Ewan turned on his brother and fisted his hands to keep from grabbing Eoin’s collar.
“Neither of us has ever forced a woman. That you would imply, let alone say, as much hurts.”
“You know I didn’t mean physical force. Ewan, she’s a kind lass and deserves better than anyone has offered her. I listened to her brothers and the others at the table. It’s worse than we assumed. They don’t intend to disparage her. They’ve so little regard for her, they don’t even realize how dismissive they are. I don’t think they realize how their words come across to an outsider.”
“I noticed the same. Alice and Mary weren’t casting glances at Allyson or gloating that they sat with me. It was as if they didn’t have a younger sister. The only one who doesn’t seem to belittle her is her sister Laurel. And I suspect that’s because she’s married with her own family, so she has no interest in Allyson at all.”
Ewan and Eoin watched Allyson dance with a clan elder, and the face they recognized from court reappeared as the old man said something that made her laugh. Ewan’s breath caught as he watched her face transform into a work of art. She’d been so disheartened since before she left Stirling that he’d almost forgotten how breathtaking she was when she truly smiled.
“She deserves to smile like that every day, Ewan. You’ll break her heart worse than her family if you marry her and stray.”
“But it’s not as though she loves me, or I love her. She has no emotions invested in this, so it won’t be betrayal. It won’t hurt more than her pride, and she’ll get past that soon enough.”
“I’m going to beat you,” Eoin hissed. “Not a betrayal? It doesn‘t matter whether you love each other. You’re going to stand before God and her and pledge to keep yourself only unto her, then turn around and bed any woman who takes your fancy. How is that not a betrayal? How can those words mean so little to you? She’s not our damn mother!”
“Keep your voice down before you attract attention,” Ewan snapped.
“Then keep your bluidy plaid down. I’m telling you right now, Ewan. If you don’t intend to make a real commitment to her, to have a marriage with honor and faithfulness, then step aside. I’ll marry her.”
Ewan spun on his brother and was prepared to swing when Allyson stepped beside him and placed her hand on his arm.
“I don’t know what you’re arguing about, but people are taking interest. They’re accustomed to fights now and then, but not between two men the size of the Cairngorms. What’s the matter?”
“Naught,” the twins replied together, and Allyson laughed. The sound eased the tension between the brothers, but Ewan still fumed. He had no reason to be so angry at Eoin, and a sennight night ago, he would have thanked his brother and washed his hands of Allyson. Now, he looked down at the young woman whose face showed concern, and he realized he couldn’t live with Allyson returning to Huntly as his brother’s bride. He couldn’t live in the same keep as her, watch her laugh and joke with Eoin, retire to her chamber and await his brother’s company. He couldn’t stomach the idea of watching her bear Eoin’s children when those bairns could be his. He shot his brother a glare, catching Eoin observing him. He nodded, and Eoin stepped away. The twins had come to an understanding.
Chapter Eighteen
The next two days passed in a blur for Allyson because she slept through most of them. The adventure finally took its toll, and her mind and body demanded time to recover after being fueled by fear and despair.
Ewan wasn’t so fortunate; the days were agonizing. He spent the mornings and early afternoons in the lists with Eoin and Kenneth. Laird Elliot’s strength and skill impressed him. He’d underestimated the older man, but his opinion changed when he landed on his backside in the mud after Kenneth’s sword clashed against his with so much force that the impact vibrated up his arm and made his teeth clack together.
However, the time away from the lists was unpleasant at best, and downright uncomfortable at worst. Mary cornered Ewan on his way to the tower his second day there and offered to scrub his back when he bathed.
“Lady Mary, your offer is gracious, but I must refuse. That is hardly appropriate since I am to marry your sister.”
“Neither you nor I believe that. Not that it’s inappropriate, nor that you’ll marry Allyson. Why would you after she ran away from you?”
“Because the king arranged the marriage, my lady.”
“That doesn’t mean you want to marry her, and it doesn’t mean you will. Besides, you’re not even betrothed yet. We can enjoy ourselves until then.” Mary reached for his chest, but Ewan grasped her wrist and stepped away.
“I don’t understand how you could offer such a thing when it’s your sister you’d betray.” The words he exchanged with Eoin the night before came back to him. Being propositioned by someone else, in particular Allyson’s sister, seemed like a betrayal, and of the worst kind. But he saw the hypocrisy in his refusal.
“You don’t want to marry her. It’s obvious to everyone that’s she naught but a weight around your neck.” Mary once more reached for him. “A weight I could soothe away.”
“Nay. You are under the wrong impression if you believe I don’t want to marry Allyson, and you are most certainly under the wrong impression if you think I will dally with one of her sisters.”
“Your reputation precedes you, Ewan. I’ve heard of your appetites, and my baby sister isn’t enough.”
Ewan jerked away and curled his lip in disgust as he glared at Mary. “That’s where you are mistaken. Your sister is everything I could hope for and more than I deserve.” Ewan turned away and slammed the door to the tower in Mary’s face. The overt proposition shocked him, so he’d said whatever he could think of to dissuade Allyson’s sister, but as he entered the tower chamber, he realized he’d spoken the truth about Allyson.
Ewan stripped off his filthy clothes and used the ewer and basin to wash before sitting on the end of the bed. He considered all that had happened since the day Allyson spotted Eoin and him leaving Lady Bevan’s chamber. He’d seen Allyson and Cairren and thought to tease them, to ease the discomfort of being caught. That Allyson saw him when he’d planned to ask her to dance that eve embarrassed him. He realized now what a cad that made him, wanting to dance with the young lady only hours after bedding an experienced woman. His thoughtless words had more effect on her than he expected, but once he’d apologized, he believed they’d put the matter to rest. He even assumed she overreacted to the taunts.
Then his world turned upside down. He and Eoin arrived at their chamber to find their father awaiting them with news that shook Ewan to his core. Before he said anything, his father was dragging him to the Privy Council chamber where the king and Laird Elliot leaned over a table reviewing a document. Ewan realized that document was his betrothal agreement. He tried to argue against it, but the king’s stare made him fall silent. Then hell broke loose when Allyson arrived and discovered why the king had summoned them both. His ego bore the brunt of her sharp tongue, and when she moved from one dance partner to another that night, he wanted to turn the tables on her. He hadn’t paid attention to any of the women he danced with, and while Eoin spent the night with a willing partner, he’d retired to their chamber alone, angry that Allyson had such an effect on him while he appeared to have none on her.
Guilt stabbed at him when they learned she’d run away, and Kenneth’s explanation of Mary’s past only made it worse, though he held little sympathy for the woman now. She’d moved on from her past torments and was a widow who intended to enjoy life, but she wouldn’t enjoy it with him. He’d been angry and frustrated with Kenneth and Allyson when he was certain they would catch her in Glasgow, but she slipped away. The irritation grew as they traveled through the rain for two days; however, discovering the hoofprints and the footprints that showed a struggle tipped his world again. Suddenly, Allyson’s words and deeds no longer cut so deep. He saw her for what she was: a scared young woman who felt powerless.
As Ewa
n glanced about the chamber Allyson’s mother intended for her, he realized he’d underestimated how dire Allyson perceived the situation was when she learned everyone expected her to marry him. She’d left a family that saw no value in her and made a place for herself at court only to have that torn away from her with the threat of returning to the same life she’d escaped, except Ewan would have imposed a different humiliation upon her. The type that came from being a rejected wife, and he realized that would be even worse than a rejected sister and daughter. She had no choice about her relatives, but she clung to her choice in husbands.
He and Eoin arrived early to the evening meal, and after asking the housekeeper about the family’s usual seating, he and his brother sat at the end, far from Allyson’s sisters. They left a seat between them, but it remained empty when Allyson didn’t appear. Ewan declined to dance, nursing a mug of ale instead.
* * *
Ewan awoke to an aching head and a churning belly. He had far too many mugs of ale to avoid having to speak to any of Allyson’s sisters, but he’d stopped before becoming intoxicated. He refused to tempt fate and succumb to Alice’s or Mary’s wiles. He’d dragged himself to the chamber tower while Eoin continued to flirt with a serving woman. He was relieved when Eoin returned to the chamber not long after him. They hadn’t been at Redheugh long enough for Eoin to be bedding any of the servants.
He walked toward the lists, but he was in no mood to swing his sword that morning, so he wandered to the kirk instead. He pushed the door open and slipped inside, making his way to a pew at the front. While Ewan and Eoin may have indulged in gluttony and lust, both men were devout in their faith. They were hardly paragons of abstinence and chastity, but he wanted to have faith that he was capable of practicing humility, patience, and kindness. All three virtues would benefit both Allyson and him. She deserved a healthy dose of kindness and remembering his arrogance before Allyson ran away made him ashamed. He needed to gain some humility if he were ever to lead his clan successfully; this seemed to be the moment he would learn it. He prayed that he and Allyson possessed enough patience for one another to work on their relationship.
Relationship? We don’t even have one. We were friendly before this began, but really little more than acquaintances. I may have come to realize a great deal about Allyson’s character and even come to appreciate it despite the mess she got herself into, but I doubt she’d be likely to say the same about me.
Heavenly Father, what would You have me do? I confess I have erred in thought, word, and deed countless times, but I heartily repent. I wish it hadn’t taken a forced betrothal and rescuing my bride-to-be from a mad man for me to realize how great my transgressions have been. You may forgive me, but will Allyson? Will she believe me and that my repentance is genuine?
I feel as though You’re asking me, Lord, why, or rather how, it can be genuine. Eoin is right. As usual. She doesn’t deserve duplicity and treachery from a husband. It’s taken seeing her family for me to realize I don’t want to be the type of man who can so disregard another person’s feelings and wellbeing. Lord, would my clan respect me if I did such? I don’t think so. They may have tolerated Father’s infidelity because of Mother’s chilling disposition, but they wouldn’t forgive me once they got to know Allyson. It would be as though I were double-crossing the entire clan and not just my wife. I may have spent the last several years sowing my oats, but I’ve always intended to be a good leader to my people once the time comes. How can I do that if I have no honor? The answer to that is simple. I can’t.
Lord God, guide me as You have all my life. Help me to see the path You would have me traverse. Continue to be my beacon when I search for a light to follow, and I pray You lead me to Allyson. But, Holy Father, if in the end, it’s not Your will for us to be together, I pray You provide Allyson with a mon who can treat her as she deserves, someone who can honor and even cherish her.
Ewan bowed his head after looking at the crucifix that hung from the wall while he prayed. He closed his eyes and recited the Lord’s prayer.
Our fadir that art in heuenes, halwid be thi name; thi kingdom cumme to; be thi wille don as in heuen and in earthe. Giv to vs this day our breed ouer other substaunce; and forgeue to vs oure dettis, as we forgeue to oure dettours; and leede us nat in to temptacioun, but delyuere vs fro yuel. Amen.
Ewan sat back on the pew and returned his gaze to the crucifix. He inhaled, filling his lungs with a cleansing breath. He experienced a sense of calm wash over him, the same that came over him whenever he was certain the Lord had heard him and sent the Holy Spirit to fill him with forgiveness. It was an experience that soothed his soul and reaffirmed his faith. He felt better equipped to face Allyson and resolved to change his view on marriage. He wanted to be a man who lived by honor and virtue, and he would demonstrate that to Allyson.
Chapter Nineteen
He had greater luck the next evening, when Allyson appeared after two days of seclusion. She looked rested and better able to endure her family. She wore a gown that didn’t fit her well, so Ewan realized it was one that still needed altering, but it complimented her fair coloring.
He met her at the bottom of the steps and glanced about to check that no one noticed as he guided her down a passageway he’d discovered led to the gardens but wasn’t often used. When they entered the shadows, he stopped them. She tempted him to press her against the wall and swoop in for a kiss, but he didn’t want to frighten her. After four years at court, he doubted he was the first man to want to steal a kiss from her, but that only seemed to make taking her by surprise even worse. When coupled with what she must have witnessed at Chillingham, Ewan didn’t want to terrify her.
“Lass, you look vera bonnie this evening,” he murmured as he turned to face her. A torch further down the passageway offered enough light for them to see one another.
“Bonnie?” Ewan noted that she sounded disappointed with the word.
“Aye, vera pretty.”
“Thank you,” Allyson whispered, but while she was polite, she still sounded unhappy.
“Lass, what is it? Do you not want me to compliment your appearance?”
“No, I’d just hoped—” Allyson trailed off and leaned back against the wall.
“Hoped what, Ally? What’s troubling you?”
“It’s naught, Ewan. We should go before anyone mentions we’re missing. You don’t need my clan to force you to the kirk because we get caught alone.”
“It is something, and I’m not opposed to someone finding us.”
Allyson shook her head and looked back toward the Great Hall. She whispered, “Don’t.”
“Ally, what is it? I don’t understand what’s the matter, but I want to.”
“Ewan, don’t do this. Don’t pretend that any of this matters.”
“Who said I’m pretending?” Ewan refused to wait any longer. Whatever bothered Allyson made her question his sincerity. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against his larger frame. His other hand cupped her jaw as he lowered his mouth to hers. The contact snapped his control. He inched her back against the wall as his tongue dove into her mouth. He kept the pressure light, but he was insistent. He wanted to taste her and touch her until she melted against him as she had in the garden. His hand slid along her neck until his fingers trailed over her collarbone to her breast. He groaned as his palm encompassed the supple mound. He kneaded the flesh as Allyson’s tongue flicked his, luring it back into her mouth. Her hands tangled in his hair as he stooped to kiss the exposed skin above the neckline of her gown. The kirtle hung loose enough for him to push the material lower until he could lick the swell of her breast. Ewan fought to regain his self-restraint and pulled away but not before he squeezed her breast once more.
“Why—why’d you do that?” Allyson panted.
“Because I thought I wouldn’t survive without it,” Ewan confessed. “Because I’ve missed you the last two days and worried about you. Because you’re so damn bonnie that I can’t help
myself.”
“Bonnie? Just bonnie. Ewan, go find Mary or Alice.” Allyson tried to push away, but Ewan’s hands shackled her to the wall as he pinned them at her sides.
“Why the hell would I want to find either of them when I nearly spilled myself kissing you?” he demanded.
“Because they’re the beautiful ones. They’re the ones every man wants.”
“You’re beautiful, too, Ally. And not every man wants them. They’re your sisters, but I can barely tolerate them.”
“No one said you had to tolerate them to look at them. And what Mary will do for you, to you, doesn’t involve her personality.”
Ewan dropped Allyson’s arms and lurched backward like she burned him.
“I do not want Mary, and I do not want Alice. I don’t want them in my bed, and I don’t want to be in them.” Ewan snapped. “They aren’t the ones I’ve kissed and been yearning to kiss.”
“Yearning?” The disbelief in Allyson’s voice tore through Ewan’s annoyance. He reminded himself that she wasn’t being awkward on purpose. Allyson was beautiful, but so were her three sisters, and she’d grown up cast in their shadows. She was aware Mary and Alice were solicitous to him, and she assumed, with his past, that he wouldn’t hesitate to accept the offers.
“Ally, we don’t have time for me to explain everything, but I will. Meet me tonight in the garden, please. But for now, rest assured I will never touch either of your sisters. Ever. Will you?”
Allyson nodded but couldn’t force the words out without bursting into tears. She was unprepared for Ewan’s embrace. Where the last one had been arousing, this one was comforting. He kissed the crown of her head as she wrapped her arms around his waist.
“I don’t understand any of this,” she murmured.
“I know, little one. I’ll make sure you do if you’ll meet me.”
“Aye, I’ll meet you.”
A Rogue at the Highland Court: An Arranged Marriage Highlander Romance Page 13
