"I know this is something you have to think about, especially if you're getting married again. And if you want me to forget about the whole idea, I will. But I'd really like to do this, Amanda. I feel I need to do this."
The waitress brought their order and set their sandwiches and drinks in front of them. Then she tilted her head and smiled at Amanda. "When I took your order, I thought I recognized you. Aren't you the third grade teacher at Cedar Grove Elementary?"
Distracted by what Jeff had offered, Amanda tried her best to give her attention to the waitress and nodded, "Yes, I am."
"You'll have my daughter in the fall. My aunt, Clara Webb, pointed you out to me at the carnival. You know, when you were stuck up on top of the Ferris wheel?"
Amanda remembered that night very well. It was the first time Alex had kissed her. "Clara didn't tell me I'd be having her niece this year. I'll be in school at least a week before it starts to prepare my classroom. Make sure you stop in with your daughter and say hi. We'll get acquainted early."
The young woman smiled again. "We'll be sure to do that. Enjoy your lunch." Then she went to wait on two customers who had seated themselves shortly before.
Spreading her napkin on her lap, Amanda looked back at Jeff, still absorbing all the things he'd told her. "I'll think about your offer."
He took a business card out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Both my home and office numbers are on there. We won't be leaving until September. Don't be afraid to call me at home. Nancy knows I'm here today, and she understands this is something I have to do."
Amanda picked up a quarter of her sandwich. If she told Alex about this, she was pretty sure she knew what he'd say--forget about her ex-husband's money. But there was more involved here than money. She was going to think about this very carefully, and make the decision on her own.
***
On Wednesday afternoon, Alex sat at his desk, shuffling through travel brochures. He'd gone to a travel agency over lunch and discussed possibilities for a honeymoon. There was a resort on a lake in Vermont that had a honeymoon suite left for the week after their wedding, as well as a bed-and-breakfast in Maine on a bluff overlooking the ocean. Those were his favorites. But he'd show everything to Amanda and let her pick out what she liked best. He was amazed at how much she'd accomplished so quickly.
Last night she'd gone shopping with his mother, and both had been secretive about what they were wearing for the wedding. He smiled. That was part of the fun of planning a wedding. After the shopping trip, his mother had stayed with Kristy and Heather for a while, and he and Amanda escaped to her house for a quick tryst. If their lovemaking was only half this exciting for the rest of their marriage, he'd be a very happy man. Still...
Something seemed to be bothering Amanda. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, and he hoped it was simply pre-wedding jitters. He had rushed her into this.
When his intercom buzzed, he picked up the phone. Georgia said to him, "It's a Mrs. Webb."
Alex ran his hand through his hair and sighed. She probably wanted to know when their next meeting was going to be. Looking at his calendar, he decided it could wait until the week after his honeymoon.
Taking Mrs. Webb off hold, he said, "Hello, Clara. How can I help you?"
"Just checking to see how our speaker list is growing."
"Twenty-one, so far. I'm going to make a few calls and pull in some favors. We'll get our thirty."
"You certainly know how to get things done, Alex." Hardly pausing for a breath, she went on, "By the way, my niece said she waited on Amanda yesterday at the Blue Door Restaurant."
Amanda hadn't mentioned that she'd had lunch out, but she had so many errands to run for the wedding, he wasn't surprised. Kristy had asked him if she could stay with Amanda and Heather during the day and he'd readily agreed. "That's the way it's going to be after the wedding anyway," were his daughter's exact words. His mother had understood, and since she was in the process of packing up for her move to Florida, it seemed to be the best arrangement for everyone. But she'd told both him and Amanda she'd keep the girls anytime they were particularly busy.
"Amanda probably thought Kristy and Heather deserved a lunch out after running errands all morning for the wedding."
"Oh, but the girls weren't with her! Some man was."
Clara Webb was not one of Alex's favorite people, and he didn't want to encourage her gossiping. But he wanted to know what she knew--
Clara chattered on. "I didn't see them myself. My niece waited on them, and she said he was good-looking but that he had light brown hair. That's how I knew it wasn't you."
Light-brown. That would let out Ted. He was unmistakably blond. Just who did Amanda have lunch with, and why hadn't she told him about it? He remembered not so long ago Heather saying that Amanda went out every weekend. What about those men she'd dated? Did she still have feelings for any of them? He'd courted her so quickly. He thought they'd both been caught up in the whirlwind of finding each other...
"I remember now, Clara. I think she was meeting him to discuss music for the wedding. Something like that."
"Oh, I see," Clara responded, sounding disappointed. "Well, I guess I won't keep you any longer. Just let me know when our next meeting is."
A meeting for Career Day was the last thing on Alex's mind right now. Discussing Amanda's lunch date with her was first.
***
When Alex arrived home that evening, Amanda had just put supper on his dining room table. The girls were already seated. His last appointment had run over. Usually he called Amanda when he was going to be late, but today he knew his voice would give something away if he talked to her. He had to see her face when he asked her what she'd done for lunch yesterday.
"We were afraid you weren't going to make it," she said.
Unbuttoning his shirt cuffs, he rolled up his sleeves. "Lots of complications today," he said vaguely. All afternoon he'd told himself not to jump to conclusions. All afternoon he'd told himself Amanda wouldn't lie to him. All afternoon he'd tried to tamp down the frustration that had continued to build.
The girls chattered about their day--going to the florist and looking at all sorts of flowers, visiting the bakery and seeing many shapes and sizes of wedding cakes.
Amanda jumped in then. "I brought home a book with pictures of wedding cakes. That way we can decide what we want, and you won't have to go into the bakery."
She looked so happy, so innocent, it was hard for him to believe she was keeping something from him.
And just in case his conversation with Clara Webb hadn't been sheer fabrication on his part, he asked his fiancee, "Did you find anyone for the music yet?"
"I put in a few calls, but I'm waiting for everyone to call me back."
He took another shot, knowing it was a very long shot. "How about the photographer?"
"We're meeting with him next week at his studio. Monday was the earliest he could fit us in. I hope Monday night's okay with you."
"It's fine," he murmured, knowing that nothing was fine, but that he had to wait until they were alone to have his questions answered.
After Amanda served a lemon cake she had made, the girls asked if they could go outside and play in the lean-to.
"Stay away from the creek," Alex warned. "With all the rain we've had, it's high."
"We will," they chorused and left the dining room, eager to play outside for as long as daylight allowed.
As Amanda began to clear the table, she glanced at Alex cautiously. "Rough day?"
He hadn't kissed her when he'd come home, and he knew she was probably wondering why. There was no easy way to do this, so he'd might as well get it over with the fastest way possible. "What did you do for lunch yesterday?"
She paled and set the dishes she'd picked up back down on the table. "That sounds like an accusation." Her shoulders straightened and her blue eyes sparked with silver.
"It's only an accusation if you're guilty of something."
"Guilty? Because I wen
t out to lunch?"
"Clara Webb told me her niece saw you with a man. Where were the girls and who was the man, Amanda?"
As soon as he asked, he could tell by her demeanor that he was going about this all wrong, but he didn't know how else to do it.
"Debbie was with the girls. Don't you trust me, Alex?"
"Look, Amanda, I know you dated lots of men before I came along. Heather told me. We haven't been together that long, and if you still have a thing for one of them--"
"A thing?" She was angry now, too. "I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't date any men before you came along."
"You dated Ted Livingston."
"That was after you came along, and it was one date, the only date, I might add, that I'd had since my divorce."
He wanted to believe her. He really did. "Why would Heather tell me you went out every weekend?"
After a pensive silence, she didn't answer him but asked, "Did you date?"
"No." He felt foolish admitting it, but he'd always been honest with her. "You were the first woman I wanted to date."
Amanda came around the table to where he was standing. "Kristy told me you were going out. It was the Saturday night after I started keeping her."
"The only thing I do on Saturday nights is go to the grocery store. Heather told me you like to get dressed up and wear lipstick and go out almost every weekend."
Amanda shook her head. "I do--to church every Sunday morning."
Fixing his gaze on her, realizing she'd detoured from his question, he asked, "Why would they lie?"
"I think our two daughters have been matchmaking. I'm not sure Kristy ever had a real problem with math. She just wanted me to tutor her so we'd get together."
"You mean we were set up?" he growled.
Hurt shadowed Amanda's face. "Don't you like the result?"
Tension vibrated between them until he asked again, "Who was the man, Amanda?"
Her voice low, she answered, "It was Jeff, my ex-husband. He called and asked if he could meet me. He's going through some kind of...life change. He almost lost his wife, and he's realized he treated me and Heather badly. He's offered to set up a college fund for her." She said it all in a rush as if that could somehow minimize its impact.
But Alex couldn't believe Amanda's ex-husband had called, and she hadn't told him about it. He couldn't believe she had met the man and had lunch and hadn't told him about that, either. This offer of money for Heather could affect both of their lives.
"You refused him, of course," Alex said, his voice filled with certainty.
She met his gaze unflinchingly. "I haven't decided yet."
Alex's gut clenched. "I see. You didn't think I needed to know your ex-husband called. You didn't think I needed to know you were meeting him for lunch. And apparently you don't think I have any say in this decision. I see very clearly, Amanda."
"Alex..."
He raked his hand through his hair, feeling betrayed by her in some deep elemental way, so betrayed he didn't want to deal with it. "The first thing we'd better do is talk to the girls about their lies and maneuvering." His voice carried the remoteness he used to distant himself from his emotions.
After a few moments in which Amanda looked as if she wanted to contradict him, she capitulated, "All right. I'll go get them." But she looked upset as she crossed the kitchen and went through the screened-in porch.
He went to the living room and paced...and waited.
A few minutes later, Amanda brought the girls inside, and they sat on the sofa with a perplexed look on their faces. "What's wrong, Dad?" Kristy asked. "You don't look so hot."
"I don't look so hot because I don't think you've been honest with me, or with Amanda." His gaze rested on Heather. "Or you, either. Heather, didn't you tell me your mother went out every weekend?"
Heather bowed her head and looked down at her lap. "Yes."
"Was that the truth?"
When she looked up at him again, she answered, "Well, sort of. She does go out every weekend. She goes to church."
"But you knew I would think she was going out on dates?"
Amanda's daughter nodded.
"And Kristy, you told Amanda I was going out?"
His daughter straightened up defensively. "You were. You were going for groceries."
"Kristy!" His exasperation was clear and both girls hung their heads.
"And then there's your math grades," Alex continued, his gaze fixed on his daughter. "Did you let them slip on purpose?"
This time when Kristy looked up at him, her eyes glistened with tears. "Dad, please don't be mad. I wanted a mom so bad, and Mrs. Carson was just great. And Heather needs a dad, and we wanted to be sisters!"
Only then did Alex look at Amanda.
"They were only trying to arrange everybody's happiness," she murmured.
"Well you can't expect to be happy when you lie, and when you mislead other people." His look at her was pointed.
After a few moments of quiet that seemed to last a year, Amanda said, "Heather, go collect your things. We're not going to stay here tonight."
"But, Mom..."
And at the same time, Kristy wailed, "But, Dad..."
"We're not happy with what you girls did," Alex said. "But there are some other problems, too, that we have to think about. We've been spending a lot of time together, and tonight it's just a good idea not to. Do you want me to drive you home?" he asked Amanda.
"We don't have that much. We can walk. But I'll clean up supper first."
"You don't have to. And for now, I'll take Kristy to my mother's while I'm at work. I think that'll be best."
The tension between them was so great he couldn't stand to stay in the living room or to look at Amanda and wonder what else she hadn't told him or what else she might not tell him in the future. He went into the kitchen. Something was very wrong, and he had no idea what to do about it.
Chapter Nine
Heartsick about what had happened with Alex last night, Amanda picked up the phone around ten a.m. the next morning and dialed his office, not wanting to just leave a message on his cell. But his secretary informed her that he was meeting with a client and couldn't be disturbed. Reluctantly, Amanda left a message with her for him simply stating she'd called. When he hadn't called back by three in the afternoon, she called his cell and gotten his voicemail. Was he avoiding her calls or really tied up?
Around supper time, she tried Alex at home, but his answering machine clicked on. Besides her own heartache, she was worried about Heather who thought Amanda's distress stemmed from her and Kristy's match-making efforts. Amanda had tried to convince her daughter that she and Alex had had a disagreement about something else, too. But she imagined Kristy was feeling as badly as Heather. She wanted to talk to Alex about that as well as everything else. She'd tucked Heather in for the night and was wondering if she should try to reach Alex at his mother's when her phone rang.
Snatching it up before it could ring a second time, she said, "Hello."
"It's Alex, Amanda. One appointment bumped into another all day, and I couldn't return your calls."
"I was hoping you could come over."
"It's late. We just got home, and Kristy is getting ready for bed."
"Heather isn't asleep yet. We could come up to your place."
There was a long pause, and then Alex responded, "It's been a long day, Amanda."
"For me, too, but we can't resolve anything if we don't talk. Heather was upset today. She thinks you're angry with her, and that's why you and I--" She couldn't seem to find the right words.
"Mom said Kristy moped around all day, too. And to be honest, I don't know what to tell her." He was silent for a few moments. "I'll pick you up tomorrow night. We can take the girls over to Mom's, and you and I can go somewhere and talk."
"Alex, I..." She wanted to tell him she loved him, but she was afraid he wouldn't believe her. She was afraid all he'd ever wanted was a mother for Kristy. "I'll see you tomo
rrow night, then."
His good-night didn't carry much warmth, and she felt as if he'd put up walls all around himself. But she couldn't forget that he hadn't trusted her, that he'd thought she was seeing another man behind his back.
If he could believe that, then he didn't know her at all.
***
When Alex picked up Amanda and Heather on Friday evening, the atmosphere in the car was anything but light. He smiled at Heather, and Amanda smiled at Kristy, but it didn't do much good. The two girls still looked as if they'd lost their best friend. After he dropped their daughters at his mother's, he drove toward the edge of town to the baseball field. There was a game in progress, but Alex parked a good distance from the other cars and pointed to the benches that were sporadically placed along the creek.
"We can go over there and have some privacy," he said.
Amanda was aware that he had chosen neutral territory.
Coming around to her side of the car, he opened her door, but his gaze gave nothing away. She couldn't tell what he was feeling, if he was feeling anything. As they walked toward one of the benches, tall grass tickled her legs, and she knew any other time she'd love being here with Alex. But tonight...
He waited until she'd seated herself on the bench, and then he positioned himself a good foot away. He was giving her plenty of signals that she needed to make the first move.
"There are a lot of reasons why I didn't tell you I was meeting Jeff."
Alex gave her a quick glance, then stared back at the creek.
Hoping she could make him understand, she plowed in. "When I was married, I tried to do everything in my power to please Jeff. But I never could. He was always critical of something, whether it was the way I made dinner, or the way I dressed, or how I kept the house. When he started to work longer and longer hours, I thought it was my fault and that he just didn't want to come home to me, or Heather. I asked him to go to counseling with me lots of times, but he never would."
When Alex made no comment, she went on. "I wanted a family so badly, and I wanted to believe in marriage. But Jeff tried to control everything I did. He wanted an accounting of every minute I wasn't with him, of everything I did with Heather, of every penny I spent. I was suffocating, feeling like a prisoner. I went back to teaching when Heather was three, and we had a terrible argument about it. He wanted me to stay at home, but I needed to be around other people. And I needed to have something of my own. I found a wonderful day-care provider for Heather, and at least when I was teaching, I felt free. I desperately wanted our marriage to succeed. But then I found out he was having an affair."
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