by Aly Martinez
It was clear that Flint was still obsessing about my age though.
“You have a tattoo,” he stated as if that would magically alter the year of my birth.
“So does Q.”
“You take college classes online,” he continued to argue.
“Uhhh . . . no. I take high school classes online.”
“Oh my God.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.
“What the hell are you freaking out about?”
“Everything!” he yelled so loudly that it forced me back a step.
“Okay, you need to calm down.”
“I need to calm down? Are you fucking kidding me?”
I wasn’t kidding. I wasn’t even smiling.
I actually had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, and judging by his murderous glare, I had every reason to feel that way.
“Get out,” he bit out, and while it hurt, I could gladly give him some time alone to get his attitude in check.
“Fine. Let me know when you’re ready to talk about the real issue instead of this bullshit.” I turned to stalk away, mentally high-fiving myself for not taking the brunt of his hissy fit.
“The real issue, Ash?” he said behind me. “Exactly how is you lying to me for the last month not the real issue?”
“Lying to you?” I spun back around to face him. “How the hell was I lying?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you? You didn’t think the fact that I could go to jail for being with you was need-to-know information?”
“I’m not jailbait. Sixteen is the age of consent. Besides, it’s not like we were having sex anyway.”
“Thank fucking God for that.”
I flinched at his words. That hurt.
But Flint was just getting started. “You’re a goddamn child. This explains so much about you.”
“You’re three years older than I am. It’s not exactly robbing the cradle or anything.” I laughed to cover my fear, which was multiplying with his every word spoken. Or, in the seconds that followed, his every word not spoken. “Flint, let’s just calm down here. It’s still me. So I’m a little younger. Age doesn’t matter. I love you,” I reminded him. I didn’t give a damn if he felt the same way or not. I just needed him to know that I loved him. That was enough.
No one had ever loved me. I didn’t need it. I just needed him.
He stared blankly across the room; his eyes never even bounced to mine.
Suddenly, he blurted, “I want you to get the fuck out of my life and never come back.”
“You’re breaking up with me because of my age?” My voice quivered.
“No, I’m breaking up with you because I can’t have you.”
“What are you talking about? I’m right here. I’m yours. I belong to you.”
“Bullshit! Sixteen-year-old girls belong with their parents. They giggle in homeroom with their friends and talk about hairstyles and trying to score the high school quarterback. They don’t tie themselves down to a guy in a wheelchair.”
“Well, maybe you don’t know the right girls, then. Because I’d give anything to be tied down to you. Wheelchair or not. Walking or not. Just you.”
His infuriated eyes softened as he looked up. “Why?”
“I can’t describe it. You’re smart. And you’re kind of an ass, but I love the challenge of making you laugh. I feel safe with you. No one’s ever tried to protect me like you did that first night. You’re my hero, Flint.” My heart swelled from the memories.
Flint barked out a laugh. “And this is exactly our problem. That right there is how sixteen-year-old girls think. They have dreams and fairytales about how life is going to be. I’m no one’s white knight. I’m just a bitter guy who has to relearn to walk like a fucking baby. I have no money.” He opened his arms and signaled around the room. “This is my brother’s. Not mine.”
“What are you talking about? This is the first time I’ve ever seen your brother’s house. Do you think for a single second I care about money?”
“Well, you are a Mabie,” he sneered.
“That is not fair! I’d lie in that dirty patch of grass with you for the rest of my life if that’s all you had.”
He swallowed hard and looked away.
“What is this fight really about, Flint? Because I have to admit I’m pretty lost right now. You keep changing the topic. I was upset earlier by the whole Eliza thing, but obviously, you have far bigger issues than I do.” I paused and took a step toward him. “Is this because you think I want your brother’s money? Flint, I’ve shoplifted groceries for the majority of my life. I wouldn’t even know how to go through the checkout line. I don’t want money. I want you.”
I took another step to close the distance between us. “Or is this about you being in a wheelchair? Because I have never known you without it. I. Don’t. Care. If you never walk again. Your legs are not the part I fell in love with.” With one last step, I finally reached him. “Or is this because I’m sixteen? I’m sorry you thought I was older, but I don’t see for one second how that changes what we have together. If you had never found out how old I was, this wouldn’t even be an issue. You aren’t pissed because I’m some immature little girl. You’re pissed about a number.”
* * *
Flint
There were a million different reasons why I was mad, the biggest one being how deceived I felt. Not just about her age, but about the future I hoped we could start making together. I wanted things from Ash.
A lot of things.
I might have only been nineteen, but my situation was truly unique. My age did not represent the point I was at in life. I wasn’t a normal college kid who went out drinking and partying on Friday nights. Rather, I wanted to stay at home and lie on the couch, reading a book—or, actually, lie in the weeds with her.
There was a reason I was fast-tracking college. I wanted to be done with it. I loved school, but the big picture at the end was what motivated me. I didn’t want to be a teenager anymore. I wanted my life to start. One where I had a house and a wife of my own. Maybe, in a few years, toss in a kid.
Basically, I wanted exactly what Till had.
A family.
It was sad. I would have figured that walking again would have been my main priority. It wasn’t though. Having somewhere I truly belonged was.
For a brief moment, I’d had high hopes that that was with Ash Mabie. Hopes that had all come crashing down with one little number.
Sixteen-year-olds didn’t settle down.
I’d always been mature for my age because of the way I had grown up, but who I was at nineteen was completely different than who I had been just three years earlier. I had already been in love with Eliza back then, but girls were still girls, and I had gone through them faster than I had condoms. There were always stupid fights and drama, breakups followed by tears and false confessions of love. Girls were freaking crazy when they were young, but that was part of the game—one I’d played hard for several years in high school.
A game I never wanted to play again.
In my perfect world, Ash and I would have dated for six or so months. Fallen irrevocably in love. I would have asked her to move in. We would have lived together for another six or so months, and then I would have proposed. Six months later, she would have been walking down the aisle in a white dress. And one year later, I would have taken my very first step as I was handed my college diploma while my pregnant wife was beaming with pride from the audience.
That was my game.
Two and a half years and I’d be done trying to make a life and ready to start living it.
It had seemed impossible after I’d been shot, and there was that little issue that I hadn’t been able to move past Eliza. But the moment Ash had barged her way into my life, it suddenly hadn’t seemed so hard anymore.
Sitting around while waiting for Ash to grow up and praying that she didn’t up and leave me during those crazy years of adolescent self-discovery was definitely not part of m
y plan. It actually scared the shit out of me.
I’d already fallen for one unattainable woman.
I couldn’t make it two.
Not even for Ash.
“I’m still your girlfriend. Nothing has changed!” she cried, attempting to take my hand.
I snatched it out of her reach. “You’re not my girlfriend,” I announced. She was so much more—which was exactly why I’d never be able to keep her.
“What?” she whimpered in a broken voice that absolutely gutted me.
I needed her to go.
I needed to be alone.
I needed her to crawl into my lap and tell me that she’d never leave and she’d love me forever.
“This thing . . . whatever the hell it was, is bullshit. I just brought you here today to make Eliza jealous.” The lie burned my lungs.
With that one childish statement, it became blatantly obvious that I wasn’t the mature one of the two of us. But I needed her out of my life before I begged her to stay.
“You’re lying. You didn’t even know about this party until today.”
“Yes, and you’ve served your purpose. You can leave.”
“You are so full of shit, Flint. I’m not leaving until you tell me the truth about what the hell is going on.”
“I don’t want you!” I yelled, and her whole body tensed at my outburst. Or maybe it had been the words. I couldn’t tell. “That’s your truth, Ash. You’re a criminal whose only future is behind bars. You happen to have a nice set of tits, so I was hoping you’d put out, but children aren’t exactly my thing. So now that Eliza has seen us together, I’m gonna need you to get the fuck out of my life.”
Her eyes went wide, giving her away, but a fake smile stretched her mouth, attempting to cover the pain I had just inflicted. I hated that fucking smile. It was all wrong and I wanted to erase it from existence. And the sooner she got away from me, the sooner I could do just that.
She didn’t budge, and neither did her smile, but her chest heaved as she desperately tried to hold it together.
With shaking hands, she squared her shoulders. “You . . . You told me once that I couldn’t go through life trusting everyone. Thanks for proving that.” She tried to laugh, but it came out as a sob. “You’re wrong about me though. I’m a good person. I’ll prove that.” She pulled her heels off. Tears were streaming down her face when she looked back up. “Since that’s what you really think of me, don’t worry. You’ll never have to see this criminal again.”
I apologized profusely in my head, but anger and self-preservation never allowed the words to leave my mouth as I watched Ash, barefoot and with her head hung low, walk out my life.
Chapter Sixteen
Flint
I HADN’T EVEN MADE IT a full four hours before I regretted all the things I’d said to Ash. I wasn’t sure how anything could work between us, but I had dismissed the idea of even trying entirely too quickly. I’d just needed a few days to logically work it out in my head. Develop a new strategy for slowing things down between us but still keeping her in my life.
I couldn’t lose her.
I was told Slate had driven her home from the party. Quarry texted me late that night to tell me something was seriously off. Ash had cooked dinner that night for everyone and sat at the table with a huge smile, telling her father that she loved him and how much she had loved getting to know Debbie and Quarry. She gave them all a hug then spent the rest of the night in her room.
I’d given Q strict instructions to keep an eye on her. I had too much pride to actually call her, and part of me was a little scared too. I was positive she needed some time to cool off.
My phone rang the following morning at around seven A.M. I was exhausted and if it weren’t for Quarry’s name showing on the caller ID I would have sent it to voicemail.
“What’s up?” I answered my phone, wiping the sleep from my eyes.
“I need you to come get me. The cops are here arresting Ray and Debbie.”
I sat straight up in bed. “What!” I yelled, settling the phone between my shoulder and ear so I could transfer into my wheelchair.
“I have no idea what the fuck is going on. About four cars arrived at the house; cops stormed in and hauled them out. Till’s not answering. I need you to come get me.”
“Where’s Ash?” I rushed out as I headed to my drawers to pull on some clothes.
“I don’t know. She’s not here and most of her shit has been cleared out.”
“Where the fuck did she go?”
“I don’t know! Just come get me!” he responded, completely frazzled.
“Okay. I’m on my way.” I hung up and immediately started dialing Ash’s number.
I put the phone on speaker and tossed it on the bed while I struggled to get dressed, pausing every few seconds to hit redial when it went to her voicemail.
“Come on, Ash. Where the fuck are you?” I mumbled to myself, tugged on my shoes.
She still hadn’t answered when I left my apartment and I had to regretfully give up calling in order to find Till.
After the third time calling, he finally answered.
“I’m headed over there now. Cops just left here,” he informed me without so much as a greeting.
“What the fucking hell is going on?” I asked, weaving though traffic.
“Good ole Debbie and Ray were blackmailing the judge to get custody of Q. Federal offense. Cops assume they were going to try to use him to extort money from me.”
“Oh fuck!”
“Anonymous blonde dropped off a box full of evidence last night. Pictures, recorded conversations, you name it . . . the cops have it. Ray and Debbie are going to prison.”
I was vaguely aware that Till kept talking because I instinctually held the phone to my ear, but my mind was stuck on two words: anonymous blonde.
I knew.
I fucking knew.
I’m a good person. I’ll prove that.
Suddenly an all too familiar pain settled in my gut.
You’ll never have to see this criminal again.
“Oh God,” I breathed, dropping the phone into my lap.
* * *
“Ash Mabie!” I yelled at the detective, slamming my fist down on the table.
“Chill. That’s not helping,” Till scolded from beside me.
“Neither is sitting here answering seven million questions when we could be out looking for her.” I turned my head back to the detective. “When you could be out looking for her.”
“Calm down, son. Her picture and the plates have been distributed to all the officers in the city. We really just need to figure out who this girl is. As far as we can tell, Mabie doesn’t even have a daughter.”
“Yes, he does! She’s not a fucking figment of my imagination.”
“And you’re sure this is her?” he said, pushing a grainy surveillance photo in front of me.
“Yes,” I gritted out, pushing it away.
I didn’t need to look at that picture again. Once was more than enough. I didn’t need to see her usually bright eyes absent of all emotion or the way her confident shoulders rounded forward in defeat. But what killed me the most was that pain-filled grimace that didn’t deserve to be anywhere near her beautiful face. However, even with all of that . . . it was still Ash.
“Get Mabie’s ass in here,” I barked.
“He’s asked for an attorney. It’s going to take a little while before we can get in there to find out who she really is.”
“I swear to fucking God. . . . I just told you who the fuck she is. Now get up off your ass and find her! She’s only sixteen. She can’t just be running the streets alone.” I huffed out a hard breath as my anger momentarily slipped, revealing the true anxiety. “Please. I’m begging you.”
I was never exactly an optimist so my mind began to spiral out of control with scenarios—none of which brought her back to me.
I dropped my head into my hands as I tried to get myself under control, but I
couldn’t even catch my own fucking breath.
“Can you give us a minute?” Till asked the officer when I began to break down.
“Sure. And you guys can head out whenever. I’ll give you a call with any information we receive.”
“Thanks,” Till replied, but I kept my head buried in my hands.
With a loud sigh, he squatted down in front of me and grabbed the back of my neck. “All right, let’s pull it together. You’re the logical one, remember? I’m the emotional one.” He tried to lighten the mood, but it was useless. My mind was trapped in the dark and vicious pits of worry.
“You don’t understand. She’s . . . different than us, Till. She’s the smartest person I’ve ever met, but she’s so fucking naïve. And now . . . she’s out there alone. She’ll trust damn near everyone she comes in contact with. If something happens to her—”
He quickly interrupted me. “Nothing is going to happen to her.”
“Please help me. . . . I don’t deserve it, but please,” I began to plead. I was looking at Till, but my words were aimed at each and every greater force in the universe that could possibly exist.
“You love her?” he asked, temporarily snapping me out of my downward spiral.
“She’s sixteen. At this point I’m just—”
He interrupted me again. “I didn’t ask how old she was. I asked if you love her.”
“I’ve only known her a month,” I answered; only Till didn’t think it was an answer at all.
“Again, not what I asked.”
Was I in love with Ash Mabie? I could have sat there for a decade and never given an adequate answer.
“I don’t honestly know. I think I’m a little fucked-up in the whole love department.” I shook my head at my own assessment.
“You mean because you think you’re in love with Eliza?”
Oh. God.
My eyes jumped to his, then just as quickly, bounced away.
“Uh . . . ,” I stalled nervously. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“I’m not stupid, Flint. I’ve always known you had a thing for her.”
Fuck. Shit. Damn. Multiplied by infinity.
“I’m sorry.” I looked away, embarrassed.
