Speed Dating

by Natalie Standiford

  I suggest that from now own we should hold Speed Dating parties for different segments of the high school population. What’s next—jocks and jockettes? Sk8ter Boyz and the chicks who love them? Hip-hop princes and princesses? The possibilities are endless.

  “Oh, Lina!” Autumn chased after Lina on the way to biology class. They were dissecting frogs that day. “Do you have a frog partner yet?”

  Lina kept walking. “Nice try, Autumn, but you can forget it. I’m stonewalling you. I’m not telling you anything, and we’re not going to be lab partners. I’m not saying another word to you, starting NOW.”

  Autumn was now in front of her, walking backward so she could face Lina, and in danger of tripping with every step. She pouted and tried to look pitiful and helpless.

  “Don’t give me that look,” Lina said. “I can’t believe you wrote about Pete and Tess on your blog. You stole my secrets! I was an idiot to trust you.”

  “I’m not trying to get your secrets,” Autumn said. “I just want to be your lab partner.”

  “Please.”

  “Come on, Lina. What are you so mad about? Walker is still talking to me. In fact, this morning he told me all about how wild you and he got last night—”

  “Liar! I didn’t see him last night.” Lina remembered her vow not to speak to Autumn at all. She was doing a lousy job of it. “And I’m not talking to you anymore. Starting NOW!”

  “But you’ll still be my lab partner, right?” Autumn said.

  Lina shook her head.

  “You can’t keep this up forever,” Autumn said.

  Lina made a zipping motion across her mouth and stalked into the biology room. She went up to the first person she saw and said, “Be my lab partner?”

  “Uh, okay,” Ramona said.

  “Lina’s my lab partner,” Autumn said.

  “I am not,” Lina said to Ramona. “Tell her I’m not. She only wants to be my lab partner so she can find out secrets about me to post on her Web of lies.”

  “Give it up, Autumn,” Ramona said. “Her secrets are mine now. You lose.”

  “That’s what I get for trying to be friendly,” Autumn huffed.

  “Yeah, right,” Lina said. “Friendly. She’s trying to beat me to that internship. By stealing my stories! She’s got nerve. How dumb does she think I am?”

  “You did fall for it the first time,” Ramona said. “She probably thought it was worth another shot.” She paused. Lina braced herself for what was coming next. “I do read your column, you know.”

  “You don’t mind what I wrote about you, do you?” Lina asked. “It wasn’t exactly a secret, the fight and everything. There were dozens of witnesses.”

  “You could have checked your facts with me first,” Ramona said. “I wasn’t hot for the David Bowie guy. I just didn’t want to waste six minutes talking to Yucky Gilbert.” The boy in the cape. “Even if I was willing to stoop that low, which I’m not, everyone knows Mads is his true love. He only signed up for the party because he knew she’d be there without her boyfriend.”

  This was all true. Much to Mads’ horror, Yucky Gilbert, a cape-wearing, twelve-year-old freshman geek, had declared his love for her earlier that year. It was also true that even Ramona, with her unusual tastes, would never want to go out with him.

  “I would have thought you’d like the cape,” Lina said.

  “On some people, maybe. On Bowie, sure. But on a boy who dresses as R2-D2, Halloween or not, no.”

  “How’s your internship application going, by the way?” Lina asked.

  “I submitted some poems,” Ramona said. “But that bitch Erica said she doesn’t like poetry. Can you believe that? Doesn’t like poetry! I’m surprised she’s willing to admit it.”

  “Well, it’s true that most newspapers don’t publish much poetry,” Lina said.

  “They used to,” Ramona said. “And they should. Anyway, I need to find a new approach. Maybe I’ll write some more journalistic-type articles for her, stuff like the spiritual malaise gripping RSAGE students, or how popular people have no souls. I think I can prove that popularity actually sucks your soul out of you. Take Rebecca. Remember her back in like sixth grade, when she was tubby and had braces and she used to be kind of sweet? Now look at her. Vapid monster.”

  “Well, if I can’t win the internship, I hope you get it,” Lina said. “Anyone but Autumn. I’m really mad at her.”

  “Thanks for your support. Now that you’ve gotten rid of her, are we really going to be lab partners?”

  Lina glanced around the classroom. Everyone else had already paired up. There was no one left but her and Ramona.

  “Looks that way,” Lina said. “Start slicing. You can show me which of the frog’s internal organs you use in your love potions.”

  “All my potions are vegan-friendly,” Ramona said. “That eye-of-newt stuff is just a stereotype.”

  Nuclear Autumn: Keeping You Informed of the

  Latest Developments in the Life of Autumn Nelson

  Pete and Tess scoop! Trouble in Paradise—Pete and Tess are on the outs! Here’s the deal: Last night Tess called Pete, desperate for some nookie. If she doesn’t get it every three days, she goes crazy. So he picked her up and they drove all over town looking for privacy. Tess was completely losing it. Finally Pete just pulled over on the side of the road and they started going at it right there in the car. How do I know? They were parked on Rutgers Street. I happened to drive by and saw them through the window when I was stopped at a light. They’re so brazen! Tess is such a slut!

  After hours of X-rated cavorting, Pete drove Tess home. This morning, he got into the car with his mother, who was driving him to school. That’s when he spotted them: Tess’s pink panties, right there on the floor! She forgot them in her passion the night before. Those two just can’t keep track of their underwear! Pete quickly scooped them up to hide them from his mother. But where could he hide them? They’d make too much of a bulge in his pocket. So he stuffed them in his lunch bag and forgot all about them—until lunchtime today, when he opened up his bag and pulled out Tess’s panties, right in front of the entire boys’ swim team. The boys were passing them around and Pete lost track of them and now he doesn’t know who has them. Tess heard about it, of course, and is on the rampage! Stay tuned!

  On a more serious note, is anybody reading Mood Swing anymore? I mean, who cares? A bunch of freaks acting like freaks—big surprise. That blog has gone way downhill, if you ask me. If you want real dirt—dirty dirt—Nuclear Autumn is your source!

  “Hey, Lina—I’ve got your panties!”

  Lina kept her eyes forward and tried to ignore the jokes. “I could barely make it to my locker this morning,” she complained to Holly and Mads outside homeroom the next day. “Stupid Autumn! Why does everybody believe her lies?”

  “Because they want to?” Mads said.

  “She’s right about one thing: Walker is furious with me,” Lina said. “I told him I had nothing to do with this. But he hates to be teased. He’s afraid to be seen with me until this blows over.”

  “It never will, as long as Autumn gets attention for it,” Holly said.

  “There she is.” Lina spotted Autumn walking toward them down the hall. “I’m going to have a little talk with her.”

  “Go get her,” Mads said.

  Autumn tried to hurry past Lina, but Lina matched her step for step. “Say it: You made that whole story up. I know you did, and you know you did. But I want to hear you say it.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Autumn said. “I didn’t write anything about you. I wrote about Peter and Tess. And everything I wrote about Peter and Tess is true.”

  “But there is no Peter and Tess,” Lina said.

  “They’re pseudonyms,” Autumn said.

  “I know that,” Lina said. “They’re pseudonyms for me and Walker. And everybody knows it.”

  “Well, I’m using those names to talk about a different couple,” Autumn said.
>
  “What different couple? Everyone thinks you’re writing about me!” Lina could barely contain her fury.

  “That’s not my fault,” Autumn said. “It’s your own fault.”

  “Just stop using those names,” Lina said.

  “I can use any names I want to. And I have the right to put whatever I want on my blog. So what if I did make it up? I’m allowed. And if everyone believes it, that just proves I’m a good writer. That’s what Erica Howard told me. She loves Nuclear Autumn now. She said she’s addicted.”

  “She must have an addictive personality,” Lina said. “She gets addicted to blogs pretty easily.”

  “Whatev.”

  “So you’re not going to stop?” Lina said.

  “Are you kidding? My hits are through the roof.”

  “Not even if it’s the right thing to do?”

  Autumn rolled her eyes. “The right thing for you, maybe. The right thing for me is to have the hottest blog in school and to win that internship. Bye!”

  She disappeared into a classroom and shut the door behind her. The bell rang. It was time for class.

  I’m not going to lose the internship to Autumn this way Lina vowed. And I won’t let her spread lies about me and ruin my life. There has to be a way to stop her. All I have to do is find a weak point. And Autumn has plenty of those.

  12

  By the Light of the Neon Milk Shake

  * * *

  To: hollygolitely

  From: your daily horoscope

  HERE IS TODAY’S HOROSCOPE: CAPRICORN: Your ideal love involves chocolates and a pounding heartbeat, so be sure to keep a defibrillator on hand at all times.

  * * *

  I don’t know what it is about him,” Holly said to Sebastiano one afternoon at Vineland. She was recounting her date with Eli, trying to understand why she’d enjoyed it so much. Maybe talking it out would help.

  “I think I know what it is,” Sebastiano said. “Could it be those big, anime eyes? Or that wiry but strong build? I know some girls really lose it over that type. Or the whole sensitive, mysterious enigma trip?”

  “I guess,” Holly said. “It’s the way he holds back. He doesn’t seem out of control the way most boys do. I probably shouldn’t like him so much. He seems like he’s hiding something, and his family sounds completely bonkers. You know his mother’s maid tried to stab her with her own diamond-covered stiletto heel? So now she’s hooked on painkillers.”

  “What kind? Can he get you some?”

  “Stop it.”

  Sebastiano laughed. “He told you that? That can’t be true.”

  “Why not? Weird things happen all the time.”

  “Yeah, but that’s too crazy,” Sebastiano said. “It does sound kind of familiar, though. Where could I have heard that story before?”

  “On the news, maybe?” Holly said. She herself didn’t remember any news stories like that, but she didn’t always follow the news. And it probably happened a long time ago. “Or in the paper?”

  “Maybe,” Sebastiano said. “But I don’t think so. You know, when you first told me about that whole ‘3:17’ bit, I thought I’d heard it before, too.”

  “You just like to think you know everything,” Holly said.

  “I do know everything.”

  “But you don’t know where you heard all this stuff before,” Holly said.

  “I know it,” Sebastiano said. “It’s buried somewhere in my memory. It will pop up eventually.”

  “I’m sure it will.”

  “You could do a little snooping around,” Sebastiano said. “You might dig up something that would jog my memory.”

  “I don’t want to spy on him again,” Holly said.

  “You said yourself you think he’s hiding something.”

  “I know, but I felt weird about that last time,” Holly said. “If he’s going to be my soul mate, I should trust him, shouldn’t I?”

  “That sounds like something somebody would say. So when are you seeing him again?”

  “Tonight,” Holly said.

  “Ooh, the school night date. Very risqué.”

  “I did most of my homework in study hall today. We’re going to see a play. Scream: The Musical.”

  “Sounds icky. Have fun. I’ll let you know if I remember anything juicy.”

  “Sorry about the play,” Eli said. They sat in his car outside the Carlton Bay Playhouse. Scream: The Musical had been much more screaming than musical.

  “That’s okay,” Holly said. “I kind of knew what to expect. I saw the last play they put on here. My friend Mads was in it. Her mother wrote it.”

  “Was it good?”

  Holly didn’t want to badmouth Mads or her mother, but Mads herself would have said the play sucked. Holly saw a middle ground and lunged for it. “Let’s just say it was good preparation for tonight. It didn’t have the blood and gore, and yet, there were casualties.”

  Eli put his key in the ignition. “So what do you want to do now? Are you hungry?”

  “Let’s hit Harvey’s Carry-out and get some fries,” Holly said.

  “Good idea. We can sit at a picnic table and eat by the glow of the big neon milk shake.” Harvey’s was covered with neon, and its logo was a giant yellow milk shake cup with a peppermint-striped straw.

  Eli tossed his wallet on the dashboard and started the car. Holly reached for the wallet.

  “What are you doing?” Eli asked.

  “I just wanted to look at your driver’s license,” Holly said.

  Eli snatched the wallet away and stuffed it in his jacket pocket. “You can’t just open up somebody’s wallet like that. Anyway, it’s a terrible picture. I’d hate for it to get lodged in your mind. I look like a monkey.”

  “I’m sorry.” They were quiet for the rest of the ride to Harvey’s. Holly’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. She felt as if she’d just been yelled at by a teacher. On the other hand, how terrible could his picture be? She tried to imagine his face merged with a monkey’s. It came out looking like Chim Chim, the pet monkey on Speed Racer. Maybe Sebastiano had a point about that anime thing.

  They pulled up at Harvey’s and got out. They ordered fries and shakes and sat on a picnic table to wait for their order to be ready. An SUV full of kids pulled up. Holly noticed a Griffith Academy sticker on the back windshield.

  Four guys and a girl piled out of the SUV. “Eli!” one boy said. “What you up to tonight, dude?”

  “Just marinating,” Eli said. “This is Holly. Holly, this is Wes, Jake, Little Jake, Jesse, and Val.”

  “Hi,” Holly said. The Griffith kids said hi and stared at her curiously. This is good, Holly thought. A chance to meet his friends and find out a little more about him. He can’t be much of a mystery to the kids he goes to school with every day.

  “We just came from the new Force Field flick,” Wes said. “It rocked.”

  “Don’t listen to him,” Val said. “It was so stupid.”

  “Order up!” the girl called from the pickup window.

  Eli jumped up. “That’s our stuff.” He went to the window to get the food, then carried it to his car. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

  “Wait,” Wes said. “We’ll order and you can hang with us. We’re going to hit the Roadhouse and see if anybody good’s playing.”

  “That sounds like fun,” Holly said.

  “We can’t, though,” Eli said. “Holly’s got a curfew. Very strict parents. School night and everything.” He opened the passenger door for Holly and gestured for her to get in. She did, taking the food on her lap. He hurried to the driver’s side, got in, and started the car.

  “Nice to meet you, Holly,” Val said.

  Eli waved to his friends and pulled out.

  “I thought we were going to eat by the glow of the neon milk shake,” Holly said.

  “The place was crawling with mosquitoes,” Eli said. “You didn’t feel them?”

  “No,” Holly said. “It’s a little early in the ye
ar for mosquitoes.” There weren’t any mosquitoes, Holly thought. It was his friends. Does he not want me to talk to them for some reason? Is he ashamed of me? Or of them?

  Or was he afraid they’d reveal something to her—something he didn’t want her to know? Like maybe another girl? That could be it: He had a girlfriend at Griffith, and he was cheating on her with Holly! Or cheating on Holly with her! She had no proof, but it was the most logical explanation.

  He pulled off at the same scenic overlook they’d stopped at before. It was beautiful, the clouds blowing across the sky, brushing past the moon. They nibbled French fries and sucked on their shakes.

  “I didn’t mean to run away like that,” Eli said at last. “It’s just… my friends can be such jerks. I wanted a romantic night with you, and it would be impossible with them around, shooting spitballs at us or whatever.”

  Holly wanted to get to know his friends, because she was curious about him. But when he explained it this way, she understood.

  “The moon’s nicer than a neon milk shake, anyway,” she said.

  Eli set his drink aside and took her face in both hands. She was caught putting a fry into her mouth. It was now stuck in limbo between her teeth. Eli bit off the end.

  “Holly,” he whispered. “Do you know what you’ve done to me?”

  “What I’ve done to you?” Holly asked.

  “To my heart,” Eli said. “And my head. And my soul.”

  Oh. “I wasn’t trying to hurt them, if that’s what you mean,” Holly said.

  “You haven’t hurt them, not yet. And I hope you never will. But you’ve made them grow. You’ve made them sing. My heart beats like a mariachi, pumping its rhythms all through the rest of me. I’m hooked on you, Holly. I need you the way diabetics need injections of insulin. If I can’t see you, I can’t live. My life is in your hands.”

  Holly’s French fry sat chewed in her mouth, unswallowed. She couldn’t move her throat. She was surprised by his words. She let them sink in, and they acted like sugar, boosting her energy and making her glow.

  “Don’t worry, you can see me,” she said. “I’m happy to see you anytime.”