by Ace Gray
That familiar feeling was building in my stomach. Jolts of electricity traveled between my chest and my sex. I found myself trembling in his lap. He bent me back ever so slightly, using the armrest for support. Nicholas placed his mouth on my free nipple, right over my t-shirt. When he bit down and pulled at the same time it pushed me over the edge.
“Nicholas!” I couldn’t help calling his name between shouts of pleasure.
“Jesus Christ, Kate,” he gasped.
I searched his eyes, still panting, still orgasming. They swirled furiously. His shoulders rose and fell in time with my haggard heartbeats. He kept wetting his lips, making them far more kissable.
Waves rolled through my body. I sat whimpering and wiggling on his lap, and saw the moment he broke. His hand moved to my neck and he twisted my face. I’d lost control of my jello limbs or I would have stopped him before he jammed his lips to mine. Maybe.
At first he kissed me straight on. A slight sting shot up my nose but was far outweighed by the heat moving from his lips to mine. My fingers clutched his torso through fine, soft fabric. Our lips tumbled over one another until he moved his head to the side. The brush of his nose across mine shot searing pain across my face.
“NO. Fuck. Stop!”
The words were out before I could soften them. Without thinking, I shoved him back with the elbow that rested between us. Giant tears fell before I even realized they’d appeared.
“Oh God, are you OK? I’m sorry.” Gray filtered back into his eyes. “I was trying to be careful,” he said, swallowing hard. “I lost control.” The color drained from his face and his shoulders slumped. “I always hurt the people closest to me.”
Ice would soothe my face but his tone and tortured words kept me planted on his lap. I took the hand that instinctively pushed him away and willed it back around him. I stroked his neck with my fingers and played with tufts of his hair. His arms hung limply at my sides. I kept exploring his skin where I could reach and leaned my lips in close to his ear.
“It’s not your fault, you know. Not the bruises and certainly not the kiss.” He cranked his head to look ruefully at me. “I was only a moment away from losing control myself. I would’ve kissed you if you hadn’t kissed me first. I’m sorry my face is in such a ludicrous state.”
To prove it, I pressed my lips to his. Slowly, and very gently, I was able to breathe some life back into him. He went back to stroking my thigh. When I felt he’d forgiven himself, I slipped off his lap and to the fridge for the ice I desperately needed. When I pressed it to my face he grimaced. I stuck out my tongue, grasping at straws to keep him with me and in a decent mood. He smirked slightly then lazily looked me up and down.
“I can’t believe how perfect your tits are. I’ve obviously felt every inch of them and they are delightful. But seeing them through your sheer shirt, well, let’s just say, I hope I always remember how you look right now.”
I couldn’t help but blush, although how much he noticed behind the bruises and the ice I didn’t know.
“Someday maybe I’ll get a peek under your shirt,” I said and tried to wink.
He managed a halfhearted smirk before staring out the windows again, his eyes were back to flat and lifeless. It made my smile fall. I’d seen that look twice before.
“Kate, please understand what I’m about to say is for your own good and brings me no pleasure.”
His voice was gruff and a lump formed in my throat. I hadn’t realized how much admitting I wanted him—no needed him—out loud, had affected me. My bottom lip quivered and I tried to wrangle it with my top teeth. He noticed and stood up to join me, wrapping his hands around my waist while I held my ice in place. I leaned my free cheek against his chest.
“I don’t think we should see each other socially.”
The first few tears rolled daintily down my cheek. I scrambled to throw my walls back into place but I couldn’t. I hated myself for that. When Nicholas felt me shake he pushed me back to arms length. He looked panicked again.
“No, no, no, no. Please don’t cry. I just don’t want to hurt you anymore.” His face creased, serious. “I’ve hurt you emotionally, physically twice, and now I’ve made you cry. I’m no good for you.”
“So you want to leave me for my own good? I deserve someone better? Is that it? I haven’t heard that one before.”
Oh, hell no.
I cleared my throat, finding both the hurt and frustration that would add power to my voice. “You’re the one that forced me to admit how much I wanted you just a few minutes ago. And I do want you, more than I care to admit. To anyone. Particularly myself.” I braced my hand against him. “I don’t like wearing my heart on my sleeve any more than you do, Nicholas, or feeling vulnerable. I’m not one of your fucking bimbos. I refuse to be toyed with.” I pushed him away. “If you don’t want me, just go.”
His jaw dropped and for the first time I saw Nicholas Bryant’s facade falter.
“I’ve never wanted anything more in my life, Kate. It’s just…I don’t…I can’t continue to hurt you like this. I hate myself for it. I’m bad for you and I’ll hurt you somehow. I’m just being selfish if I pursue you. And believe me, I want to.”
“If this is about my goddamned face I don’t care. I can ice it or take a pain pill, whatever. You won’t make it worse. I’m going to be just fucking fine.” My voice was rough even by my standards.
“It’s not that. I can’t help but think it’s foreshadowing what’s to come.”
“Well, if you let fear run your life then you should definitely go. I need someone strong. I thought you fit the profile. I built Vesper piece by piece, and I’m not afraid of hard work. I don’t think I’d be very compatible with someone who’s fine with things being handed over on a silver platter.” I shoved my hands on my hips.
“That’s bullshit and you know it. Now you’re saying stupid shit to protect your ego,” he shot back.
“I think it’s best you go now.”
“Are you asking or telling me to leave? Is this a permanent request?” Nicholas’ voice reflected the jumble of emotions crossing his face.
I let out a loud, exasperated sigh. “I’m asking you to leave…for now. Go home and think about this. Whatever this is. Think about us. Whether there even is an us.” I threw my arms up. “Think about what you want and what you’re willing to risk for it. Do a goddamned cost-benefit analysis for all I care, but the next time you see me, you better know whether we’re competitors, acquaintances, or something else.”
I tried to find detached composure as I walked over to the door and opened it. I gestured for him to leave. He snatched his jacket from my desk, sending a can of pens flying. I cringed but didn’t back down.
Nicholas stopped mere centimeters from my face, searching my eyes for something. I didn’t want to flinch, or even blink, but I lost it when he was right in front of me. I slumped back against the door, rocking back on my tiny red stilettos. He took advantage by nuzzling his nose along my jaw and whispering, “I’ve never felt like this before. Please don’t give up on me. Not today. Not ever.” His voice was a trembling purr.
My knees wobbled as he strode to the elevator. My feet wanted to sprint after him. I even wanted to scream, “I promise, I won’t. Please pick me!” But I bit my tongue. He needed to make this decision for himself. I laid my heart out for him—something I loathed doing—and I wouldn’t beg. As I watched him go, I prayed it wouldn’t be the last time.
I tried to settle back into work but my mind raced. Did he really say not to give up on him, or did I imagine that? If he actually said it, what did he mean? Was I supposed to wait for him? I was sifting through emails when my phone rang.
Nicholas!
I lunged for it without glancing at caller ID. I didn’t even get a word out before Laura started speaking.
“Look, Kate, I’m sorry I was upset earlier. You know it’s only because I care. I don’t ever want you to feel like we can’t talk about things. I’ll never judge y
ou. I love you.”
“You have every right to be angry. I never want you to find things out from Page Six that you could’ve found out from me.” I shuffled papers aimlessly across my desk as we spoke.
“You’re right. I’ve put up with way too much over the years. I should be the first to know.”
She waited for me to say something, but my bra still lying haphazardly on the floor caught my attention, and my brain stopped.
“Kate, are you OK?”
“Nicholas Bryant just left.” I was all for the dramatic sighing today.
“And?” She was intrigued—I was out of the doghouse.
“And nothing. I called to apologize about the story and relay that my people are seeking a correction from the Post. He insisted on coming over to speak face to face. He told me he thinks of no one but me and that scares the hell out of him. He kept going on and on about me getting hurt.”
“He did not!” Her voice was priceless.
“He did. Then he got me off just playing with my nipples.”
“Wow, really?” The poof of fabric in the background said she’d flopped onto a couch.
“Then he freaked out and left.”
“What?” The same fabric protested and I guessed she’d leaned forward.
“On the way out he said some cryptic thing about not giving up on him.”
“Not giving up? What does that mean? I’m confused.”
She couldn’t sit still while she was talking to me. Every wiggle resonated across the phone and it was driving me insane.
“That makes two of us, and it has me completely twisted up.”
“I can tell. What are you going to do about it?”
“Haven’t a fucking clue,” I said sharply.
“Language,” she scolded.
“Please don’t start. I’m begging you.”
“You never beg.” Her laughter trickled across the line.
“Look, are we OK?” I held my breath.
“Of course. Just don’t friggin’ do that again.” She was almost giggly as she spoke.
“Love you.”
“Love you too. Call me if you need to talk about him.”
She hung up, her last words lingering in my mind the same way Nicholas did. Even as I stared at all my unopened emails I couldn’t push him from my thoughts.
I chewed on my lip and drummed my fingers on my desk. I even started shuffling papers aimlessly again. Eventually I leaned back with a gigantic sigh that somehow turned into a frustrated howl. I threw my head back and stared at the ceiling. I started counting ceiling panels. They alternated white and gray, checkerboard like a floor might be. When I got to 276 I stopped, centered, and finally focused on email.
The city was dark when my concentration broke again. Lights twinkled along the skyline and red taillights clogged the Saturday night streets. I found the hour hand of the faceless clock that hung on my wood paneled wall. It was after midnight.
If I was going to catch a cab, my chances were better sooner rather than later. I needed to retain a full time driver, but the lure of walking or running through the city, even hailing a bright yellow cab, was still exciting.
My steps to the elevator and across the sidewalk weren’t as painful as they’d been that morning. I tried to convince myself that the bruising was already going down in the reflection of the cab window. Once I made it home, I inspected my face closely in the mirror. I couldn’t decide if it was a little less purple or just wishful thinking.
I slid into pajamas; I always loved the way almost-liquid satin rippled across my skin. The way it skated over my chest reminded me of Nicholas’ caress. I was starting to imagine his hands on my body when my phone buzzed.
you never called the other night - was it something i said?
I grabbed my phone and rolled over. Kevin. The corners of my lips twisted down.
I went to the hospital that night. Needless to say I was a little preoccupied
hospital? everything OK???
stitches and a massive shiner but I’ll live
good :) wanna pick up where we left off?
I can’t tonight Kevin
come on babe
It’s just that I
I deleted the words. Where am I going with that one?
I’ve met someone
I backspaced that, too. Sure it was true—I certainly had met Bryant. Everyone reading the Post could attest to that, but the implications of that sentence… My phone buzzed again in my hands.
I meant it when I said don’t give up on me. Every time I close my eyes I see you come, hear you purr. I’m trying. I promise.
Nicholas!
I shot up in bed. My jaw hung open as I read and re-read his text. My phone buzzed a few more times but I couldn’t flip back to Kevin. Not when those words flashed across the screen. My fingers flew across the keys.
I don’t even have to close my eyes to imagine your hands, your mouth on me. I’ll try…
I turned my phone off. I would never sleep if he responded. As it was, I stared at the ceiling for damn near an hour. I tried to count dots again but I’d made sure the ceiling was smoothed during the remodel.
The text was seared into my brain. Nicholas kissing me was replaying on a loop. The liquid satin covering my body made my skin goosebump the way his touch had. I threw off the covers, ripped off my pajamas, and yanked on an old shirt. I turned on crappy TV and grabbed a glass of scotch. After having my fill of both, I slept restlessly.
The gray of another unexpected early morning greeted me when I woke over an hour before my alarm. My first thoughts were of Bryant and the set of his jaw when his eyes clouded. Apparently sleep had done nothing to slow my roving thoughts. The loud sigh that slipped from my lips seemed to resonate throughout the entire room.
Looks like I’ll need an extra shot of espresso today.
8.
The week flew by. Everyone made a deliberate effort not to meet my eyes; they’d seen the papers. All of New York had. Judging by the paparazzi’s constant barrage, they all wanted answers, too.
My stitches came out and I got back in the ring with Leo—much to his and Gemma’s dismay. Todd and I went a few rounds over the tech components. Every meeting made it more obvious Bryant was the answer to my tech problems.
Too bad he’s a whole other fucking headache.
But beside the specter of Nicholas Bryant lingering over every facet of my life, things were normal.
Before I knew it Friday had arrived and with it, social obligations. I was standing in the lobby of Vesper in a green Ellie Saab dress waiting for Laura. I adjusted the tiny silk straps, and the scandalous neckline that skimmed the top of my breasts using my reflection on the elevator doors. The silk chiffon flowed easily over my legs with the exception of a sky-high slit. I’d accessorized with ridiculously high, sparkly gold Tom Ford wedges that buckled around my ankles and dove down to my toes in a thin T-strap. They had amazing gold fringe on the wedge and complimented my gold necklace and orange YSL ring. The outfit made me smile.
When a limo pulled up, I tried to dodge the newly ever-present paparazzi with no success. Laura stepped out and started walking toward me. I pushed through the swarm to meet her, grabbing her waist and turning her, mid-stride, back toward the car. She only looked mildly surprised by the interception.
“Well, this is fun.” Laura laughed as we wove through the sea of people.
I was finally able to roll my eyes without wincing.
“Have they been like this all week?”
“Every damn time I leave the apartment or Vesper,” I said, exasperated; they’d been more irritating than the black eye.
“Your face looks better. Any more run-ins with Bryant?”
“Run-ins? No. You would know from fucking Page Six if we had.”
“Language,” she scolded.
“Ms. Elliott!” Dr. Brown interjected as he stepped out of the backseat to hold the door for us. “You are a vision! The green and gold ensemble matches your eye
s.”
I cringed when he spoke. Laura giggled beside me.
“You look great as always.” Malik had followed suit and stepped out to kiss my cheek before I tucked into the car. He held Laura’s purse and hand as she slipped in behind me.
“You do look great.” Laura chimed in once she settled next to me. “I haven’t seen your hair down in ages.”
Dr. Brown started yammering the moment the door closed; I had to make a serious effort not to scrunch my face again. I leaned as close to Laura as possible and whispered. “Does he think this is a date?”
“He might. And I’m so sorry. The ride over was unbearable. Third time he’s told this story.” I hadn’t even been paying attention to his words. “Don’t worry though, if needed I’ll run interference. I’ll even claim to be your secret lesbian lover. Doctor does not equal awesome.”
“Ha! Good to know.” I couldn’t help the outburst.
“What do you delightful women find so amusing?” Dr. Brown spoke to us as though we were children.
“Nothing,” I quipped.
Laura elbowed me and I wiped the sour look off my face.
When we pulled up to the curb, Garden’s PR team asked that I walk the Stop and Repeat by myself. Laura had to hold back Dr. Brown despite their request.
I was thankful for a few moments to myself. As the bulbs flashed I humored the cameras and actually posed. A few people asked questions about bruises and Bryant but I just smiled. When I reached the door I yanked it needlessly hard before checking in.
Dr. Brown eventually caught up and tried to place his hand on the small of my back. I gracelessly sidestepped. I was dying for the refuge of a seat; they couldn’t set our table fast enough. When Dr. Brown reached for me again, I blurted out, “I’m going to the restroom,” and turned on my heel without knowing where I was headed.
I stood a foot taller than anyone in the dining room as I darted through in my golden heels. Normally I wouldn’t mind eyes on me, but the onslaught of recent press made me feel like a bit of a spectacle.
