"...Tresk is still keeping a strong presence along the borders of Galwei and Hara. And most of the reserves are close enough to mass there quickly. But rumors of a handful of squads being pulled out from various battalions are starting to circulate. The groups are merging on the march and steadily moving north. Toward the borderlands."
"Toward us," Arun said softly, sounding as raw as she felt.
"Yes."
No one spoke, letting the unease hover in the air.
Nis cleared his throat and asked, "When did this start?"
"Six days ago."
Selena exchanged glanced at Arun and saw the same knowledge reflecting in his eyes. Six days. One day after the traitor had contacted his masters. Something had changed. Something big enough to make Tresk decide it was worth pulling soldiers away from whatever he planned along the border. And now everyone they'd promised to protect was in danger.
Arun scrubbed his hand through his hair and steeled himself.
"Any rumors of what exactly they're planning? Are you sure they are coming here?"
The messenger shook his head.
"Whatever is going on, even the usual loose-lips are keeping mum. Lilah hasn't been able to get anything but hearsay out of anyone, but she wanted to warn you, just in case. They aren't moving at a hurried pace. It may only be that Tresk is worried someone in Galwei has noticed his aggression and is trying to make it look like the troops are disbanding. Or he may simply be trying to play games with Daen."
None of them really believed that, though. Hafgan was the subtle one, Tresk tended more toward brute force. And for Selena and Arun, the timing made it impossible to believe the target was anything but their vulnerable outpost.
The messenger stayed a little longer, giving them as precise a description of the troop movements as he could. He reiterated that there was nothing definitive about their goal and their movement was unhurried and cautious. But Selena knew in her gut that her father had finally decided to come for her.
From the grim, determined expression Arun wore, he knew it too.
Cold slithered down her spine, and she tightened every muscle to fight against letting it turn into a shiver the others could see. Somewhere along the line of learning the unsettling news, she'd lost the grip she'd been keeping on the connection. Curiosity and concern stirred along the bond, followed by a soft wave of reassurance. Pissed off at letting it happen, at how much she wanted to accept and wallow in the warmth of Finn, Selena ruthlessly strangled the connection until nothing but her own frustration remained.
After the messenger left, Arun, Selena, and Nis stayed secluded in the back garden, staring helplessly at the makeshift map they'd sketched out. Trying to determine their next move.
Finally, Nis stood up and paced a few feet away. "We don't know they are coming for us. It's just rumor and conjecture, at this point."
Selena winced at the desperate hope in his voice. Next to her, Arun squirmed on the bench before admitting. "We have... additional intel. It's almost definitely us."
"What intel?" Nis asked, sounding equal parts confused and hurt that they hadn't shared everything with him already.
"It's complicated," Selena said, knowing it was a pathetic and useless excuse. "We weren't sure the information was reliable. But this corroborates it."
"Finn," Nis snarled, the usual suspicion he felt toward the bard sharpen the name. "More of his inside information. How much did he charge you for it?"
Arun shrugged one shoulder but didn't say a word and Selena followed suit. Neither of them wanted to lie to one of their oldest friends. Neither one of them believed Nis or his brothers would betray them all. But there were too many others in their care to risk giving away how much they knew if they were wrong about him.
"The only thing that matters now is that there's a good chance those army troops are coming for us."
"We have to get everyone out here," Nis said.
"And go where?" Arun's question came out low and pained. "If they've decided we're a threat they won't stop until they hunt down every last one of us. There's no place else in Marnak they don't have eyes and ears. If we try to cross the border into Tribes land, they'll greet us with swords and arrows."
"So, what, we just stay here and wait for them to come slaughter us?"
Arun stood up, facing off against Nis with his chin raised and determined fire in his eyes.
"There's a chance we're wrong. If we run, it calls attention to us. For some reason, they're taking their time. For now, we sit tight and put out feelers. Fortify the defenses we have as best we can. Being in the borderlands offers us some protection. Tresk knows if he sends his troops in here, the Tribes will retaliate. I don't think even he's ready to risk it with most of his army at the other end of the kingdom."
Nis nodded. "This could be a feint to draw us out."
"Exactly."
Selena didn't believe it, and she doubted Arun did either. None of their options were good, but this was the best they could do, for now. If it came down to it, though, she'd surrender herself to the worst fate she could imagine. If it meant buying time for the rest of the outpost's inhabitants to escape, she'd sacrifice herself to Hafgan.
"We need to find out what's happening, first hand," Nis insisted. "I'll take a scout team and see how close we can get. See if we can find out exactly what the plan is."
Behind them, the back door opened and Mora stepped out. As always, her dark gaze immediately sought out Arun and stuck there.
"Dinner is going to get cold, soon. Would you like me to bring you a plate?" She tore her eyes away from Arun to smile vaguely at Selena and Nis. "All of you, I mean."
Arun's dour expression brightened the moment he saw her, a welcoming grin chasing away the darkness that had plagued him a moment before.
He stepped closer to Mora, sliding his arm around her waist and leaning in to murmur directly into her ear. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness, but we were just coming in."
Sharp disquiet poked at Selena and she fought not to show it. Guilt quickly replaced it, though. She had no right, no reason to resent what her brother shared with Mora. She was happy he had found someone who loved him the way he deserved to be loved.
And she certainly wasn't jealous of what they had. That they could trust one another, rely on the closeness and affection to always be there.
No. It was just fear and stress, lack of sleep and lack of food that nudged at her ill-temper. Nothing some dinner and some quiet rest before her watch wouldn't help.
She followed the others inside, intent on grabbing a plate and bringing it back out to the garden to eat in peace.
-9-
OF course, nothing was ever that easy. If felt like every inhabitant in the outpost tried to get between her and the food, looking for a quick word or a quiet question. When Selena trudged back outside seeking escape, she found Finn waiting by her favorite bench. He offered a sympathetic half-smile, and she knew he intended to offer comfort. Worse, she wanted to accept it. For five minutes, let herself rest on his shoulder. Let someone else carry the weight while she remembered how to breathe without it.
And that impulse made her unreasonably angry. Finn shifted his feet, but, before he took a step toward her, Selena snapped.
"I thought you were going to keep your end of the damn connection closed."
Her contentious snarl halted Finn in his tracks. He stared at her with wide, stunned eyes, completely caught off guard.
"You flooded me with pain and anger and fear and bleakness. I just—"
"You just, what?" Selena interrupted harshly, hating the reasonable tone he used, like she needed to be calmed.
"I just thought I'd offer my support," he snarled back, hands curling and uncurling at his side.
"I don't need your support. I've dealt with worse. Will deal with worse again." She tried not to choke on the thought of exactly how much worse it could get, very soon. "And you'll be long gone, then. You'll ha
ve your ten percent and move on to the next band you can fleece."
Finn's eyes flashed with indignation. Despite both of their efforts, his outrage spiked hotly between them before abruptly cutting off. He glared at her, then stalked a few feet away to take a deep breath and run a hand through his pale hair. Calm slowly replaced the frustration on his face but the tension still stiffened his posture.
"Just because I'm not willing to forgo my fee doesn't mean I don't care about you. Or the others. Concern for my financial well-being does not completely cancel out my humanity."
He stepped closer and took hold of her hand, sliding his thumb along the knuckles. The relief of contact was automatic. Selena wanted to blame it all on the bond. To claim it was only the strange magic that connected them. That her heart had nothing to do with how much easier she felt, just being near him.
But she'd learned to be ruthlessly honest with herself. She needed to be. She needed to be on guard for the darkness that might one day grow within her.
She admitted, in a quiet, buried corner of her mind that she wanted to be here. With Finn. That the part of her tired of fighting every minute of every day wanted to lean her head on one of those broad shoulders and let him take the weight. Just for a little while.
Selena didn't, of course. But she allowed herself the brief fantasy while they stood in silence and let some of the day's pressure bleed away.
"What happened?" Finn asked. All of the earlier antagonism had bled out. Now, as he squeezed her hand gently, only compassion and concern remained. "What has you so on edge?"
She shouldn't tell him. Shouldn't trust him. They'd agreed not to tell anyone in the outpost until Nis returned.
But she needed to get it out. She needed to share it with someone before it forced its way out on its own.
"There's a chance Tresk and Hafgan are sending troops here. Everything is... everything we've built here. We may have to abandon the outpost. Start over from scratch. Again."
Everything she'd been holding at bay let loose inside of her. A coiling maelstrom of bleak emotions spiraled out of her.
Loneliness. Despair. Guilt. Selena tried to keep it closed off, closed in, but there was no more room left in her heart to keep it locked away. It flowed across the bond, pushing past Finn's restraints unchecked.
His eyes widened, and he started to tug her closer with the hand that held hers. He checked himself, with a chagrinned frown, aborting the gesture and keeping the tentative distance between them.
His overpowering surge of compassion rolled along the wide-open bond. On its heels, hard resolution followed. She reached for him, instead, grateful when he met her embrace halfway. Wrapping her arms around his waist, Selena buried her head against his chest. She allowed herself to hold on, to let him be her mooring as the storm inside her roared itself out.
Eventually, Selena found her equilibrium again. Despite the raw release, she once again felt centered and stable.
"Well..." she murmured, uncertain what to say. She patted at the damp patches on his shirt where her unchecked tears had collected, surprised she didn't feel weakened by her show of vulnerability.
Instead, the unloading of all she'd been holding back somehow made her feel stronger. The shackles of hiding, even from herself, had been removed and she felt free for the first time in years.
Along with the release, a newfound resolve bloomed inside of her.
No one else would need to endure Hafgan and Tresk the way she'd been forced to. Not if she had anything to do about it. And she damn well would.
"Better?" Finn asked, his head tilted down to watch her closely, eyes soft with understanding.
"Yes. Thank you. Yes."
He nodded, a world of silent acceptance in the action. There was also curiosity there, but he didn't ask. Selena knew more had crossed the bond between them than she'd have ever shared with anyone. Without context, though, it could only leave him with more questions than answers.
Answers she never intended to share.
But maybe she owed him a little bit. For being there and not being terrified of a weeping woman, the way Nis would have been. And for not being overbearing about her tears, the way the men in her father's court would.
For just letting her be. For letting her cleanse her soul and come out the other side without passing any judgment.
Tired and no longer feeling quite so self-conscious about showing it to Finn, Selena sat down on the bench. When he joined her, she shared the details of the meeting with the messenger. When she finished, Finn started discussing fortification improvements and improvement to the security protocols. Selena wanted to bristle at the implied censure, but she knew he was right. They'd cobbled something together here, as best as they could. While they'd trained hard to protect themselves and each other, none of them had been soldiers or warriors before they came together. It was luck and their remote location more than any kind of skill that kept them safe thus far.
It had been obvious for a while that Finn was no simple bard. That he had more knowledge and experience than all of them combined. And most of the distrust that had been directed at him initially had been dispelled. Maybe it was time to trust him, at least a little, and let him help with their defenses.
But trusting Finn and letting him get this close again were two separate things. Years of self-preservation had taught her not to depend on things that could be taken away.
And Finn wasn't staying. As nice as it would be to imagine a life lived happily-ever-after, she wasn't going to lie to herself. After the bond faded and he had his money, she would never see him again.
She'd known that from the beginning, but now it was a cold splash of reality.
Swallowing down the sudden ache, Selena accepted the pain as her punishment for getting too complacent. For letting years of relative peace allow her to drop her guard.
"It's late," Selena said abruptly, interrupting his thoughts on fortifying the crumbling back wall. "You need to start your patrol soon. And I need to get some rest before my watch. We can talk about this with Arun over breakfast. Goodnight."
She stood up, and Finn gaped at her, surprised mid-word. Before he could gather himself and ask any question, Selena turned on her heel and headed inside without a backward glance.
*****
Finn had first watch and, as always, he chose the Hound's form and the advantage of its natural instincts over his human form. There was little risk of getting caught. No one came out to the spring in the middle of the night. Even if they did, he'd hear them coming long before they saw him.
And Selena never came out early to relieve him when he had first watch. Instead, he always stayed a little extra, walking her first circuit with her.
He was padding around on four paws when he heard her approach half an hour before she was due. For a moment, he hesitated. Actually considered not transforming back.
After their conversation in the garden earlier, he was unsure what reception Finn would get. She'd been so upset at first, but she'd accepted his comfort. And, after, she'd seemed better. The worst of the panic gone and her usual reserved strength firmly back in place, but with a new warmth toward him she didn't usually allow herself to show.
Then she'd become withdrawn again, politely saying goodnight and leaving him to sit alone in the dark, trying to figure out what went wrong. Not that it took much consideration. The outpost was filled with secrets. Hers. His. Arun's. No doubt even Omal, Mora and the stablehand Eloise had pasts they'd rather keep hidden.
No, those few comforting, comfortable minutes were the exception. A brief interlude wrapped in the need for a moment's respite. And Phelan hated that it had ended, even knowing it was for the best that they keep things as distant as possible.
Letting her greet her stray with that warm, unconditional welcome, was an unfair indulgence he couldn't justify. Finn was already lying to her enough, he wouldn't add to it with the Hound deceiving her, as well.
He shif
ted back to human form, then kept walking his circuit until they met up on the trail.
Selena didn't speak at first. Just nodded her greeting and dropped into step with him. Leaving a careful few inches between them, so their fingers didn't even accidentally brush. The longer they walked in silence, however, the harder it was for Phelan to hold himself back.
Eventually, knowing better, knowing he'd regret it, Phelan pushed open the bond. Just a crack. He needed to know what she was feeling. How to react to her unexpected presence.
The tidal wave from earlier no longer crashed into him, though a lot of the same emotions remained. Selena was still aching and desperate. Still confused and angry and scared. But it was controlled now, a gentle lapping at the shore, tethered and bound with the determination and resolve that was at the forefront of her mind.
Then he realized she had to have eased up on the connection as well. That she was feeling him as much as he was feeling her.
"You're here early?"
It sounded pathetic to his own ears. But it was the most innocuous way he could think of to find out why she'd sought him out, without actually asking her.
"Couldn't sleep," she said with a graceful shrug. A whole lot of unspoken worries and fears were left unsaid in the simple answer.
"We'll find a way to protect the outpost." Phelan wanted to stretch out his hand and take hers. Instead, he settled for pushing as much reassurance into his words as possible. "We'll take care of everyone, one way or another."
Selena smiled at him, a sad and brittle curve of her lip.
"I know. But we're on Tresk's radar now. They'll never leave us alone. We'll either be running for the rest of our lives or we'll have to split up and go our separate ways to make it harder for them to track us."
Rawness crept into her voice, and Phelan remembered what she said before. About growing up an unwanted burden only to be claimed by a father who only saw her as a bargaining piece. About this being the first and only family she'd ever had.
By Blood Betrayed (The Lost Shrines Book 3) Page 10
