kaitlin’s hand came down on top of mine. She was shaking. “Grayson,” she whispered. “Please.”
I was shocked at the swarm of emotions that swept through me right then. I think that one word caused me to go through my own stages of grief all at once. Shock, anger, depression, frustration, and even grim resignation overwhelmed me in mere seconds.
“I tried,” I said. “I tried everything I could think of, but I can’t help her. You should talk to Aiden.” My voice dripped with bitterness.
Kaitlin gave me a heartbroken smile. “Don’t give up on her now. She needs you.”
It actually hurt to hear her say that. It hurt because I wanted it to be true, but it just wasn’t. “She doesn’t want my help! She wants Aiden! She’s always wanted Aiden!” I took a breath. I shouldn’t be yelling at Kaitlin. None of this was her fault.
Kaitlin shook her head furiously. “She loves you. I know she does.”
I suddenly felt like I’d run a marathon. I was tired of trying. Tired of lying to myself and trying to make something true that wasn’t. I couldn’t do it anymore. Not even for Kaitlin. “She loves my brother. He doesn’t deserve her, but if she really needs help, he’s the one she’ll listen to.”
Aiden’s voice startled both Kaitlin and me. “That’s not true.”
He walked into the kitchen looking pale and rumpled. He stuck a bowl and spoon in the sink and then turned to Avery’s mom. “Kaitlin,” he said in a strangled voice. His eyes filled with tears, and he couldn’t get any more words to come out of his mouth, but the “I’m sorry” was obvious.
I think Kaitlin wanted to be mad at him, but she couldn’t do it with him looking so pathetic. “I’ll forgive you if you forgive me,” she said.
Aiden nodded miserably and then blushed as he tried to wipe away the evidence of his tears.
Kaitlin stood and gave Aiden a hug, then said she needed to go. As she walked out the door, she gave me one last pleading look. “Please don’t give up on her. She needs help, Grayson. I’m trying, but no one has ever helped her as much as you did.”
The door clicked shut, and I just sat there at the table, overwhelmed by Kaitlin’s visit. I didn’t want to let her down. If Avery really was that depressed, then I wanted to help, but I just didn’t know what else I could do for her.
Aiden plopped down in a chair across the table from me and met my eyes. “Kaitlin’s right about Avery.”
I was surprised. Aiden and I hadn’t exactly been on speaking terms for the last few months.
“You changed her,” he admitted grudgingly. “At first I was so mad at you for it. One lunch with you and suddenly she looked different. She was hanging out with other people, going to basketball games and parties. It was like I didn’t even recognize her, and I hated you for ruining her.”
I realized I was grinding my teeth when my jaw started to hurt. “If she changed, it was only for the better.”
Aiden looked down at his lap. “I know,” he said quietly. “You can hardly even notice her anxiety anymore. The old Avery never could have gone off on me the way she did on our birthday. She’s stronger because of you. Healthier.”
Aiden gulped, and his voice shook as he forced the next words from his mouth. “Until we fought at the condo, she was happier than I’d ever seen her in our whole lives. You did that.”
I scoffed. “Yeah, right. If I made her so happy, then what happened? She’s rejected me a thousand times over again and always for the same reason—you. She loves you.”
“You are so blind.”
“You have no right to call me blind when you missed her feelings for you for seventeen years.” I felt my anger boiling up inside me. It pissed me off to hear him saying these things when I knew he was the one she wanted. “You better have been clueless, anyway, because I’d hate to think you realized what you were doing to her all those times you broke her heart.”
Aiden glared at me, but he was just mad at himself for that one. “So we’re both idiots,” he said. “Doesn’t mean she didn’t fall in love with you.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I flew to my feet so fast I sent the chair crashing to the floor behind me. “Everything we’ve ever done together has been about you!” I yelled, slamming my fists down on the table. “All the time we spent together was because of you! She didn’t hang out with me because she wanted me. She was trying to get over you! I’m just a damn science fair partner to her!”
Aiden rose to his feet and met my volume with a shout of his own. “Why do you think I went to the condo on her birthday? It wasn’t because I thought she would sleep with just anyone. I knew she was in love with you, and I couldn’t let you hurt her!”
He rolled his eyes when I glared at him. “Are you really going to blame me for thinking you could? How many countless girls have you made fall for you and then tossed away when you got bored with them?”
“I didn’t mean to make them all fall for me,” I said defensively.
Aiden shrugged. “They still fell. Every single one of them. Avery’s no different.”
I started to argue, but Aiden glared at me so hard I shut my mouth.
“You think I don’t know her well enough to see it?” he hissed. “You’ve been her friend for two-and-a-half months. I’ve been her friend her whole life! I know everything about her. I know what she’s going to do before she does it. I know what she actually means when she says something and she’s just trying to be nice. I even know all of her different laughs and sighs. I know every single facial expression she has, and the way she looks at you? Trust me. Avery is crazy about you.”
Aiden glared at me again like he was hoping I might explode into a pile of ash. I didn’t think he could make me any madder, but he had some freaking nerve. “If that’s true, why the hell should it piss you off?”
Aiden’s face flushed deep red, and he came around the table to stand toe to toe with me. I was quite a bit taller than
him, but it didn’t stop him from getting right up in my face. “Because she should be mine!” Aiden screamed. “She was mine! Yeah, I really, really screwed up, but I could have fixed it. I knew by the end of school that first day that I’d made a mistake. I was going to dump Mindy and apologize, but you’d already swooped in like a damn vulture! Then you did what you always do.”
“Excuse me?” I asked incredulously.
Aiden glared at me as if he loathed me more than was humanly possible. “Don’t act like you didn’t! You took her out. You made her popular. You kissed her. For a couple weeks you were perfect, caring, charming Grayson Kennedy until she fell for you. Then you got bored and dropped her like every other girl you’ve ever dated, and now she’s so depressed, her mother was over here begging you to fix it!”
My vision went red. I threw my fist so fast Aiden never saw it coming. I hit him so hard he flew back and landed on his butt. He blinked up at me in shock, while blood ran down his face. I was sure I’d just broken his nose, but I was too furious to care.
“I didn’t get bored and drop her, you asshole! I got rejected! I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said no. She said it wouldn’t be fair to me because she’d only be doing it hoping it would make her forget about you. She fed me some stupid line about how I deserved someone who could actually care about me, and that wasn’t her.”
Aiden stopped worrying about the blood running from his nose and gaped up at me. “What?”
“She loves you, you undeserving bastard. If anybody fell for anybody in the last few months it was me.”
I sank back into my chair at the table. Now I understood why Avery had seemed so tired after she exploded on Aiden. Being this angry was exhausting both physically and mentally.
“I love her, Aiden.”
There it was. I’d been refusing to admit it for weeks, but there was no use denying it anymore.
“You . . .” Aiden’s face paled, and I don’t think it was from blood loss.
I shrugged helplessly. “She’s depressed right now because of you. It started the night you busted in on her birthday. I tried for weeks to cheer her up. I tried everything I could think of, but nothing I did helped. She didn’t want me. She never has.”
