by Dale Mayer
“You’re welcome,” he said with a big grin. “I’m Dennis and I’m here to make sure you get food that you enjoy. Is there any special diet that I should know about?”
“I can’t eat much in the way of gluten,” he said. “I ended up with shrapnel in my stomach, and it’s been pretty touchy ever since.”
“In that case, you’re lucky that you got any stomach left,” he said in all seriousness. “I’ll make sure that we have lots of food for you that doesn’t include gluten.” With that, he smiled and left.
Alicia once again walked past the closed door to Nash’s room, wondering if she should step inside and say hi this time. As she stood, trying to decide, Dani came down the hallway, a quizzical look on her face.
“Hey, do you know him?”
Alicia looked at her in surprise. “Why do you ask?”
“He thought he recognized your voice and asked about you.”
Alicia’s heart slammed against her chest, and she took a long slow breath. “We were an item way back when,” she admitted. “Before he went into the navy.”
“Did you break up amicably, or was it bad news?”
Trust Dani to go right to the heart of the problem. Alicia smiled and said, “We broke up in an amicable way, but we broke up because he went into the navy, not because the relationship was over. It was then over because I didn’t want to wait. We were young and had our whole lives ahead of us. I didn’t want to sign up for that.”
“Well, that makes the most sense of anything that I’ve heard in a long time,” Dani said with a smile. “Too often people do sign up for that and then wonder what they’ve missed out on.”
“Well, I don’t know that I missed out on anything,” Alicia said with a small shrug. “Life hasn’t been the easiest either.”
“No,” Dani said. “But usually, through all that adversity, we gain vital insights and can handle life better.” She nodded at the door. “You’re part of his team. Go say hi.” And, with that, Dani walked down the hall.
Watching Dani disappear around the corner, Alicia wondered if she should go in right now. It was better if she went in alone, but, at the same time, she was kind of nervous. She wiped her damp palms and knocked on the door.
Chapter 2
When Alicia heard his gravelly voice, saying, “Come in,” she took a deep breath, pushed open the door, and stepped inside. She studied him. She’d seen his file, realized just how much work they had ahead of them, but she was reacclimating to the Hathaway House system as well. She wasn’t exactly sure how much they could do for him. She hoped a lot because he’d been incredibly strong, healthy, one of those big active physical males. She had never really found anybody with his energy level since.
He stared at her, his gaze widening.
She smiled at him and said, “Hello, Nash. It’s been a long time.”
“A long time, a lot of years, and a lot of distance,” he admitted slowly. Then he smiled and said, “You still look gorgeous.”
She flushed. “I forgot how easily you could turn a compliment,” she said with the shake of her head.
“You used to like it,” he said. “Also I never lie. I meant it. You still look stunning. I, on the other hand, I’m a broken caricature of when you last saw me.”
“But the inside hasn’t changed, I hope,” she said as she walked in slowly. “You used to be very caring and friendly, willing to help anybody.”
“Maybe,” he said. “But our circumstances have certainly changed, and my abilities have certainly changed, so I’m not the one to step up anymore.”
“Understood,” she said. “Right now you’re the one who needs help, and I don’t remember you being very good at accepting help.”
He gave a harsh laugh at that. “I doubt that’s changed,” he said with a nod. “Figures that you’d remember that.”
“Well, you were a bit on the stubborn side,” she said with a chuckle.
“A bit?” He smiled at her. “It’s good to see you, but I don’t remember nursing being part of your future plans.”
“Nope,” she said. “Remember Jerry, my brother?”
He nodded.
“He ended up with cancer, and he’s gone,” she said, feeling even now—two years after his passing and the seven years before that dealing with his cancer—tears forming at the back of her eyes. “He didn’t go very quickly, and it sent me on a path, out of frustration, of trying to do something to help him, and there was just nothing I could do. So I thought that maybe I could help somebody else instead,” she said quietly.
He nodded slowly. “I’m sure that health care has received a guardian angel,” he said. “I’m so sorry about Jerry. He was always the jokester of the group.”
“Well, the laughter finally left him,” she said. “His last few months were absolutely terrible. During that time, I’ve never been so traumatized, prayed so often, and wished for so much that could never be. My parents split up afterward. They couldn’t handle his loss. Instead of bringing them closer, it broke them up, and that was another whole trauma that I wasn’t prepared to deal with.” She then added, “I don’t know. It’s their problem, but, at the same time, it doesn’t feel like it’s just their problem.”
“Of course not,” he said, frowning. “Your parents, they’re the best.”
“Well, they still are,” she said. “Each in their own world at the moment.”
“Any chance of them getting back together again?”
“I would say no,” she said, “but who knows. They haven’t remarried, but I’m not sure either has dealt with the loss of Jerry, so I’m afraid they won’t move on. They can’t move on.”
“And sometimes people can’t pull together in trauma,” he said. “I had friends before my accident, but, after the accident, they disappeared. Not everybody can handle seeing or dealing with the way I am now. People don’t like to come visit me in a hospital or a VA center. Those are depressing places to be for most people. So my friends wanted to be outside, playing ball or going to a movie. They don’t want to sit and just talk to me.”
“And I can see how that would be a challenge too,” she said. “I never thought of that. Once Jerry got sick, his friends all clustered around at the beginning, but, as the months went on, he lost them all.”
“It’s an individual journey,” Nash said. “Not an easy one. But, at the end of the day, you realize that you were born into this life alone. Then, when some of these really heavy events happen, you end up depending on only yourself. I think that death will be a similar journey. I came in alone, and I’ll leave alone.”
“That sounds terrible,” she cried out. “I was with Jerry the whole time.”
A whisper of a smile crossed his face. “Good for Jerry,” he said. “I think that was probably the best gift you could have given him.”
“No,” she said, her tone turning harsh. “The best gift would have been a longer and healthier life, but I couldn’t do anything about that. None of us could.” Then she gave herself a mental shaking. “I didn’t mean to bring up all that negativity,” she said, taking a slow, deep breath. “I have to remember that what happened to Jerry won’t happen to everybody.”
“No,” he said. “It can, but that doesn’t mean that it will.”
She smiled. “Exactly, so I’m working on that whole positivity thing.”
“Good,” he said. “So am I, although it doesn’t sound like we’re doing all that great with it.”
She laughed out loud. “I don’t know. You sound much more positive than I am.”
“Nope,” he said. “I have those lovely days, where everything looks bright and sunny and where I know I can make it. Then I have those not-so-lovely days, where I know I’m useless, washed out, and will never be a contributing member of society again. You don’t plan for these life events, but you get hit sideways by them anyway.”
“Ditto,” she said, sighing. “I came in to introduce myself, to say hi, and to welcome you to Hathaway and all that good stuff,�
�� she said with a bright smile. “I’ll come back when we figure out how your schedule will proceed. I worked here some years ago but haven’t been here recently very long myself. So I’m not familiar with everything that goes on during rehab. I came to work at Hathaway House because I needed a change of attitude, and I needed to feel like I could help somebody. So I’m really glad that you’re here. It’s good to reconnect.” She lifted her hand, gave him a small wave, and walked out.
Once Alicia was outside his room, her heart slamming against her chest, her feet slowed, as she made her way down the hallway. As much as it was nice to see him, it was also terrifying to see him like this. He was not the same vibrant man she had known; he was not the same physically fit man who could take on the world. He looked and reminded her so much of her dying brother that she wasn’t sure she could do this.
She counted slowly to five while noting her breath, then repeated that calming technique, realizing that she needed to get a grip because, if anybody saw that she was the one who was depressed, she knew she couldn’t stay here. Not only would she not help herself but she would be of no value to any of the people who needed her, and that was what she had to focus on—the patients. They needed what she had to offer, even if she couldn’t define just what that was at this moment.
Well, that went better than expected, although Nash worried about the lines at the corner of her eyes and what looked like pain at the corners of her mouth. He should have asked if maybe she was dealing with a patient here who may have the same cancer that took her brother. Jerry had been too young to die.
Nash frowned at that because Jerry had been the one who would go the full distance for a Halloween costume. He’d loved comic cons; he’d loved the whole dress-up feature and being-somebody-else thing. Then to have gone from that, with his huge cheerleading band of friends, down to bedridden and dying so slowly had to have been devastating.
Obviously it had taken a heavy toll on Alicia. It saddened Nash to think of it. It made him realize that here he was—moaning and complaining because his whole body was broken and because he was nowhere near the person he had been—instead of remembering that, even with all he’d been through, he was still alive.
According to everything the doctors had said, Nash had a good prognosis for the future. Sure, he couldn’t eat some foods. Sure, it hurt when he stood and walked too much. Sure, sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night, screaming because of what he’d been through, reliving the terror of it all. Sometimes the pain brought him to his knees, but he was alive. He was here, and, if Hathaway had anything to offer, then maybe, just maybe, he would walk out of this mess in pretty decent shape.
In the meantime, he needed to be thankful that he was still alive. It made him realize just how much this wouldn’t go away and that he needed to change his attitude and to accept his current physical state, with the expectation of maximizing his physical health.
He was visited by several other doctors over the next couple hours, more caregivers, lots of people, and he finally managed to put different individuals and specialties to the names and faces on his tablet. When Dani came back, he looked at her hopefully and said, “I’m glad to see you. It’s been a couple hours since you were here, and I’m really hungry.”
She smiled, nodded, and said, “I meant to get here earlier. I’m so sorry for that.” She swung a wheelchair around and said, “Come on. Let’s get you to the dining room.” She stopped, looked at him, and added, “Unless you want me to swing by and grab you a plate?”
“I wouldn’t mind going,” he said, using the bar on the side of the bed to slowly sit up. She helped him down the set of steps until he could sit in the wheelchair. He said, “I’m surprisingly hungry.”
“I’ll take that as a good sign,” she said with a smile. “Let’s go get you food. Normally dinner’s from five to seven, but we’re pushing it because it’s after six.”
“Do they run out?” he asked.
“Hasn’t happened yet,” she said. “At least now, the noise will be down, and the line will be gone.”
“I like that idea of missing the line.”
“Absolutely.”
It took about eight minutes to get to a huge room with double doors. A lot of people ate inside. Also a bunch of people stood at a counter. She pushed him forward until they got to where the food was, and Nash recognized the man who had brought him coffee earlier, Dennis.
As soon as Dennis saw him, he grinned and said, “There you are. I was wondering if I would have to check in on you.”
“I don’t know how you could even remember,” Nash said. “I’m one of however-many people.”
“Understood. But you’re new, and we can’t lose track of who’s here,” Dennis said. “I do have lots of good food. What can I get you?” With that, he showed him what looked like blackened fish, a big salad, and some hot steamed veggies. Nash nodded. Dennis then held out a platter with several buns on it. Nash shook his head, as if to protest, and Dennis said, “They’re all gluten-free.”
Nash looked at him in surprise and said, “Oh.” The plate landed gently on his tray along with several pats of butter on it.
Dennis said, “If you want something to go on the buns, we have ham and cheese over here, jams, peanut butter, honey, things like that.” He pointed to a side table.
Dani carefully pushed Nash forward. As he went through everything, he picked up coffee and water, and he said, “Well now, I have a very full tray. I don’t even know if I can begin to eat half of this.”
“Well, this time,” she said, “we’ll let you get away with it. However, most of the time, we try hard to ensure that you minimize waste, by taking only what you will eat. You can come back as many times as you want. Sometimes the workouts can be a little rough, and you need more food to compensate, so you may need seconds that day. Just keep that in mind.”
“I’ll see,” he said. “It smells wonderful.”
“The food here is great,” she said. “It’s one of the things that we really pride ourselves on.”
“I can see that,” he said.
“How well do you know Cole?” she asked, out of the blue.
“Quite well,” he said. “I did several tours with him.”
“Good. What about some of the other guys?” she asked, as she listed off a bunch of them.
“I know most of them, yes,” he said. “I didn’t realize they’d been here.”
“They were all patients,” she said. “So, if you need to talk to anybody, you might want to reach out to any of them.”
“I might,” he said cautiously. “Can’t say I’m terribly good at that.”
“No, I’m sure you’re not,” she said, chuckling, as she pushed him to a table, slowing down where a bunch of guys were at one end. There were several empty seats.
He asked, “What do you think?”
She said, “Are you okay with this?”
He looked around, shrugged, pointed, and said, “Or is there any chance of going out there and sitting?”
“Good choice,” she said. “Let’s go.” She pushed him a little farther, out onto the deck. A couple people sat here, eating, but otherwise the space was very open with few others here.
“And it’s not that hot now,” she said. “Sun or shade?”
He thought about it and said, “Sun, please.”
She pushed him to the side and then helped him put everything from the tray onto the table. “I’ll take the tray back for you.”
He asked, “Have you eaten?”
She looked at him in surprise and said, “No, I’ll get something.” He nodded. She stopped, looked at him, and, in the gentlest of voices said, “Would you like company?”
“Oh, you don’t have to,” he said with a wave of his hand. “I’ll be fine.”
“But maybe I won’t be,” she said with a grin. “Besides, I like to get to know everybody who’s here.”
He nodded. “If you think you can tolerate me, sure. That’d be great.”
“Be right back then,” she said, and, with that, she disappeared behind him.
Chapter 3
Alicia was in line to pick up her own dinner, and she watched as Dani took Nash to a table out in the sun. Alicia wondered if she should join them, but, at the same time, a reticence inside her had her hesitating to go there. She wasn’t the same person he’d known. Back then, she’d been bright, bubbly, fun-loving, looking at taking over the world, one step at a time. She’d had high hopes for everything, an eternal optimist. But Jerry’s death had changed that in a big way. She’d become very morose, depressed, almost as if she saw death around every corner. She’d become afraid to do things, in case she was next.
Her mom had had a talk with her recently, and Alicia realized how foolish she was being because, of course, Jerry hadn’t died of an accident. He hadn’t died of some freak cause. He’d had cancer, and nobody knew how or why or where or when, but cancer was still some real disease that she couldn’t avoid. If it was meant to happen to her, it would happen.
She would do the best that she could do and would take care of herself, but still she had no guarantee that something like cancer wouldn’t also affect her. Not that it made her feel any better, but she’d been so frustratingly helpless over her brother’s illness and utterly distressed about not doing anything to cure him. Giving the bit of money that she had to charity for medical research had seemed a small fortune.
Because of everything, she’d changed her plans of going into fashion, with hopes to have her own boutique store soon, and had instead gone into nursing. She didn’t have the marks or the drive to be a doctor, but being a nurse had satisfied her need to contribute to society and to help those who were suffering.
She still loved fashion, and she still made many of her own after-work clothes, although she hadn’t done very much of it recently. She mentally corrected herself on that, at least not in the last few years she hadn’t, but it was a hobby that she would love to get back to. She stared down at her hands and wondered what it would take, to feel comfortable getting back into that world where she’d lived, before Jerry’s illness.
