by Casey Ford
It contains a necklace with a single heart-shaped pendant attached. The chain and pendant are silver with the heart outlined by gold. I know she likes it, but I can also tell she was expecting something else.
“Turn around, let me put it on you.” Sam turns around and lifts her hair for me.
“This necklace is a physical representation of the promise I just made,” I inform her as I close the clasp, “a constant reminder about how I feel for you.”
“Alan, it’s beautiful,” she says as she tenderly touches it and I place a few soft kisses on her exposed neck. I wrap my arms around her.
“But it’s not what you were expecting?” I ask.
She nods her head, probably not sure what to say. I squeeze her closer to me so my chest is tight against her back and I plant a big kiss on her cheek. She leans her head back and rests it on my shoulder as I speak softly in her ear.
“I’m going to ask you to marry me one day, Sam. I can promise you that. Today is not that day, but it will come. Trust me.” Sam sighs and relaxes further into my embrace as she nods her agreement.
Phase one successful.
Present Day
The damnable sound is still ringing on the other side of the door as nurses and doctors run back and forth working on Sam. I tenderly sit up and Kate rushes to help me.
“What’s happening?” I ask no one in particular.
“It’s only been a minute or two and nothing’s changed,” Kate answers. Looking around, I notice that everyone looks ragged. For only being a minute, the whole world looks drained of life. Mary is a ragdoll in Nate’s arms and Ethan is trying to be brave by standing in the corner where he thinks no one can see him crying. Quentin cradles Arianna in his lap as he whispers reassurances into her ear. Kate is calmly rubbing my back, but worry etches her face, plain as day.
The high-pitched wail from the Sam’s room abruptly cuts off and for a few seconds we’re left with silence.
2 Years Ago (Age 18): December
Starting phase two has been a lot more of a challenge. College has not been the best bedfellow to me in the last few months. Sam has fit into place almost immediately as if she’s lived there her entire life, but I have yet to gain the approval of her new friends — not that I think I need it.
Regardless, I have managed to get the both of us together for one night at this park again and I intend to use it wisely.
I’m still wondering why I chose the near freezing month of December to do this.
“Al? What are you planning?” Sam inquires suspiciously. I sport a crooked grin and reach into my pocket for the little ring box. Pulling it out, Sam’s eyes grow big at the sight.
“Last year I promised to treasure you and your heart,” I tell her as she covers her mouth in a vain attempt to cover her smile, “and that I would be proposing to you one day. Do you remember?” Sam nods her head rapidly.
“Well this is not that day,” I inform her as I open the box to reveal a set of earrings. Sam laughs and slaps my chest, calling me a tease. I laugh with her.
“But I do promise to always listen to you. I promise to always cherish your input and opinion,” I promise handing over the box and earrings to her.
“These earrings represent my promise to you. They will forever remind you of how much I cherish you and your voice.”
Sam is crying and slightly nodding as she comes into my arms for a comforting hug. I let her cry in chest for few minutes until she feels better.
“That was really mean,” she criticizes with an added slap for effect.
“I promised you one day and I have every intention of keeping that promise,” I laugh, “as well as all the other promises I‘ve made to you.” I can feel her smile through my jacket as she buries herself further in my arms.
Phase two successful.
Present Day
The silence in the other room is deafening. I stop breathing as the tension in the air grows thick. Everyone stops what they’re doing and stares at the door hoping to hear good news when it opens. No sound greets them as the door opens slowly. The look on the nurse’s faces as they exit the room is enough to break my heart.
They look haggard and defeated.
We continue to wait as the staff slowly clear their way out of the room. Kate grips my arm and I try to comfort her with a quick pat on the hand and a small smile. I’m fairly certain I failed. With each nurse that leaves the room, my hope of a happy ending disappears piece by piece. Mary and Nate make their way closer to the door, but refrain from going inside. I know how they feel, I’m not entirely sure I want to go in there at the moment either.
Ethan walks over to Kate and me, plops himself down on the hallway bench with us and wraps both us up in a hug, squeezing tightly. I can just barely make out the making of tears in his eyes as he buries his face into Kate’s hair.
The last nurse exits and Sam’s doctor follows right behind.
His face is grim and apologetic.
Chapter Thirty-Four
1 Year Ago (Age 19): December
Once again, we’re in this park. The park has taken on a completely new meaning for us since I started the plan two years ago. This is the “set in motion” phase of my plan.
This is phase three.
“So here we are again,” Sam announces as we walk up to the park, “is this the day?” I smile a little at her cynicism. She is excited about finding out and really, really wants to know, but she’s trying to hide it under all that sarcasm. I think it’s adorable.
“Let’s find out,” I answer, smiling as I pull out the ring box. Sam tries to hide her excitement, but I can still see her bounce slightly on the balls of her feet and the twitching of her mouth as she fights the smile. Handing her the box, I watch her open it.
Once again, disappointment and relief play on her face as she gazes at the charm bracelet in the box. There are a few charms on it and each represents something of importance. I carefully take the bracelet out of the box.
“I promise to support you in anything you wish to do, be it skydiving or lounging at home on the couch, nothing will prevent me from being your biggest supporter,” I promise as I slip the bracelet on her wrist. Sam stares at it for a few moments, gently fingering the charms one at a time. I clasp her hands in mine and pull them to my chest.
“This bracelet is a physical representation of the promise I have made to you,” I tell her as I indicate the bracelet, “a constant reminder of how much I believe in you.” A single tear falls from her eyes and I quickly use my finger to catch it. She smiles softly at me and I feel warmer for it.
“Will you just propose already, you pansy,” she tells me.
I smile at her annoyance and pull her into a tight embrace. Placing a soft kiss to the top of her head, I soothingly pet her hair.
“Don’t worry,” I whisper, “soon.”
Phase three successful
Present Day
Mary and Nate rush up to the doctor as he gets closer. Kate, Ethan, and I take up in the rear within earshot.
“For now, we have induced a coma.” Mary whimpers and Nate wraps his arm around her. I can see the question playing on his lips even from behind him. I have the same question.
“What do you mean?” Nate asks.
The doctor takes a breath as if trying to gather his thoughts.
“The pressure seems to be pressing on her brain. She suffered a seizure from it, which in turn, caused the cardiac arrest. Without some tests, there’s no way to be sure, but inducing a coma relieves the burden on her and allows us time to figure it out. Hopefully, it’ll only be a few days, but you have to be prepared for a long run. There have been cases that have lasted months.” Mary’s eyes grow a little wider at that.
“For now, I want to observe her. I think we’ll be ready to let visitors in a couple of days,” the doctor finishes and we all, reluctantly, nod our heads.
“What are her chances?” Nate asks, seeming to have just thought of it.
“I won’t lie to you, the risks
can be great, especially since she’s already been in a coma for over a week,” the doctor explains. He seems tired and reluctant, but honest.
“I have to tell you, there is a chance she might not wake up from the coma when we do try. You’ll just have to be ready for that possibility. I’m sorry I can’t give you better news.” Nate nods and the doctor excuses himself to go see about another patient. I just stand there lost, not knowing where to go or what to do.
It’s going to be a very long couple of days.
Today, we try to wake up Sam. The doctors say that they like the progress they’ve seen in her and think it’s a good time to wake her up. If anything, they want to see how she’ll do once awake. Nothing is certain when it comes to a coma and they can only really guess — educated, but still a guess — about how she’ll recover or what kind of side effects she’ll have.
The only way to know for sure what’s going to happen is to wake her up and see.
The last few days have been a blur of movies, Sidetrack, sleeping, and visiting Sam — when the doctors finally allowed us. I tell her about my day and what I’ve been up to since I last saw her. She only lies there of course, but for some reason, telling her about it makes me feel better. I tell her about the doubts and fears I have for her as well. She probably knows about most of them already since she knows me so well, but it feels good to get them out into the open.
Can I be the man she needs me to be?
Can I handle the responsibility of caring for her if the worse is to happen?
Can I help her through the physical therapy? Am I strong enough?
There are an infinite more, but I try to keep to questions that are more general and leave the specific ones to my own thought processes.
Nate and Mary haven’t left Sam’s side once since the moment they were able to visit; at all times, at least one of them is with her. The doctor arranged for them to stay in the room with her, even after visiting hours. I stay with them on occasion, but I mostly let them have their alone time with her. It’s heartbreaking to see Mary with her though.
Kate and the rest of the gang have been trying to keep me out of a funk every chance they get. They’ve come and dragged me to the movies twice, Sidetrack once, and the mall multiple times — that was Arianna, it doesn’t look like it, but she loves the mall. I appreciate all they’re doing for me and it helps to get my mind off all that’s going on with Sam.
They’re great friends and I’m lucky to have them.
The doctor takes out a syringe and injects the contents into the IV.
“It could take a few hours until she’s awake.” Nobody moves, the doctor looks at each of us before silently nodding his agreement and leaving the room.
Each tick of the clock seems to be going slower and slower. The room feels like it’s in a time bubble where time has stopped moving. Seconds click into minutes and the minutes turn into hours. It’s nerve wracking.
The heavy feeling of hope mixed with desperation clogs the air and weighs us all down. Mary and Nate migrate to the chairs and sit down as the time drags on and she doesn’t wake up. Ethan starts walking the room studying various random objects — the plotted plant, the windowsill, even the light switch under the TV. Quentin and Arianna seem content holding onto each other and watching Ethan’s strange display of “captivity syndrome.” My parents stay close to the Cohn’s as Jennifer hovers by me next to Sam’s side. I gently hold her hand as I absent-mindedly stroke Sam’s arm with my fingers.
It’s a calming effect to have Jennifer clasping my hand like this. I’m amazed at her strength for a 14-year-old. I’m sure she would say it comes from Sam if I were to ask her.
“Any moment now, Al, she’s going to open her eyes, look at you and smile the brightest smile you ever saw,” Jennifer tells me softly with a quick squeeze of my hand for emphasis. I nod and look at Sam’s face for some sort of sign that she’s coming around.
Nothing.
“I hope so. I’d hate to think what would happen if we have to wait another two weeks,” I comment low enough so only she can hear me, “or longer.” I shudder to think about that last part. The last two and a half weeks has been hell and I’m not looking forward to repeating them if I can help it.
Twelve hours of waiting starts to weigh on people, and Mary is on the verge of cracking when the doctor comes back to check on Sam. No one moves a muscle as he carefully lifts each eyelid and shines a light into her eyes. He checks her pulse and carefully studies each printout from each of the machines constantly monitoring her condition. One last time with the light in her eyes to check if there is a response and he turns to us putting the light stick away in his pocket.
“I don’t like how long it’s taking for her to come out of this. At this rate, there’s no telling when she’ll wake up.” Mary breaks down and bawls into Nate’s shoulder as my mom rubs her back. I know how she feels, I want to scream and wail at the doctor out of anguish and sorrow, not anger. My anger has been sated ever since that fight and near death experience in the parking lot. Something about almost dying really calms you down, centers you to the universe if you will. It makes you Zen. I haven’t reached Zen though, I only feel overwhelmed and desperate now.
No!
There is no way I’m letting it go on longer than this has already gone on.
I don’t know where the strength or powerful emotions come from, but I feel like I have to get her to wake up. I’m tired of watching her sleep and, after talking to her again earlier, I really want her to wake up again. The feeling of want, need, love, and power overflows and I push past the doctor to get to Sam.
I lean over the bed and cup her face with my hands as I place our foreheads together. Closing my eyes, I kiss her hard on the mouth. Pouring every ounce of my love in to my lips, I try with everything I have to get her to feel my emotion. The kiss is desperate and filled with need. A powerful will to get through to her fills my chest as I coax her lips to move against mine.
“Samantha Cohn, you wake up right now!” I yell at her giving her a little shake. I kiss her again, softer this time, allowing the tears to fall freely from my eyes. I try again and again to show her how I feel for her and how much I need her with each kiss. She doesn’t respond and desolation slowly creeps over me.
I’m desperate to wake her up.
Everyone in the room remains silent. It’s like they don’t want to interrupt my pitiful display. Mary is crying again and even my mother is breaking down in my dad’s arms. Ethan looks concerned and seems to sympathize with me, but Quentin doesn’t seem to know what to do. Arianna is holding herself together, but only barely, as she watches me.
No one moves to pry me off her, they only watch and wait to see what happens.
“You’re mine, Sam, I forbid you from leaving me alone,” I whisper into her ear and softly rub my thumb across her cheek. There’s no response and, after a few moments of waiting, I start sobbing again before desperately kissing her.
Chapter Thirty-Five
2 and Half Weeks Ago (Age 20): December
“That is the last time I let you buy tickets for us.” I follow the mass of people as they exit the theater, Sam close behind. She’s been giggling since the moment I noticed the name of the movie on the door and stopped dead in my tracks. She thought my face the most hilarious thing in the world. I knew I was not going to enjoy that movie, but Sam has a way to get me to do things for her. She asks with this sugary voice and a little twist at the waist, I’m agreeing to all sorts of things before she gets through one twist.
“Oh, you know you loved that movie,” she teases. Rushing forward, she grabs my hand and arm, using them as leverage, she raises up and kisses me on the cheek. I notice that she’s wearing the necklace, charm bracelet and earrings I gave her before I shoot her a glare over my shoulder. Though it doesn’t take long before I’m breaking down and smiling, her puppy dogface has not improved at all since we were young. It’s become something of a joke for us now. She uses it when she wants me t
o laugh and it works every time.
“I can’t believe you got me to go see that stupid, glittery vampire movie,” I say disbelieving. Sam giggles on my arm and I admit it feels good to have her there. I love the feel of her warmth on me even though I’m wearing a heavy jacket. It’s a filling sensation for my heart to have her here in my arms. Nothing makes me feel closer to her than the times we’re just hanging out like this.
It makes me love her even more.
“So, Alan, the night is still young. What do you want do?” Sam asks knowingly. I’ve been dragging her to the park at least one day in December for the last four years. She knows it’s coming again this year. The plan isn’t finished yet.
I have one more phase to finish.
“Well, Samantha, I was thinking of taking you to the park tonight, but only if you consent,” I tantalize. She squeals and jumps up excitedly, but quickly gathers herself and throws on a fake businesslike look on her face. It cracks with a suppressed smile randomly.
“I think I could be persuaded,” she speaks fast to avoid the excited laugh that’s begging to escape. “After all, you’re driving. I’m practically your hostage.” I shake my head.
“Nope, you make a lousy kidnap victim. All that loud and obnoxious girly laughing all the time,” I poke. “Not to mention you drag your captor into lousy vampire movies about a mentally challenged vampire teen and a really depressed young woman.”
“I want to kill myself after watching that movie,” I shudder at the memories. Sam whacks me in the arm with her hand and laughs at my over exaggeration.
We pull into the parking lot that leads into the park and Sam has her seatbelt off and the door open before I have the car in park. She’s at almost a dead sprint by the time have my door open and I get out. I think she’s a little excited.
“Hurry up, slowpoke! I’m dying to find out what you got me,” she shouts over her shoulder without slowing down.
