by Kelly Myers
Sure, I thought it would have happened by now, but I’m not going to beat myself up over it. It’s not like I don’t want to fall in love or find my soulmate, but I figure it will happen when it’s supposed to. I don’t need any distractions right now anyway.
“You want a ride home?” Tommy asks.
I live off campus in a tiny apartment since I like my privacy.
“No thanks,” I say. “I have my bike.”
Tommy nods. I glance up at him as he tosses his curly hair off his forehead. Becca has suggested more than once that I should just date Tommy, but there’s no spark between us. Tommy would be a convenient boyfriend though. He’s always around, and he understands pre-med life.
But I don’t want to date someone just because he’s convenient.
Tommy heads to the parking lot. He lives off-campus as well, but he has a car. I unlock my bike from the rack and swing my bag into the metal basket. I pop my helmet on my head and set off.
It feels good to stretch my legs by pedaling after long hours in the library. I’m not super athletic, but I enjoy hiking and running and biking.
As I pedal down the familiar streets, I reflect on how Becca is always so willing to put her heart on the line and fall in love. I don’t have low self-esteem or anything; I know that with my blue eyes and dark hair, I’m attractive enough. I didn’t think I would still be a virgin at twenty though. Not that it’s a ridiculously old age to be a virgin. I just figured I would meet some fabulous guy in college who would coincidentally also get into the same medical school and my life would be perfect and neat.
In my most vulnerable moments, it has been hard to watch Becca find connection with loads of guys, or to watch my other friends find boyfriends and fulfilling relationships while I stand on the sidelines, my nose buried in a book.
I shake my head and focus on the road as the sky starts to get dark. I’m done feeling sorry for myself. If I had found a boyfriend freshman year and lost my virginity, maybe he would have just been a massive distraction. Maybe he would have broken my heart, and then I would have been too devastated to focus on schoolwork and I wouldn’t have gotten into my dream med school in New York City.
Everything happens for a reason.
I turn my bike into the driveway of my apartment. I rent the top floor of a duplex. The house is owned by the guy who lives next door in a bigger house. I fell in love with the place as soon as I saw it. It’s on a quiet street lined with pretty trees, but it’s not too far from campus. Even in the heavy winter snows, it’s easy enough to reach campus by bike or by foot if I need to.
Plus the landlord, Nate Ramsay, lives next door and is super nice. My stomach does a little flip when I think of Nate. He’s older, but he’s ridiculously handsome. I could barely keep a straight face the day I toured the apartment. I’m not usually the type of girl to get distracted by an attractive man, but my eyes kept darting away from the kitchen with all-new appliances and towards his toned arms and chest. He also has a beard, which I find insanely hot.
I spent the whole tour adjusting my glasses and trying not to giggle like a schoolgirl.
Now that he’s been my landlord for almost two years, I’ve gotten used to it. Mostly.
At least, I can keep my composure when he makes small talk with me or comes over to fix something in the apartment. We’ve even had nice conversations, and he always asks me about school and life. I can mostly keep my eyes focused on his chiseled face and not his body.
He probably thinks I’m a total weirdo.
It’s like I’m sabotaging my own love life. I don’t even try to find a spark with college guys because it’s too much trouble, and yet I have a raging crush on a much older man who is totally unavailable and inappropriate.
Well. He might be available. He definitely doesn’t have a wedding band on his ring finger, and in all my time living next door, I’ve never seen even a hint of a girlfriend.
I shake my head. Still totally inappropriate.
As I slow my bike, the front wheel catches on a stone, and I tumble from the bike. I catch myself with one hand, but I land hard on my other knee.
I bite back and curse and roll out from under the bike until I’m sitting. My palm is stinging, and I know I’ll have a bruise on my knee, but it’s nothing serious. I’m more embarrassed than in pain.
I glance towards the sidewalk to make sure no one witnessed my pathetic fall, then I grab my bag and hoist myself up to my feet.
I’m congratulating myself on having no witnesses to my clumsiness, when a deep voice emerges from behind me.
“You ok? That was quite a fall.”
Oh no. Not him. Not now. My cheeks turn bright red as I turn and see Nate Ramsay standing beside his house, a bag of trash in his hand.
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Kelly Myers writes contemporary romance. She tries to bring that feeling which makes you feel connected to the characters in her books. Her stories have characters that make their partners feel seen, heard, and understood.
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