“I’d love to see some of your stuff,” he says, finally picking his head up. “No one knows this yet, because we’ve gone to great lengths to keep it a secret, but the band is setting up our own label. We’re out of contract next year, and we want to have full control over our careers. None of us are getting any younger, and we’re fed up spending so much time on the road, so we came up with the idea, and Rod has helped us set it up. We’ve signed a couple of upcoming bands, and we’ll be signing more. We’re definitely going to need songwriters, so maybe there’s a way you could work with our label in the future?”
“Are you serious?” I slam to a halt, my heart doing somersaults in my chest.
“As a heart attack,” he quips, and I slap his arm.
“Don’t joke about shit like that.”
He snakes his arm around my shoulder when I shiver, and I siphon some of his body warmth as we keep walking, nearing the entry path to his house. “You’re talented, Zeta, and I hate to see talent go to waste.” He grins at me, and my knees turn to Jell-O as I get ensnared in his hypnotic gaze. “I think this opportunity just got a whole lot more interesting for both of us.”
CHAPTER 26
Ryder
“Man, that’s hot,” Gar says, coming up alongside me as I watch Zeta, through the window, practicing her yoga moves down on the beach. “Bet all that flexibility makes for some interesting times in the bedroom.” He smirks.
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Get the fuck out.” His brows climb to his hairline. “You’re still not doing the funky monkey with her?”
“Dude, are you, like, five?” I roll my eyes.
“I didn’t think you’d like it if I asked why you weren’t banging her fucking brains out. You’re the one who asked me to be more respectful.”
I slap him on the back. “You’ve reined it in, and I appreciate that, and to answer your question, no, we’re still stuck firmly in the friend zone, and I’ve the blue balls to show for it.”
Zeta’s been here two weeks, and it’s as if she’s never been out of my life. We’ve settled into a nice routine, and I’m happier than I’ve been in years. I haven’t had one single anxiety attack, flashback, or nightmare since we relocated to the Hamptons, and apart from a couple of beers each night, I haven’t had to rely on alcohol or drugs either.
I watch Zeta and Linda, Scott’s wife, roll up their mats with a big smile on my face. They’re laughing and chatting as they make their way back to the house. They’ve struck up a good friendship, and I love seeing Zeta looking so carefree.
Some mornings, she joins me for a run on the beach, and on other occasions, she does yoga with her new bestie. Then we all eat breakfast together before we head to the studio to work. Linda usually lounges by the pool with the baby, and she has dinner on the table when we finally make our way out of the studio each evening.
Nights are filled with watching movies, jamming casually with the guys, or just laughing and joking around. We haven’t stepped foot off the property, and I love it. It’s like we’re in our own little cocoon, and if I had my way, I’d stay here for eternity.
“With all the PDAs going on, I was sure you’d taken things to the next level,” Gar says, following me away from the window as I make my way into the kitchen.
We are touchy-feely, but it’s purely PG-rated, consisting mainly of hand-holding and hugging, and she lets me spoon her while we lie on the couch in the movie room sometimes. I cherish every touch, every look, and every opportunity she gives me to get close, but I don’t want to push the boundaries until she tells me she’s ready.
“She needs time, man,” I tell him, switching the Keurig on. “I hurt her pretty badly, and she’s lots of stuff to work through.”
He leans his elbows on the island unit, looking thoughtful, which is a scary concept for Gar. “The way she looks at you, man.” A strange expression crosses his face. “She loves you. Like really loves you.”
My heart soars at his words. “I love her so fucking much, Gar, and she makes everything better. Having her here is … more than I ever dared dream.”
“I’m pleased for you, dude. You deserve it. You’ve spent a long time being unhappy, and I know she’s the reason you’ve got this big kickass smile on your face every day and why you’re knocking out some fan-fucking-tastic lyrics. She’s good for you, and I hope it works out.”
“Well, fuck me,” Scott exclaims, stepping into the kitchen with his little son in his arms, overhearing the tail end of our conversation. “Was legendary manwhore Garrett Jones really saying that, or have I walked into an alternate universe?”
“Screw you, man.” Gar flips him the bird. “I’m all for monogamy if you find the right girl, and someday, I hope to find someone who looks at me the way Zeta looks at this punk.” He jabs his finger in my direction.
Scott grins, sliding onto a stool and sitting little Mattie up on the counter. I tweak the cute little kid’s nose, and he gurgles and chuckles right on cue.
“Things seem to be going well with you and Zeta,” Scott says, smiling. “I’m pleased for you. She’s a great girl, and Linda’s really fond of her.”
“We’re still just friends, but I’m hoping it’ll be more. I’m just not sure how to move things to the next level when she’s asked me to give her space.”
“You gotta woo her, man.” Scott tickles his son as he talks, and Mattie wriggles and chuckles.
“Talk about alternate realm,” Gar mumbles. “What fucking century did you come from?”
Scott grins. “We can learn a lot from our forefathers about the way to win a woman’s heart.”
“What do you suggest?” I ask, sipping my coffee. Gar subtly leans forward, pretending like he’s not invested in his answer.
“Do stuff for her that she likes. Little things that show you understand her and that you care.”
“Like what?” I scratch the back of my head, frowning.
“Bring her breakfast in bed, or give her feet or shoulders a rub at the end of the day, run her a bath.” He shrugs, continuing to tickle his son as the sound of chatter and approaching footfall reaches our ears. “Women love little gestures like that.” He winks at me, lifting his son up into his arms. “You’ve been writing love songs for that woman for years, so I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
I’m still thinking about Scott’s words of wisdom later on when we’re in the studio, trying to come up with ideas that will prove to Zeta how much I care. Gar and I have been messing about with some melodies while Scott has gone to check on Linda, and Zeta’s been interviewing Micah for the biography she’s writing. My cell rings just as Zeta and Micah walk into the room, and my heart flips cartwheels as my eyes lock on her pretty brown ones. The smile she gives me almost knocks me off my feet, and I’m in such a trance that it’s up to Gar to answer my phone.
“Yeah, hang on. I’ll put him on now.” The smile drops off my face as I spot Gar’s worried expression. He holds the phone out to me. “It’s Lucas’s sister.”
My belly does another flip, but it’s not pleasant this time. My heart is lodged in the back of my throat as I take the phone, forcing my vocal cords to work. “What’s wrong?” I croak, my mouth as dry as the Gobi Desert.
“He’s tried it again,” she sobs, and a piercing pain spears me straight through the heart.
“Fuck, no. Is he … is he?” I can’t articulate the thought. A dead weight settles on my chest, pressing and constricting, as my heart starts pumping like crazy.
Zeta drops to her knees in front of me, clutching my free hand with tears in her eyes.
“He’s alive,” Kat manages to say through her cries. “But they’ve had to section him again.”
Blood thrums in my ears, and my heartbeat accelerates, my heart pounding and pounding behind my rib cage, like someone’s turning a key, propelling it to beat faster and faster. “I’ll b
e there as soon as I can,” I say before hanging up.
My chest heaves and I can’t breathe. Pulling my hand from Zeta’s, I get up, staggering as my legs threaten to go out from under me. The room spins, and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, pounding and pounding, crashing and careening, and my lungs seize up. I’m gasping loudly, arms flailing, eyes darting wildly about the place.
Micah grabs hold of my shoulders. “Deep breaths, man. In and out. Nice and slow. Bring it back down.” He breathes with me, and I watch his chest rising and falling, steadying my own breaths, allowing a rush of oxygen to fill up my lungs.
“Put your hands on your knees,” Gar says, rubbing his hand up and down my spine as I bend over, still breathing heavily, waiting for the intense fluttering in my chest to level off.
“I’m okay now.” I straighten up, a couple minutes later, accepting the glass of water from Scott and taking a few sips. My eyes search for Zeta, and she’s crying, holding her arms around her waist as she stares at me. “He’s okay,” I reassure her, realizing she’s no clue what’s gone down.
Standing, she comes toward me, throwing her arms around my neck, and I pull her body into mine, closing my eyes and letting the last vestiges of my panic attack go. Her warmth and her smell wrap around me, settling my nerves, reminding me I’m not alone.
“Not that I’m not concerned for Luc, but it’s you I’m worried about,” she sobs, clutching me even tighter. The guys slip out of the room to give us some privacy. She leans back, cupping my face. “Does that happen a lot?”
I grip her waist, keeping her flush against me. “Certain things push me over the edge, but I haven’t had an anxiety attack in months.” She peppers my face with soft, tiny kisses, and tears fill my eyes. “Don’t ever leave me, Zeta. Please don’t ever go.” I’m aware how pitiful I sound, but I couldn’t give two shits right now.
I need her.
I need her so much, and if that makes me a pussy, so be it.
She presses a brief, tender kiss to my lips, before resting her forehead against mine. “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away from you now. I love you, Ryder, and I’m here for you.” She circles her arms around my neck again, nuzzling into my cheek.
“I can’t ever be without you, and I love you so, so much.” I press a kiss to the top of her hair, finally back to normal. Slipping out of our embrace, I take her hand and lead her over to the couch. Sinking into it, I haul her into my lap. She curls herself around me, resting her head on my chest. “When’s the last time you spoke to Luc?” I’m pretty sure I know when it was, but I don’t know if he’s reached out to her since the accident because I’ve deliberately taken a back seat in Luc’s life the last couple years.
“I haven’t spoken to him in five years,” she admits, and I hear remorse in her tone.
I lift her head up. “I’ve a lot to fill you in on, but I need to go see him. Would you like to come with?”
She nods without hesitation. “I only kept my distance from him because I knew he was working with you. I didn’t want him to feel like he was stuck in the middle of us, so I stopped answering his calls, and eventually, he gave up trying.”
I tuck her hair behind her ears. “He’s in a bad way, baby. He tried to take his own life, and it’s not the first time.”
“No! Oh, God, no.” Tears spill down her cheeks again, and I’m struggling to contain my own emotions too.
“He’s not going to be the Luc you knew and loved. You sure you’re up for that?”
She swipes at the moisture under her eyes. “I’m not leaving you to deal with this alone, and I feel terrible that I cut him out of my life. I’m a horrible friend.”
“No blame game, remember?” I rub my thumb under her eyes. “Let’s be there for him now.”
The guys had called Rod while we were talking, and he’s already organized the private jet. Mike drives us to East Hampton Airport, and we board the plane, settling in for the long flight.
My stomach sours when I realize Sarah is our attendant for the duration of the flight. I stupidly fucked her the last time she flew with us, and judging by the not-too-subtle eye-fuck she’s just given me, I’m guessing she figures she’s in for a repeat performance. I was high as a fucking kite the last time we screwed, and I barely even remember it. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching since Zeta came back into my life, and I’ve made some really shitty decisions since I entered the music industry, especially where it concerns women.
“Sit here,” I tell Zeta, taking her hand and positioning her beside me. I drape my arm over her shoulder and whisper in her ear. “I need you close.”
“Because you want me close or you want to send a message to your fuck buddy that you’re not interested this time?” Her tone is curt, and I detect the hurt hiding behind it.
I tilt her face to mine. “I love you. Only you, and I want you close. Always.” I keep my eyes on hers as I lower my mouth, brushing my lips softly across hers as I test the waters. I haven’t tried to kiss her again since that first day when we made out on the terrace, because I’m trying to respect her wishes. But fuck it. I want to reassure her. And it can’t hurt to drill the message home to Sarah either—I’m off the market. Permanently, if I get my way.
When she doesn’t push me away, and her eyes flutter shut, I kiss her more deeply, winding my hand around the back of her neck, drawing her closer. Every part of me craves every part of her, and I wish we were alone so I could worship her body in the way she deserves.
“We’re about to take off,” Sarah barks in my ear. “And the pilot has asked that everyone buckle up.” I pull away from Zeta, noting the hostile vibes Sarah’s sending her way.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Mike laughing, but there’s nothing funny about this situation. Eight hours is a long-ass fucking time to be stuck with a moody broad with her nose out of joint.
We buckle our seats as Sarah stomps to the back of the small plane, strapping herself into her seat. “I’m sorry about this,” I whisper to Zeta, rubbing a tense spot between my brows.
“If she so much as lifts a finger to touch you, I will rip the bitch a new one,” she hisses, lacing her fingers in mine.
I can’t help grinning at her possessive reaction, and my dick approves too, hardening to the point of pain. Taking her hand, I place it lightly over my crotch. “Look what you’ve just done to me.” Her lips curve into a small smile. “No one gets to touch me but you.” Her shoulders relax a little as she looks out the window, watching the plane start to move down the runway.
Once we’re up in the air, Sarah hands me a whiskey, her thumb deliberately brushing against the back of my hand as she gives it to me. I shove it back at her, drilling her with a dark look. “I didn’t order that.”
“It’s what you usually have.” She flutters her eyelashes, wetting her lips with her tongue. “And we have everything you normally order on the menu today.” She’s about as subtle as a brick.
Zeta laughs dryly, and the look Sarah gives her is almost comical. “Are you seriously hitting on him with me sitting right here?” Zeta narrows her eyes and sharpens her claws. “Because trust me, that won’t end well for you.”
I pull Zeta into my side, glaring at Sarah. “I’ve made quite a few changes in my life,” I tell her pointedly. “I’ll have a soda, and my girlfriend would like a sparkling water.” Okay, so I’m stretching the truth a little, but Zeta is going to be my girlfriend again, and she doesn’t look displeased that I’ve put it out there.
“She’s your girlfriend?” Sarah rakes her gaze up and down Zeta, zooming in on the ink on her arms, her lips pursing in disgust, and all it does is annoy the fuck out of me. “We’d like our drinks now!” I snap, and she jumps, clamping a hand to her chest.
Wearing a frustrated look, she storms off. Mike chuckles, and I flip him the bird. “Your choice in women leaves a lot to be desired, Ryder,” Zeta deadpans, scowling a
nd digging her nails into her thigh.
“Tell me about it,” I sigh, fearing this eight-hour flight is going to feel more like eighty years.
“Can we forget about the bitch and talk about Luc.” She twists around to face me, easing out of my arm.
“Sure.” I wipe my sweaty hands down the front of my jeans, attempting to steady my nerves, because this story is not going to be easy to tell. “After Young was released from juvie, he went to live with his sister, her husband, and their two kids, but he couldn’t find work, none of his old friends wanted anything to do with him, and he was depressed. His sister reached out to me, and I got him a position with the crew on my tour. It was our first tour as the headline act, and things were pretty crazy.” I lean my head back, sighing. “I should never have brought him into that lifestyle.”
She squeezes my hand. “What happened?”
“We partied hard, and Luc enjoyed all the perks of the job. Drink, drugs, women. He was right there by my side. I loved having him around because it made me feel closer to you, and he was always like the brother I’d never had. But I was fighting my own demons, and I didn’t see what was in front of my eyes.”
Sarah returns at that moment with our drinks. When she’s handing the glass of water to Zeta, she purposely lets it slip from her fingers, and the contents spill all over Zeta’s jeans and shirt. Zeta eyeballs her with barely concealed anger as she pulls at her sodden clothes. “You’re pathetic. I’d expect this kind of behavior from a sulky teenager, not a grown woman. Can’t you at least try to act professional?”
Sarah pouts, and I stand. “I want a word in private.” I point toward the back of the plane before turning to Zeta. “There’s a bedroom up there you can use if you want to get changed.”
She nods, getting up wordlessly, her jaw tense and her expression ferocious. I pull her small overnight bag out of the overhead cabinet and hand it to her before walking to where Sarah is waiting.
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