“Now I have everything,” Mum reveals. “You are family. You should stick together at times like this. And Evie needs to know we are here for her. Wyatt needs to make things right with her again.”
“None of us blame Evie,” Eli announces, stepping into the semi-circle. “It was hard at first to find out her role, but now we have the full story, none of us can fault her for her actions. To save one of you, I’d have given the information straight out. She didn’t. You can’t buy that kind of dedication and loyalty.”
“We like her,” Theo explains, pointing between him and Colton.
Colton pulls at his tie, his face a light shade of red. “We never thought bad of her so I’m not sure why we’re explaining ourselves.”
Lily steps forward, taking my hand. “I don’t blame her either. She doesn’t need my forgiveness because she has nothing to be forgiven for.”
Reid swings his keys around his fingers. “I don’t either.”
The rest follow suit, and I feel a lump at the back of my throat. Today isn’t about me. It’s about Evie. Yet each of them stands before me, giving me their support.
Jaxon strolls over, slapping my shoulder. “She’s family. We were all in the wrong for what was said and done. It’s time to bring your girl home.”
Choked up, it takes me a minute to find my voice. “Thank you. All of you.”
Mum links her arm through mine, squeezing my bicep. “This is what family does. Now let’s go. You have a lot of grovelling to do.”
*** *** ***
Being at the cemetery brings back memories of Dad’s funeral. The sun was bright on that day too, and there was a bite to the wind, giving it an eerie feeling.
I’ll never forget it.
Parts of that day were a blur. The people who spoke to me had no identity; voices I heard had no distinct sound. But the sight of his casket, the musky smell of the church, then the feel of the autumn breeze, was distinctive, and has stayed with me all this time.
Parking in one of the allocated spaces, I give myself a few minutes, gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white.
It’s the first time doubt has kicked in. Doubt I will be wanted, doubt I will be needed, and doubt that this is the right thing to do. My only concern is for Evie. I don’t want to make this day any harder for her.
The day of my dad’s funeral, I was surrounded by my family, my brothers and sister. Evie has no one but Rebecca—and us, if she’ll let us.
“He had a beautiful send off,” Mum whispers, gripping the strap of her bag.
It doesn’t surprise me that she knows I’m thinking about Dad. There were times growing up that I truly believed she had superpowers. I’m still not convinced she doesn’t.
“He did,” I agree, thankful it’s just us two in the car. I don’t want my brothers to see me like this.
“Today is going to be hard for her. Remember that.”
Noticing her hand visibly shaking, I reach out and take it. “Whatever she needs, she can have, Mum. I won’t make this day any harder.”
She gives me a watery smile. “I know you won’t. You’re a tough man, Wyatt Hayes, just like your father. But inside, you are a huge softie.”
Leaning over, I press a kiss to her cheek. “Don’t tell anyone.”
We get out of the car, and Mum meets me on my side, walking in step beside me. Leaves begin to flutter around my feet, others dancing in the air around us as we meet with the others at the end of the path, where they are huddled together.
Wondering what has stopped them, I glance up the path, my body locking at the sight of Evie pulling her black coat tighter around her waist.
She’s partially turned away from us, her head bowed to the ground. Her cheeks are slightly drawn, dark circles shadow under her eyes, and she has lost an incredible amount of weight in the past two weeks.
The only thing that has me rooted to the spot and not running over to her and pulling her into my arms is the hollow look upon her face. It’s like she isn’t present in her body.
I turn to Mum, who appears just as concerned as me. When she jerks, I whip around to see what happened, only to be met with a stinging cheek.
“You need to fucking leave,” Rebecca growls, shoving Eli off. He must have grabbed her after she slapped me. “Not today, Wyatt. She doesn’t deserve this.”
“We aren’t here to cause her any more pain. We are here to give her our support.”
She shakes her head, tears gathering in her eyes. “No. I don’t care why you’re here. You need to leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere unless she tells me to,” I tell her, trying hard to keep my emotions in check.
“You have no idea what the past two weeks have been like. She hasn’t left her room. She’s hardly eaten, and what she did eat she threw back up. This is going to tip her over the edge. It took me all morning to get her dressed. I didn’t think we would make it.”
“Have you taken her to see a doctor?” Mum asks.
Hearing what she has been through is like a knife through my stomach. If I hadn’t been such a prick, I could have been there for her. She would have been surrounded by love and comfort.
“He’s prescribed her some anti-depressants and offered her grief counselling, but she won’t take them or book an appointment. I can’t watch her get worse. I just can’t,” she informs us, before turning to me. “The only reason I’m not clawing your eyes out right now is because I don’t have the energy in me, but I’ll find it if you don’t go.”
“I was much like Evie after my husband died,” Mum begins, pulling Rebecca’s attention away from me. “For months it went on. Just how you described Evie. I couldn’t get out of bed. I slept all the time, but it never felt like I slept. I couldn’t eat. I neglected to take real care of my children. It took something just as traumatic to pull me out of it.”
“What was that?” Rebecca whispers, and for the first time I notice she doesn’t look all that well either. Her shoulders slump, the fight leaving her.
“Nearly losing my daughter,” Mum admits softly. “She was rushed into hospital because she was failing to take her medication on time. From the looks of Evie, she needs something to awaken those feelings again. Or maybe today will finally hit her and break through. I don’t know. If she personally asks us to leave, we will.”
“You swear?” Rebecca asks, addressing me with the question.
“I swear,” I croak out, glancing back up the path.
Evie is still standing next to the open grave, her hands folded together in front of her. Her multi-layered, knee-length, chiffon, black dress blows in the wind.
I hold my breath as I take the first step towards her, my heart beating rapidly.
The closer we get, the more nervous I become. As we near her, Rebecca walks ahead of us, calling out her name.
“Evie.”
She doesn’t even twitch at the sound, her gaze locked on the ground beneath her.
“Evie,” Rebecca calls louder, and I watch as Evie’s body jerks.
Slowly, she turns around, her movements sluggish. Her head rises, and her gaze meets mine. She staggers backwards, and my eyes widen in horror at what is about to happen. At the same time as me, Rebecca rushes forward, reaching her first before she can trip over the bar surrounding the grave.
I take a step back when I’m satisfied Rebecca has her, unable to keep my gaze from Evie, who hasn’t taken hers away from mine. She could have fallen into the grave had Rebecca not caught her.
Her bottom lip trembles, her eyes watering. “Wyatt?” she sobs out, gripping Rebecca’s forearms for support. She blinks rapidly, like she’s trying to clear her head.
“It’s me.”
“Have you come to get back at me?” she hoarsely gets out, her voice not sounding like her own.
I close my eyes, feeling the weight of her words. I deserve it after I treated her so badly. “No, Evie, I’m here for you. To support you.”
A whimper passes through her lips when s
he takes in the rest of my family before coming back to me.
“I never wanted to hurt you.”
I take another step forward. “I know you didn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t get that straight away.”
“You have every right to hate me,” she tells me, her gaze wandering to where Lily and Jaxon are.
“I don’t hate you. I love you,” I tell her.
She shakes her head, trying to take another step back. “No. No, you can’t forgive me.”
My gaze briefly locks with Lily’s, who gives me an encouraging smile. “Someone brilliant pointed out to me that it’s not you who needs forgiveness but us.”
“I can’t do this,” she cries out, and Rebecca pulls her into her arms.
I pause mid-step, forcing myself not to go to her. I don’t want to push her over the edge. Mum squeezes my bicep, standing close to give me some of her warmth.
“Why don’t we stay here, and if you need us, just call out,” Mum tells her softly.
“This can’t be real,” she whispers.
I can’t bear this anymore. I desperately want to do something to make this right for her. She’s breathing but there is no life in her. I don’t recognise the person staring back at me.
I hate myself for doing this to her.
Taking a hesitant step forward, I bend until we’re eye level, waiting until she meets my gaze. “This is real. And I’m not going anywhere, not unless you want me to.”
“Are you ready to begin?” calls the vicar, standing at the edge of the grave, Bible in hand.
Evie gives him a slow nod in confirmation as Rebecca steers her around to face the coffin.
My entire body is tense. It takes everything in me not to go to her side, but I stay back, keeping close enough to be next to her if she needs me.
Mum squeezes my hand and I inhale, trying to calm my rioting nerves.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
EVIE
A big part of me feels lost, and I desperately want it back. The grief… it feels like an emptiness in my heart that doesn’t just threaten to curse me with a life filled with nothingness but already has, and there’s no apology or remorse for the underlying sorrow that consumes me.
Every memory I shared with Mum plays like a song on a loop that I can’t stop or pause. It’s a gift and torture at the same time.
Every day, loneliness creeps in a little more and chills me to the bone. It still doesn’t feel real. I heard the doctor tell Rebecca that it’s common in grief for people to struggle to come to terms with it.
A shiver races up my spine and I cross my arms to ward off the chill. It isn’t from the breeze though. It’s being hyper aware of Wyatt.
He’s close, but not close enough to touch. However, when I close my eyes, I swear I feel his touch, his comfort, as if he were.
I have missed him terribly.
I still don’t trust that he isn’t here to have another go at me.
Rebecca grips my hand and I jerk my head up, looking at her. “Are you ready to give your eulogy?”
The vicar has finished?
Tears gather in my eyes, and everything I spent the night memorizing goes out the window. I can’t get my words out.
“I love you, Mum,” I croak out, squeezing Rebecca’s hand back.
I can’t do this.
How do I say goodbye to a woman who was my hero, my everything?
How do I measure her life with words that won’t give her justice?
I can’t.
“You can continue,” Rebecca whispers, letting me lean into her.
I drown out his voice, concentrating on the coffin in front of me. Two men step forward, kneeling to the ground to begin lowering the casket.
The sound of the device echoes in my ears, drowning out the sound of the wind blowing through the trees.
Click, click, click.
It gets louder and my body begins to shake as the casket lowers into the ground.
‘I love you to the moon and back.’
Mum.
“Stop!” I cry out, and everyone pauses around me, yet the coffin continues to descend. I can’t do it. I can’t say goodbye. “No, no, no.”
“Evie,” Rebecca cries out when I fall to my knees, crawling to the metal frame surrounding the grave.
“Please stop!” I scream, and the men rush forward, switching it off. I grip the green sheet, sobbing into my chest. “Don’t leave me. Please, Mum, don’t leave me.”
Strong arms wrap around me and a familiar scent calms me somewhat. “Come on, Evie.”
I grip his wrist when he tries to pull me up, and he lets me, kneeling on the ground.
I stare down at the grave through tears. “I love you, Mum. I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there in your final moments. I’m sorry I never got to say goodbye. Please, please, forgive me.”
“She has nothing to forgive you for,” Wyatt croaks out, resting my head against his shoulder.
I grip his jacket as sobs rack through my body. “She was all I had left.”
He pulls back, cupping my face to wipe the tears from my cheeks. “Look around you, Evie. You’re surrounded by people who love you.”
I shake my head as my fingers dig into his biceps. “You all hate me now.”
“No, Evie, we don’t. We’ve come here for you, to support you.”
“Why do I still feel like this?” I ask, my bottom lip trembling. “Why does it still hurt this much? You, Mum… everything.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Because you just lost a piece of your heart. They’ll carry it with them for eternity. But, Evie, you’ll also carry a part of theirs in yours too. Just like you do mine. You will get through this. I swear it to you.”
“I messed everything up.”
“What?” he asks softly.
“I wasn’t there for her when she needed me, and now I’ve messed up her funeral.”
He straightens his legs, pulling me between his thighs and tucking me into his chest. He pulls his knees up, resting his chin on my shoulder. “Close your eyes.”
“Why?” I whisper, feeling the warmth of his touch for the first time in weeks.
“Close them,” he orders gently.
I do as I’m told, closing them tightly, listening to the leaves rustle around us. “Now what?”
“Now picture your mum standing in front of you.”
Mum appears in my mind, in her nursing scrubs. It’s a memory of the day I finished my G.C.S.E exams. She surprised me by finishing early at work and showing up with a computer she had bought for me. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a tight bun and her startling grey eyes were creased with laugh lines. She was smiling wide, her entire frame glowing.
I reach out to touch her but place my hand back down in my lap when it hits me it’s not real. Filled with sorrow, I whisper, “Mum.”
“Tell her what you would have said in those final moments. She’s here with you. She will hear you.”
I keep my eyes closed, taking a moment to compose myself.
“I never understood why you loved him more than you loved me,” I begin, feeling my throat tighten. “It’s irrelevant now, but I want you to know that I forgive you.” I pause to take a minute, watching the image of my mum reach out for me. “I hope you’re at peace in your own mind and I pray you find happiness. I love you, Mum. You were my world, my life, my all. And until we meet again, please know that I’ll always love you and will miss you every day.
“Goodbye, Mum. May you rest peacefully. I l-love you.”
Drained, I fall back against Wyatt, letting him support me as I watch the coffin lower to the ground.
I’m not sure how much time passes, so when I finally take in my surroundings, I’m stunned to find the vicar has left and the others have moved away to give me some privacy. Only Wyatt remains, and my body locks. I feel more like myself than I have in a while.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, feeling resigned as I shuffle forward so I
can twist to look at him.
Tired lines mar his forehead and under his eyes. “I told you, I’m here for you.”
I close my eyes, forcing the pain out. This is all I have wanted for weeks and yet it doesn’t feel real. There has to be a catch.
“I’m grateful you came. It was kind of you. But you don’t need to be here anymore. I know you’re only here because you feel sorry for me.”
He rests his forearms on his knees, leaning forward. “Why I’m here has nothing to do with feeling sorry for you and everything to do with realising how much I love you. What I said that day… I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for my outburst and the things I said. I was a prick and completely out of order, and I know that doesn’t justify forgiveness. I haven’t earned it, but I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to.”
I force out a laugh. “Are you serious? Nothing has changed. He is always going to be my biological father. And you’ll only ever see him when you look at me.”
“I was stupid,” he tells me, his voice firmer. He grips my chin, tilting my head up until I’m looking at him. “When I look at you, Black is not on the list of things I see. I see a beautiful, kind, loyal, heartbroken woman. I see the woman I’m deeply in love with and regret hurting.” He stops, leaning in further. “I know what happened on that bridge.”
I duck my head, ashamed. I should have known someone would tell him. “Please don’t.”
“It wasn’t just your mum you were grieving that day, but what I did to you.”
I grip his leg, vehemently shaking my head. “It wasn’t your fault. I was scared. I had just lost my mum, and I was alone.”
He wipes at my tears once again. “You are an extraordinary woman, Evie Wilson. My life would be a darker place without you in it. Please promise me you’ll never do anything like that again.”
“I won’t,” I choke out, before swallowing past the lump in my throat.
“I’m going to go, to give you some time alone,” he tells me, and panic begins to rise in my chest. I don’t want him to go.
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Look at me,” he demands softly, and he waits until he has my attention before continuing. “I want to be with you. You are it for me, Evie, and I was so wrong when I said those cruel things to you. If you think you can forgive me, then come to The Ginn Inn. I’ll wait an hour for you. If you don’t show up, I’ll take the hint that you want to be left alone.”
Eye for an Eye (Take a Chance Book 2) Page 28
