“Sure, I’ll bet Brady would love to have a guy to talk to about all this. I know he doesn’t get far with his dad.”
“Hanna.” Noella sighed.
“Well, it’s true. He’s less and less available, Noella. I know you don’t want me to say anything around the boys, but they’re not here right now.”
“Okay, enough.” She stood up, kissed my cheek, then grabbed Wes’s hand. “Let’s all have a good night and start over in the morning. Make sure you get some rest, Hanna.”
As I watched them walk away, it struck me that I might always see them hand in hand. Noella had confessed to me that she believed Wes was the one, and I could certainly see why.
Chapter 10
When I returned to the lobby, I found Zoe with Trent, Callie, and Jake. It was hard not to notice how great my two friends looked as I eased myself down into a chair and tried not to wince from the pain that had started up in my back again.
“You okay, hon?” Jake leaned close for a kiss.
“I think so.” I returned the kiss, then yawned. “Sorry.” I laughed. “I guess the trip took a little more out of me than I’d expected.”
“You should rest, Hanna.” Callie studied me. “I’m going to book you a prenatal massage for the morning.”
“No, you don’t need to do that. I’m sure we won’t have time for it. Thank you, though.”
“Please let me do it. I know of an amazing masseuse who specializes in it. I met her through my friend who has the kids’ clothing line. She would love to get her hands on you. How can you enjoy yourself if you’re in pain? It’ll only take forty minutes, tops.”
“You should, Hanna.” Zoe grinned. “This will probably be your last chance for quiet and relaxation, because once that baby arrives, it’s over.”
“Over?” Jake raised his eyebrows. “I mean, they sleep sometimes, right?”
“Not much.” Trent grimaced. “At least, from what I’ve heard.” He eyed Zoe with a small smile. “But it’s something you get used to, right?”
“No, it’s something you survive.” Zoe eyed him with a shake of her head.
“It’s going to be wonderful.” Callie laughed. “But Zoe’s right, you should take advantage of these last few weeks and really pamper yourself.”
“Jake has been massaging me a lot.” I wound my hand around his. “He’s so good to me.”
“But she’s right, Hanna. Someone who really knows what they’re doing could make a big difference.”
“Okay.” I smiled. “I guess I’ll try it. Thanks, Callie.”
“You’re very welcome.” She gave my hand a squeeze. “I have to get going, but I’ll see all of you tomorrow with the outfits for the kids.”
As she headed off, I couldn’t help but notice the flourish in her walk. She carried herself with such pride and confidence. Why couldn’t I feel the same way about my own body?
“Are you ready to head back to the room?” Jake gave me a light kiss on the cheek.
“Actually, I think I’m going to try to hunt Blu down. I just want to speak to her for a moment.”
“Want me to come with?”
“No, I just want a few minutes of girl time.”
“I understand. I’ll meet you up there, then.” He gave me another kiss—this one more lingering—then walked off with Zoe and Trent.
As much as I savored the kiss, a part of me wondered how he was brave enough to kiss me in public. He had to be at least a little bit embarrassed of me. I was sure of it.
I sent Blu a text to see if she was free and received one back right away letting me know she was in her room and could use my help. Concerned, I headed straight for it.
When I stepped in, I saw her in front of a mirror in her wedding dress.
“Blu! AJ isn’t here, is he?”
“No, thank goodness.” She frowned as she smoothed the dress down across her stomach.
“What’s wrong?” I walked over to her, stunned by how beautiful she was in the white and lace.
“I can’t do this.”
“What?” I put my hand on her shoulder and noticed the fear in her expression. “You don’t like the dress? I think it looks beautiful on you.”
“The dress is beautiful, but look at me, Hanna. I don’t belong in it.” She wiped at her eyes.
“Blu, what are you talking about?” I hugged her, careful not to cause any harm to the dress.
“You know I’ve never been girly like this. I’ve never been one to dress up. Now look at me. I look ridiculous.”
“No you don’t, you look beautiful. The dress is gorgeous, but the woman in it is even more stunning.” I stared at her reflection in disbelief.
How could she find any flaws in the way she looked? She was right that she’d always been a bit of a tomboy and preferred to avoid fancy clothes, but that was just her nature.
“I look like I’m trying to be something I’m not. A wife?” She looked at me, her eyes wide. “How can I be a wife, Hanna? I never thought this would happen.”
“Right.” I took her hand in mine. “But then you met AJ and—”
“And then we broke up.” She looked at me. “Remember?”
“Yes, you said you wanted to explore a bit, get to know yourself—and then you discovered that you wanted him in your life.”
“I do. I can’t imagine my life without him. But marriage?” She cringed, then shook her head. “What if everything changes after? What if he expects me to be a certain way, a way that I can’t be? That maybe I don’t want to be?”
“Oh, sweetie, you’re just nervous. It’s normal to be nervous.” I squeezed her hand. “AJ loves you for who you are, one hundred percent. He’s not going to try to change you.”
“What if I change?” She clung tightly to my hand. “What if I turn into the woman in this dress? She doesn’t feel anything like me.”
“I won’t let that happen Blu.” I hugged her again. “I promise. I’ll make sure you remember who you are. So will all your other friends—and so will AJ.”
As she rested her head on my shoulder, my heart went out to her. I knew what it was like to feel so out of place and frightened. As wonderful as marriage and motherhood could be, they were two transitions in a woman’s life when it felt as if everything had to be sacrificed and changed. Seeing my beautiful, unshakable friend so afraid reminded me of just how vulnerable we all were to insecurities.
“Everything is going to be wonderful, Blu, I promise.”
That night, however, as I closed my eyes, I could feel her fear running through me. I could feel it translated into my own fear of whether I could ever truly be a mother, whether I would regret becoming one, whether all my desires and dreams would disappear once the baby was born.
While Jake snored beside me, I struggled to fall asleep.
Chapter 11
The next morning I went off for my massage while Jake was still asleep. I was relieved that he was, because I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling to him.
I sent a quick text to Blu letting her know I was there for her if she wanted to talk, then I knocked lightly on the door of the masseuse. Callie had arranged for her to use a small room in the hotel for the massage.
“Hi, I’m Jamie.” She smiled as she held the door open for me. “Go ahead and get undressed and get comfortable. I’ll be right back.”
“Undressed?” I stared at her.
“There’s a robe right over there if you’d like it.” She pointed to a thin robe that hung on the wall. “I’ll give you a minute.”
I bit into my bottom lip as she left the room. Somehow I hadn’t thought about the possibility of getting naked for a massage. Sure, I could leave my panties on, but what about my huge stomach? Did I really want that exposed?
I ran a hand over it and frowned. I knew that Callie was trying to do something nice for me, but I already regretted agreeing to it. I could be with Blu and the rest of my friends getting ready for the wedding; instead I was awkwardly plotting how I could keep
the most clothes on and endure the next forty minutes.
By the time I got the robe on, I was even more uncomfortable. I crawled onto the massage table and stretched out on my back. There was no way I could lie on my stomach. As I closed my eyes, I felt my little girl’s toes wedge into my ribs.
At least that meant she was head down. My stomach felt like a roller-coaster as she shifted and stretched inside me. I couldn’t help but wonder if she knew what was going on already. Could she sense how nervous I felt?
I passed my hand over my stomach and whispered to her. “Don’t worry, sweetie, I’m not always this crazy, I promise.”
“You should keep talking.” Jamie stepped back inside the room.
“Oh, sorry, I was being silly.”
“It’s not silly at all.” She smiled as she began to massage my shoulders. “Studies show that infants recognize their parents’ voices the moment they’re born. They hear things in the womb. Not everything of course, but here and there. When the baby is born, he or she will already know you. Isn’t that amazing?”
“It is.” I closed my eyes as I began to relax. “She. It’s a girl.”
“Oh, how wonderful.” She continued the massage and spoke in a soft tone. “Be ready to welcome her, Hanna. She’s going to change your life, but it will be an amazing journey.”
“Yes, it will.” I relaxed even more, but when her hands began to slide beneath the sheet to work on my sides and stomach, I tensed up.
“Are you okay?” She crouched down beside me. “Are there places you want me to avoid?”
“It’s not that, it’s just...” I blushed as I glanced at her. “I’m not really used to showing off my stomach.”
“Why not? It’s gorgeous.”
“It’s not gorgeous.” I laughed. “It’s huge—and covered in stretch marks.”
“Oh, Hanna, do you have any idea how beautiful a pregnant woman is?” She sighed as she stared at me. “Great artists have painted pregnant women for centuries. Poems and songs have been written about them. Some of the most sacred pieces of art feature a pregnant woman. Why do you think that is?”
“I don’t know.” I relaxed again as she began to massage the muscles along my side.
“Pregnancy represents the most magical experience in life. Not everyone gets to have it, but everyone has the opportunity to witness it. You’re growing not just a baby in there, she’s endless potential. She could change the world. Throughout time, people have depicted pregnancy as something miraculous because it is. It is life. Your big beautiful belly represents fertility, the growth of not just life, but our entire existence.”
Her voice drifted through my mind as her hands worked free all the tension I’d been harboring in my muscles. Maybe it was the combination of relaxation and the flow of her voice, but I suddenly felt as magical as she described.
Throughout my pregnancy, I’d felt insecure and even disgusted by the changes in my body and yet, in just minutes, this woman had opened my mind to the idea that every change had been part of a sacred process.
The forty minutes slipped by so fast that when she stepped away from the table, I waited for her to return, expecting that the massage wasn’t over.
When she did return, she placed a small booklet in my hand.
“Take a look at this when you feel up to it. It might help.” She smiled as she looked into my eyes. “Congratulations on your pregnancy and enjoy your journey.”
As she left the room, I realized how different I felt. I’d walked in feeling awkward, nervous, and annoyed. As I climbed off the table, I felt invigorated, without a trace of soreness in my body and more excited to meet my daughter than ever.
I caught a glimpse of my bare stomach in the mirror as I dressed. I’d been avoiding looking at it for weeks. But when I saw it this time, I saw something far different. I saw beauty.
As I left the room, I glanced at the booklet she’d given me. Each page contained a photograph of a woman in a different stage of pregnancy. Some of the pictures were sensual, others were magical, but all of them were beautiful.
I’d been waiting to give birth to discover what my body would look like and how much work I would have to do to get it back. I never gave much thought to the body I had in that moment, the body I would never have again. Suddenly I wished I had more time left in my pregnancy, more time to truly appreciate what my body was up to.
By the time I joined my friends for brunch, I could feel the glow that everyone insisted I had. It felt like it was exuding from every pore in my skin.
“Hi, everyone.” I grinned.
“Hi to you.” Jake smiled as he pulled my chair out for me. “Did you enjoy yourself?”
“Callie, I can’t thank you enough.” I settled in my chair with a happy sigh. “It was amazing.”
“So are you.” Callie winked at me.
Chapter 12
“Thanks, Callie.” I glanced around the table at my friends.
Trent and Zoe were snuggled up at one side of the table, paying no attention to their food. Garrett and Dawn sat at the other side with Lily in between them. Every time their eyes met over the little girl’s head, they smiled at each other. Wes and Noella were seated on one side of the table. Tyler sat beside Wes, while Brady was sandwiched between him and Noella. I noticed the way Wes looked in her direction and smiled. He was always seeking to reassure her. That made my impression of him even better.
“Samantha isn’t here yet?” I glanced toward the door to the restaurant as it swung open and caught sight of Samantha, her husband, Max, and her little girl, Abby. “There she is!” I stood up to greet her.
“Hanna!” Samantha grinned as she ran over to hug me.
I laughed as she wrapped her arms around me and hugged her right back.
“It’s been forever!” I sighed and squeezed her.
“It feels like forever, that’s for sure. Someone has been dying to see all of you.”
“Hanna!” Abby threw her arms around what she could of my waist.
“Hi, Abby.” I smiled as I hugged her back. “I’m so glad to see you.”
“Where’s the baby?”
“Still in there.” I patted my stomach. “She’ll be out soon.”
“Yay, then we can play?”
Samantha laughed. “The baby will have to grow up a little bit first.”
“But there is someone here who would love to play with you.” I gestured to Dawn, who smiled as a shy Lily stepped out from behind her.
“Abby, remember Lily?”
“Lily!” Abby ran straight for her.
“She’s a little shy.” Dawn winced.
But to everyone’s surprise Lily bolted out and met Abby halfway.
“We’re going to be flower girls!”
“Yay!”
The two little girls jumped up and down, hand in hand. The sweetness of it nearly knocked me off my feet. The simple joy, their bright smiles, and the cuteness of their enthusiasm left me aching to meet my own daughter.
“Yes, and I have some very pretty dresses for you two to try on.” Callie winked at Samantha, then looked over at Garrett. “Do you mind if I steal them away for a bit?”
“I’ll help.” Dawn smiled as she stepped toward the girls.
“Dawn, I don’t want you to have to miss out on anything.” Garrett frowned.
“Honey, when I’m with Lily, I’m never missing out. I love every minute.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then headed off with Callie.
“Isn’t she wonderful?” I smiled as I watched Garrett gaze after Dawn.
“Honestly, I never thought someone could love my little girl the way her mother and I do, but Dawn really does.” His cheeks flushed as he glanced away. “Yes, she is wonderful.”
My heart fluttered at his tender reaction. Whenever I saw them together I could tell that they were falling more and more in love. It was beautiful to observe.
“I’d better go get the boys ready for their fitting.” Noella waved to Brady and Tyle
r, who had found their way to the spacious lobby and were just starting a game of tag.
“Noella, stay here. I can get the boys together.” Wes gave her a hug. “This is your time, right?”
“Right. But they might—”
“You’re a phone call away if I need you.” He met her eyes. “Trust me.”
“Alright.” She nodded, then turned away as her phone rang.
Jake reached for my hand.
“Hanna, do you mind if Garrett and I check out the bar? They’re supposed to have the game on in there.”
“Sure, go for it.” I gave him a quick kiss.
As they walked off, Noella walked over to me.
“Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling?” Noella rubbed my shoulder. “Any better?”
“Yes, actually. That massage was amazing. I feel like a brand new woman.”
“Great.” Noella laughed. “Because you and I need to deal with a crisis.”
“What’s that?”
“The caterer has fallen through and we need to find a new one fast.”
“No worries, ladies!” Alex waved as she hurried across the lobby. “I have arrived.”
“Alex, just who we need to see.” Noella smiled.
“We need to find a caterer fast.” I raised my eyebrows. “Any ideas?”
“I don’t understand how anyone can be so unprofessional.” She shook her head. “Luckily I have some connections in the area. I should be able to come up with something.”
“Everything okay, Alex?” The man who stepped from behind her looked concerned as he slipped his arm around her waist.
“It’s fine, Philip. We’re just trying to figure out how to get this wedding catered.”
“Let me make a call.” He pulled out his phone, but Alex put her hand over his.
“Don’t, we can handle this.” She smiled at him, then turned back to us. “I’ve got at least three names we can try.”
“I’ll help you with that.” Noella walked off with Alex to make the calls.
Then Comes Marriage Page 4
