“My head hurts,” she says. Her breathing starts growing shallow and fast. “Where are my diamonds?”
I take her hands to stop her from fidgeting.
“I need them!” She cries. “I see the ghosts coming. I hear them whispering. Help. Where are my mom and dad? I need someone to help me.”
“You’re strong, Tasia. You don’t need your diamonds. Your parents will always be watching over you. You will always have help, but right now you need to help yourself,” I say.
She looks at me, terrified, and I feel like my heart is about to break. Then her eyes roll up and she passes out. She’s breathing normally again, but this is her body’s way of dealing with what she can’t handle at the moment. I hug her tightly. I want nothing more than to protect her as I always have, but right now I am no protection. Right now I am a chain. Right now angels aren’t safe for her.
“Do you mean it?” Arsen asks. “You really want Tasia, Yuki, and me to leave together?”
“I don’t have a choice,” I snap. “We’re out of time. Imae is coming back. I know you’ll do whatever it takes to protect Tasia. I know you won’t let any harm come to her. That’s why I’ll let you take her.”
“You’re a terrible liar. You’re only desperate,” he replies. “And what about you? The angels will have your head for this.”
“Maybe they will, but I am an angel. I still want to believe in angels. I’m going back with Imae.”
Arsen walks up to me. He crouches down so he’s level with me and he catches my eye, silently asking me to entrust him with the most important person in the world to me. Reluctantly, I move Tasia away from me and place her in his arms. He lifts her up and Yuki comes forward just as Imae makes it back inside of the studio.
It only takes her a moment to deduce something isn’t right. “What do you think you’re doing?!” she shouts as she starts running.
Arsen and Yuki exchange looks and apparently know what the other is thinking. Arsen transfers Tasia to Yuki’s arms as he begins to shift, not bothering with saving his clothes as he rips them to shreds. I shift too, destroying my clothes as well. Then I launch myself at Imae, doing whatever is in my power to give them a chance to get away. My polar bear is able to knock my overseer back due to my size and the fact that she wasn’t ready for me. I run up to her, ready to bulldoze into her again, but she’s ready for me this time. She catches my powerful paws in her tiny hands with grips like steel, and she throws me into another set, demolishing it.
I can’t recover in time to reach her again. She’s faster and stronger than I am. I did all I can. I roll out of the debris and shake off the dust coating my fur just as Arsen breaks down one of the film studio’s walls. Yuki leaps onto his back while holding Tasia. Then they’re clear of the building. Imae is right on Arsen’s tail. She can’t fly, but that doesn’t mean they’re safe. Fly fast, Arsen. And keep Tasia safe.
IMAE IS JUST behind me. She’s moving faster than I’ve ever seen her move, and if looks could kill, I’d already be dead. She’s never liked me, but right now she’s spitting mad. I spread out my wings as soon as I’m clear of the stuffy Monster Works building and I take to the skies. I gain altitude quickly, but Imae is no sucker. She may be flightless, but she can jump plenty high. She leaps for me, specifically for Yuki and Tasia on my back. But I’m ready for her. I smack her out of the air with my large draconic tail and send her smashing into asphalt below. She rips up the parking lot with how hard I hit her. Seems Imae did her job with clearing the place out though, because I don’t see any humans anywhere near the film studio.
Then, as I shoot high into the sky, we’re free. She won’t catch us now. Not for a while at least. I’m not stupid enough to think we’re in the clear. I’m not stupid enough to think the oracle won’t be tracking Tasia. Whether he or any other angel knows her soul’s unique resonance or whether they track her the old fashioned way, all of it will be a pain.
I gain enough altitude to make sure we don’t draw any more eyes than we must have on that film set. The wind is silent under my wings, and I’m content in this moment, knowing that both Yuki and Tasia are safe on my back. I take notice of Yuki rifling through Tasia’s clothes, breaking her cell phone and anything else humans might use to track her. I silently thank her for that.
My chest feels tight, and shame washes through my entire body. I almost killed Yuki. I was trying so hard to fight it, but it was almost impossible. I almost did it. I almost killed her, and I hate myself for that.
“I thought for sure this time I wouldn’t see you again,” Yuki says softly.
My ears perk up as I listen intently to whatever she has to say to me. I hope she hates me now. I hope she’ll never forgive me for this.
“But here you are,” she continues.
I glance behind me to see that she’s looking at Tasia, who she is holding safely in her arms for me.
“You were crying,” she says. “That was the first time I’ve seen you shed physical tears. But it wasn’t the first time I’ve seen you cry. The first time I saw you cry was when Emma died. I didn’t think I’d ever see you cry again. Emma is the only one you’ve ever loved. And yet, the second time I see you cry, it’s for me.”
I have been nothing but terrible to Yuki, but I’ve never wanted to hurt her—especially not like that. Killing her… The thought of her dead scares me.
“You could have killed me easily,” she says. “I wasn’t fighting. I made it easy for you, but you were fighting. I don’t really understand what has happened, and what ties you so strongly to this girl, but you were fighting against her command with everything inside of you.”
Not everything, I think. If I was fighting with everything, I wouldn’t have almost killed you, Yuki.
She whispers, “I guess, what I’m trying to say is you finally answered my question. When I asked you if you loved me at all, you answered that question today. Thank you.”
I’M ALONE INSIDE of Monster Works. I found some clothes on one of the sets that fit me well enough, and now I’m waiting. Imae went chasing after Tasia, Arsen, and Yuki, but I saw Arsen fly away into the sun. I’m sure my overseer will be back here soon enough. The sound of sirens will probably be sounding any second now, too.
All I have to do now is wait.
I think back to the day my family was killed. I try not to most of the time because it’s the most painful memory I know, but sometimes I find myself thinking about it anyway. My little brother died first. I saw him get torn apart by a couple of wendigos. They chased me next. They were intent on torturing me before they killed me though. They knew where my house was. They tied me up as they went inside and killed my parents. I was done fighting after that. They tore into me next. I thought for sure I would die, but bolts of lightning came down from the sky, hitting the wendigos directly, and burning them into a pile of ash. That was the day I met Imae. She was the one commanding that lightning. That was also the day I became an angel.
I was so full of hate. I never had a chance for revenge like Tasia believes she does, and maybe that’s why my anger didn’t consume me. More than anything, I wanted answers. There was this angel standing in front of me, and she saved my life. I wanted to know why my family was allowed to die such a horrible death. They were good people. I wanted answers from God, and so I gave myself to the angels. I wanted to stop this from happening to anyone else. That and I didn’t want to die.
Since then, my hate hasn’t been as strong. I’ve killed monsters when necessary, but it has never been out of hatred. The angels taught me well, and I killed monsters to save people. I never made them suffer, and I never did anything unnecessary. But I also never thought of them as sentient beings. I looked at monsters and demons as simple entities carrying only darkness, so killing monsters wasn’t hard. I had never met anyone like Alisha. Made demons were human once, and they weren’t necessarily turned of their freewill. It makes sense victims like that could turn out like Alisha. I had just never seen it, and so I never considered
it a possibility. I didn’t want to kill Alisha, but there was no way to take the darkness from inside of her either. Demons are vile creatures. Victor deserves to die for what he did to Alisha.
I have no love for demons. I never thought I had any sympathy for them either. But I couldn’t stand watching Arsen get tortured.
Arsen is a demon who has done many terrible things. As the oracle said, he has probably been getting what he deserves, but I finally caved. Arsen genuinely didn’t want to hurt Yuki. He showed me something other than darkness inside of him. Are demons really capable of more? Then Tasia… seeing her act so cruelly was something my heart couldn’t take. I will get punished for this, but I had to listen to my heart this time. I did what I thought was right. Whatever outcome becomes of this, I regret nothing.
Imae finally joins me inside—or what’s left of inside. A wiser made angel, or a more fearful one, would probably try running away. I should feel afraid, but I feel calm.
I’m where I need to be.
Imae doesn’t take her yellow-green eyes off of me. There’s a profound disappointment written across her usually smooth as porcelain face. She’s also streaked in black and her clothes are torn.
“What have you done?” she asks me.
I walk over to her as she continues walking toward me.
“I followed my heart,” I reply.
“I don’t understand,” she replies. “Have you defected? You betrayed me. You betrayed all angels.”
We stop moving when we’re a couple of feet away from each other, neither one of us eager to touch.
“I am an angel. I want to believe that angels are good,” I say. “That’s why I haven’t run away. Whatever happens to me, I was doing what I thought was right. What was being done to Tasia is inexcusable. She’s been swayed and tampered with by angels since practically the day she was born. There was something happening that wasn’t quite angelic here—at least in my eyes. I couldn’t stand by and watch Tasia torture Arsen like that. It was unnecessary. He’s been suffering the whole time he’s been with us already, and then she told him to kill the one being he cares about. How is that angelic?” I shake my head. “I’m ready to receive whatever punishment deemed necessary, but I did what I believed was right.”
“And a punishment you will get,” she says sadly. “I really wish you hadn’t done what you did, Rynne.”
I FEEL LIKE I’M swimming in tar. Everything is dark and it’s hard to breathe. I exist in this realm of nothing. I need someone to help me. There’s something worse than this tar inside of me, and it’s trying to suffocate me.
Hands, bright and shining yellow gold, pierce through the heavy darkness above me. I want their light. I reach out my hand and they catch me. All of a sudden the darkness recedes, replaced by a world of white. I see those hands are attached to bodies now, celestial bodies shining with the same soft gold light. Smiling faces peer down at me. Faces of two people I love.
“Mom. Dad,” I whisper.
Of course it’s them. They’ve always been there to help me. Why didn’t I call to them in the first place?
I feel hot liquid rolling down my cheeks. I touch my hands to my face to feel tears spilling out of my eyes without any sign of stopping. That’s weird. Why am I crying? I feel so sad, but I have no reason to be because my parents are right here. I’m safe now.
Then I remember. My parents are dead. They aren’t there for me anymore. They aren’t there. I’ve been searching and searching for them. But I also haven’t been searching for them as much as I should have. I didn’t have any luck, and I was losing heart. I gave up on them. I focused on Arsen, and I went for revenge instead. But now they’re right here. They found me.
“I searched for you but you never came,” I blubber. “I couldn’t find you. I thought you left me for good.”
“You’ve been searching the darkness, little Wren,” Dad says. “We aren’t ghosts wandering in the darkness.”
“We’ve always been with you,” Mom says. “We never left. You just haven’t been able to see us.”
I cry harder. “That doesn’t make any sense. I can see ghosts, and all this time I haven’t seen you. Are you angels?”
More memories come flooding back. I remember the boy I’m in love with and how he’s actually an angel. Well, a human turned angel. I remember Cassius, Valor, Imae…
“I’ve met some angels,” I say. “But none of them look like you. You don’t have physical bodies, do you?”
They shake their heads.
“But you have a similar warmth,” I say. “The angels feel kind of like you, but it’s like their warmth feels diluted compared to yours.”
My parents bring me into a hug. The sensation is like pure energy, as if they are rays of sunlight wrapped around my body. They feel so good. I feel safe here in their arms.
“You have to be strong, Tasia,” Mom says.
“You have to remember,” Dad says, “we are always with you.”
Dad moves me away just far enough to point to my heart.
“The heart is a powerful thing,” Mom says. “People are always giving and taking little pieces of it, and we keep those connections for all of eternity. The connections we make are continually changing, growing, evolving. The people we meet and the way they touched our lives will never be forgotten. Every step of that journey is the memory written on our hearts. Because of that, we will always be a part of you. We’ll never leave.”
The bright light my parents cast starts becoming insubstantial as it fades away into the white.
I scream, “I’m not ready to let you go! I have a lot of questions! I haven’t been able to avenge you. I haven’t been able to stop Arsen. I haven’t been able to kill him. Don’t leave.”
“There is something you should know, honey,” Mom says as the last bit of her fades away and I hear only her voice. “Arsen didn’t kill us.”
“What?! But I saw. I saw what happened.”
“You saw us dead, but it wasn’t Arsen who killed us.”
“I don’t understand,” I cry.
“You will in time, baby,” Mom replies. “What I’m saying is true. Now you must follow your heart.”
“We love you,” Dad says. “Forever and always.”
I wake up gasping with tears streaming down my face. I don’t know where I am. The white room I was just in is gone. The color that surrounds me now is brown. I’m in a room made of wooden logs. I’m in a bed I don’t recognize. What’s going on? I breathe in and out with shuddering breaths, trying to remember how I got here.
My head jerks at the sound of a door opening. It’s Arsen. He’s looking at me with his too bright green eyes. Arsen. Yuki. He was begging me not to make him do it, but I told him to kill her. I didn’t care. I didn’t even see the pain in his eyes. But now that I’m thinking about it, now that I’m recalling it, I’m seeing it very differently. It’s almost like I was in someone else’s mind, making decisions as someone else. I’m so confused. Would I have done what I did if I had seen what I see now or would I have stopped? Rynne believed I would stop. He stopped me. Arsen was pleading with me, but I wanted him to hurt the same way I’ve been hurting since my parents died.
I look at my hands, shaking in front of me as I hold them out. Blood flashes across my fingertips, and then it goes away quickly, like it’s nothing more than a hallucination. What have I been doing lately? I pushed Rynne away. I don’t want to push him away. I want him here with me right now. I told him I didn’t need him. I told him I didn’t want him. It’s like I just woke up from a bad dream, but it wasn’t a dream, was it? It’s like all of the emotions I wasn’t feeling when everything was happening are hitting me right now, all at once, and I feel like I’m going to break.
I scream and start digging my nails into my arms, trying to scratch away all of the inky black I see consuming my skin. I don’t want to be consumed by this darkness.
The mattress bounces as someone sits down behind me. They restrain me in their arms. This person i
s as hard as a rock, and I can’t budge an inch. I can’t scratch away at myself anymore. All I can do is scream and cry.
“Stop,” a deep, rough voice from behind me sounds. “Stop.”
I keep struggling even though it’s futile.
“Take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. Concentrate on your breathing. Only on your breathing.”
I do as he says. All the black I’m seeing around me begins to fade away. I see wisps of energy in the room, and I know what they are. They’re ghosts. But they aren’t bothering me. The fact that I’m seeing them means that Rynne really did get rid of my crystals. I wonder if I’ll go crazy without them.
Who’s behind me?
Instead of looking over my shoulder, I look down at the arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly but carefully at the same time. I know these arms and these hands well. I don’t know why, but I know every bit of them as intimately as if they were my own arms and hands. I slowly turn my head to look behind me. Bright green eyes, short dark hair with a wavy texture, lips I’ve kissed… Arsen. Is that concern I see on his face?
I look forward again as I sigh. I allow myself to sink into him, because all of a sudden the energy I was using to fight seems to disappear. I feel his chest against my back as he breathes in and out. I feel the subtle caress of his breath just above my head. Why does it feel so warm here? All this time I’ve been telling myself I hate Arsen. I hated him to the point of doing something terrible, and yet here he is holding me like this, and I actually feel safe. The world has gone crazy. The world has officially gone crazy.
I find my voice and ask, “Why haven’t you killed me already?”
“I don’t want to kill you. I never have,” he replies quietly.
“You tried to once or twice before,” I retort. “And you should want to kill me. After everything I’ve done to you, you should kill me. I’m no better than you are.”
The Pull of Destiny (Undying Love, Book 2) Page 37
