by Beth Maria
“Who is that guy?” Phoenix’s harsh voice breaks through my coffee haze.
I open my eyes, finding Phoenix staring at me and looking not the least bit pleased.
“That’s Harry,” I tell him before taking another sip of my coffee.
“I don’t like him,” he huffs, breaking eye contact and staring down at the table.
Is he jealous?
“How can you say that when you don’t know him?” I ask, perplexed.
“I don’t have to know the guy to like him, Emilia. I just don’t like the way he was looking at you. Is there history between you two?” By this point, my jaw is hitting the table.
“You have got to be shitting me, right?”
“No, I’m not ‘shitting you’. Is there history between you two?” His voice is calm and collected, but his eyes are a storm saying something different. He’s deadly serious.
I sigh. “No, Phoenix, there isn’t any history between us. We’re just friends, and that is all we will ever be. Trust me, he’s tried to be more, but I just didn’t feel the same. Now he just flanters with me.”
His eyebrows raise before he says, “What on earth is flanter?”
I laugh out loud. A few people turn their heads in our direction, wondering what is going on, before finding out nothing is the matter and going back to their lives. “Flanter is flirty banter.”
“And what is banter?”
I laugh harder. “Banter is when you joke around. You know, to have a laugh?” I’ve definitely been hanging around with Zoe too much. I’m speaking her lingo now.
“Why didn’t you just say that?” he asks in annoyance.
I sigh, my laughter still racking my body, and shake my head. Of course Phoenix won’t know what flanter means. He hangs out with criminals, for crying out loud.
I change the subject. “What made you choose to meet here?”
“Well, I figured you wouldn’t want to meet back at home in case somebody spotted you, though coming to the club has most probably done that…” he trails off, giving me a pointed look.
I shrug. “I was drunk so wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“Obviously.” The cocky guy from earlier has gone, and in its place is the Phoenix who gives nothing away. He takes a sip of his coffee, never taking his eyes off of me. I feel like he’s staring into my soul.
“So why did you choose this place out of everywhere?” I’m curious, and until he answers, I’m not going to drop it.
“I don’t know… I’ve been here once before and didn’t think it was too far away, but far enough away where you could make it too. Is that answer okay for you?” The left side of his mouth tips up in a smirk.
“I guess so.” I’m still not entirely convinced. He’s not exactly going to turn around and say, ‘yeah, I know where you live because I’ve been stalking you for the past three months’. That would just be too simple.
Then I’m reminded of the guy from last night, the guy who worshipped me and admitted his feelings for me. Where is that guy right now? In his place is somebody who is cold and giving absolutely nothing away, especially when it comes to his emotions. I’m feeling no affection from him at all. I feel like we take one step forward and two steps back.
Maybe it was a bad idea to meet with him…
“I can hear that brain of yours ticking from over here. Stop. I have no motive, Emilia. I’m here because I wanted to see you. Everything I said to you last night, I meant. Please, just give me a chance to prove that to you.” His face softens, his icy blues not looking as harsh.
I know I said last night that I would. Today, though, I’m really not sure. Well, I was until he acted indifferent with me. That isn’t the attitude of a man wanting to prove something.
My head nods of its own accord though. “One chance, Phoenix. Only one.”
“That’s all I’m asking for.”
“Very well.” I look away from his intense stare. My eyes land on Harry, who is serving customers but his eyes keep flicking over to me. I give him a small smile. He doesn’t return it.
“I have something for you,” Phoenix announces.
I pull my eyes away from a brooding Harry and land on the beautiful specimen in front of me. He pulls something from next to him on the seat, placing it on the table. It’s a Pandora bag…
I stare at it, not saying anything.
“Well, are you going to have a look? Or are you just going to continue to stare at the bag?” Phoenix asks amused.
The side of me who acts like a ten year old girl on Christmas morning comes out to play, jittering around in the booth. I love getting presents, always have. It’s embarrassing how excited I get, especially because we’re out in public, but I can’t wait another second. I have to see what Phoenix bought me.
I not so very gracefully put my hand into the bag and pull out a square box like the one from last night. These must be my belated birthday presents that he’s accumulated over the years. Again, I not so gracefully rip off the wrapping paper. When it’s all unwrapped, a blue box sits in the palm of my hand. I feel nervous again, just as I did last night when I saw the blue box, even though I know that it’s not a ring. Phaha, why would it be?
I look up to find Phoenix staring at me, a curious look on his face. Can he hear my thoughts? God, I hope not. I slowly lift up the lid as if it’s going to bite me. Lying in the cushioned padding is a heart charm. It’s so beautiful and shiny. But why a heart? I thought Phoenix said last night that they all have a special meaning.
My eyes shoot from the charm to Phoenix and back again.
“What’s wrong? You don’t like it?” Phoenix asks.
I open my mouth like a fish out of water. What do I say? Do I say, ‘what is the meaning behind this heart’? No, I can’t be that forward.
Of course you can. Emilia never gets nervous. She always says exactly what she feels.
Yeah, apart from around Phoenix it seems.
“Just spit it out, Emilia. Whatever is playing on your mind, let it out.”
“You said all of these presents have meaning. What does the heart mean?” I ramble. My cheeks heat from having to explain my thoughts.
He doesn’t laugh at me. “What do you think a heart symbolizes, Emilia?”
“Love.” It’s a simple answer.
“Exactly.”
“Huh?” I’m confused.
Phoenix sits forward, staring down at me, his icy blues staring straight into my soul. “You said it yourself. A heart symbolizes love.”
I roll my eyes. “I know that, but why, if these presents mean something, did you give me a heart…” I don’t need him to answer. Saying the question out loud has just made me realize. “You love me?” I whisper, my tummy doing little somersaults while at the same time being tied up in knots. I’ve waited years to hear this from him. But is now the right time?
“I think we both know that I’ve liked you ever since we were younger. Me and you, we go together like chalk and cheese. You’re a good girl born into the wrong family. You keep to yourself, never getting up to mischief. Me? I’m the complete opposite of you. I’m trouble with a capital T. I’ve got demons, big ones, that scare me at times when I think about them, but we suit each other. And even though I know that I should stay far, far away from you, it’s just not possible. So, to answer your question, I’m not going to say it now because it’s not the right time after everything that we’ve been through. Just be assured that I will tell you one day. Just when the time is right.” My heart swells with emotion. This is the Phoenix that I know. The one who has been hidden under the tough exterior that he portrays. My Phoenix.
“Thank you. It’s beautiful.” I close the box, my voice cracking.
“You’re welcome. Open the others?”
The next present is the Pandora bracelet, followed by a turtle charm. It’s adorable with green gems in for the shell.
“I love turtles.” A small smile graces my face while I stare at the charm.
“I know you do.
” I lift my eyes from one beauty straight to another – Phoenix. He’s looking at me with adoration in his eyes, probably because he hasn’t seen me this calm for years. Usually by now we’re in an argument with each other.
We continue staring at each other. I can’t get over it- me and Phoenix, sitting down and actually talking and getting along. It’s absurd! I can’t deny that I feel the happiest that I’ve felt in years though. Just having this little bonding moment with him is making me a hundred times happier, especially because I’m spending time with my best friend, not the bully.
“Can I get you anything else to drink?” I break eye contact, begrudgingly tearing my eyes to the culprit who ruined a moment. Harry stands there, pad and pen in hand, a fake smile on his face. “Would you like anything, Emilia?” he asks me, his fake smile now directed at me. What’s wrong with him?
“We’ll both have the same again, please,” Phoenix answers for both of us. Harry’s eyes squint at me. He doesn’t once turn his attention back toward Phoenix. Oh dear.
“I’ll have the same as usual, please, Harry.” I give him a warm smile. He doesn’t reciprocate it like usual. He nods his head once before walking off.
“He’s jealous,” Phoenix states.
I take my eyes off of Harry’s retreating form, turning to Phoenix who looks smug. “What?”
“I said, he’s jealous.”
“You don’t think I don’t know that? It doesn’t help when you’re answering for me. I can do that myself.”
He just rolls his eyes at me, not saying anything else on the subject. Harry comes over and drops our coffees, not once making eye contact with us before leaving. I’m going to have to have words with him. I don’t want to lose my friend, because that’s what he is – just a friend.
I take a sip of my coffee, the heat of it scalding the roof of my mouth. Dammit!
“Have you thought about what you’re going to do about your father?” I thought he’d been quiet, and this is the reason why. He was figuring out how to ask me a question that he knew I wouldn’t like.
I sigh. “No, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t go back home, that’s for sure.”
“He’s asked me to try to find you, you know?”
“What?” My eyes are as wide as saucers, threatening to pop out of their sockets.
“Who would be better to bring you back to him than me?”
“Nobody,” I whisper.
“Exactly.” He sits back in the booth, his arms resting on the table. “Don’t worry, though. I won’t do that to you. I’m glad you left, that you got away from his evil clutches, but don’t think for one second that you’re safe, Em.” He grabs hold of my hands, which have started shaking on the table top. “You and I both know that he won’t give up searching for you. You’re his only child. He needs you. It’s only a matter of time before he finds you, but it won’t be me who gives you up. I’ve let you down one too many times already, and I won’t be accountable for doing it again.”
“What should I do then?” My voice is a little wobbly from fear. I know that if my father finds me, I will have consequences for running away. I don’t want to suffer at the hands of my father anymore.
“I don’t know yet. We’ll think of something. I promise.” My face scrunches up at the horrid word. Phoenix must notice this because he says, “I do promise, Emilia. We both know that my promises mean nothing, but I’ll prove to you that they do.” I give a tight nod in return.
Phoenix pulls something out of his jeans pocket, revealing his cell phone. He looks down at it, his brows scrunching together before he sighs. “I have to take this.”
I don’t need to ask who it is; I already know.
“Hello,” he answers, then listens to whatever is being said on the line for a short while. The whole time he doesn’t take his eyes off of me. “I’ll be there shortly.” Then he hangs up, putting his cell phone back into his pocket.
“Was that him?”
“Yeah.” He sighs, his face relaxing a little, not enough that his worry lines disappear though.
“You have to go, don’t you?”
“I’ve been summoned.” He doesn’t need to explain any more. We both know that he has to go when Nico calls. He grabs my hands, squeezing them together and giving me a forced smile. “I won’t tell him where you are, okay? You carry on living your life, and I will be in contact. Me and you, we’re not over. We’re just beginning, and nothing is going to tear us apart anymore. We’ll start off again, spending some time with each other. That is, if you want to?”
“Yes, definitely.” I don’t even have to think about it.
“Good, because I wouldn’t have let you say no even if that was your answer. This is our time. I know you don’t believe in my promises, so I won’t promise you. I will tell you instead – I will get out of this life, Emilia. And when I do? Me and you, we are packing up and getting far away from this town, starting over. Be ready, my sweet Emilia.” Without another word, he stands up, placing a tender kiss on my forehead. My eyes close on their own accord, savoring the tenderness and love that is flowing from his lips. Then they are gone, his hands unravel from my closed ones, and he’s walking out of Coffee Beans, not looking back. The door closes behind him. I watch him walk down the path until I can’t see him anymore before I sink down into the booth. My heart is beating insane amounts right now. Every time something sweet comes out of his mouth, this is the effect it has on me. I’ve forgotten who sweet, adorable Phoenix is.
“I don’t like him.”
“Huh?” I look in front of me, finding Harry sitting where Phoenix was not two minutes ago. His face is still sour. It’s starting to grate on my nerves.
“I said, I don’t like him.”
A laugh bubbles up and out of my mouth. “That’s funny, because he said exactly the same thing about you.” Harry’s mouth hangs open for a split second before he composes himself, squinting his eyes at me.
“Stay away from him, please, Emilia.”
Oh, no, he didn’t. He did not just go there.
I lean forward on the table, getting closer to him and lowering my voice. “Listen to me and listen to me good. Do not tell me who I can and can’t talk too. You are not my boyfriend, and I’ve told you that on multiple occasions. We are just friends, Harry. You don’t know me-” He opens his mouth to protest. I cut him off with a wave of my hand. “You don’t know anything about me that I don’t want you to know. You don’t know about my past, about who I am. That guy has been my best friend since I can remember. Yes, he’s let me down and hurt me, but it is for me to decide whether or not I want to talk to him. He’s not some random guy who I’ve recently met and have no clue about. I know Phoenix better than anybody. So I will tell you again- don’t you dare tell me who I can and can’t talk to, understood?” My tone is the cold one that I haven’t had to use in a while. It feels foreign on my tongue, and directing it toward Harry, who has been a dear friend to me since I moved here, hurts more than I can mention. Except he needs to be put in his place.
We both stare at each other, not saying a word. I’ve said everything that needs to be said. I just hope it sinks into his head. Otherwise, we are going to have to end this friendship right now.
I don’t know how long we just sit, staring at each other and not uttering a word. Harry breaks the silence between us first.
“You’re right. I don’t have any right to tell you who to talk to, and I’m sorry. You’ve made it clear on many an occasions that we will never be anything more than friends. I guess I need to start believing that now that I’ve seen the way you look at him. You love him, don’t you?”
“Yes. Always have, always will.” I break our eye contact to stare at the table. It’s so hard admitting to people how I feel. Only a handful of people know my feelings toward Phoenix. I don’t really want to admit it in fear of getting my heart broken again, but I can’t help but tell people because it’s the truth.
“He’s the guy that you can’t move on fr
om, isn’t he?”
“Yes.” I sigh.
“I never had a chance against him, did I?” he asks dejectedly.
“No, I’m sorry.” I feel so bad right now. “If Phoenix didn’t have a hold of my heart, then you’d definitely have a shot with me, Harry.”
“Please, you don’t have to explain. I understand.”
“No, I do. You’re a great guy. You’re somebody who would be perfect for me. I know you wouldn’t ever hurt me, that you’d look after me and make me the happiest lady alive. It’s just not what my heart wants though. My heart always has and always will belong to Phoenix. You will make some lady very happy, though it’s just not me.” I give him a weak smile. I feel sad. I meant everything I just said. He would be the perfect guy for me in another life, but I’ve never been attracted to the nice guys. I want the tough, rough around the edges type, who will put a bit of spice into my life. I know if I were with Harry, my life would be plain sailing, and for me, that’s boring. I want excitement, problems, and arguments; something that will make my relationship stronger, something worth fighting for. I have that with Phoenix.
Harry leans on the table and grabs my hands. “I hope he makes you happy, Emilia, because you deserve the best. You’re a wonderful girl, and I’m not going to lie- I wish you were mine, but I see that your heart is his. I can’t contend with that. I will be here for you if you need me. If he hurts you, well, I will try to beat his ass, but that guy looks like he would probably put me in the ground if I gave him so much as a funny look. For you, though, I will try.” He winks, trying to lighten the atmosphere. It works. I laugh. He’s right, too; he would never be able to take on Phoenix. Him saying that he will try just melts my heart. He is adorable.
“I love you, Harry. You’ve been an amazing friend to me these past few months. I don’t want to lose you.” I squeeze his hands.
“Oh, pshh, you aren’t going to lose me, pretty lady. You’re stuck with me and my cheesy chat up lines forever now.”
“Oh, God, please no!” I say dramatically, causing him to laugh.
“I’m afraid so, sugar.” He looks behind him at the line mounting up, people not looking impressed at having to wait for their caffeine. “I best get back before they fire me for neglecting my customers.”
