CHAPTER 41
Ryder
I blink rapidly as I stare at my wife. My eyes lower to her belly, and I notice the tiny little bump there. At least now I know why she’s positively glowing and why I haven’t been able to keep my eyes or hands off her since I exited that plane.
“Say something.”
I jerk my head up at the hesitation in her voice. “My baby’s really growing inside you?” I ask, my tone incredulous, as my hands slide over her belly. “This is really happening?”
“Yes,” she whispers. “Are you happy?” I hear the uncertainty again, and I snap out of my head. I never want to cause my wife another moment’s pain, and I’m already fucking this up.
I pull her into my lap, circling my arms around her waist. “I’m deliriously happy. How could I not be? A little piece of you and a little piece of me is growing inside you.” I kiss her lips tenderly. “Wanting a family with you has been my dream for so long, but I’m a little scared too. What the hell do I know about being a dad?”
“About as much as I know about being a mom,” she admits. “But I believe that makes us ideal parent material because we know exactly how not to be.” Her hands drift to her belly, and she smiles. “You are going to be the most loved little baby on the planet,” she croons, and fuck, if that doesn’t shoot my emotions into overdrive.
“Damn fucking straight.” I rest my hands over hers, and her smile is blinding when she lifts her head to look at me. “I love you, Mrs. Stone, and you’ve made me unbelievably happy.”
Pushing me down on the bed, she straddles me with a naughty look in her eye. “Well, today’s your lucky day, Rock Star,” she says, popping the button on my jeans. “Because I’m about to make you even happier.”
We tear our clothes off in record time, and I’m pushing inside her warm heat a minute later, reveling in the feel and touch of our bodies as we rock against one another. It feels like I’ve waited a lifetime to make love to my wife again, and while I want to take it slow, my greedy cock has other ideas. “I’m not hurting you or the baby, am I?” I yank her legs up over my shoulders, tilting her hips up and jerking my cock all the way up inside her as I feverishly fuck her, thrusting in and out, my orgasm already building.
“Not possible,” she pants. “I asked my Ob-gyn, and she said sex as normal was fine. You’re good, baby. Fuck me hard.”
And who am I to deny my wife anything?
We spend hours alternating between making love and talking, and having my wife back in my arms seems almost too good to be true. “I think we should move back to the penthouse,” I say after we’ve been discussing our plans. “It’s safer and less isolated in the winter. You’ll be close to the magazine, and I need to be in the city for the promotion of the new album and getting our label up and running.” The guys put everything on hold for me, and I can’t ask them to wait any longer.
“I love it here, and I hate the thoughts of going back to the city, but you’re right, it makes the most sense. But can we move in January as I’d really like to do Christmas here?”
“Me too.” I nuzzle my nose into her neck. “I was thinking you could ask Jill, Liam, and the kids, and maybe Luc could invite Kat and her family, if they want to come and celebrate Christmas with us? And maybe the guys and Kayla and Gage could come out a few days later, and we could have that wedding party we didn’t get around to?”
She twists around in my arms, grinning. “I would love that. We could make it a joint wedding party and baby shower?”
I tweak her nose, my eyes fliting to her little baby bump again. “Have I told you how much I love you?” I murmur, raking my lips up and down her neck.
“You might have mentioned that one time or twenty.” She teases, twisting around to kiss my lips. “But you could tell me a thousand times, and it’d never grow old.”
“I plan on telling you gazillions of times because the way I feel about you will never grow old.”
Christmas and New Year’s comes and goes, and soon we’re all packed up and moved to the city. I know Zeta’s not a big fan of my penthouse, and I suspect I know the reason why, so I’ve hired a realtor to find us someplace new. “You don’t have to do that, Rock Star,” she tells me, handing me a plate with eggs and bacon on it. Maggie only comes in every second morning now because Zeta likes to do most of the cooking herself and she still has an issue with anyone picking up after her. “I know you’ve got a lot to do with the album and label release. We can house hunt after the baby arrives.”
Getting up, I wrap my arms around her from behind, rubbing my hands over her noticeable bump. She’s eighteen weeks along now, and the world knows I’m due to become a father.
Of course, that unleashed another round of debate with many claiming I’m unfit to be a father, but I invoked my new strategies to avoid reading anything that could set me back. My weekly therapy sessions are helping keep me on track, but there are certain things that I’m careful to avoid in case they trigger a relapse.
My father is one.
Ren Winters is another.
I’m still on edge because I know he’s out there somewhere, plotting his revenge, and now I’ve a wife and child to protect.
Zeta never complains.
Not when I smother her with my overprotectiveness. Three bodyguards go with her everywhere, and I’ve had locator chips installed on all her technical devices and the brand-new bulletproof SUV I bought her for Christmas. I’m taking no chances when it comes to that asshole.
“It’s not any trouble, babe.” I brush her hair to one side, kissing her shoulder. She shivers, and I smile into her skin, loving how responsive her body is to my touch. “I want you to be happy, and I know you’re uncomfortable in my bachelor pad.”
She spins around in my arms. “I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel like that. It’s fine.”
I drill her a look, as her cell pings on the counter behind her. “Babe. Honesty, remember?”
She grabs her cell, sighing. “I know it’s only a house and I’m being silly, but sometimes, the thought of all the parties and girls gets to me. I hate sleeping in our bed imagining all the things you’ve done with other women in it.”
I tuck her hair behind her ears. “And that’s why we need to move. I don’t ever want you feeling like that. That’s another lifetime and a different me. You’re the only woman who’s ever captured my heart. The only woman who’s ever known the real me.”
“I know, babe.” She frowns as she reads her new text.
“What’s wrong?” I tip her chin up with one finger, forcing her to look at me. She bites the inside of her cheek in an obvious tell, and I can almost hear her brain churning. “Just tell me.”
“I’ve wanted to mention it, but you didn’t bring him up, and I don’t want to upset you.”
My shoulders instantly stiffen, understanding who she’s referring to. “You’re texting with Noel?” I have trouble referring to him as my dad.
“I kept him updated when you were in the treatment center. I didn’t want to keep that from you, but your therapist feared talking about him might set you back. He told me to wait until you brought it up, but you never mention him, so I wasn’t sure what to do.”
“I don’t mention him because that’s still the one thing I’m really struggling with,” I admit, because I owe her this honesty. We spoke a little about this during our family therapy sessions at the center, but I haven’t discussed it since I came home for a reason.
It hurts too much to think about it.
Taking her plate, I pull her over to the table, helping her into a chair and putting a fork in her hand. “You need to eat, babe.” I kiss the top of her head and take a seat across from her. We’re both quiet for a few minutes. “What kind of a man fathers kids with two different women, women who were friends, and then abandons them both?” I ask, shaking my head.
“It wasn’t like
that. He’s spoken to me about it.”
“You’ve talked with him?” I can’t hide my surprise.
She nods, slowly chewing as she contemplates how to tell me this. “Luc and I went to see him in Boston. It was after I’d spoken to your therapist. Noel was calling me almost daily, and I just needed to know the full picture before I could trust him with details of your recovery.”
My fork clangs to the table. “You’ve been to his house? Did you meet his wife and—” I’m unable to say it, because it’s all tied to my guilt. My half-brothers are innocent, and in shutting Noel out, I’m shutting them out too, and that doesn’t sit right with me. But I don’t know how to have a relationship with them if I don’t have one with our father. And do they even want one with me assuming they know what happened with Cory?
“I’ve met Clare and your brothers.” She offers me a shaky smile. “They look like you too. Wilder is fifteen, and he—” She stops, obviously noticing my expression. “I don’t have to tell you if you’d rather not know.”
“I’d like to know,” I whisper.
She reaches across the table and my hand meets hers half way. We link fingers and that small contact, that skin to skin touch, reminds me I’m not alone in this anymore. “Wilder reminds me of you so much. Not just physically, but he’s crazy about music and computers, and he plays the guitar and writes songs. He’s a typical teenager though,” she laughs. “I swear he pouts better than any girl I’ve ever met. Wes is a little sweetheart. He’s twelve, and he adores his big brother. He’s also very excited to meet you. He plays football and basketball, and he’s a really happy well-rounded kid. Clare was very warm and welcoming, and she was concerned about you.”
Her smile fades when she spots the pain in my eyes. She comes and sits beside me, squeezing both my hands. “Are you mad at me for not telling you? Because, I swear, I wanted to, but the center advised me not to pressure you to talk about anything, to take your lead, and to try and get things back to normal. I swear I’m not keeping anything else from you, and I was just trying—”
I shut her down with a kiss, reeling her into my arms and pouring all my emotions into our lip-lock. “Babe. I’m not mad at you. Not at all. No one has done more for me than you, and I could live a thousand lifetimes and never get to thank you enough.” I clasp her beautiful face in my hands. “You’re my rock, Zeta. You’ve kept everything going in my absence. My fans adore you. The band adores you. Luc adores you.” I rub a hand across her belly. “Our baby adores you. I adore you. So, no, I’m not mad at you. I’m just feeling … conflicted. I want to meet my brothers, but Noel …”
“Hang on a sec,” she says, getting up. “I have something that might help.”
She leaves the room, returning a few minutes later with something clutched in her hands. Reclaiming her seat, she hands the items to me. “They are from your brothers. They asked me to give them to you.”
I swallow over the lump in my throat as I open the handmade card from Wes, tearing up at his childish handwriting and the innocent sentiment behind his words. I look up at Zeta as I open the second page. “Wilder wrote you a song,” she softly explains, and tears roll down my face as I read over it.
“It’s good. Kid’s got talent,” I rasp, my lips breaking into a smile.
“It’s in his DNA.” She caresses my face. “I could facilitate a meeting with them if you want. You don’t have to meet Noel. I can explain, and he’ll understand. I think he’s a good man, Ryder. He just wants to get to know you, and he understands it might take time, but I think it would be a mistake shutting him out of your life permanently.”
“Why does he want to know me? How can he forgive me for the things I’ve done?” That’s the crux of the issue for me. “How can I face him knowing I played a part in Cory’s death?”
“I don’t have all the answers, Ryder. You need to ask him that yourself. All I can tell you is he has accepted it, and he has forgiven you. I get a sense he blames himself too. For not being there for either of you.”
“Tell me what he told you. About Cory’s mom.”
She swivels in her chair until she’s facing me. “Are you sure you’re up to hearing it?” I nod, and she pecks my lips. “I love you, Rock Star.”
I kiss her back. “I love you too.”
Drawing a large breath, she starts to explain. “He told me that after he joined the army, he struggled to forget your mom even after everything she’d done to him. I think he really loved her at one time.”
She looks sad, and I kiss her forehead. Even after everything she’s seen and been through in her life, my wife is a firm believer in true love, and it saddens her that not everyone gets their happy ever after like us.
“Anyway,” she continues, “it had been over five years since he’d seen her, but she still occupied his thoughts, so he decided to pay her a visit. He’d just come off a particularly difficult mission, seen a lot of horrific things, and he wasn’t in a good place. Your mom wasn’t at home, but Monica spotted him leaving the house and cornered him. The gist of it was he was vulnerable and she was manipulative. They ended up having sex, and he walked away more disgusted with himself.”
“It seems I’m not the only one prone to moments of absolute stupidity,” I admit.
“It’s fucked up all right. Like history repeating itself. Monica wrote to him via the army, but he was overseas on a tour, and he only received her letter when he returned. She told him she’d had a baby boy and she needed help. He called her and arranged for her to come up to Boston. Once he confirmed that Cory was his, he set her up in an apartment and looked after them. He wasn’t with her, as he’d already met Clare by then, but he told her he’d support them both until Cory was eighteen.”
“That’s where they disappeared to,” I say, remembering the period when Cory was gone.
She nods. “Noel had to go away for a few weeks, and when he returned, Monica was gone. He guessed she’d returned to the old neighborhood, and he was disgusted to find she’d returned to her old lifestyle. He was in the process of seeking full custody of Cory when he … when he died,” she quietly adds.
“Fuck.” I rest my head on her shoulder, and she runs her fingers through my hair. Pain slices through me as I think about how close Cory came to getting out of there. To having a normal life.
“Noel now thinks Monica lied to your mom about who Cory’s father was and that she only handed over his contact details while you were on trial to stick the knife in further.”
“What a bitch.”
“Yep. Although, it’s possible that Brenda hadn’t told Monica the truth about your father either and it all only came out later.” Zeta shrugs, smoothing a hand up and down my back, and we don’t talk for ages.
When I lift my head, her face is bursting with concern. I kiss her cheek. “I’m okay. I mean, I don’t know what to do about Noel or my brothers, but I suppose it helps that he didn’t deliberately abandon Cory either.”
“He didn’t willingly abandon either of you, and I know enough about him to believe he would’ve taken both of you out of that situation if he’d been aware in time.”
“That does change things, but I still can’t believe he can find it in his heart to forgive me enough to want to have a relationship with me. I’m ashamed, and I don’t know if I can face him, face any of them.”
“You don’t need to make a decision on it now. Think about it. Let me know if you want to talk more about it or discuss it with your therapist. No one is rushing you. They will still be there waiting, whether it’s one month or one year from now.” She cradles my face in her hands. “And I’ll be with you, every step of the way, supporting your decision, no matter what you decide.”
CHAPTER 42
Zeta
“Are you nervous?” I ask Ryder, turning around and sweeping my hair up into a messy pile on top of my head.
“Fucking terrified,”
he admits, pulling the zipper up on my maternity dress. He plants a soft kiss to the nape of my neck, and I tingle all over.
I spin around, draping my hands on his shoulders as my hair tumbles down my back. I move as close as I can get before landing one on him. I’m twenty-eight weeks pregnant now, and my belly’s ginormous. But I can’t complain because this pregnancy has been a dream. And Ryder’s joy every step of the way has only made me love him even more. He hasn’t missed a single appointment, and he treats me like a princess. My heightened sex drive and bigger boobs have only added to his enthusiasm, and our sex life is off the charts. We still can’t get enough of one another, and I love it. I hope the fire that burns bright between us never fades.
“Your fans are going to love it, and I know you’ll be amazing.” This is Ryder’s first time on stage since the VMAs, and after the last eight months we’ve had, he’s understandably nervous.
He’s also officially unveiling the Cory Barnes Foundation for Neglected Children tonight. Luc has worked tirelessly to set it up with the support of a small administrative team, and Ryder and I have been very hands on too. Ryder appointed Luc as CEO, and he’s going to take charge of the charity because Ryder is busy with the label and the band is still promoting Torment’s new album. The guys all agreed to postpone the tour, and now that they’re not beholden to any record label, they can make that call and not have someone screaming in their ear. Linda, Scott’s wife, is pregnant with their second child, and neither Ryder nor Scott wanted to be away touring when both babies are so small.
Luc moved into his own apartment in Greenwich Village the same time we moved into our new brownstone. He’s only a few blocks away, which means we still see a lot of each other. He’s been quietly dating one of the girls working for Torment’s label for the last few weeks, and every time I see him, he has the biggest smile on his face. It warms my heart to know everyone is in such a good place.
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