Anna pictured Gordon in her mind. He was a smaller, younger version of Jonah. "Gordon's a little prickly, too. I imagine that's why he and Jonah get on so well."
Carrie scoffed. "Prickly? That man is just rude."
Anna laughed. "Didn't you go out with Gordon?"
"Yeah, once. Terrible mistake." Carrie didn't elaborate.
Anna grabbed an empty cardboard box she'd saved and began gathering items from her desk. "I'm sure it will be interesting, for lack of a better word. But in a few weeks, we'll be back in our own brand spanking new space." She discarded a stack of papers into the trash. "It will be awesome," she added in a falsetto voice.
Carrie marched to the sink and washed her hands. "Well, the extra space will be nice. It's getting crowded in here." She gestured toward the array of equipment crammed together in the room. "They're going to put that coating on the windows, right? No more blinds?"
"Yes. It will be nice to cut out the glare with a switch." One of Granger Pharma's newest products was a solar energy collecting film that also controlled the amount of light coming through the window. The hotly anticipated product developed from research that strayed outside their traditional pharmaceutical roots. There were many companies with competing technology, but Granger's deep pockets translated into healthy budgets for marketing and distribution.
Carrie opened up a notebook and made an entry. "You aren't exactly best buds with Jonah either, are you?"
"No. We're cordial, though. I worked with him on a project as an intern. He was professional. He can be professional, though he often delights in being a bear. At least, that's what I've always hypothesized."
Carrie sighed. "He is rather yummy, though, no? So masculine and that stoic manner just makes you want to break his reserve. I can see why he has no trouble attracting women. It's the keeping them where he fails."
Anna laughed. She and Carrie had developed an informal working relationship over time. Anna considered her assistant a friend, and Carrie loved to gossip. She often regaled her with tales of her own social life. She suspected Carrie wasn't the only woman in the office hiding a secret crush on Jonah.
Carrie persisted. "It's true and you know it. In fact, I heard the latest one bit the dust already."
Anna looked up. "Oh really?" She made her interest sound casual.
"Yeah, really. Poor woman. Apparently Jonah didn't even notice for over a week."
Anna shook her head. How like Jonah. His laser-like focus in the lab created amazing results, but he didn't bother to apply it in his personal life. Anna felt a tiny tingle that indicated rising hope. Every time Jonah flipped back to single, she wondered if he'd notice her. When he moved on to a new girlfriend, she'd tamp it back down again. She hadn't shared her feelings with Carrie. She hadn't shared them with anyone.
Carrie slipped off her lab coat and dropped it on the back of her chair, revealing her khaki pants and graphic tee. "Are you still seeing Mister Stuffy tonight?"
"Peter? Yes and he's not stuffy. He's just …" Anna searched for the right word. "He's reserved I guess. He'll open up more once we get to know one another."
Carrie raised one well-shaped eyebrow. "How many times have you been out?"
"This will be the third time." Anna admitted the details with reluctance.
"Has he even tried to kiss you yet?" Carrie pursed her lips and pointed to her mouth.
Anna rolled her eyes. "He has. He did." Carrie's teasing didn't bother her. However, she did feel faint embarrassment. If Peter were attracted to her, wouldn't he have tried to press for more?
"And?" Carrie stared at Anna, waiting with anticipation for her response, bouncing a little on her toes.
Anna recalled the tepid kiss. "It was fine." Peter resided in the "good catch" category, but Anna feared that they might not be a match.
Carrie huffed. "Fine? What does that mean?"
"It means this conversation is over." Anna wasn't truly offended. Carrie had her best interests at heart. Frankly, she worried about the physical chemistry with Peter, too. She'd agreed to go out again, realizing that this date would be the final deal breaker. If she couldn't locate any spark, she wasn't going to keep searching.
For her, the spark was just the beginning. It was a good start but she needed more. She wanted — no, needed — a man who could take the upper hand. She was secure in her intellect and good at her job. She'd managed to overcome many obstacles in her life, personal and professional. She knew, though, that she couldn't go the distance in a relationship that didn't contain certain attributes. She thanked an old boyfriend for that revelation. Their relationship hadn't worked out, probably because she couldn't commit her heart, but she'd learned that she possessed an appetite for submission in the bedroom. It didn't always have to be that way, but her compulsion needed to be satisfied over the long term for her to be truly happy.
Carrie fished her purse out of her desk drawer. "Well, text me when you get home. I'll be interested to hear how it goes with Parker."
"Peter," Anna corrected.
Carrie waved her hand. "Yeah, whatever. Just make note of the details," she laughed.
Anna rolled her eyes. "I'll try. Have a good evening."
Carrie breezed out the door, leaving Anna with her thoughts.
Anna suspected that Carrie didn't anticipate a positive outcome. Her assistant had set Anna up on more than one occasion. Carrie always found a cousin or a friend of a friend who she claimed would be perfect, but it never worked out. Anna imagined Carrie had someone new she was waiting to try out on her.
Anna turned her attention back to packing. Carrie was a great tech, but she preferred to leave work at work. Anna hovered somewhere in the middle — not as driven as Jonah, but not as laid back as Carrie. She placed a few more items in the box and glanced at her watch. She needed to get going. She wanted plenty of time to get ready before meeting Peter.
~ * ~ * ~
Anna stopped herself from rolling her eyes and tried to focus on Peter's story. He talked about his job — a lot. While she respected his work ethic, she wondered if he did anything but work. She hoped he had outside interests, but he hadn't mentioned any yet. As he droned on, her eyes drifted to the abstract painting on the wall over his shoulder. The stark splashes of red and black created an interesting contrast.
Shaking herself, she returned her attention to Peter and tried to steer the conversation in a new direction. "So, Peter. What did you do over the weekend?"
The low light of the restaurant glinted off the silver hair at his temple. "Well, I almost went into the office, but I'd brought what I needed home on Friday. It was nice to spend time on my deck."
Anna absorbed his statement. "Working?" she asked in a flat voice. Did he dream about work when he slept?
Peter frowned at her tone. "Well, yes. I reviewed reports and caught up on professional reading."
Anna decided to be more direct. "Peter. What do you do in your spare time?"
"I've been known to play a round of golf now and again. It's a great way to meet with clients."
Anna controlled her irritation. "Anything non-work related?"
Peter groped for an answer. "I like to travel. Though admittedly, it was … um … for work. I did go to Napa last year. It's quite lovely. The company sponsored a retreat there."
Anna jerked with sudden clarity. Was Peter another Jonah? Was he so involved in his work that there wasn't room for anything else? How had she done this? She'd been trying to crack into a man that was just like the one she was struggling to put behind her. Stupid. So stupid.
Peter reached for her hand. "Anna. This isn't work related. This dinner. You. This isn't about work at all." His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled.
Anna returned his smile. It was true. Maybe with some incentive, Peter would shed work mode. She studied his features. He was a good-looking man. He was nice. Nice. That didn't exactly heat her blood. That's what she wanted — a man who made her heart sing and her skin flush. She wanted a man to
plunder her and take her with fierce hunger. Was she asking too much? She doubted that anyone would guess her secret desire given her quiet and unassuming demeanor. Boring, even. But she wasn't. She needed someone to free her passion from its cage. Was Peter that man? She didn't think so, but she was damned if she wasn't going to find out for certain.
Anna bided her time. They paid the restaurant bill and strolled back to her building. As they approached the lobby, she turned to Peter. "Would you like to come up? I'll brew coffee."
Peter appeared torn a moment. "Yes. Okay."
Anna wished for a more enthusiastic response, but she'd take what she could get. They rode up in the elevator, silent. Anna wanted to break the impasse, but she couldn't find anything to say that didn't sound trite or forced, so she simply led him to her door.
Once inside her apartment, she dropped her purse on the hallway table. "Peter?"
Peter crowded into the entry behind her. "Yes?"
Anna pushed the door shut. "I need to be honest with you. I didn't invite you for coffee."
"Oh. Tea?" His baffled expression was endearing.
Anna laughed. "Yes, I do have tea occasionally, but that isn't what I invited you in for."
Peter nodded, his attitude turning serious.
Anna wrung her hands. "We've been out several times, and it seemed time … to test our chemistry?"
Peter nodded again. "If I weren't attracted to you, Anna, I wouldn't ask you out." He took her hand and pulled her in close. He bent toward her and pressed his lips to hers.
Anna waited, hoping to feel the tangled rush of desire, but she didn't. She responded, moving her lips against his, opening her mouth slightly. It didn't help. Her pulse didn't race. Her breath didn't catch.
Peter broke off the kiss and stared into her eyes. "It isn't there, is it?"
Anna shook her head. "No. It's not." She bit her lip, a nervous habit she'd hadn't yet broken. "I wish it were."
Peter's gaze held regret. "I do, too." He kissed her hand before releasing it. He stepped toward the door. "Thank you for a lovely evening, Anna."
Anna averted her eyes. "Good night, Peter."
"Good night." He clasped the knob and opened the door.
After he exited, Anna experienced a curious mixture of relief, regret, and longing. Did she want too much? She wanted companionship. She wanted children. Overwhelming loneliness consumed her. Another attempt down the drain. She hated this feeling — this feeling of failure, of lack. Why couldn’t she attract the kind of man she needed? He didn't have to be gorgeous or rich. He just needed to be masterful and love her — love her with everything he had in him. Maybe she couldn't inspire that level of passion. Maybe she never would. As tears welled in her eyes, she dug her fingernails into her palm. The pain distracted her and restored some semblance of emotional control.
No. No. No. I am a worthy person. I am a good person. The words bounced around in her head, crashing into the negative thoughts, forcing them into the background.
Chapter 2
"Anna?" Jonah didn't hide his surprise at seeing her in his lab. His dark hair was ruffled as if he'd run his fingers through it.
"Good morning, Jonah." She struggled for composure as her heart raced.
He grunted in reply. "I suppose you need more space."
Anna shook her head. "What's been cleared will be adequate. It's only for a short time, after all." Anna tried to sound accommodating. Though she wasn't thrilled with the lab situation, she knew it was a bigger deal to him.
Jonah grunted again, and Anna restrained herself from laughing. He was so clearly disgruntled but trying to be civil in his own way.
Jonah scratched his chin. "Well, we worked together before. I'm sure we can do it again."
Anna was almost amazed he remembered. She shouldn't be, she supposed. Jonah's memory was formidable — for things he chose to retain. She stopped herself before she read anything into his comment. "I'm sure we can, as well." She smiled.
Jonah smiled back, a rare sight. Without the scowl, his rugged features arranged into a face that was appealing and masculine.
Anna's skin tingled. His gaze wasn't suggestive, yet she felt exposed, bare. Anna, my dear, you have one lively imagination.
Jonah coughed. "Let me know if you need anything."
Anna warmed inside. "I will." He was so sweet, trying to accommodate her, given how territorial he was. Jonah? Sweet? That was certainly something she hadn't seen before.
Jonah walked to his desk and sorted through stacks of papers. Neat towers of papers and files covered his work area and the countertop behind.
Anna sensed his unease. She wrestled with how to assure him that she wouldn't disturb him. Having her and Carrie in the lab was bound to upset his routine, there was no way around it. Though his space was bigger than hers, it now had to accommodate four instead of two.
Anna made the attempt anyway. "Jonah, I really appreciate your flexibility. I know how much you value your space."
"Yes. Well. I didn't have a choice. Frank threatened to move Roberts in here." Jonah tossed a file onto his desktop as his expression settled into disgruntled once again.
Anna laughed. Greg Roberts' lab was famously disorganized. It was a mystery how he managed to function. The scientific equivalent of a pack rat, he filled his cluttered lab with equipment discarded by the other scientists. Roberts also projected a frenzied energy that made those around him uncomfortable. He was a nice guy. Smart. A good scientist. Anna couldn't envision trying to share a space with him, and she imagined Jonah couldn't, either. "So I was the lesser of two evils?" she teased.
"I suppose so." He crossed to the cupboards behind her desk. "Gordon left a few items in here. They can be moved."
Anna followed him and glanced into the cupboard as he opened it. His arm brushed her, and she jerked as an electric zing shot through her. Her desire for Jonah burst to the surface, strong as ever. Stunned, she stepped back.
Jonah turned and examined her, his eyes filled with inquiry. He shifted through the possible reasons for her reaction. "Anna, are you afraid of me?" He wasn't hesitant to be direct.
She shook her head. "No."
His eyes softened. "I didn't think so."
She flushed under his scrutiny, her eyes darting away toward the windows and the view of the city outside.
He stepped closer, testing, tempting.
Anna tried to control her shallow breaths. She smelled his aftershave, spicy and fresh. An urge to sway toward him overwhelmed her. Her nipples peaked under her blouse as a vision of him leaning in for a kiss flashed through her mind.
Her response didn't go unnoticed. Jonah was a trained observer. His gaze turned curious, as if she were an interesting specimen.
Anna wanted to move, but her legs wouldn't cooperate. Frozen in place, she waited for Jonah's reaction. Arousal began to give way to embarrassment as the seconds clicked past.
Jonah bent toward her, his lips grazing her jaw as he whispered in her ear, "Well, now, what is this?"
Anna sucked in a breath and stepped away. "I don't know what you mean."
Jonah frowned. "Don't prevaricate. Your body responded to me."
"Jonah. We're colleagues. We have to work together."
Jonah gave her a considering look, weighing the possibilities. "You're right, of course. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable in any way."
Anna smiled, grateful. "Don't give it another thought." Her smile faded as he turned and left the lab.
Jonah was out most of the day, giving Anna and Carrie plenty of time to settle in and unpack the most needed items for their current work. Gordon, Jonah's lab tech, hovered over them, but relaxed as the day progressed and it became clear they weren't taking over the entire space.
That evening, as Anna lay in bed mulling over their interaction, she kicked herself. What was her problem? She'd been dying for Jonah to notice her. Wishing, hoping for years. When it happened, she should have been jumping for joy, not scurrying off like a
scared rabbit. Jonah was unlikely to bring it up again. He probably thought she'd report him for sexual harassment.
She flipped onto her stomach, burying her face in her pillow. Why? Why? She played the scene over and over again in her mind, varying the scenario. Her thoughts circled repeatedly. What if she'd done this? What if she'd said that? She'd seen the expression on his face. For a moment, he'd been aware of her — aware of her as a woman, not just a co-worker. She'd blown it. She punched the mattress. What was wrong with her? It was like her mother always told her, you always screw everything up Anna. You don't deserve any better.
Anna's throat closed as a tide of emotion swept through her. Hating that the memories still held such power, she swallowed hard and tried to catch her breath. No. No, that isn't true. It isn't true. I deserve to be happy. She repeated it, trying to banish the cowering child from her mind.
~ * ~ * ~
The next morning, Anna struggled to get to the office. Her sleepless night left her dragging. Anticipation and nerves hummed through her. She had a plan — a plan to try to provoke another response from Jonah. She'd blown the first one, but she wouldn't make that mistake twice. Part of her wanted simply to ask him, but she hadn't been able to screw up the courage. She decided to try to get some indication if Jonah returned her attraction at all.
In fact, part of her wondered if what happened wasn't fortuitous. Jonah was a curious man. He'd probably thought about their interaction at least a little. If she sensed the tiniest amount of interest, perhaps she would have the daring to breach his reserve.
She'd taken special pains with her appearance, partly to hide the dark circles under her eyes but also to try to catch Jonah's attention. Her makeup still looked natural. Only she knew that she'd actually taken lessons to get it that way. She needed to be extra careful given her pale complexion, if she didn't want to appear clownish. She'd pulled back her long, white-blonde hair into a French braid. She'd selected a flattering slate blue blouse that highlighted her eyes.
Shades of Submission: Fifty by Fifty #1: Billionaire Romance Boxed Set Page 11
