by Cat Schield
“Victoria is Drew’s mother.”
“She could have been, but she didn’t want the role.” And his tone said he didn’t want to discuss the matter further. “And there’s something else about the situation you don’t understand.”
Was Blake going to tell Jeanne about Victoria’s infidelity? He sounded frustrated enough with his stepsister to set her straight on all counts.
“Like what?” Jeanne demanded.
“Bella is Drew’s biological mother.”
The shock of hearing this from Blake made Bella sway.
“That’s impossible,” Jeanne exclaimed. “She was just acting as Victoria’s surrogate.”
“It’s true. I have billing statements from the fertility clinic as proof. Drew is not Victoria’s biological son. He’s Bella’s.”
Blake knew? How long? Why hadn’t he said something to her about it?
Fearing she might drop Drew, she set him on the ground. He immediately began to crawl forward.
Blake spotted Drew about the same moment the little boy pulled himself to his feet with a happy cry and began toddling toward the kitchen. As if in slow motion, Bella watched his head swing from Drew toward her. She met his gaze, saw the determination in his eyes and for a second couldn’t breathe.
Was that why he’d asked her to become his nanny? Why he’d sought her out? Why he’d asked her to marry him?
“Jeanne,” he said, his voice low and even, his eyes never leaving Bella. “I think Bella and I need to talk in private.”
“Sure.” She sounded uncertain, as if the pressure in the room was set to explode at any moment. Moving with far less confident grace than usual, she left the sofa and circled around the room, giving Bella a wide berth.
The front door opened and closed.
Leaving Bella and Blake alone.
Twelve
“You knew?” Bella was shocked by how calm she sounded. “Why didn’t you say something?” When Blake didn’t answer her question immediately, she hit him with another. “Were you ever planning on telling me you knew? What would have happened when we had a second child and he looked exactly like Drew? Were you planning on ignoring that?”
“That’s a question both of us should answer, don’t you think?” Blake closed the distance until mere inches separated them. His voice lowered to a rumble. “Were you ever planning on telling me?”
Blood pounded in Bella’s ears. Her earlier dizziness returned. What was she going to say to make this right?
“I don’t know. Everything between us happened so fast. And then you proposed and…” Bella swayed forward and his arms came around her, a strong circle she never wanted to leave. “I was afraid I would lose you if I told you Drew was mine.”
Heavy silence followed her declaration. As she waited for Blake to decide whether to forgive her or send her packing, each second that ticked by was like another hole in the life raft that kept her from drowning.
“How long have you known?” she asked, muffling the question against his shoulder.
“A couple weeks.”
Before he proposed to her.
Although it made her whole body ache to do so, Bella pushed out of Blake’s arms. “That’s why you want to marry me. Not because you love me. You told Jeanne you just wanted a mother for Drew. His real mother. Marrying someone you love wasn’t in your plans.”
“I’m sorry you overheard that.”
But he wasn’t sorry he felt that way.
“How long were you planning on keeping up the charade?” Bella demanded. “Did you think I wouldn’t figure out eventually that ours wasn’t a real marriage?”
“I care for you. I’m not pretending. You shouldn’t be upset because I put Drew’s needs above my own—when you left after he was born, you did the exact same thing. No matter how much it hurt to walk away.”
“Does the thought of marrying me hurt?” Her voice sounded impossibly small, but it was hard speaking past the tightness in her throat and chest.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m thrilled that we’re going to be a family.”
“But you don’t love me.”
“Stop harping on that.”
“But it’s important to me. The reason I resisted having children for so long is that I was afraid to be trapped in a situation like my mother was. There were so many of us to take care of. There was never enough money. She seemed exhausted and worried all the time. I didn’t want that for myself. I refused ever to settle for less than what made me happy.”
“What are you saying?”
“That I now find myself trapped in an untenable situation. I can’t marry you knowing that you don’t love me, but I want more than anything to be Drew’s mother.”
“But you could marry me knowing that I will be forever faithful as well as grateful for the gift of Drew and any other children we might have.”
Grateful?
Bella crossed her arms to ward off a sudden chill. Could she be happy with half a marriage? It was unrealistic to believe that anyone enjoyed a life of complete bliss, but for two short days she’d thought Blake loved her and she’d never been happier. Sure, she’d had a few concerns, but not when Blake held her in his arms. Not when she snuggled Drew.
“I need some time to think.”
She eased sideways in the direction of the stairs, tugging off the expensive ring as she went. As it came free of her finger, a burden seemed to lift off her shoulders. Marrying Blake had been a pipe dream. She’d been a fool to think he could love her. Now she’d never have to struggle to make herself acceptable to his friends or worry that they would believe she’d married him for his money.
Blake caught her wrist before she could set the ring down on a nearby table. His grip was firm, but not painful. “Keep the ring. It’s a symbol of how much I want us to be a family.”
“If you’re worried that I’m going to abandon Drew,” she said, “don’t be. I don’t need a ring or a marriage proposal to keep me around. I love Drew. He’s the most important person in my life. I’d never turn my back on him.”
“What about me? Do you think I proposed marriage on a whim? I want you in my life, as well. This last month I realized just how important you are to me.”
With a strong tug, Bella freed her wrist and pressed the ring into Blake’s palm, closing his fingers around it. “I couldn’t be happy knowing I was standing in the way of you finding someone you love and making a life with her.”
Then, with her sight blurred by tears, Bella raced upstairs, leaving behind the two men she loved most in the world.
*
Blake stared after Bella until a crash sounded behind him. Drew’s wail erupted a second later. He’d jostled an end table and caused a picture frame to fall. Blake scooped him off the floor and saw that he wasn’t hurt, just startled.
With his son riding his shoulders, Blake strode upstairs. His conversation with Bella had been a disaster, but Blake wasn’t ready to just let all his plans fall apart. Her bedroom door was closed, signaling she wasn’t in the mood to talk. He considered knocking for a brief moment before Drew began to yawn. His son needed a diaper change and a nap. There would be time to approach Bella after Drew was asleep.
But by the time Drew was settled, Bella was in the midst of packing.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Blake demanded, unsettled by this new development.
“I need some time to think. So I thought I’d go home for a few days.”
“I’ll make arrangements for you to fly back to New York. Will four days be enough time? We’re supposed to attend the Weavers’ anniversary party.”
“I’m not going to New York. I’m heading back to Iowa.”
She’d told him she was returning home after Drew’s birth and then she ended up staying in New York. This time he believed she was going to Iowa. He was less confident she would be coming back.
“What’s a few days?”
“Five. Maybe a week.”
Was he on the brink of lo
sing her all over again? “Drew will miss you if you’re gone too long.”
“I know. But he has you. And Jeanne and Mrs. Farnes.”
“That’s not the same as having his mother.”
“I’m not leaving forever, Blake. It’s just a week.”
“Why don’t you stay here and think. If it’s space you need, I can return to New York. I’ll take Drew with me if you’d like.”
She shook her head. “I can’t let you leave your home. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
He’d met this same wall of stubborn determination after Drew was born, when she’d refused contact with him. The familiarity of the situation put him on edge.
“You’ll call me?”
“Of course.” She zipped up her suitcase and slipped her purse over her shoulder. “Now I really need to get going. There’s a bus heading back to New York in an hour.”
“I’ll drive you into town.”
“No need. I’ve ordered a taxi.”
Suddenly Blake couldn’t bear to let her go. “Stay.”
“I can’t. Not right now.”
He stepped into her path and cupped her face in his hands, holding her steady while his lips dipped to hers. He kissed her as if she was the only woman for him and she responded in kind, but in the end, she was still holding on to the handle of her suitcase, and the way she averted her gaze said she was still determined to make her bus.
“Come back to us,” Blake told her.
“I will.” But her expression was sad rather than reassuring. “Goodbye, Blake. Give Drew a kiss for me. Tell him…” A gentle smile flitted across her lips. “Elephant shoes.”
A heartbeat later she was gone.
And Blake was left feeling that this time it was no one’s fault but his that the most important woman in his life was walking away.
*
When Bella entered the apartment she shared with Deidre, her roommate was waiting. Bella had called from the bus, saying she was coming home, but didn’t get into detail about what happened.
“Are you okay?” Deidre opened her arms and swallowed Bella in a tight embrace.
It was hard to maintain an unflappable demeanor with so much sympathy and understanding pouring down on her. The emotional outburst she’d kept locked inside the entire afternoon burst free. Sobs wrenched at her. All the disappointment and hurt at finding out that Blake didn’t love her tore her apart until Bella was certain she’d never feel whole again.
When at last she’d gotten past the worst of it, Deidre spoke.
“What happened?”
“Blake knew I was Drew’s biological mom.”
“Was he angry?”
“No.” She’d been so convinced that if he found out about how she and Victoria had deceived him he would never want to speak to her again. “I think he’s known for a while.”
“Did Victoria tell him?”
Bella shook her head. “He said something about having a medical bill from the fertility clinic?”
“Why is this a big deal?” Deidre knew only that Bella and Blake had been intimate. Now her friend needed to hear the rest of the story.
“He asked me to marry him.” She rubbed her bare ring finger. “We were engaged for two whole days.”
“What?” Deidre erupted in shocked tones. “And you didn’t immediately call and tell me?”
“I didn’t tell anyone.”
“Not even your family?”
Bella rubbed a new batch of tears from her cheeks. “No. And I can’t explain why. I think maybe I was afraid something like this would happen.”
“Who broke off the engagement?”
“I did.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s only marrying me because I’m Drew’s mother. He doesn’t love me.”
“Did he tell you that before or after you agreed to marry him?”
Bella hit her roommate with a hard expression. “I found out today. And as soon as I did, I broke off the engagement. How am I supposed to marry him knowing he only wanted me around for my maternal instincts?”
“Oh, I can see where being married to a handsome, charming billionaire would be one of the worst things that could happen to a girl,” Deidre taunted. “But do you really expect me to believe that a man who could have any woman in Manhattan would settle for a loveless marriage for the sake of his son?” She shook her head. “I don’t see it.”
“But that’s exactly what he wanted.”
“You said you two were sensational together in bed. It can’t be that great without some emotional connection.”
Deidre’s arguments weren’t helping Bella’s peace of mind.
“Well, sure, we like each other.”
“You were marrying a man you only liked?”
Bella’s breath gusted out. “Okay, I’m in love with him.”
“Madly? Passionately?”
“Deeply. Irrevocably.”
“So, the man you adore—the father of the baby you’ve been missing like crazy for almost a year—likes you and wants to marry you.” Deidre paused and waited for Bella’s reluctant nod. “And you turned him down because it’s not enough?”
“Put that way, I sound like a complete idiot.”
“Not an idiot. But you do sound afraid. Haven’t you spent your whole life running from anything that you didn’t think was perfect? Your mother’s choices are not ones you would have made, but from what you’ve told me, she’s completely happy with her life.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I think I’ve been so determined not to have children because I’m just like her and I know once I got started, I’d want to keep going until eventually I’d be financially strapped and tied down with no hope of getting free.”
“That doesn’t have to be what happens to you. Marry Blake and you’ll have more money than you can spend and an army of nannies to take care of your brood.”
Deidre’s pragmatism echoed what Jeanne had said. She glared at her friend. “And have everyone assume I’m only marrying him for his money?”
“Why do you care what anyone thinks? As long as your motives are pure, they can all go jump off a bridge.” Deidre went to the kitchen and came back with two glasses filled with red wine. “We are going to drink this wonderful Cab I got from my friend Tony and then you are going to tell me what club you’d like to hit tonight. Before you decide Blake isn’t the one for you, I suggest you remember what life is like as a single girl. Then you can tell me if that’s really what you want.”
“What if it is?”
“Then I’ll support you one hundred percent. But if it’s not, I expect you to call Blake and tell him you want a long engagement followed by a sensational New York City wedding with all the trimmings.” Deidre held out her hand. “Deal?”
Wondering what sort of trimmings Deidre was talking about, Bella shook her roommate’s hand. “Deal.”
*
The beach house echoed with loneliness. Blake sat in the darkness, an untouched tumbler of scotch at his elbow, and stared out into the night. Bella had been gone for three days.
Blake woke every morning to an empty bed and a sick feeling in his gut. Nor was he the only one to feel the impact of Bella’s absence. Drew was fussier than ever. Exhausting himself by crying for hours at night and then refusing to settle down for naptime. If Blake thought his son was too young to notice that Bella wasn’t around, he’d misjudged the bond that had formed between mother and son.
She hadn’t answered any of his numerous phone calls, but had texted him that she was fine and simply needed some time and space to think. He was beginning to worry she wouldn’t come back to them. No, he amended. She would return and take up her role as Drew’s mother. She loved her son and would fight to stay in his life.
Even if that meant suffering a relationship with Blake to do it.
His cell rang. Heart leaping in joy, he checked the display, but it was only Jeanne.
“We are having a few people over for dinner
, tonight,” she told him, her tone authoritative. “You should join us.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Bring Bella. I’m sure Mrs. Farnes wouldn’t mind watching Drew tonight.”
“Bella’s not here.” He wanted to blame Jeanne for his predicament, but in all fairness, couldn’t pass on the blame for Bella’s leaving. “She went home to Iowa for a week or so.”
“Is everything all right?” Jeanne’s concern came through the phone.
“I don’t know. She won’t answer my calls.”
“Is this because she overheard our conversation?”
“What do you think?”
“I think you’re annoyed with me,” Jeanne retorted. “It’s not my fault that Bella left. You are the one who proposed to her under false pretenses.”
“They weren’t false. I intended for us to be a family. I wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt her or make her regret marrying me.”
“And there’s nothing you can do about that tonight. Come have dinner with us.”
“Another night.”
Blake hung up on his stepsister. He was unfit company for anyone.
Less than ten minutes later, his doorbell rang. Cursing, he went to answer, expecting Jeanne, but it was Victoria who stood on his doorstep.
“If you’ve come to persuade me to have dinner at Jeanne’s, you are wasting your breath.”
“That’s not why I’m here.” Victoria strode past him into the home they’d shared for five years. “Jeanne said you hadn’t taken down any of the pictures of me until the beginning of summer.”
“Don’t read anything into it.”
“Have you asked yourself why?”
“Because I hadn’t gotten around to it.”
“I think there’s a lot more to it than that.” Vicky gave him a crafty smile as she took the glass he offered. “Jeanne said you and Bella are getting married.”
“Did she also tell you that she and I are having problems?”
“She said you don’t love her.”
“I loved you and look how our marriage turned out.”
“Do you think a marriage without love will have better luck?” Victoria quizzed. “Or are you afraid to fail at love a second time?”
