by Mary Smith
The knock jarred me from my angry, fist beating down on imaginary love. It had to be Kyson because Harlow would have just walked in, Maxima would have texted first, and Puckhead was next to me, even though he didn’t count. There were no other people–or cats–in my life.
The next set of knocks came harder.
Yep, it’s Kyson.
I debated if I would roll off my comfortable couch to talk to him and or just ignore him,
“I know you’re in there, Meadow. I’m not leaving.”
“Kian?” Why would he come to my house? Was there something wrong with Kyson? Was he hurt? I jumped off my couch and rushed to the door. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you. Please, may I come in?”
I should have said no and I easily could have, but I was nosy. Although, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what the topic was going to be. I stepped to the side and Kian walked into my house.
“Nice place, Meadow.”
“You don’t need to make small talk. I know you’re here to talk about Kyson.”
“He’s messed up.” He took a deep breath and sat on my couch. “And you don’t look much better.”
“Kyson made his choice.” As much as I hated it, he’d made it.
“You’re wrong, Meadow.”
“Huh?” I couldn’t stand any longer, because my body was tired, and I took a place next to Kian.
“She was lying.”
I blinked several times trying to process his words. “What?”
“Angela lied. She wasn’t pregnant. She was trying to get back at Kyson. Nothing more. She’s a conniving bitch, and I told Kyson years ago to dump her ass.”
I was in shock. Not from the way he’d described her, but from her actions.
“He loves you, Meadow. In fact, I’ve never seen Kyson so in love before. He is…well…he’s broken right now.”
I wiped the stray tear rolling down my cheek.
“He doesn’t know I’m here, and I think he’s been trying to give you some space for the past couple days, but he misses you deeply. I know you miss him too; I can tell.”
I looked down at my hands and picked at the hem of my sweatshirt.
“Don’t try and pretend you don’t care. Kyson told me you came over and told him you were acting immature. You’re doing it right now, because you’re not rushing out to the door to him.”
“Yes, I did overreact and it was the reason why I went over to his house, but she was there in his shirt.”
“He hasn’t been with her in over a year. She staged all of it.”
“But, he let her into the house; obviously he wanted something to happen.”
“No.” Kian roughly shook his head. “No, Meadow. Kyson only wants you. Angela made her way into the apartment. He did not want her there. I swear it to you.”
My heart said he was telling the truth, but my head kept saying to think it through rationally. The fairy tale was over, and it had been childish to believe in it in the first place.
I rose to my feet. “Thanks for telling me everything, Kian. Be sure to tell Kyson there are no hard feelings, and I hope he finds someone special.”
“Meadow.” Kian sounded pained. “You two belong together. You know I’m right.”
I shrugged. “Well, it’s over now.” I opened the door.
Kian stood and walked onto my porch, before turning around. “You’re going to regret it, Meadow.” He whipped around and headed toward his truck.
Once, my mother described her depression as a cancer eating away at her soul and sanity. I never believed it until today, as I went through the motions of taking a shower, getting dressed, and heading to the Latte Bean.
It had been a week since Kian was at my house, and still, Kyson and I hadn’t communicated. There was no need to. It was over for us both. As I walked downtown Manchester, the decorations were bright and cheery for the upcoming holiday season.
I didn’t even want to decorate my house this year. Even though I don’t have any family, I still put up tree and yelled at Puckhead most of the time it was up because he kept getting into it. But nothing seemed to be jolly in my life and the thought of putting up a tree exhausted me.
Harlow waved me over when I walked through the door. Keaton was sitting next to her, and he didn’t seem pleased to see me. I prayed Kyson wasn’t going to show up. My brain couldn’t handle it. Hell, neither could my emotions.
“Hi.” Harlow’s smile was bright, and I still hadn’t told her about Kyson and me.
“Hello.” I tried to smile, but it felt unnatural.
“I was just heading out.” Keaton stood. “Nice to see you, Meadow.”
I nodded as he walked by me, and I took the chair across from Harlow.
“How have you been?” she over enthusiastically asked.
“Um…fine.”
“Aw.” She tilted her head with her bright smile. “Aren’t you just a big fucking liar?”
My shoulders dropped. She knew.
“Were you planning on telling me?” The smile was gone and the stern look took over.
“It’s over,” I simply explained.
“No, Friends is over. You and Kyson have taken as small detour off a long and happy path.”
I shook my head. “It’s over,” I repeated again.
Harlow leaned back in her chair and studied me for a moment. I was always more worried about what she would say when she was quiet.
“Just say it,” I thundered, almost slamming my hand on the table.
She tilted her head from one said and to the other. “I’m not going to say one damn thing. Want to know why?”
“You’re going to tell me anyway.”
“Because you’ve wanted this since the beginning. You first bitched about your age difference. The when he confessed his love, you pretended to be on cloud nine, but you were faking.”
“I was not,” I stated harshly. “I did fall in love, and I did care for him.”
“Did? So, you have the ability to flip your emotions on and off like a light switch?” She slowly clapped her hands. “Impressive.”
Anger was pumping through me. How dare she act like this toward me? “You’re a bitch, Harlow.”
“Not the first time I’ve heard that one.” She was never fazed by my words. “You can get pissed at me all you want, but I’m not the dumbass who let her fairy tale walk away.”
I opened my mouth to tell her she was wrong, but nothing came out. I didn’t need to hear her shit. I got up and left.
It had been two days since I’d seen Harlow and that hurt me as much as Kyson. She was my best friend, actually, my only true family.
I’d not left my bed for those two days. The bed had molded to my body and I’ve done nothing to change it. The covers have become a protective shield hiding me from the world, and as long as I stayed here, I didn’t have to face the heartache or the pain.
I swore all through my years of watching my mother’s depression, I wouldn’t succumb to the same disease, but it was staring me in the face. I almost welcomed it now. I understood more clearly how it worked with my mother.
I heard my front door open and my name being called out. It was Maxima. I didn’t answer, but as soon as she passed my bedroom door, our eyes connected.
“Spin class starts in thirty-five minutes,” she cheered. “Let’s go.”
“Does any part of me look like a spin class will be on my agenda for today?”
“Yes.” She clapped happily, and I almost wondered if she was drunk.
“No,” I corrected her. “I’m not going.”
Maxima took a deep breath and sat on the side of my bed. “You and I both know you can’t stay locked up in this house.” She dialed back the bubbliness.
“Worked for the Hunchback.”
Maxima rolled her eyes. “He eventually left the tower.”
“Well, I’m working on the fan fiction part of the story where he never left the tower.”
“Now, who
’s being silly? Come on, let’s get ready and go. You need to work out.”
“I need to drink more wine,” I countered.
She stared at me for almost a full minute. “How long have you been in this bed?”
I didn’t answer.
“Few days?”
I remained quiet.
“You and I both know this isn’t healthy. You need to get out.”
I closed my eyes. Maybe if I pretended she wasn’t here, then she wouldn’t be. It worked when I was a child.
“Meadow Hylton.” She jumped to her feet and yanked the covers away from me. “You’re going to get up this instant, take a shower, and go outside with me.”
“It’s cold.” I growled and tugged at my covers, trying to hide under them again.
“No.” she was able to wrestle the blankets away from me one more time. “Get up now.”
I literally rolled out of my bed and stomped over to her. “You’re a bitch like Harlow.”
“No. We’re your friends, and we want to help you.” Maxima’s voice returned to being soft.
I don’t know what happened or why, but I just collapsed in tears. Maxima caught me in her arms.
“It’s okay; it’s all going to be okay.” She rocked me in her arms like a mother holding a child.
Affectionate was not a way I would describe myself. Sure, a hug here or there, but I’ve never sobbed into someone else’s arms. Nonetheless, here I was right now doing just the very thing.
I don’t know how long I remained in Maxima’s arms, but it did bring comfort, and for some reason, I felt better after the tears finally subsided.
“I bet you’ll even feel better if you take a hot shower.” Maxima unwrapped her arms from my shoulders and had a small smile on her face.
I nodded and did as she suggested. The hot water from the shower melted the grime, tears, and tiredness away from my body. When I finished, I didn’t want to do my hair or makeup. I slid into a pair of my black yoga pants and a large, over-sized sweater, and walked out of my bathroom to find Maxima sitting in my living room with…Harlow.
I hadn’t expected her to here. “Um…hi.”
“Hi.” Harlow stood and hugged me “I’m a bitch.”
I smiled. “I can be one too.”
“Let’s forget all about it and move on.”
“Deal.” We pulled away from each other, and I gave her a true smile. She was my friend, and I couldn’t fight with her. It felt unnatural to me.
“How about we all sit down and talk?” Maxima suggested and we listened. “Meadow, we want you to talk to us. Tell us what’s going on.”
I suddenly felt as if I was on a talk show, and the audience was watching me and judging my every move as I told them everything. Kyson, Angela, their meeting, my fairy tale, my mother, father, and every piece of my life. I sobbed, sniffled, yelled, whispered, and when I was finished, my two friends hugged my tightly.
I couldn’t remember telling someone my entire life story beside Kyson. Sure, people knew bits and pieces, but only Kyson knew beginning to present. Now, Maxima and Harlow were drying their eyes and faces of the tears they’d shed.
“Meadow, we’re your family. You should have told us long ago.” Harlow held firmly onto my hands.
“You can’t keep it bottled up.” Maxima covered our laced hands. “I’m wondering if therapy might help.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m serious.” Maxima looked down for a beat, and I glanced at Harlow who had a confused look on her face. “I had something happen to me when I was young, and I thought I could work it out on my own, but it…sort of…” She clamped her mouth shut, but we squeezed our fingers together, letting her know we were here. “It kept festering, and I finally realized I needed to talk to someone. As I get older, I know how to deal with it better since I went into therapy.”
Harlow and I were silent, but I know she was as curious as I was, and we wanted to know what happened to Maxima. Our adult rational side told us not to push it at all.
“I’m in no way an expert, but the way you lost your parents might be a reason why you’ve never been in a moderately serious relationship. When you fell in love, real love, and something went wrong, this happened.”
“I have to agree with her on this,” Harlow piped in. “You want the fairy tale, well, you had it. Yes, he was wrong in not telling you he had seen the bitch, but you went to his place and you knew in your heart, he was telling the truth. Do you believe Kian told you the truth, too?”
I nodded.
“Then what the hell, Meadow?”
“I’m scared,” I said it. I really said it. I was scared of everything happening between Kyson and I. We were in a serious relationship, and I didn’t know if I could handle it.
“Of what?” Maxima asked.
“Of him realizing I’m ten years older than he is. Of him seeing some twenty-something blonde or a sexy supermodel and dumping me on the curb.” I started crying again, and I removed my hands from theirs to hide my face.
It was probably childish to think this way, and I’d never told Kyson my fears. I’d fallen in love with him, but maybe I’d kept him at arm’s reach. If I’d handed him my heart and something happened to him what would I do?
Duh! Hasn’t it already happened? Wasn’t I just in bed, moping about not having him in my life when he was on the other side of town? Shouldn’t I be with him right now?
Yes.
Maxima handed me a card that read: Caryn Hammonds, Therapist. “She’s really amazing, and I think it would help you.”
I took the card. After Mom killed herself, I thought about therapy, but there was no point at the time. I was too busy. I was in college and focused on my social life and schoolwork. That was around the same time I stopped caring about relationships with me. Sex was fun, and I kept my fairy tale in my mind.
Then Kyson came along.
“I’ll call her. Thank you both, so much.” I hugged my friends; tomorrow was going to be a new day.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kyson
When Angela left me, I was devastated but it was nothing compared to what I was feeling now. I didn’t even want to play hockey. Hell, I couldn’t have cared less about hockey, my stats, or anything related to it.
I wanted Meadow.
It had been three weeks since she’d come over to my apartment and three weeks since I’d talked to her. Even though I’ve driven by her house almost every day and night, I’ve not seen her leaving or any other vehicles in the driveway.
Today, when I drove by, my head dropped when I didn’t see her car there. Was she on date? Then I looked at the clock in my truck. Nine in the morning. Would she be on a date this early? Did she have a date last night and spend the night with the guy? Was it the same fucker as before? I couldn’t remember his name, but it didn’t matter because I was furious she was in someone else’s bed.
I had to get to practice even though I didn’t want to. Right now, I wanted to drive around Manchester until I found Meadow and beg her to come back to me. I know I should have parked myself on her front porch until she talked to me. I need to reason with her. I had to get her back.
Practice sucked, and it wasn’t just me in a foul mood. Apparently, Coach fell down some stairs. He had a gash on his forehead, which needed to be stitched and a black eye. He was harder on us than usual, but today, I just wanted it to be with Meadow.
Remington and Keaton cornered me, as I was about to get into my truck to find Meadow. I wanted to push them out of the way, but by the look on their faces tell me a different story.
“What?”
“Wick, you’ve not been yourself and everyone is noticing. Your game is shit, your attitude is worse, and we’re tired of it.” Keaton crossed his arms and planted himself in front of the driver’s door.
“Ask me if I fucking care?” I growled at him.
“Kyson.” Remington’s tone, softer than Keaton’s, made me look at him. “We’re your friends. We care about
you, and we all know this has to do with Meadow.”
“You don’t know anything.” I reached for the handle, but Keaton blocked it.
“Listen, I hate to break it to you, but you fucked up. You shouldn’t have lied.”
“Who the hell told you?” I stepped back from them.
“Harlow,” Keaton answered as Remington said, “Maxima.”
I glanced between them. “So, you all have girlfriends, and you now sit around discussing my love life.”
“No,” Remington spoke up. “We were all concerned and nothing more.”
“I’m fine. Happy now?”
Neither said anything.
“Now, I’m leaving, and you can either move, Jaco, or I will move you.”
Keaton and I stared at each other, neither of us moving, until Remington slapped Keaton’s shoulder.
“Let’s go.” They both glared at me as they walked past me.
I couldn’t care less if they were talking about me in their spare time. Right now, I was going to talk to Meadow. I didn’t care how long I had to stand and knock on her door; she was going to listen.
My truck and I remained in her driveway for four hours. My legs ached, my butt was asleep, and I still didn’t move. I had planned to stay right there. I didn’t care if I ran out of gas or froze to death. She was going to see me.
My phone rang, and Kian’s picture popped up. “Hey.”
“What are you doing?”
“I have to talk to her.”
“Maybe you should stalk her Facebook page, because then you’d know she’s in Boston at a convention.”
I groaned.
“Come home, rest, and then you can talk to her in a couple of days.”
I hated when he was right, but I couldn’t stay here for days. Well, I could, but it would be a bit irrational. I started the truck and headed back to my apartment.
Kian was waiting for me on the couch. I could see he wanted to talk to me, and I almost walked away from him. Instead, I took the place right next to him.
We sat next to each other in silence, until he was ready to speak. Hell, until I was ready to listen.
