by Aly Martinez
He eyed me warily. “Gum, huh?”
“Yep,” I responded before blowing a bubble and popping it loudly.
“Don’t litter,” he scolded.
I couldn’t help but laugh. The man had sent me out on the streets alone with zero protection, but a gum wrapper on the side of a road bothered him. To hell with his daughter, but let’s not tamper with the fragile environment.
Fuck my life.
Chapter Four
Flint
Eight months later . . .
“I HAVE TO GET OUT of here,” I declared as if I were being held prisoner in the pits of hell. And in my mind, I really was.
I prided myself on being logical and levelheaded. I was a planner who thought out every detail, sometimes to the point of obsession. But right then, as the words flew from my mouth, it was a completely rash decision made in haste when I caught my brother innocently kissing his wife while holding his child. He had every right to do it, and I had every right to leave so I didn’t have to witness it anymore.
Till and Eliza had gone to great lengths to make me comfortable in their new house. And by anyone’s standards, they had done an amazing job. It was a far cry from the shithole we had grown up in. By all means, I should have been ecstatic. But I was suffocating in that one-point-four-million-dollar mansion. Sure, I had a bedroom that had been built especially for me—complete with an adjoining gym that was a physical therapist’s wet dream and a bathroom that was fully handicap accessible. I had the freedom most people in my situation dreamed about.
I, however, felt like a caged animal.
“Okay,” Till said, surprised. “Where do you want to go?” He crossed his arms over his chest and studied me carefully.
Any place where you aren’t fucking the woman I’m in love with.
“College,” I answered instead. “I’m feeling better, and I’m already a full semester behind. I’m ready to start.”
Eliza smiled tightly, shifting six-month-old baby Blakely to her other hip. “You can live here and go to college. It’s only a fifteen-minute commute.”
Fuck. That.
“They have wheelchair-accessible dorms,” I told her without making eye contact.
Yeah. And a yearlong wait list.
“I’m not sure that’s the best idea, Flint. I’m all for you starting school, but we just hired that new physical therapist.” Till lifted his eyebrows and tossed me a teasing, one-sided smirk. “I thought you liked Miranda?”
Oh, he knew I liked her, all right. He’d caught me fucking her a few weeks earlier. But what he didn’t know was that she was a hard-core gold digger who had taken one look around that house and all but dropped to her knees the second I’d rolled into the room. She didn’t want me though. She wanted the money she assumed lined my pockets. Those weekly physical therapy sessions were usually only beneficial to my cock. Till had essentially hired me a hooker with a college degree.
However, I was such a miserable bastard that, knowing my brother, he wouldn’t have given a single damn that his money was being spent getting me off. Although I bet he would have cared if he knew that, not two minutes after he’d walked into the room and found Miranda riding my cock, I’d been forced to call her Eliza in order to come. Some things never changed.
Whoever said that time heals all wounds was an ignorant asshole. In my experience, time made everything worse. While I had been making great strides in my recovery, I was still stuck with useless legs and a suffocating obsession for my brother’s wife. Visiting Eliza in the hospital the day Blakely was born had almost killed me. So, after that, I’d checked out from the whole family thing. The day Till had received his cochlear implant, which allowed him to hear again for the first time in over two years, I’d refused to go. I’d told my brother that I was in pain, and he’d quickly dropped the subject. Eliza knew I’d lied, and I knew that it’d broken her heart. Till deserved to have his hearing back, but I hadn’t been able to sit there and watch him have it all.
Every day that had passed, I’d become more and more bitter toward him.
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t right.
Yet I wanted to make him pay for every single strand of happiness he’d worked his ass off to get.
Somehow, in my warped mind, I’d learned to hate the only person who’d ever given a damn about me. And it wasn’t all about Eliza, either. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what it was about. I just knew that Till Page had a life I would have killed for, but because of one fucking bullet, it was a life I would never even be allowed to fight for.
Living with them made it that much worse, too. It was exhausting. Every time I exited the sanctuary of my room, I was forced to paint on a fake-ass smile and pretend that I didn’t want to punch Till in his throat each time I so much as ran into him while making a fucking sandwich in the kitchen.
His kitchen.
I needed my own goddamned kitchen. And, while I was at it, my own woman.
My cock worked; I at least had that on my side. But women didn’t exactly get off on the idea of being with half a man. Fuck ’em though, because there was only one woman I really wanted, and with her, I had far bigger barriers than my wheelchair—a six-foot-two, two-hundred-and-fifty-pound barrier, to be exact.
For everyone’s sake, I needed to move out, but as I stared at Till’s concerned eyes from across the room, I knew he needed me to stay. Responsibility will do that to people. And that was exactly what I had become.
“Flint, just stay here a little while longer. You can do the college thing, but I think it’s safest if you lived here with us,” Till said.
“No!” I yelled. “You can’t fucking stop me!” I propelled my wheelchair forward, stopping inches in front of him. Only months ago, I was a full two inches taller than he was, but right then, I stared up like the pleading child he apparently thought I still was. “I’m leaving. I’m not asking permission. I’m just letting you know.”
He leveled me with an angry glare, which I fearlessly returned. I had lost so much weight since I’d stopped working out at On The Ropes that he was at least fifty pounds heavier than I was, but he was no match for me in the anger department. I had more of that than Till could ever dream of mustering.
“I’m nineteen. You. Can. Not. Stop. Me,” I gritted out through my teeth.
“Flint, stop,” Eliza pleaded from beside him.
I never dragged my eyes away from my brother, but I was positive there were tears streaming down her face. I couldn’t care anymore though. That was Till’s job. Not mine.
Not. Mine.
“You’re right.” Till began rolling his bottom lip between his index finger and his thumb. It was his nervous habit and also the sign that I’d won. “College will be good. When do you move in?” He wrapped his arm around Eliza’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head.
Yep. There it is.
Looking away from their embrace, I replied, “Tonight.”
“What?” Eliza gasped.
“I’m gonna stay with a friend for a couple of nights. Then I’ll see if Slate can come over and help me move my stuff.”
“Flint, what the hell is going on here? College, I get. What’s the sudden rush to leave?” Till asked.
And before I could stop them, my eyes jumped to Eliza. Just as quickly, I flashed them away in an attempt to cover my accidental confession, but before I had the chance, her shoulders fell. She might not have been mine, but the way her chin quivered as she looked down at the ground absolutely belonged to me. And I hated myself for it.
“Nothing. I’m just sick of sitting at home all the time.”
He tilted his head to the side, not completely convinced. “When do classes start?”
“Monday,” I guessed. Fuck if I knew when classes started, but I was willing to tell him whatever bullshit it took to get me out of there ASAP.
“And you’re sure about this?” he asked.
“Positive.”
Sighing, he grabbed the back of his neck. �
��Okay, but if you change your mind, you can come back anytime. Let me get you a check. Prepay for the first full year of tuition and your room. Put the rest away for books. I’ll set you up on a monthly stipend for food and shit.” He released Eliza and started to walk from the room.
“Are you insane? I’m not taking your money!”
He stopped in his tracks and spun to face me. “Excuse me?”
“There is no way I’m taking your money.”
“Yes, you fucking are!”
“That’s your money. Not mine. Use it to take care of your wife and daughter. I can figure out college on my own.”
“You’re absolutely right. It is my money, and I busted my ass to earn it so I could take care of my family. You are my family,” he bit out.
“Unfortunately, that’s true,” I mumbled.
It was childish and a lie, but they were the only words I could think of to hurt him. However, since he was standing across the room, Eliza was the only one who heard them.
“Flint!” she scolded, wiping her tears away and squaring her shoulders.
Fuck. I knew that look, and it didn’t bode well for me at all.
“Till, take Blakely and go get that check. I’m gonna help Flint pack a few things.” She smiled sweetly, and it quite honestly scared the piss out of me.
Till must have recognized the look too, because as he took the baby from her arms, he bit his lip to conceal a laugh.
Not even a second after he walked from the room, Eliza started in on me.
“Are you done?” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Yep.” Unwilling to listen to her lecture, I spun myself away. But before I could get turned all the way around, she lifted her foot and slammed down on the brake of my wheelchair, thrusting me forward from the sudden halt.
“You’re not done.”
“Oh, I’m not?” I laughed humorlessly, rolling my eyes. After releasing the brake, I began to leave again, but Eliza had other ideas.
Moving in front of my chair, she leveled me with a menacing glare. Bending over, she rested her hands on my thighs. “Kiss me.”
“What?” I questioned, leaning away.
“You love me, right? You’re leaving because of that, right? Then kiss me. Who knows? Maybe I’ll like it.” She shrugged and moved in even closer.
I had envisioned kissing Eliza no fewer than a million times. Never once had it been out of pity or desperation. Those two things were enough to ruin even my wildest dreams.
“Wow, Eliza. I didn’t take you for a cheater.”
“It’s not cheating, because I would feel nothing.”
I laughed again, trying to hide the hole her words had carved in my soul. “Well, when you put it that way.”
“Then tell me why you’re leaving,” she demanded, never moving away.
“I told you. College. Besides, I’m sick of you guys taking care of me. I need to do this on my own.”
Oh, and because I want to rip the arms off my brother every time he touches you.
“Bullshit. You’re leaving because of me.”
“Wow. Aren’t you full of yourself today? Not everything is about you.”
“I’m well aware of that, but this is,” she hissed. “I love you, Flint Page. And I know you love me, but not like this. If finally kissing me will make you see that this thing you have for me is nothing more than an infatuation, then I’ll take the hit.”
“The hit? Christ, now I’m in the mood,” I said sarcastically, but my eyes dropped to her mouth.
Fuck it.
Suddenly, I grabbed the back of her neck, hauling her impossibly close. Her eyes went wide and her chin quivered, but she didn’t back away.
I’d spent years pining over Eliza, but with her lips less than an inch from mine, I was hit by the overwhelming reality that it was never going to happen for me with her. I could steal a single kiss, but I’d never have more than that. I should have realized that about the time she’d married my brother, but it wasn’t until right then—as fear and anxiety covered her gorgeous face—that the truth sank in.
My chest ached as I made the decision to finally let her go. She stared at me, pleading through her sparkling, blue eyes—a single tear spilling out then trailing down her cheek.
Fuck. That one fucking tear gutted me.
It was the end.
With that realization lingering between us, my angry façade melted away, leaving me stripped and vulnerable in its absence. I couldn’t even stop the truth as it tumbled from my tongue.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m so fucking bitter, Eliza. I don’t even know why most of the time. I mean, of course, there’s the obvious.” I looked down at my legs. “But God, it’s so much more than that. I’m starting to hate him because I love you. Yet, at the same time, he’s my brother and I love him, but I hate you so fucking much for loving him too.”
“You don’t love me, Flint,” she whispered.
“You can’t say that! You don’t know!” I boomed before falling quiet. “I just need to get away from here.”
“Okay. Then I won’t fight you. If you want to move out, fine. But I have this feeling that you’re not planning to come back.” She dropped to her knees in front of me. Then she squeezed my hand painfully tight. “I need you to swear to me that, even if your address changes, you’re not actually going anywhere.”
“I can’t . . .” I trailed off.
“You don’t have be around me if you don’t want, but please don’t do this to Till and Quarry.” Her voice hitched.
Damn it, I’m such a prick.
“It’s not just you, Eliza. I mean, that’s part of it but . . . fuck. I’m drowning. Everyone’s so happy. Till’s running the gym with Slate now. Quarry’s destroying the amateur boxing circuit. And I’m . . . sitting in the stands, watching.”
Releasing my hand, she inched even closer. Palming each side of my face, she said, “You’re not sitting in the stands, Flint. You’re just adjusting. You’ll be back in the ring in no time.”
“Don’t,” I whispered. “We both know I’ll never be back inside that ring.”
She shook her head in disagreement, but she didn’t say the lie out loud. “God, you’ve had a hell of a year. You can’t possibly expect—”
I interrupted what was sure to be a pep talk. “Let’s just be real here.”
She sighed then rested her elbows on my useless thighs. “Maybe you’re right. As much as it’s gonna kill me, your moving out and starting your own life might not be the worst thing to happen. You always were a nerd,” she teased through tears. “College will be great.”
God, she was amazing. And for that reason alone, I blurted, “You were right too. I am saying goodbye.”
Her whole body tensed. I hated witnessing the verbal slap I had just issued, but if there was ever a woman who deserved the truth, it was her.
“I need a fresh start, and I can’t do that here. I need to figure out my life now that this is my new reality,” I told her. I could tell she assumed I was talking about being paralyzed, and I can’t say that she was wrong. Although she wasn’t right, either. So much of my life had been caught up in her. I wasn’t quite sure how to move forward.
I was about to try though.
“I know you do.” She sniffled, pushing herself off her knees. “Okay. No more crying. This is a good thing for you.” She sucked in a deep breath and used the backs of her hands to wipe the tears away.
Then her shoulders squared.
Fuck.
“I’m gonna need you to take that check from your brother,” she told me sternly.
“I can’t do that. Till made his own way in life. I’m a grown-ass man now. I want to do the same.”
“You might be a ‘grown-ass man’”—she tossed me a pair of air quotes—“but you’re still his little brother. Flint, he sat in silence for years to be able to earn enough money to write you that check.”
“I’m sorry—”
“Shut up and listen to me
.”
I rolled my eyes, but she didn’t seem to care.
“When Till initially went deaf, he gave me three excuses as to why he needed to continue boxing instead of getting the cochlear implant: to buy me a home.” She waved her arms around the room. “To pay for the best specialist for Quarry.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “And lastly, to be able to pay for your college. He always brags to anyone who will listen about how smart you are. He adores the fact that you actually enjoy school, and he wanted to be able to give you that. He doesn’t want you to have to bust your ass the way he did.”
“I can’t take his money,” I repeated.
“You have to. And if you want me to let this go and keep my mouth shut about the real reason you’re leaving, then you will take that check and drive off in that van he bought for you months ago.”
“I’m not taking the minivan. It’s ridiculous.”
“It really is.” She laughed before getting serious again. “But you’re gonna take it. And that check too. If you’re planning to disappear for a while, at least give us both the peace of mind that you aren’t struggling.”
“I don’t want—”
“Here you go,” Till announced, walking back into the room. “I wasn’t sure how much the dorms are. I tried to look it up, but I swear it just confused me more. Anyway, I think this should cover that and tuition. Let me know if you need more. I’ll get a stipend set up for you next week.” He extended the check in my direction.
I immediately backed away. “Listen—” I started, but Eliza cleared her throat, catching my attention.
“Take it,” she mouthed behind his back.
Till was absolutely not paying for my college, but I could take his check to keep the peace. Cashing it would be a different story.
I took it from his hands. “Thanks. I really appreciate it.” I flashed my gaze back to Eliza, who continued our secret conversation.
“And,” she mouthed.
Shaking my head, I looked back at Till. “And can I have the keys to the van?” I mumbled.
His eyes lit, and a huge smile grew on his face. “She must have some serious dirt on you if you agreed to take the money and the van. Jesus, that woman is good.” He let out a loud laugh, looking over his shoulder at Eliza, who innocently shrugged.
