by Raven Scott
As soon as we get to them, Cannon stands and grabs my shoulder, pulling me out of Rogen’s space and into a hug. “Hello, little sister.” He might be speaking to me, but I don’t fail to notice that he keeps his eyes on Rogen.
Collins stands and slaps her palm against Cannon’s arm hard before turning to hug her brother. “Hey, Ro. Glad to see you both. We thought you might have forgotten.”
Cannon lets me go and Rogen instantly reaches out and pulls me back to his side. Without realizing I’m doing it, I turn into him and wrap my arms around his waist, snuggling my head into his chest as he kisses the top of my head. “We got sidetracked, but we’d never forget something this important.”
“Collins Helding,” a nurse calls from the door at the front of the room.
“That’s me,” Collins says loudly as she takes a step toward the isle, grabbing my hand and pulling me with her as she goes. “Please don’t hurt him, Parker,” she whispers at we walk. “I think he loves you.”
“Collins, I—”
“Not now, P. I just want you to know that I’m glad you’re happy. I’m glad he’s happy. I just don’t want my brother to get hurt,” she says as we reach the nurse and she straightens herself.
“All of you coming back?” the nurse asks, looking over our heads at the guys.
“Yes,” Collins says. “One of them is the father, the other is the uncle, and this pretty lady is this baby’s auntie.”
The nurse smiles at each of us and then motions for us to follow her into the back. Cannon and Collins go in the room first so she can get comfortable and they call us in a few minutes later. Once we’re inside the room, I stand next to Cannon and Rogen slides up behind me, one hand resting on my side.
“Y’all ready to find out what this baby is with us?” Cannon says as I look up at him.
My mouth drops open as I look rapidly between the two of them. “Are you fucking kidding? Why the hell would you want us intruding then?”
“Because we want you all to be this kid’s godparents,” Collins says, staring over my shoulder.
Rogen’s hand leaves my side and he walks around to Collins’s other side, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “Thank you,” he whispers, the crack in his voice full of more emotion than I’ve ever seen him show. “I don’t deserve this.”
Collins grabs his hand with tears shining in her own eyes. “No one else in this world would be better for my child. You’re the best person I know, Ro. You saved me. You were a better parent to me than our actual parents, and I know you’ll love this kid just as much as we do.”
Rogen nods his head and as he walks back around to me, I reach up and gently pull his head down so that his lips touch mine. When he stands back and looks in my eyes, I know that I’m going to keep pushing until this man knows just how important he is.
He steps behind me and wraps his arms around me just as the door opens and an older gentleman in a white coat comes in. “Alright, who’s ready to find out what this baby is?”
As the doctor gets himself situated and prepares Collins’s stomach, I look at my brother and reach over to squeeze his hand. “I’m so proud of you.”
He looks at me and his eyes soften when he squeezes my hand back. “Is it okay that I’m scared shitless?”
“Cannon Helding, you are going to be the most amazing father to this baby. Don’t you doubt that for even a second.”
The tell-tale whoosh of a baby’s heartbeat grabs our attention and I turn to the monitor with my mouth dropped open. Right there on the screen is the silhouette of the next member of this wonderful family. As the doctor does his check, and the others happily chatted around me, the darkness crept into my head again.
It’s almost a shock when it happens now because I’m getting used to Rogen keeping it at bay, but then some moments even he can’t push it back for me. This is one of those moments.
I realize that if Dalton was alive, we might be having this experience right now. He’s the guy I’d be making love to in the morning and having dinner with, and building a family with. As happy as Rogen makes me, I can’t stop these stupid thoughts from worming their way into my brain sometimes.
It fucking sucks.
Because I can’t bring Dalton back. Nothing is ever going to change the reality I have now. The stronger my feelings get for Rogen, the more I struggle, and the darker my thoughts get, like I’m being punished for moving on and trying to be happy.
“Baby, where did you go?” Rogen whispers in my ear, gently nipping the lobe.
A shiver runs through my body and I cover his arm around my waist with my own. “It’s nothing. Sorry.”
“Well,” the doctor says as some pictures print out and he wipes Collins’s stomach off before removing his gloves. “You guys are good to go.”
We all stare at him like he’s lost his mind.
“Uh, Doc. . .” Cannon says with his eyebrow raised.
The doctor playfully smacks his palm to his forehead. “Oh right, you all wanted to know what gender the baby is. Well, you’re having a girl.” He grabs the sonogram pictures and hands them to Collins as my hands fly up to cover my mouth.
“A girl?” she whispers with a small smile on her face, staring at the sonograms.
Cannon leans over and whispers in her ear, bringing his hand to rest on her bare stomach. I don’t miss the tears falling from his eyes as he kisses the side of her head.
“Do you have a name picked out?” I ask through swallowed sobs. My emotions are starting to get the better of me and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to hold it together.
Collins smiles and wipes the tears from her face. “Rosalie Grace Helding.”
A smile spreads across my lips and I nod slowly. “Beautiful.”
This little baby has no idea how loved she already is, but not just from her parents alone. She’s going to have so much love and warmth around her, she’ll drown in happiness.
We walk out to the parking lot with Collins and Cannon, and as we split from them to walk to Rogen’s car, he takes my hand. When we step up to the passenger side, he pushes me against the car and kisses me like he’s trying to steal the very breath from my lungs.
My hands go to his chest and it’s like I want to climb inside him. His fingers tangle in my hair, tilting my head and deepening the kiss. When Rogen finally pulls away, we’re both panting and all I want is to get him home. “What was that for?”
He gives me a sexy little smirk and shrugs, gently squeezing the side of my neck. “You make me extremely happy, just wanted to show you.”
He keeps smiling as he opens my door and lets me climb in. Rogen is going to fuck me into oblivion when we get home. He doesn’t even have to say so, because the look in his eyes says that I am in for some delicious pain today, and I am completely okay with that.
16
The next few days whiz by. Between diving back into Theodora’s case and getting lost in Rogen every night, it’s like time is moving twice as fast as I’ve been used to over the last year. Part of me is totally okay with that. The less time I have alone, the less the darkness and pain can creep in and fuck with my emotions.
Every time I think I’m making progress in healing, though, something happens and the pain surfaces for a moment. I’ve considered talking to Rogen about it or maybe getting therapy, I don’t know. I don’t want him to feel bad, though. Not with how utterly amazing he has been as my best friend and then the last several months as way more than my best friend.
That’s another issue. Even in my mind, I have this fear of putting a label on whatever Rogen and I are. It’s like if I label it and it ends, it’s going to hurt that much worse, and I don’t want any more pain than what I already have. The sheer thought of losing Rogen in any way makes my chest hurt so bad I want to double over in pain.
The constant running and influx of shit to do for this case does explain why it’s Saturday, I have my tattoo appointment in an hour, but Rogen and I are sitting in my office. He�
�s sketching at the spare desk by my window and I’m at the computer sending some strongly worded emails trying to get a hold of the damn files I need about the defendant in the Crowe case.
I can’t prosecute someone if I don’t know who the hell they are. And I’ve pushed this from the angle of Theodora as much as I possibly can. I need to be able to come in from the other side of this now and I’m running into every roadblock imaginable. It’s fucking frustrating.
Rogen and I rode in different cars, but that’s only because he has a late client tonight and I promised Ro I’d go grocery shopping and cook us something amazing for a late dinner. He’s been doing almost all the cooking lately and I kind of want to get back in the kitchen for a night.
Just as I hit ‘send’ on my email, my office door is flung open, banging against the wall behind it. I jump, my head snapping up and recognition registering in my mind a second before something blurs and the guy in the doorway is slammed against the wall.
“Jesus,” I hiss under my breath as I jump out of my seat.
Owen is pinned against the wall next to the door with Rogen’s forearm against his throat, his eyes wide and frightened. “Parker,” he squeaks out as his face turns red.
“Who the fuck is this?” Rogen growls through his teeth.
I’ve never seen Rogen be this aggressive. Part of it should probably terrify me, but for some strange reason I’m wet as fuck and I don’t think Rogen has ever looked sexier.
“I’m-a-friend,” Owen struggles out.
I run my hand up Rogen’s back, using my other one to press against his chest. “It’s okay, Ro. Let him go.”
Rogen drops his arms and Owen falls to the floor, holding his throat and practically trying to swallow the air. He glares at Owen as he puts his arm possessively around my shoulder and pulls me toward him to kiss the side of my head.
“I didn’t know you hired security,” Owen coughs out as I finally squat next to him and put my hand on his shoulder.
I can’t help but chuckle. “Guess you’ll knock next time.”
“Yeah,” Owen says as he stands up and stares at my face. “Wow, you are looking beautiful, Parker. It’s good to see you again.”
“Good to see you, too. This is—” I turn to introduce Rogen but he and his sketch pad are gone. My face falls and I’m hit with a pang of pain in my chest. Where the hell did he go?
I move back to my desk and Owen takes one of the chairs in front of it. “Who the hell was that guy, anyway?”
“My best friend, Rogen.”
Owen barks out a laugh. “That guy is your best friend? A little beneath you, don’t you think, Parker?”
My eyes go wide and I swear, I see red. “I don’t know what you’re trying to imply, but I’d watch it. You don’t know a thing about that man, and he’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”
The eye roll Owen does makes me want to hit him. “And you met him how?”
“What’s with the inquisition, Owen? And I met him through his sister, who is married to my brother.”
“Cannon got married? Holy shit. Seriously?” he asks, sitting back in the chair.
I power down my computer. “Yeah. Married with a baby on the way. Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but why are you here? I’m usually not even in the office on Saturdays and I’ve got an appointment to get to.”
Owen stands as I do and we both walk to the door, which I close and lock behind us. “I was on this side of town. Thought I’d see if you might be here and want to grab something to eat.”
“Not today. Listen, maybe some other time, but I’ve got to get going. Have a good one, and we’ll talk soon.”
As Owen goes through the front door, I turn to take the side door to the parking garage. Pulling out my phone, I call Rogen but it goes to voicemail. Something about Owen showing up and the way he acted rubs me the wrong way. I can’t explain it, and for now I just want to be with Rogen, after I yell at him for leaving.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m walking into Viking Ink and am madder than a hornet. I tried calling Rogen several times on the way here and he sent me to voicemail every time. As I walk in the doors, I move to head right to his room.
“You can wait here,” T says with a sneer. “He’s with someone right now.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. He is with someone. You can wait here.” She gives me a death glare and I roll my eyes.
Turning back to walk to his office anyway, I stop dead as he and Sierra come into the hallway and start walking toward us. The tears fill my eyes before he even looks up, but the moment he does, his brows furrow together.
Shaking my head, I turn to leave and am surprised when he grabs my arm. “Parker?”
“Let go, Rogen. Don’t worry about the appointment. Clearly, you’re busy.” I don’t even turn my head toward him as I try to pull my arm out of his grip.
“Can we talk about this in private? Please, Parker?”
I huff and finally yank my arm free. Turning toward his office, I push between him and Sierra, bumping both of them with my shoulders as I pretty much stomp down the hall. I’m actually surprised that he’s right on my heels and slams the door closed the moment we’re in the room.
My anger boils over and I spin around on him with my hands on my hips. “So, are you dating me and fucking her? Or is it the other way around? Dating her and fucking me, and I was just too stupid to see through it?”
Rogen steps back like I’ve slapped him and I can’t miss the hurt in his eyes. “You really think I’d do that to you, Parker? After everything, you think I’d hold onto you, onto us, the way I do and still be stupid enough to cheat on you?”
The first tear escapes from my eye and falls down my cheek. “Then why was she here, Rogen?”
“Baby, it’s not what you think,” he says softly as he closes the space between us, bringing his hands up to cup either side of my face and using his thumbs to wipe away the tears. “She wants me back and I said no. I made it very clear that I’m with you and that you’re the only person I want to be with.”
More tears fall down my face as I reach out and run my hands up his chest. “I don’t like the way she looks at you. Hell, I don’t like the way any women look at you,” I whisper, closing my eyes.
I can’t believe I just admitted that out loud.
“Look at me, baby,” Rogen says as he tips my chin up. I open my eyes to meet his, falling a little harder into the affection I can physically see he has for me. “Parker, why the hell would I ever want to be with another woman when I’ve tasted perfection with you?”
His lips touch mine and my hands fist in his shirt. I don’t think Rogen and I have ever been mad at each other before now, but this kiss, hearing him say that he only wants me . . . it erases all the anger.
“Perfection, huh?” I whisper against his lips as he puts his hands under my ass and lifts me, setting me in the tattoo chair, never letting his lips leave mine.
“Mmm, perfection,” he says, running his tongue along my bottom lip before gently biting it. “And once I’m done with your tattoo, I need another taste of that perfection. I’m starving.”
I groan and squeeze my legs together as he kisses my lips and then my forehead before standing and moving around to start setting things up.
“So, where were you wanting this?” he says turning back to me.
I bite my lip and point at my right side.
“You want your first tattoo on your ribs?” His eyebrows shoot up a second before a wide grin spreads across his face. “And that, woman, is how I know you are perfect for me.”
I can’t help but giggle as he leans over to kiss me before holding his hand up to help me out of the chair. Rogen flips on his professional side, gets me out of my shirt, puts the stencil on my ribs, and gets everything, me included, in position. When he finally turns on the tattoo gun, with the buzz echoing through the room, I close my eyes and take the deepest breath I can.
This pain is either going to
be the worst experience ever or the most therapeutic thing ever. Either way, I can’t imagine anyone but Rogen holding that gun.
17
A week later, I can honestly say that tattoos are the sweetest pain I’ve ever felt. I cannot believe it took me so damn long to finally get one. I haven’t told Rogen yet, but I’m already trying to figure out what I want my next one to be.
He’s spent the last week making sure I wash and lotion my side like I’m supposed to. That and tasting what he says is perfection, which he’s done twice today and then I had to drag him from the bed because we promised Rain and Rowan a home cooked dinner tonight.
Standing at the stove peeling potatoes, I smile to myself thinking about our tryst in the shower this morning. Rogen washed my tattoo and rinsed it, and then ran his tongue from my hip to my knee and around to my inner thigh, and things escalated from there.
“What’s the matter, baby?” he whispers in my ear, making me jump as he grabs my hips and pulls my body back against his.
I giggle and turn my head to kiss his lips. “Why would anything be wrong?”
“You’ve been staring out the window holding that potato for like three minutes.”
Now I laugh loudly. “I was actually thinking about this morning.”
Rogen moans and nuzzles my neck. “Mmm, can I have more of that for dessert tonight?”
“One of these days, we’re going to burn out at the rate we’re going,” I say playfully.
As I go back to peeling the potato, Rogen slaps my ass and moves back to the stove top where he’s preparing chicken to put in the oven. “I could never burn out with you, baby.”
He and I work in unison for a while until my cell rings. I rinse my hands and grab it off the island counter. “Parker Helding.”
“Ms. Helding, this is Shonda Cross, from the public defender's office.”
My whole body goes rigid. “Ms. Cross, what can I do for you on this Saturday evening?” I glance up at Rogen, who has stopped cooking and is staring at me.
