by Bill James
‘I hadn’t thought of it like that, the medical side of it.’
‘Scray’s got two kinds of customers, we think. One kind, the ordinary punters. We know about them and the sort of money to the nearest K they spend with the firm through Scray. They’re in the accounts and all obvious and normal. The stuff they get is OK, but only just OK because it’s not much quality to start with, and then it gets a load of makeweight mix.
‘But – and this is the but of fucking buts, Tom – but we think Scray’s also got another kind of punter. This other is for his private use. This other is most probably your richer, smarter set. Way back they probably used to think nostrils was for breathing through, but now they’ve found this extra, snorting use. They can afford to spend big and therefore get the very best stuff, and gladly cough up tidy money for it.’
‘Which Jamie can’t find in the accounts?’
Leo gasped then chuckled. ‘You got it, Tom. You got it right away. But why am I surprised? I should of known you would. Didn’t I say I had that feeling about you? Didn’t I mention this mysterious flair for man management? I don’t expect no special praise for that. It’s just there, inside me, that’s all, the way some are born with music seeping out of theirselves even at a very young age, such as a composer called Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. The way you ask about the accounts is another bit of evidence that I picked correct in your case, Tom. You can see where this story is going. Good! But I want you to think about what it means if Jamie can’t find no sign of these on-the-side deals in the Arabella accounts.’
‘But how do you know the extra, personal deals are being done if they’re not in the accounts?’
‘That’s a wise question, Tom. One I would expect from you. Although you didn’t realize we have to make our own professional rules, you’re quick on other aspects.’
‘You and Jamie think Scray’s doing secret transactions?’ Tom asked.
‘But how does he do them, Tom?’
‘On the quiet somewhere.’
‘I’m not talking about location,’ Leo replied. ‘I’m talking about the wherewithal, if you know that word, too.’ A sort of schoolroom atmosphere had taken over, Leo the gentle, patient, gobby teacher, but a clued-up teacher.
‘Which wherewithal?’ Tom said.
‘How does he get this extra, elite-quality stuff?’ Leo replied.
‘He diverts a proportion of what he’s supplied with by you, by the firm – that is, the firm proper – and diverts it to his own racket.’
Leo smiled tolerantly at the blazing stupidity of this, never mind Tom’s other smart aptitudes. ‘But that would be obvious in the accounts, wouldn’t it, Tom? We know how much stuff he’s been issued with, and we know how much it ought to produce in takings. There has to be a nice relationship.’
‘And the accounts don’t show a shortfall?’
‘The Arabella accounts are absolutely OK,’ Leo said. ‘On the face of it they’re a grand and wholesome tribute to my mother, as she well deserves.’
‘But Jamie sees something wrong?’
‘Jamie does.’ Leo Young waited. He smiled with extreme kindness, giving Tom a chance to suggest an answer unaided, as a good teacher would.
Tom shook his head. ‘This is almost supernatural. I’m stymied.’
‘What he sees as wrong, Tom, is that the Arabella accounts are too absolutely fucking OK. They’re what’s known as immaculate. That’s a word with quite an impact in the religious area, but it’s got other meanings, too, like kosher. Scray’s accounts don’t show no dips or surges, they’re just steady.’
‘Is that bad?’
‘And why are they so steady?’ Leo replied. ‘Because Scray don’t want no special attention aimed at his trading. He’d hate an investigation of Arabella. He wouldn’t know where it might go, such as more than one direction. He’d like to tell us through Arabella’s accounts that everything is normal and regular and worthy, as a memorial to my mother, who he’s aware is eternally precious to me. But in this business, Tom, things are hardly ever normal and regular. This is not like being a greengrocer or a baker. There’s ups and downs, very big ups and downs. That’s what’s normal in this trade. That’s what’s regular – not being regular is regular. Our business has what’s known as “variables”. These variables can come from all directions, sometimes lapping into one another like waves on a beach, sometimes staying separate. Perhaps you could tell me what some of them variables might be.’ Again that lovely, encouraging smile from Leo.
‘Well, economic conditions,’ Tom said. ‘These could affect what punters have to spend. If someone’s out of work, there’ll be less disposable income. Now. The recession. Why burglaries are increasing, it said on TV.’ He hastily stuck the television reference on in case he sounded like a cop well-up on burglary stats.
‘Right.’ Leo lifted both hands and did a moment of imitation clapping. ‘And another variable?’
‘The cost of the original commodity, depending on plentifulness or scarcity.’
‘Right. Another?’ He didn’t persist with the silent applause.
‘Some drugs can go in and out of fashion, such as coke. No explanation for it. You mentioned nostrils. They’ve sort of come into their own during the last decade. Many in the professional world consider a line and a sniff one of life’s major enhancements currently.’
‘Right. Another?’
‘Trouble in the source country, Colombia? Politics. War. Weather. Cargo intercepts at sea.’
‘Right. Another?’
‘I can’t think of any more.’
‘Here’s one: the amount of police activity around selling points,’ Leo said. ‘Or other kinds of police attacks on the profession. Dealers and punters might have to lie low if there’s a purity campaign, which can happen now and then, sort of: “Clean up the world and start here!!” This could last anything up to a fortnight. Some think purity’s got a lot going for it.’
‘Right,’ Tom said.
‘The point of all this is accounts will show signs of these changes in the situation, these variables, won’t they, Tom? Or should show signs.’
‘Right.’
‘So, then, we ask: why is Justin Scray trying to lull us with his absolutely constant Arabella accounts, although them variables are always going to be part of the business and bound to show theirselves in accounts?’
‘Tactics, you think?’
‘Tactics I fucking know, Tom. The answer’s got to be, he’s trading on the side and confidential. What we got with him is a bad case of a firm within the firm, as it’s described. The figures for that secret corner of his commerce would give the dips and surges – such being how a real list is. It don’t just flatline for ever. But, of course, we don’t see them accounts, because that trade is not supposed to exist. Jamie thinks there might be so much profit from the hidden list that Scray can top up any slippage in the ordinary business – the business we do see the accounts of – so everything looks sweet and there won’t be no questions about how things are going in Arabella, no questions at all aimed at Justin.’
‘But if he’s running an extra list, a special list, he’d have to get a supply of more stuff, wouldn’t he? You say he can’t use some of the gear that comes to him routinely from the firm.’
Leo laughed full out this time. ‘You’ve got it again, Tom. There’ll be certain snags and gaps to your understanding, which is only natural, you being new. But the main matter you can see. You realize the factors straight off. Yes, he’s got to get a supply from someone else, or the accounts here would scupper him. This is why the trip in the van is important, the ACME project.’
‘Oh? The van?’
‘Justin Scray – as I said, he’s not a nobody in this organization, Tom. Number three, after self and Mart Abidan. It means I can’t move against him without some decent proof he’s playing things dirty. There’s sort of honour involved. If I don’t give respect to his rank it means I should never of let him get to number three – a bad mistake b
y me. He’s got many a good aspect that I can’t ignore, don’t want to ignore because it would be a sort of denial of leadership judgement. Therefore, the van.’
‘In which respect, Leo?’
‘Where d’you think I got the idea for this van, Tom?’ Leo replied.
‘There’s a film called The Conversation. Gene Hackman. Harrison Ford. It comes up on the movie channel. It has an important van at the beginning.’
Leo struck the arm of his chair a right whack with his fist. ‘You’re there ahead of me yet again, Tom.’
‘It’s a van full of equipment for trying to record a target couple speaking in the park outside. One-way windows.’
‘Surveillance. It’s a surveillance van. Our van is not so hi-tech as that, but the same aim – to ascertain info without it being known that the info is getting ascertained. This is necessary in case surprise action will be the result of ascertaining this info, without that being known by the people it’s ascertained from.’
‘What kind of info are we trying to ascertain?’ Tom replied.
‘We’re looking for a link.’
‘What kind of link?’
‘The link between Justin and another wholesale supplier, different from ours. If we get that, we know he’s into private trading, don’t we? He’ll have far more of the commodities in store than he’ll have taken from me, from us. Then we can act. It won’t matter he’ve been number three. That has become only a sentimental thought now. He’s trying to fool and rip off the firm, and the firm says, “Right, we got to smash the bastard.” The firm’s got a moral duty to look after itself and smash the bastard because he is a blockage in the way of company progress and got to be cleared out of the way. Consider my responsibilities, Tom – people in the firm with mortgages, and/or paying alimony, and/or financing their women’s fashion, and/or coping with their kids’ fees at Oxford or in seminaries. I must keep this firm efficient. You heard the saying “noblesse oblige” at all, meaning the top dog got responsibilities not only privileges? Me – I’m the top dog.’
‘We watch some bulk supplier’s place through the A-holes?’ Tom asked. ‘But how do we know which supplier?’
‘Jamie’s got an idea re that. This is another thing with Jamie, besides the driving and the accounts. He got considerable knowledge of the scene. He can focus on what’s likely.’
‘It’s a guess?’
‘It’s a Jamie guess, which is not really only a guess at all, it’s inspiration, it’s knowledge. He’s like them people with a twig who can tell from the way the twig jumps where there’s water below.’
‘A diviner? A dowser?’
‘Obviously, Jamie don’t do it with a jumping twig, but the same sort of very mysterious power, weird power. A sort of sensing. Either Scray himself or one of his Arabella staff, such as Claud Norman Rice, might turn up to collect the extras. I got photos of both for you. They was taken unknown by the two of them so they’re not like posed portraits, but they’ll do. You can identify from them.’
‘But won’t Scray and Rice recognize the van?’ Tom said.
‘It’s kept here, in the stables block. We don’t bring it out except for a particular role, such as this. It’s a long time since I had it used, most probably before them two joined. Scray and Rice have never seen it, to my knowledge, or heard of it. In any case, the ACME name is new. Previous, it used to be A1 CARPETS AND CURTAINS done in black not red. Same number of As for the holes. Every so often I get it changed. It’s easy. I don’t believe everyone realizes how many words got A in them, Tom, such as SPECIAL CLEANING AND LAUNDRY SERVICES, or PAUL’S PIZZAS AND SAVOURY PIES.’
‘I heard of someone who wrote a book with no Es in it, but never with no As. We might not have a word like “abundant” if As weren’t abundant and able to provide two.’
‘Very true. It’s not just the number of As that got to be right, but they should be spaced out, giving a wide vision, which is why A1 CARPETS AND CURTAINS was great, with the As there from the start and nearly at the end in CURTAINS. But it’s not a clever idea to keep the same name too long. Things get noticed. We put a phone number with the name, but, of course, that don’t lead nowhere.’ Leo went into a sing-song, bitchy voice: ‘“The number you have dialled has not been recognized. Please check and try again.” Of course it hasn’t been recognized because it don’t fucking exist. So, anyway, they do try again, and get the same rigmarole. But, look, Tom, we don’t have to make do with talking about the van. We’ll go and see it, shall we?’ He stood. ‘I’ll give you a little tour.’
Tom got up, too, and they went outside, the gravel rasping and crackling under their shoes.
Leo smiled again. He seemed very fulfilled. He gazed down at the ground and spoke a kind of fond congratulations: ‘That’s the way decent gravel ought to sound, Tom. Hasn’t it been silent under the sea for quite a while, such as the kind of aeons Emily deals with? If you know that term, aeons, Tom – meaning ages – lying there quiet in storms and doldrums-calms, slowly getting turned into gravel from rocks, most probably. But now it has a chance to sound off and let people know it’s there, dredged and spread on a driveway, dealing very businesslike with feet, so mud won’t get walked into the house, and having also a fine look and sound to it.’
FOURTEEN
BEFORE
The outbuildings seemed to have been re-roofed in genuine slate and generally restored. Leo pointed at the heavy double-doors of what was obviously once a large barn. ‘Emily’s swimming pool,’ Leo said. ‘We had filtration problems, but Ariadne fixed that. Her swimming is very dear to Emily – crawl, butterfly, backstroke, you name it. Talking of nostrils, water up her nose? She don’t care. And she can duck-dive for a coin on the bottom in the deep end. It’s not easy to pick up a ten-p piece like that, because of the flatness of the pool bottom and another flatness, the ten-p’s flatness, being there flat, lying on the pool’s flatness. She’ll get a fingernail under it, though, while non-breathing, and bring it to the surface without hardly a gasp at all. This is quality. It’s not that we need the ten-p, but salvaging it is a skill. Consider that together with the important museum post and you’ll see she’s an all-round person.’
He opened the door to the next building. Horses occupied two stalls. A Mini, a large, this-year’s registration, black Mercedes, an Audi coupé, and the van were parked alongside them. Young unlocked the van’s rear doors and they climbed in. ‘You can get familiar with them A-holes now,’ Leo said. He spoke with pride and true affection. Tom tried both sides, pressing his face hard against the metal of all the apertures to get intimacy and prove enthusiasm. This man, Leo Percival Young, believed in him – didn’t he? didn’t he? – and Tom felt that, in return, he should act appreciative – more than appreciative – thrilled, yes act thrilled by Leo’s workaday toy. Tom was in the firm – he was in – wasn’t he? wasn’t he? – to collect facts fit for a prosecution about the scale, shape, methods, accounts of Leo’s business. That didn’t mean, though, that Tom must never show a little politeness and supposed mateyness along the way, especially as the politeness and supposed mateyness might help with Tom’s only real purpose: to get Leo and a handful of Leo’s people crushed by the law, he, Tom, being an emblem of the law; the only emblem of the law at present nosing about inside Leo’s company.
‘Good?’ Leo asked as Tom stood enjoying the narrow view through the ACME A, up towards one of the horses.
‘Excellent.’
‘Multi-angled outlook?’
‘Panopticon.’
Leo flipped a lid back. It gave a grand, reassuring sound of real wood against real wood. ‘The commode,’ he said. ‘Quite a large bowl, which can be removed and emptied when an operation ends. Vigil duration no problem in view of this bowl.’
Tom had to agree it brought dignity to spying. ‘Right,’ he said.
Leo pointed to another fitting on a van wall. ‘Here are the Thermos flasks. An array, so you can get variety.’ He pointed down. ‘Beneath them, folded away for now
, are several plastic-on-metal-frame beach chairs roped to a side strut to stop them moving about when you’re driving.’
‘What does Emily think about the van with this made-up name and bogus phone number on it?’ Tom replied. ‘Would she ever ring and get that “has not been recognized” formula you mentioned? Doesn’t she find it strange that you accommodate in your stables a vehicle apparently belonging to a company she knows nothing about and which suddenly and frequently changes its name? Has she ever noticed the glut of As and the holes at the top of them?’
‘These are more fine questions, all of them, and there is quite a grouping, Tom, and so much in tune with your character, as I judge it. But Emily’s very sensible. Practical. She knows money don’t drop from heaven like them bread rolls in the Bible.’
‘Manna.’
‘God looked after the Israelites, and good on Him for this, although some would ask why He’d let starvation nearly finish them before that. In any case, we got to look after ourselves. This is an undodgable duty. We all got this responsibility. That’s my thinking.’
‘Existentialism.’
‘That sort of thing. I’d ask you to consider bin Laden’s wife, one of them.’
‘Does she come into this van side of things?’
