by Kim Liggett
“Okay … okay.” Kit holds his hands in the air. “There’s a pretty big dip on the other side, but it looks like a clear path. This is the way out.” Kit grins. “I can feel it.”
Darryl lets out a burst of pent-up air. “But there’s no way I’m going to fit in there. No way.”
“You need to stay positive,” Maria says.
“Um … I’m positive I’m too fat … How about that?”
“I told you not to talk like that. I don’t like that.”
“I’m not going to front,” Kit says. “It’s tight, but maybe we can push you through. Lube you up with something.”
“That’s your idea?” Maria knots her hands on her hips. “You want to oil him up and stuff him in … like a sausage?”
“It’s not a bad idea.” Darryl stands up a little taller. “Blubber can move … Look.” He grabs his belly and gives it a hard shake.
“What do you think?” Shy looks at me.
“Yeah, it’s worth a shot.”
“Anything’s better than being left behind,” Darryl says.
“What can we use?” Shy asks.
I start digging through my pack, looking for anything that might work, but Kit’s moved everything around. “Antibacterial gel?”
“That has alcohol in it,” Maria says. “It’s going to dry out his skin and burn if he gets scraped.”
“There’s this little packet of cortisone cream.” I hold it up so she can inspect it, but she ignores me and starts rifling through her pockets.
“What is it?” Shy asks.
“Lip gloss,” Maria says excitedly. “I have lip gloss.” She pulls out the tube and hands it to me.
I check it out. “In your dreams.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Darryl asks.
“That’s the name of the color.” I take off the top and swipe it against the back of my hand. It’s kind of a shimmery pink, but it seems slick enough. “This might work. Take off your shirt,” I say as I step toward him.
“No way, dude.”
I lower my voice. “I know it’s uncomfortable, but you’re going to have to—”
“No. It’s not that. It’s just … If anyone’s rubbing me down with pink lip gloss, it’s going to be my girl. No offense.”
“Believe me…” I crack a smile as I hand it over to Maria. “None taken.”
Darryl turns away from us to take off his shirt, and I can’t help but feel sorry for him. I have to admit, I totally discounted him when I first saw him, but he’s tough. I just want him to be comfortable in his own skin, because I don’t see a big guy anymore, I just see Darryl. And he’s really cool.
“Where should I put this?” Maria asks.
“Just focus on the midsection and the chest area,” I say.
“You can call them man boobs,” Darryl says. “Everyone else does.”
“You’re beautiful, just the way you are.” Maria stands on her tiptoes to give him a quick kiss.
As Maria gets to work, I inspect the crevice. Using the file in my Swiss Army knife, I chisel down any of the sharp edges that might cut into him.
“All gone,” Maria says, slipping the empty tube into her pocket.
I look back at him. The light from my headlamp falling over him makes him sparkle from the lip gloss.
Kit puts his hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh, but he can’t hold it. “You look like the long-lost trailer park Cullen sibling.”
“Ha. Ha. Very funny,” Darryl replies. He wants to be mad, but as he looks down he starts cracking up. “I kind of do.”
We’re all laughing, desperate for some levity, but it quickly dies out.
As I’m getting everyone lined up, Darryl lifts his eyes to the ceiling. “Please let this work.”
Kit goes through first, and then Shy. She has a little more trouble getting through than Kit, but once she arches her back, she slips right through. She’s a natural at this. Probably a natural at everything.
“Maria, you should go next.”
“No way, I’m staying with my Darryl.”
I pull her aside. “He’s going to need you on the other side. If he gets stuck, I’m going to need you to keep him calm. This could take awhile.”
She nods and then takes Darryl’s face in her hands. “You can do this. I’ll be with you the entire time.”
Darryl swallows so hard that I can hear it echo around us.
With one last look, Maria steps into the crevice. It takes her a couple of minutes to figure out how to twist her body along with the rock, but she makes it.
Darryl steps into position. He turns to me, anguish taking over his face. “Sorry you got stuck with this end.”
“It’s no big deal,” I assure him. “Just helping out a friend, that’s all.”
“We are friends, aren’t we?” he asks.
The sincerity—the vulnerability—catches me off guard. “Yeah … we are,” I reply.
He gives me a crooked smile. “This must be what it’s going to be like in the Marines. You should enlist with me. We’d have a blast.”
“Maybe so.” I place my hand on his shoulder, letting him know it’s time.
“Here goes everything,” he says as he releases a deep breath and leans into the crevice, pressing in as far as he can go.
A huge cheer resonates from the other side. “We can see his head!”
He calls back, “Don’t they say if you get your head through, the rest will follow?”
I’m pretty sure that only applies to rodents, but I don’t want to discourage him. “Yeah. You’re doing great.” I place my hand on his stomach to help him get in a good position, and he flinches.
“It’s okay. Just think of what I’m doing like a really intense massage.”
“A massage? Like I’ve ever had a massage. You’re funny, Grant.”
Darryl’s skin is ice cold. If he goes into shock, I wonder how long it would take for hypothermia to set in down here?
“Shy?” I call through the slit. “What should he do next?”
“He needs to twist his torso and get his left arm through. That will give him more leverage.”
“Okay, Darryl. You heard her.”
As he exhales, he twists his torso to the right, so he can make room for his left arm to squeeze forward. I help him, pushing his meaty shoulder through the gap. He’s grunting with the strain, and when he gets his arm through the gap, everyone starts cheering again.
“I did it.” He pants.
“Now what, Shy?”
“He needs to arch his back and push against the rock with both arms to pull himself through.”
“Piece of cake.” Darryl tries to laugh, but he can’t. He’s in there too tight. I really hope he doesn’t break any ribs.
“Let me know when you’re ready,” I tell him. “Same thing. Exhale, and then push with everything you’ve got.”
As soon as he gets control of his breath, he exhales and starts fighting—against the rock, against himself, against death.
I put all my weight behind him. I hear his skin scraping against the rock, but I can’t stop, I can’t let up. I can’t give up on him. With every inch won, the notion of us getting through this, surviving this cave, grows in me. And I can’t help thinking that if I can somehow save them, I might be able to save myself. With one last burst of strength, I push until I feel his body give way.
I hear a loud thump, followed by a joyous burst of nervous laughter.
“He’s clear,” Maria cries.
“Sorry for using up all your lip gloss,” Darryl says. “I know that was your favorite.”
“You’re my favorite,” Maria replies. I can hear her kiss him.
“Get a room,” Shy says.
“All right, V, you’re up,” Kit calls through the gap.
“V?” I ask.
“Isn’t that part of your name? The Roman numeral for five?”
“Yeah. I’ve just never had a nickname before.”
“Well, that’s just sad.
Now you do.”
It’s funny that something so simple like that can make me smile, especially in a place like this.
As I’m shoving my pack through, I hear something behind me. That wordless whisper, like someone’s on the verge of telling me the answer to everything. My heart’s pounding as I step toward the darkness, but there’s nothing there. I know this is probably my imagination, the dark getting to me, but it feels so real.
“What do you want?” I whisper, only to hear my words reverberate back to me. Something about it creeps me out even more. All I know is if there’s something down here, and if it’s as big as it seems, there’s no way it’s getting through that squeeze.
It takes everything I have to turn my back on it, but I can’t give in to the fear. I have people counting on me.
Easing into the crevice, I start working my body through, cocking my head, arching my back, trying to push my chest forward, but something’s not quite working. Instead of trying to force it, I stop and take a breath. There’s a certain rhythm to getting through a squeeze. I just have to find it.
I try to relax into it, breathe into the stone.
Inhale, gather strength.
Exhale, push.
I manage to get half of my left arm through, up to my elbow, before I’m stopped.
“Hey, you all right in there?” Shy asks.
I feel an embarrassed flush take over my face. I’m the one who’s supposed to be an expert at all this. So much for me trying to impress her. “I must’ve gone in at a bad angle. Let me back up and try again.”
But as I try to pull back, I soon realize I’m stuck. Dead stuck.
I let out a shaky breath.
“Everything okay, V?” Kit asks.
I try to shake it off, and go at it again, but I can’t budge.
“I don’t understand. I thought I did exactly what you guys did.” I grunt as I try to back out again. “I must’ve hit it wrong.”
Shy shines the light in the crevice, trying to see what the problem is.
She pulls.
I push.
With sweat running down my face, my breath shallow and weak, I do everything I can think of to pry myself loose, either way, but there’s no give. I only seem to be wedging myself in deeper.
I try to wet my lips but I only end up licking stone. The taste of wet earth fills my mouth, my throat, spreading through my body like an infection, until I feel like I’ve become one with the cave. That maybe I belong here. That I died a long time ago.
“Darkling I listen; and, for many a time
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call’d him soft name in many a musèd rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath,” I whisper.
I’m not sure how much time passes in this state, but it feels like days. I might have even blacked out for a while, because the next thing I know, Shy’s slapping my cheeks.
“Stay with me, Grant Franklin Tavish the fifth. Do you hear me? It’s time to wake up. We’re not letting you go. You have work to do.”
I focus in on her soft brown eyes, the hollows of her cheekbones, the determined shape of her mouth, and all I can think is she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Like an angel.
A wave of sound rushes through the tunnel up ahead. For a moment, I think it’s another collapse, but the stone isn’t trembling. The sound’s growing stronger and stronger by the second. Shy, Kit, Maria, and Darryl all turn, shining their flashlights toward the thundering din as a flood of bats sweeps through a connecting tunnel up ahead.
“Go,” I yell as forcefully as I can. “Follow them. That’s the way out. You have the supplies you need. I want you to go.”
But, instead, they switch off the flashlights again, even Kit.
“We’re not going anywhere,” Shy says, and they all gather around the opening, putting their hands on me. “We’re in this together.”
The gesture fills me with so much emotion I can hardly stand it—guilt, hope, fear. Tears are streaming down my face and I know this is a pivotal moment for me. If I don’t make it out of this squeeze, I’ll die down here. And, for the first time since the incident, I don’t want that to happen. I want to live.
“My shoulder,” I pant. “If you can pull it out of the socket, it might give me the inch I need to get through.”
“You want us to break your arm?” Shy asks.
“Just dislocate it. It’s happened before, playing lacrosse, so it should come out fairly easy. Maria … Maria can do it.”
Shy pulls her forward.
“He’s not thinking straight.” Maria peeks her head in the crevice. “I’ve only seen someone reset an arm before, and I’ve definitely never seen anyone pull one out on purpose.”
“First time for everything.” I smile up at her wearily.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Maria reaches in, prying her hand in as deep as she can get, gripping my elbow. She looks scared. “You know, this is going to hurt. And if I don’t do this right, I could tear all the ligaments and you won’t be able to—”
“Please.”
“Okay…” She licks her lips and looks back at Shy, who gives her a reassuring nod.
I grit my teeth, my breath coming out in short bursts through my nose, like a bull. The waiting for it, the anticipation—that seems to be the hardest part.
“I can’t do it.” She draws back.
“If you don’t do it, I’m going to die down here. Is that what you want?” I don’t mean to scream at her, but I’m at the end of my rope.
Without saying another word, Maria digs in, gives my arm a hard yank and then a twist.
I let out an agonized scream, but it’s exactly the give I need to get through. They pull me out and I fall to the ground, bashing my arm against the cold stone floor.
Maybe it’s the pain or the cold or the exhaustion, but it feels like this cave just gave birth to me. That I’ve somehow been given a second chance. How many chances can one person get? How many chances do I deserve?
Writhing on the floor, I’m relieved to be on the other side, but I know it’s not over yet.
“Hold him still,” Maria says as she crouches next to me.
I clench my eyes shut, trying to think of anything pleasant—Christmas morning, skiing down fresh powder on a black diamond, catching the perfect wave—but my mind wanders back to Shy. I hardly know her, but there’s something about her that makes me want to be a better person. The type of man who does the right thing.
“I’m going to pop it back in,” Maria says as she gets behind me, a firm grip on my elbow and my shoulder.
The pain’s gnawing away at my senses; my nerves are firing. The anticipation feels like waiting for an ax to fall.
“On the count of three. One. Two. Three—”
Maria heaves my arm up and in, forcing it back into the socket.
As I collapse on the ground, rocking back and forth, trying not to pass out, I know I have to tell Shy the truth. I have to tell all of them.
They deserve to know what kind of person they’re risking their lives for.
19
THE shock and adrenaline keep me going for a while, but I can feel my body shutting down. I look at Darryl, thinking he must be just as tired as I am, but he seems to be holding up. I still can’t believe he was able to get through easier than me. I’m just glad we all made it.
As soon as we reach a fairly dry spot, I clear my throat. “I think I need to rest for a while.”
Shy gives a nod and everyone stops.
She was right. I need to start saying how I feel. Being honest with myself and others. I’ll be no use to anyone if I fall and break my leg down here.
As we settle in a circle, Kit takes out the heat bag and they help me get in. I don’t even argue. I must have a fever, because my teeth are chattering so hard, I’m afraid they’ll break. Darryl gathers Maria in his arms, and Shy and Kit sit on either side of me.
“All we need is a fire,”
Darryl says as he pretends to warm his hands over a campfire, rubbing them together briskly. “And s’mores.”
“Hey, we have ice cream.” Kit perks up, digging through the bag. “We should celebrate.”
“Celebrate?” I ask.
“We saw the bats, which means we’re on the right track. I mean, yeah, it’s the only track, but whatever. I think we’re really close to getting out of here.”
Kit divides the square and passes the pieces around.
Maybe it’s just the sugar going straight to their brains, but they seem happy. Giddy almost. It’s hard not to get caught up in it, but when I think about the bats, I think about getting to the surface. And when that happens, they’re going to learn all about me. I can’t let them find out that way. I have to come clean about who I really am. What I did. Why I came down here in the first place. Maybe they’ll take the supplies and leave … decide I don’t deserve to make it out of here.
I have to take that chance.
Kit hands me a chunk of the ice cream that I suspect is a much bigger piece than anyone else got, but I shake my head.
“I’ll save yours for later,” he says as he puts it back in the package.
I can tell they’re all worried about me. And it almost makes it worse. The way they trusted me. Welcomed me. Saved me.
“How long do you think we’ve been down here?” Kit asks. “We should start a pool.”
“Gambling goes against your probation,” Shy says.
“Who’s going to tell?”
“Well, according to Darryl, we’re being monitored down here by the military … or aliens.” She starts laughing.
“Shut up, Shy.” Darryl tries not to smile. “Just watch. If it ends up being true, you’re going to be sorry.”
“I’m already sorry.” Shy pulls her knees into her chest, resting her chin on top. “I really hope we make it back in time for my trials on Monday. A bunch of scouts are going to be there from colleges … the Olympic committee. I’ve got a lot riding on this.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Darryl says. “I have an appointment at the recruitment center for my physical. Third time’s the charm. And Maria’s supposed to go down to VCCS this week.”
“Fingers crossed on that financial aid package,” she says.
“This is going to sound pathetic.” Kit leans back. “But I’m just looking forward to taco night.” Everyone starts cracking up. “I’m serious. Miss June goes all out. Sour cream and everything,” he says with that easy grin.
