"You don't have to come downstairs with me. I can let myself out," Amanda said, looking as beautiful as she had all evening.
"I should have sent you home with Terry." He dug in his pocket for his keys. "Why don't you take my car--"
"Oh, Alex, don't be silly. I have less than a block to walk. I'll be fine."
"I don't like the idea of you walking home alone in the dark.
"I'm a big girl, Alex. And I've even taken a self-defense class."
"Self defense?" he asked, surprised.
She smiled. "It was my first bid for independence after I got my divorce. Seemed like a good idea, especially living in Philadelphia."
"Have you ever had to use it?"
"No. But that doesn't mean I don't remember how," she said with an amused warning look.
Laughing, he suddenly felt better about Kristy and the evening. "I wish tonight had turned out differently."
"I had a good time while we were there."
"Dancing with Ted Livingston?" he wanted to know.
"No. Having dinner with your friends and dancing with you."
Neither of them mentioned the kiss.
He suddenly wanted to make her swear she wouldn't date Ted or anyone else. But he knew he was being irrational. Still, he did want to see her again. "As soon as you get outside, call me on my cell. And stay on with me until you get home."
Her brows arched. "I'm used to taking care of myself, Alex."
It was a subtle reminder that he had no right to give her any orders. Maybe he had no right, but he wanted the right. And maybe he wanted more. He knew he wanted her in his bed, but Amanda wouldn't be a one-night stand. And he wasn't sure he was ready for anything else.
Rationalizing, he said, "You were my date tonight, and you're my responsibility until you're home safely. He decided to make a concession to keep peace. Call me when you get to your door, okay?"
When she finally nodded, he wanted to give her a good-night kiss that they'd both remember for a long time. But if he kissed her, he'd want more than a kiss and he might forget what was most important in his life--his daughter sleeping in the room next to his.
As Amanda turned to walk down the hall, he wanted to call her back. He wanted to keep her in his house. He wanted to lock her in his room and not come out until the physical need that had been building for years had been satisfied. Instead, he listened to her heels on the treads of the steps. He heard his front door open and close.
Then he went to his room to get ready for bed and to wait for her call.
***
On Monday afternoon Amanda was cleaning her living room when the phone rang. Stepping down from the stool, window cleaner and paper towels in hand, she hoped it was Alex. She'd called him after she'd gotten home Saturday night. They'd both said good-night, and the huskiness in his voice had made her wish the evening hadn't ended so abruptly, though another one of his kisses could lead her into more trouble than she was ready for.
He'd called her again Sunday to tell her Kristy was feeling better and the fever had broken. But he wasn't sure he should bring Kristy over Monday morning because he didn't want Heather to get sick. Amanda assured him that if Heather was going to catch the germ, it had already happened. Then she'd told Alex that she had called Kristy's teacher, and that the woman explained that Kristy had only started having problems with math during the last quarter of the year. Deciding there was no other apparent reason for Kristy's problems, she agreed with Alex that it must have just been a block with one particular math concept.
When Alex said good bye, assuring her he'd see her the following morning, Amanda was disappointed. She'd secretly hoped he'd ask her out again. But chiding herself for behaving like a teenager, she'd occupied herself with other things. This morning he'd been running late when he'd dropped Kristy off. It was possible he was calling now to ask about how his daughter was feeling. As far as Amanda could see, except for eating a little lighter than usual, Kristy seemed to be her old self.
Hurrying into the kitchen, Amanda eagerly picked up the phone. But Alex's number didn't show up. Clara Webb's did. After Amanda answered, Clara said, "Amanda, it's Clara Webb."
Amanda wondered if the woman even knew what Caller ID was!
She hadn't talked to Clara since their last Career Day meeting. "Hello, Mrs. Webb. I hope you're enjoying your summer."
"I was enjoying it just fine until the e-mail came in."
Amanda hadn't checked her e-mail yet today. "What letter is that?"
"The one Mr. Woodsides sent out to prospective speakers for Career Day. Do you know anything about it?"
"No. I didn't even know he'd sent one out."
"Yes, well it has that 'cc' down at the bottom, so everybody on the committee is getting one. But it's what's in the e-mail that's the problem."
"Since I didn't receive mine yet, you'll have to tell me about it," Amanda responded patiently, knowing Clara often made a mountain out of a mole hill.
"Mr. Woodsides promised them a breakfast--a breakfast, mind you. How are we supposed to afford that?"
"For all the speakers?" If they expected to have thirty speakers...
"Yes, for all the speakers. That's definitely not in our budget. Last year they came after lunch, and we gave them punch and cookies later, then sent them on their way. Just what are we going to do about this?" Clara demanded. "He already sent these e-mails out!"
"I'll be seeing Mr. Woodsides later this afternoon. I'll talk to him about it."
"We may have to have an emergency meeting. He might have a lot of energy, but he cannot unilaterally decide how to run this day. We all have a say in that."
For once Amanda was in complete agreement with the older teacher. She assured Clara that she would keep her informed, then went back to her cleaning, not looking forward to confronting Alex.
Later, when Amanda heard the hum of Alex's car in the driveway, she was surprised. He was early for a change, and she was nervous. She shouldn't be. She hated the feeling. It was the way she used to feel with Jeff--worried about doing or saying something he would disapprove of. She'd thought she'd left all that behind her. She shouldn't care whether or not Alex disapproved of what she had to say.
But she did.
Instead of waiting for him to come around to the back where the girls were playing, she opened the front door and motioned him inside. His smile when he stepped over the threshold made her stomach jitter more vigorously. By this time she'd checked her in box, and she'd seen the letter that had concerned Clara.
Deciding to leave the older teacher out of this, she said, "We have to talk."
His smile slipped away. "Isn't Kristy feeling well again?"
"This isn't about Kristy." She picked up the e-mail she'd printed out that was laying on her coffee table. "You sent this out inviting participants in Career Day to breakfast. That's not in the budget."
He slid one hand into his trouser pocket, not looking the least bit disturbed. "I know it's not in the budget, but we have to show these people that we value their time--and their expertise--or they won't want to help again. I'm going to pay for it as a community service. I've made arrangements with the small family restaurant down the street from the school. They assured me that they can provide good service and will stay on schedule."
He'd already set up the breakfast. And he was going to pay for it? He was going to take control of this whole project? Over her dead body. "Alex, you can't just do whatever you please. We formed a committee to run ideas past each other. You can't simply take over."
"Why are you so upset? Plans are proceeding smoothly. Everything's under control. I told you I would absorb the cost." He stopped and gave her a probing look. "Or maybe you want to run the show."
Amanda had worked on committees time and time again. She knew about working with people--delegating and sharing responsibility--but apparently Alex didn't. "I asked you to head this committee, but not to steamroll over everyone. We're all equals here. We're all on the same team."
"Just consider me the quarterback," he said with an amused smile that made her angrier, because now he was being condescending.
Holding on to her temper, she said, "In the future, Alex, you bring an idea to the committee before you act on it."
His shoulders suddenly seemed to become broader as his stance became defensive. "And what if I don't? Volunteers for this job are so easy to come by, aren't they, Amanda?"
"Are you threatening me?"
"With what? Quitting? I don't quit, Amanda. And I don't change the way I'm doing things just because some female can't take a little direction."
Now she was some "female." And if this was giving direction, she hated to see what he would be like if he was really in charge. He had taken charge, and that's what irritated her the most.
"This 'female' prefers partnership to dictatorship. Just realize that if you are going to take control, that might be all you have because everybody else will just let you do it all."
"Are you threatening me?" he asked, eyes narrowed.
"With what? Abdication? Is that what you want? Well, I don't abdicate. I'll be looking over your shoulder, Alex, because I want this day to be a success as much as you do."
"Fine," he said, his jaw set. "Now I'm going to get Kristy and take her home."
Amanda didn't like the way they were leaving this, but he had implied she was an irrational female. And she wasn't about to forget that anytime soon. She didn't follow him as he crossed to the kitchen and went out the back door. And when she heard his car start a few moments later, she couldn't believe tears pricked in her eyes.
She only had one consolation--she'd stood her ground with him.
But that ground didn't feel too steady.
As Amanda made supper for her and Heather, her argument with Alex weighed more heavily on her mind. She thought about her conversation with Clara Webb. She thought about what she'd said to Alex. Maybe he'd had no right to act without consulting the committee, but she should have handled the situation differently. She should have handled their conversation differently. It was as if he had pushed a detonator on a bomb that had been waiting to explode. The more she thought about it, the more uncomfortable she became.
It was almost Heather's bedtime when she called Debbie next door and asked her if she could come over for a while. She told the teenager and Heather that she had to run an errand and would be back in no more than an hour. After Heather promised that she would get ready for bed without stalling, Amanda decided to drive to Alex's house. If he wasn't interested in being amiable again, she could at least drive around for a while and think.
As she alighted from her car and approached Alex's front door, darkness was falling, and the sound of her own heartbeat was entirely too loud. She rang the bell, and a few moments later he opened the door, looking very surprised to see her. His brows arched, and he asked, "Are you still loaded for bear?"
His T-shirt was worn and soft-looking, hugging the muscles of his upper arms. His jeans looked as if they'd seen a hundred washings and fit him so well that-- She quickly lifted her gaze to his face again. "I'm sorry if I over-reacted."
"If?" he asked.
She'd take part of the blame, but not all of it. "I'm not the only one at fault."
After studying her for a long silent moment, he said, "No, you're not. Come on in." Rather than showing her to the living room, he led her into the kitchen and out on to the screened-in back porch where he motioned to a comfortable cushioned glider. After she sat, he sat beside her.
The intimacy of nightfall seemed very acute as she settled next to Alex, his knee almost brushing hers. "Where's Kristy?"
"I just tucked her in. She informed me I was a grouch tonight."
Amanda almost smiled. "Were you?"
"Could be," he said with a shrug. "I was trying to figure out the best way to approach you and to..."
"Apologize for your high-handedness?" she supplied.
He grimaced and gave her a wry grin. "Possibly. I had a call from Clara Webb."
"I see," she said softly.
"Amanda, I know what team work is, but I thought you wanted me to head the committee so I would get things done. That's what I was trying to do."
And maybe she had asked him for that reason. She'd known his professional reputation. "I knew you would get things done. But when you took over--"
"I overstepped a boundary you'd set."
"Something like that."
His gaze was probing, but she didn't really want to get into the subject of her marriage.
Apparently Alex had other ideas because he asked, "Did your first marriage end badly?"
Trying to keep the atmosphere light, she quipped, "I don't hate men or anything like that."
"Amanda."
Her name was said with such gentleness that she knew he wanted the truth, that he cared if she'd been hurt. "It ended, Alex. I don't know if marriage can ever end well."
"Why don't you want to talk about it?"
"Because there isn't any point."
"Do you still have contact with your ex-husband because of Heather?"
If anything about her marriage still stabbed her deeply, it was Jeff's attitude toward Heather.
Alex was watching her so carefully that he could apparently see the emotion rising up inside her. "Tell me," he prodded.
"You asked if it ended badly. I filed for divorce. Jeff didn't want it. But I had to get out for my emotional well-being and for Heather's. He became very angry and bitter, and essentially told his lawyer he wanted to cut us out of his life. I agreed not to take child support or alimony--not that I would have gotten alimony because I'm working."
"You deserve child support."
"We don't need it, Alex. We've managed just fine. I wasn't going to force Jeff to do something he didn't want to do. And in a way, I was glad he didn't want to give it. If he had, he would still have expected some kind of control over Heather, maybe even still over me."
"So he turned his back?" Alex asked.
"Yes. And not three months after our divorce, I heard he was engaged and soon after married. He started a new life very easily, and that makes me wonder how much we meant to him to begin with. When my position in the school district where I was teaching was terminated because of budget cuts, I thought it was the worst possible thing that could happen. Yet deep inside I knew Heather and I would be all right. I got a job as a secretary in an insurance company, and then heard about this teaching position in Cedar Grove. Moving here was really the best thing for us. It gave us a chance to start fresh."
Alex turned toward her. "I'm glad you moved here."
Soft light spilled from the kitchen onto the darkened porch. Not a leaf stirred and Amanda felt as if she were on the threshold of something terrifically important--something that might change her life again.
Alex slid his hand under her hair, moved his fingers seductively in the strands as if he relished the feel. Then he nudged her closer to him. When he touched his lips to hers, her breath caught and her heart raced. She was scared as well as excited. But excitement won over fear, and she opened her mouth to Alex. She could feel Alex's desire surge through her, heightening all her senses, fueling her need as well as his. She hadn't let herself need, not sex...and certainly not a man. But somehow Alex had demolished a few of the walls she'd built to fortify herself, to protect herself. As his hands ran through her hair and then cupped her head, she shivered. Just the intense anticipation was enough to make her body quiver. His tongue was hot, first coaxing and then commanding.
Her hands went to his shoulders. His T-shirt was so worn it was almost as if she were touching him. But not quite. Her fingertips slid to his neck. She could feel the beat of his pulse, the tension stringing his body, the arousal that she could taste. She'd dreamt of another kiss, even if she hadn't admitted it during her waking hours. She'd dreamt of more. So in control since her divorce, she now felt totally out of control--wanting Alex, responding to him, giving more than she'd given in a
very long time. The desire between them became a craving she had to satisfy. She couldn't seem to get close enough and neither could he. They were both straining against boundaries and inhibitions and against the desire to stay uninvolved.
What would it mean to be involved with Alex? She had Heather to think about, and he had Kristy. They weren't just tampering with their own lives, but their daughters'.
The thought of Heather probably waiting up for her made Amanda slide her hands away from Alex and pull away.
When he looked down at her, she was glad they were sitting in shadows. "I've got to get home. I told the babysitter I'd only be gone a hour."
Alex checked his watch. "You've got at least another fifteen minutes."
The smile playing around his mouth told her he knew exactly what they could do with those minutes, too. But she knew that wouldn't be wise, not any wiser than falling deeper under his spell.
"What's the matter, Amanda?" he asked. "I want you, and from your reaction, I think you want me. Can't we just be honest enough to say it?"
"I've wanted a lot of things in my life, Alex, but that doesn't mean that they're good for me--or that they're good for Heather."
"We could spend some time alone together without the girls."
"And exactly what do you mean by alone? At a motel? Is that what you want?"
"It might be a good start," he joked.
But she shook her head. "We both have to think about this very carefully. I'm not about to mess up my life again, or Heather's." Sliding to the edge of the glider, she stood, and he did, too.
He didn't look pleased with her or with what she'd said, but she couldn't help that. As he walked her to the door, she searched for something else to say to him, something that would put them back on a casual footing. But there wasn't anything. When he opened the door for her, she said "good night."
He did, too, and she could hear the deep huskiness of it in her head all the way home.
Chapter Five
"Did you and Mrs. Carson have a fight?" Kristy asked as Alex set bags of burgers and fries on the kitchen table Wednesday evening.
Alex wished the answer were as simple as yes or no. The last time he'd kissed Amanda, everything had gone a little crazy. He'd always thought he could control his desire as easily as he controlled his life. Goal oriented, he saw what he wanted and went after it. Concentrating on his work and Kristy, he'd always been able to shut out other distractions, including needs that got just too complicated to fulfill.
When Mom Meets Dad Page 6
