by Robin Gianna
“I’ll ask one or two of the midwives at the hospital if they’d like to come along, too,” she said. Surely that would help both of them stay at arm’s length, wouldn’t it?
“Any and all help is welcome.”
He didn’t seem to interpret her suggestion for what it really was, and she relaxed. “So, I’ve been wondering what made you decide to start the foundation. I know it had to have taken a lot of work.”
He focused his attention on her hair, lazily twirling it between his fingers for so long, she wondered if he’d even heard her question. She was about to open her mouth to ask again, when he finally spoke.
“I was adopted, and my parents gave me a good home and upbringing. In California, I did a little volunteering with a great organization that helps children become permanently placed with families, instead of moving around for years from one home to another in foster care. When I came to Cambridge and saw the same challenges older children had in finding real homes, I decided I’d like to bring that model here.”
“How old were you when you were adopted?”
Again the silence. Since it didn’t seem like a particularly troubling question, she had to wonder what, exactly, his history was that he clearly didn’t like to talk about. Finally, he gave her a short answer. “It wasn’t an issue for me, but it is for a lot of kids.”
Another oddly evasive response. She swiveled in his arms a little, trying to see his eyes, which were still focused on her hair. “Not an issue for you?”
Finally, his eyes met hers again. She couldn’t interpret what was in them, exactly, but was that pain she saw deep inside?
She cupped his cheek in her hand. “You can tell me, you know. Just between us, I promise.”
He stared at her a long moment, his face impassive, and just when she’d become sure he wouldn’t share anything with her, he spoke. “I was almost two when I went into foster care. My biological mother was...unstable. Children’s Services gives a parent as much time as they can to get healthy, but it didn’t happen. My parents adopted me when I was seven.”
“Oh, Aaron.” Her heart hurt for the little boy he used to be, having to leave his mother then moving from home to home for years until he found a family. “That sounds...very hard. But you do know, don’t you, how impressive it is that you’ve taken a difficult experience and turned it into a positive? Starting your foundation to help children and parents find one another is a wonderful thing.”
He pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers, making it very obvious he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. That the subject was over. The pinch in her heart from learning about the past pain in his life faded as his mouth moved on hers. Kissing her with such softness, such unbearable sweetness, she found herself unable to think about anything but the way he made her feel as she melted into him all over again.
“How about your issues?” he whispered against her lips. “Why are you so damned determined to have a specific, preplanned expiration date for us, starting tomorrow?”
She opened her eyes to look into the brown ones meeting hers again, no longer seemingly evasive, but very, very serious. And that seriousness nearly pulled the truth out of her. Nearly made her want to come clean, and that would be that and she wouldn’t have to worry about him finding out, worry about how he’d react, any more.
But she couldn’t, even though she probably should. Didn’t want to see whatever his reaction would be. He’d given her only the bare bones of his own history though, right? She could give him the same thing. Not the painful distance between her parents that had made their home life uncomfortable. Not her father’s obvious resentment of being stuck with her and her mum, which was doubtless part of her inability to love a man.
She’d share some of her history. But her future? That, she’d keep to herself. The future she both worried about and couldn’t wait for.
“I dated a man for a long time. Eight years, and I still didn’t want to commit. Just couldn’t. So he broke it off. Never met anyone afterward I wanted anything permanent with, either, so I realized I must just not be cut out for something like that.”
“That answers the question that’s been bothering me, which is how the amazing Hope Sanders could possibly still be single.” He placed his fingers beneath her chin, bringing her gaze back to his, which she hadn’t even realized she’d moved to the wall behind him. “But I don’t get what that has to do with us dating a little while. Two people, neither wanting a permanent relationship, who have enough electricity between them to light the entire city of Cambridge. Sounds pretty perfect to me.”
Well, darn. She should have realized her answer wouldn’t work, because he’d already said he had no interest in permanency, either.
“My life just isn’t in a place where I can date you or anyone.” She forced a light tone to her voice to banish the serious turn the conversation had taken. “But for what it’s worth, if it was, you’d be at the top of the list. And I’d like to leave it at that, okay?”
Solemn brown eyes studied her face for what seemed like long minutes before he nodded.
“Still interested in helping with the party? If not, I won’t hold you to it.”
“Of course I’ll still help with the party. What better way to celebrate the Christmas season than helping children find good homes?”
“Thank you.” He leaned forward to press his lips to hers, and she soaked in their sweetness, trying to ignore the sharp sting in her chest that it had to be their very last kiss. “I’ll leave the agenda on the front desk at the office so you can see what we already have planned.”
“Okay.” She set down her glass and slid off his lap, grabbing up her clothes. “I’d better be going. I have an early day at the hospital tomorrow.”
She didn’t look back as she hurried to the bathroom, but knew he watched her go. Could feel his eyes on her every bit as painfully as she could feel the tight pinch in her heart that this was really goodbye.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“SO THE PARTY is tomorrow, Bonnie, and I was wondering if you had any interest in helping me conduct some games for the children and potential parents,” Hope said over the tea she and the energetic new midwife were sharing in the hospital cafeteria. “A few other people from the hospital will be there, and some of the parents coming have other children. I thought it might be a fun way for you to meet people.”
“Sounds really nice, Hope. How sweet of you to think of me!” Bonnie smiled. “What a wonderful thing, a Christmas party to bring children together with people looking to adopt. I don’t know Dr. Cartwright, other than that he’s dreamily good-looking, but he’s now high on my list of wonderful people at CRMU.”
On Hope’s, too, but she wasn’t about to say so. Also had to stop thinking about the dreamily good-looking man. The man who wasn’t only dreamy, but an amazing doctor, a caring man. With eyes like warm fudge and a crooked smile you couldn’t help but smile back at.
How could she have fallen under the man’s spell after spending mere hours with him? Clearly she wasn’t cut out to have quick flings, if she couldn’t stop feeling all gooey about him when it was over with. Who would have known she was even capable of that? But since that was the undeniable truth, she so wished she hadn’t agreed to help with his party.
Somehow, she’d have to avoid him as much as possible by concentrating on the children and talking with Bonnie and the other CRMU staff instead of gazing like a schoolgirl at Dr. Aaron Cartwright.
“Yes, his adoption foundation is doing a lot of good.” She tried to keep her voice professional, without a hint that thinking of the way the man kissed and made love kept invading her brain every time she mentioned him, sending unwelcome heat across her skin. Which instantly turned icy when she thought of her appointment this afternoon, and how she’d have to make sure she stealthily avoided Aaron Cartwright like a cat burglar while
she was there. “I’ll be picking up the party agenda from his office, and you and I can see what might fit into it.”
“Could I bring my daughter, Freya?”
“I don’t see why not. She’d probably have lots of fun. How old is she?”
“Just five. But fun is her middle name, believe me.”
“Five is such an adorable age. I can’t wait to meet her. And since I’m sure you have lots of experience playing games with Freya, it’ll be wonderful to have you play with the children her age at the party, too. I’m so glad you can come.” Hope drank the last of her tea, swallowing down the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach at the thought of heading to the offices the IVF doctors shared. “Got to go. Thanks for helping. See you tomorrow.”
Hands sweating, she hurried down the hallway to meet with Dr. Devor. She stood outside the closed door, thinking the heavy, dark wood looked grimly ominous, then nearly laughed slightly hysterically at the ridiculous thought. Was she being overdramatic or what? She sucked in a great gulp of fortifying air and stepped inside.
The receptionist took her promptly back to a different waiting room, and she dropped into the chair, her knees a little weak with relief. How could she have gotten so lucky to have been whisked out of the waiting room so fast? Hidden from brown eyes that would doubtless have held a very big question.
Stop this right now, she scolded herself. She was more than ready to begin the IVF treatments. She could not allow herself to worry about anything, or what anyone thought, especially a man she’d simply slept with and was now not going to see ever again except at one little Christmas party and from afar at the hospital. If he found out, so be it. She’d hold her head up proudly and be the person she’d always been, a woman who knew what she wanted and went for it.
Despite her big, brave pep talk, her heart leaped into her throat at the short knock on the door before it opened. “Dr. Devor!” She knew her voice sounded overly enthused, the relieved smile on her face so wide the man probably thought she was slightly nutty.
“Hope. Good to see you,” he said with a smile as he shut the door behind him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for your appointment last week. My son at university was in a car accident, and my wife and I had to go see him in the hospital.”
“Oh, no. Is he all right?”
“Thankfully, yes. Banged his noggin pretty good, though. I told him he was lucky to be so hardheaded.”
“That sounds like the kind of thing my father likes to say to me, too. Stubbornness is a virtue, as far as I’m concerned.”
He chuckled as he sat in a chair in front of hers. “I agree, along with determination, which I’ve seen that you have in abundance. Did you go through all the literature I sent home with you?”
“I did. I’ve been thoroughly educating myself on all of it.” The procedure didn’t scare her. It was everything else twisting her stomach in a knot.
“Good.” He nodded. “It’s unfortunate we weren’t successful with intrauterine insemination. It’s likely due to your endometriosis, though I’d hoped it would still work. Have you thought about all we discussed regarding IVF and single parenting? The pros and cons?”
“I’ve thought about it very carefully and discussed everything at length with my parents.” Her mum, at least, and she was fully behind Hope’s decision. “I know what I’m getting into, and my family will help me as needed. I’ve wanted to be a mother forever, and I’m ready to do this.”
“All right, then.” He smiled. “I have every reason to believe that IVF will give you the baby you want.”
The baby she wanted. A lump stuck in her throat as she had an instant vision of a cherub-faced infant, gurgling and cooing. A toddler running through her small house, eventually tired enough to snuggle in her lap. Growing into a child happily playing and reading books and giving abundant love and hugs, and it all filled her chest with such an overwhelming joy, she knew she had to be making the right decision. Having a job she adored and, when she wasn’t working, holding a baby of her own in her arms? Perfect and wonderful.
She clasped her hands and drew a fortifying breath. “So let’s get started.”
“Here’s the schedule we’ll follow.” He handed her a calendar. “Today we’ll draw your blood to do some necessary tests. When you come back next week, you’ll receive an injection of FSH, which is a hormone that will stimulate your ovaries to produce more than one egg. The following week, we’ll do some more blood tests and use ultrasound to determine if the eggs are ready for collection. If not, we’ll need to give the FSH a little more time to work, usually just another day or two, then you’ll get an injection of a medication that will help the eggs ripen.”
“And then you’ll retrieve the eggs?”
“Timing is important. We can’t take them out too soon, or too late, or they won’t develop normally.” Maybe he saw the worry she couldn’t help feel, because he smiled and leaned forward to pat her knee. “I’ve got it down to a science, I promise. And you’ll be sedated when I retrieve the eggs at the perfect time.”
“I know. I got to see Dr. Cartwright retrieving a patient’s eggs and it was pretty amazing.” Saying his name brought that awful twisting feeling to her belly again, which was beyond irritating. Why did that keep happening? He had nothing to do with her life or her goals or her future.
“Dr. Cartwright is very good at his job, and I am, too. You saw there’s nothing to be scared about.” Another smile from Dr. Devor. “So as we discussed on your first appointment, the eggs I retrieve will meet the donor sperm right away. We’ll keep an eye on them while they spend a few days together, then I’ll look to see which three seem the most viable, and freeze the rest that look good. Then we’ll be ready for the IVF.”
“You said that’s done pretty quickly, right?”
He nodded. “Usually takes only about half an hour. Most women find it virtually painless. Resuming your normal activity is absolutely fine, just no vigorous exercise. Then we wait to see if one or more of the three eggs implants into the uterine wall.”
Nervous and excited butterflies flapped around in her belly. “We’ll know in about a week and a half, then?”
“Hopefully, though if we don’t have a positive pregnancy test at that time we give it another few days and check again.”
“Okay.” She expelled a big breath and smiled. “I’d like to get started on the stimulating hormones as soon as possible.”
“I got a little backed up from being gone, and I apologize for that. But the receptionist will fit you into my schedule as early as possible next week, and we’ll have all the lab results in plenty of time before you come.”
“All right.” Next week suddenly seemed like an eternity, but she stuffed down her impatience. She did a quick mental calculation of the timing for taking the meds and the time needed after the procedure and had to smile. Maybe this delay was meant to be. Maybe learning she was pregnant was going to be the best Christmas present she’d ever had.
As she scheduled her next appointment her mind spun with the thrill of it all. A large envelope with her name on it caught her eye at the receptionist desk, and she remembered Aaron had said he’d leave the party agenda at the front desk for her.
Which brought her to earth with a hard thud, and started those nerves flapping all over again. She furtively glanced around the office, praying she wouldn’t see him. Yes, she was as confident as she could be under the circumstances, beyond happy about this next phase of her life, but she didn’t feel like talking about it with anyone yet, least of all the man she’d had hot sex with just days ago.
“So you’re all set for next Thursday,” the receptionist said, looking at her a little quizzically. “We’ll see you then.”
She flushed, wondering what her expression had been as the thought of Aaron and hot sex and the fear of seeing him had swept through her brain. “Great. Th
anks. And I think that envelope is for me.”
“Oh. So it is.”
She handed it to Hope, who hightailed it out of there, beyond relieved that she’d again dodged running into Aaron. Their time together was too fresh for that, but surely, after enough months had passed for her pregnancy to show, their brief fling would seem very distant, long ago and unimportant.
Except it felt all too disturbingly important right then, and she had a bad feeling it would for a long time.
* * *
The sight of silky blond waves tumbling down the back of a tall, slender woman had Aaron doing a double take as he stepped from his office to the front desk, and his heart kicked sharply in his chest. He didn’t have to see her sweet face to recognize every gentle curve of Hope Sanders. The door to the hallway closed behind her, and he had a sudden urge to run after her.
But of course he wouldn’t. Their relationship had been a brief and memorable moment in time. Fantastic while it lasted, but over with whether he liked it or not.
She must have come into the office to get the party agenda. He looked down at the desktop and, sure enough, the envelope was gone.
The odd weight in his chest lifted a little that he’d at least get to see her at the party. He knew whatever she came up with for the kids to do would be a big hit. Also knew he had to stop thinking about her, but the good news was his work didn’t bring him to the labor and delivery suites very often. His memories of her would fade, and this disturbing preoccupation would fade along with them.
Looking for a new job should probably happen soon. If he decided to move on, his memories of Hope would surely fade even faster, and the thought held both appeal and melancholy. He realized he’d miss Cambridge and the CRMU, which took him a little by surprise.
“When is my next patient scheduled?” he asked Sue as she sent the receptionist on her break and settled herself in the desk chair.
“Um...” she responded, peering at the computer screen. “In fifteen minutes. Plenty of time for you to grab more coffee.”
