“We’re here.” I announce to everyone.
Knowing the area, I get out of the car and open the trunk. Instead of staying at Donna’s, we agree to stay at a hotel. Landon doesn’t like staying in someone’s house when he doesn’t know them. I told him Donna’s very loving and wouldn’t mind, but now that I think about it, I don’t think I can stay either.
“So...where does Donna live?” Casey asks.
“Oh, it’s like two minutes that way.” I say, pointing down the street that’s diagonally to the left of us. “I want to check into the hotel first, and then we can go.” I add.
No one objects. The hotel checks us in quickly and before I know it we’re pulling into Donnas’ drive. This is harder than what I thought. Tears flow like a turbulent river that’s thawing after a cold, freezing winter.
“I can’t do this. I can’t drive down this driveway knowing when I reach the door, Sarah won’t be there. I just can’t.” I reveal through tears.
Casey and Patrick look at Landon at the same time. It’s like they are silently asking him what they should do. I already made it a point to tell them on several parts of our trip not to mention Sarah anymore. Now, here I am crying over her. I can feel that Landon wants to help but doesn’t know how.
“I know it’s easy for me to say, but everything will get easier.” Casey says gently.
I know who Casey’s talking about. Her mother passed away when she was younger. It makes her feel better that someone here knows how she feels. I didn’t think of Betty, Landon’s mother who’s on her death bed. He knows what it’s like to be losing someone but he hasn’t lost her yet.
“Thank you.” I say, addressing Casey.
“We need to do this, Amber.” Landon says trying to help. “I can drive the rest of the way, or you can. Just take it slow.”
“I want to drive. It’s going to be hard, but it’s something I need to do.” I say, putting my car in gear.
I slowly push on the gas. A few minutes later, I’m putting the car in park and trying to get out. It’s hard to see because of all the tears. As I step out of the car, I look up at the house, and close my car door. I see Donna come out onto her porch.
“Amber, you’re here. Honey, you didn’t call and tell me you made it into town.” She says trying to smile.
“I’m sorry. It’s just with seeing my old stomping grounds and the reason why I’m here it’s getting to me. I’m so used to coming up to the porch and Sarah coming out. That’s never going to happen again.” I cry, starting one of those hiccupping, snot cries.
“I understand. I keep telling myself whatever she was going through, she doesn’t have to anymore. She’s not in pain. She’s free, happy. We’re all going to miss her terribly………but… let’s stop this. Introduce me to your friends.” Donna says trying to be strong.
“Okay...” I say, walking over to Landon. “This is my boyfriend, Landon. That’s Casey and Patrick.” I motion in each of their directions, “Nothing here has changed.” I finish as I look around.
“No, you know we really don’t like change. Allen thinks it’s too much work. You know how long it took him to change the pipes underneath the kitchen sink. I don’t want to give him a project that’d take him years to complete.” Donna laughs.
“True. Aw, the tree house is still up and looks strong. Do you think Allen will destroy it now that…..Sarah isn’t….here?” I ask.
“Probably not, it’s one of the things we have very good memories of. I thought it was a good idea to tear it down because it’d be way too hard on him to look at, but he disagrees.” Donna says.
“I agree.”
“Why don’t we all go inside and you can introduce your friends to Allen. The family won’t be here today. They figure it’d be too much on you and your friends. I told them it’s up to them.” Donna informs us.
Donna motions for us to go in the house. My heart beats faster as I walk closer to the house. As I get to the porch, I look over at the swing that sits to the left of the front door. I turn around to take one more look at the yard. My car sits at the end of the sidewalk which leads to the road. The sidewalk’s lined with small, round black lights that give just enough light to see where we need to go to get to the porch.
The tree house’s visible from the porch swing. Donna thought it’d be best if Allen built it there, so she could watch Sarah while she played. She hated letting Sarah out of her sight. There weren’t a lot of trees around but they bought a few acres of land on the outside of town, giving them the feel of being in the country. Allen hated the country, but he didn’t want to have a small yard. The property fits him well.
Donna planted a garden along the porch. She always dreamed of having a small town house with a beautiful garden wrapping around it. Her vegetable garden sits to the left of the house and has a small white picketed fence surrounding it. Allen said it added class to the yard, but Donna would rather the fence go all the way around the property. Needless to say, the backyard is all fenced in. Allen did this before Sarah was born.
“Amber, are you ok?” Donna questions.
“Yeah, I’m coming in now.” I say, as I wipe my tears away.
I turn around, grab the white screen door handle, and open the door. Stepping inside, feelings hit me at once. The sounds of Sarah laughing in the kitchen, like old times, run through my ears. I try to shake them from my mind but it isn’t working. I look around. Everything’s still the same from the last time I was in the house. I noticed Landon looking at me as he walks over.
“Honey? You okay?”
“It’s just so ha…hard for m…me to do this.” I sob, trying to suppress the urge to cry harder.
“I know. It’s all right. Take your time. Do you need something to drink?” He asks with his loving voice and his eyes filled with concern.
“Not yet. I’ll join you in a few minutes. Just give me some time alone…please.”
I watch Landon walk away, and take another look around. The oak steps to my left line the wall, which leads upstairs. Allen replaced the dark orange carpet in the hallway to the kitchen with hardwood flooring. That looks really nice. It’s a while lot better than the old ugly orange carpet.
I saunter into the sitting room to my right and glimpse around to see most of the pictures are new. There are baby pictures of Sarah hung in the same spots I remember. The walls are painted a soft sand color and the furniture accents the walls in a darker shade. On the far side of the room is a fire place with a mantle which holds several pictures of Sarah with friends. I am one of them, which makes me cry harder.
I amble over to the pictures, staring at them through the tears. The pictures that catch my attention are the ones that mean the most to me. It’s when Sarah and I went to Kingmont Amusement Park. This was our first time going somewhere like that without our parents. I remember Sarah and I were so excited because this was our first taste of freedom...our first feeling of being adults. The memories flood into my mind.
I turn away from the picture, not able to look at them any longer. I continue looking around and see pictures of Sarah with various family members. The pictures sit around on end tables, and they are hung in various places on the walls.
I walk out of the sitting room and down the hallway, making my way to the kitchen. As I’m walking, I notice a painting hanging on the wall of Sarah. This must’ve been done after I moved, because I don’t remember it.
Looking into her eyes, she looks sad. When I left, her eyes were happy and she didn’t have a worry in the world. I wonder what happened to make her experiment with pills. I decide that I’ve been alone long enough and join everyone in the kitchen. As I walked into the kitchen, everyone turns and looks at me.
“I’m all right. Sorry to keep you all waiting.” I say making eye contact with each person.
Donna introduced Landon, Casey, and Patrick before I had the chance. But that’s okay with me. I’m not good with introductions anyway. I feel weird being in Sarah’s house without her. There’s
only one thing that I want to do before I go home. I have to look one last time into Sarah’s room.
“Donna, can I ask you a question?” I ask, noticing I’m already asking her a question.
“Sure, anything.” Donna replies in concern.
“Do you mind if I take a look around Sarah’s room? I need to see it. I think it’ll make it easier for me to get through this.”
“Sure, dear. If you think it’ll help.”
“I think it will.”
“No problem. You know this is the quietest I have seen my house in the past couple days.” Donna states.
“Really?” Casey asks.
“Yeah.” Donna replies.
“What...from family and close friends paying their respects to the loved ones or something like that?” Casey asks.
Damn, you’d think she wasn’t familiar with this. I could only think of one word…duh!
Donna replies. “It’s been busy because of all the cops and investigators coming in and out. I’ll tell you what they think happened. I’m sure you want to know. Just bear with me, it’s still hard for me. My psychologist told me it’s easier to get over something as hard as this if I talk about it. I have been. I’ve told this same story over and over again. At first it all seemed like a really bad dream that I wanted to wake up from.”
“I know the feeling.” I cut in.
“I found her in her room. We had a fight because I didn’t approve of the kids she was hanging out with. They’re different than the usual kids you two hung out with. Sarah changed a lot after you moved. She stopped going to the ‘Round-a-bout, no movies at the theater, and no hanging out in the tree house. You two always said you’d never be too big for that old thing.” Donna pointed out.
With a laugh, I reply, “Yeah, I remember Allen wanted to get rid of it one summer to make room for the pool. Sarah threw a fit. I didn’t care either way. But it was Sarah’s and her choice to make.”
“Oh, yeah! I couldn’t get the girls to sleep inside when Allen finally finished it. It’s like Sarah moved into it. She’d wake up in it, get ready for school in there, and leave from there for school. When Sarah and Amber came home, both would be in there ‘til dinner time. At times it felt like it took forever to get them to come and eat.” Donna exclaims.
“What’s so special about it?” Casey asks.
I explain. “Sarah and I didn’t have our own place to be ourselves. I guess you could say, everyone we went to school with said we were witches. I personally didn’t like the other girls because they were too fake. It’s all about money here. It’s about who has what in their family, as an example, military. If someone was enlisted within the family, they were popular. If not, you weren’t even worth walking past.”
“That’s harsh.” Casey says, shaking her head.
“This was one of the main reasons why I stuck to myself when I first moved up there. I didn’t want any friends. I hated them. It’s just more drama to worry about, and I hate drama.” I said.
“Who likes it?” Casey jumps in again.
“Oh, the girls down here live for it. Anyway, the tree house was our safe haven. We did everything in there. We could play our music as loud as we wanted to. Because it’s so far from the house, no one heard it. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I honestly think if Sarah was here, she’d still want it to stand. I agree with Allen. It should remain.” I say.
I continue talking about Sarah and what kind of person she was. Once dinner’s over and the mess is cleaned up, Landon takes Casey and Patrick back to the hotel. I need time alone. I tell Landon I’d call when I want a ride or Donna can drop me off. Donna disagrees of course, with our choice to stay at the hotel.
Chapter Nine
I force myself to walk up to Sarah’s room. I didn’t want to take the time while the others were here. I want to get to Sarah’s hiding spot before her family finds it. That wouldn’t be good.
“Amber…” Donna says, standing against the door frame.
“Yeah...” I turn around to look at her.
“I’m sure there are sentimental things which are special to you that you gave to Sarah. I feel it’s best if you take those items. I already took what I want before anyone walked in here. Allen and I both wanted the same things. I wanted to assure you we are not just giving away her things. I plan on packing up the things I don’t want ruined by dust. Once you get the stuff that’ll help you through this, and you take what you feel is special to you, I’m going to clean up. I want this room to stay the way it is but I’ll clean it the way she would have.” Donna informs me.
“Are you sure?” I ask, concerned for them.
I don’t know how to react. I thought Sarah’s family would have the option before anyone else.
“Allen and I have talked. We decided you’re the only one who really knew her. Sarah was very secretive about her life outside of this room. She never let me or Allen in and…” Donna says, until it brings tears.
I know what she’s going to say. Sarah never let her parents know what was going on. She’s big on personal privacy. Donna and Allen disagreed, but Sarah felt the need to have her own personal space. Donna didn’t press the issue because she felt if Sarah had something bad going on, she’d let them know.
“I’m going to go make a cup of tea.” Donna says trying to recompose herself. “I’ll be in my office doing paperwork, if you need anything.”
After she leaves, I turn around to face Sarah’s empty room. The first thing that comes to my mind is my dream. It starts to overtake me, and I can feel the darkness lingering. Not now... Please! I can’t have this happen to me here! God, please don’t let this happen!
I have no choice but to try to ignore the darkness as much as I can. This reminds me of the most important thing I want to get out of this room. Without delay I, go to Sarah’s closet. Her hiding spot is underneath the last shelf. There’s a small part of the wall that Sarah cut out. Her parents never noticed it because she has a shoe box sitting on the floor under the shelf hiding it.
It looks just like Sarah had it. She organized her shoes by the type. The boxes were always kept and when her shoes didn’t fit anymore, she gave them away. Yeah, the boxes went with them. This made room for her new ones.
I pull out the box that still holds her tennis shoes. There it is. I pull out the small portion of the wall, put my hand inside, and pull out a small purple velvet bag.
Inside the bag are several different things Sarah liked to cut with. Cutting with the same thing was boring to her. She had a piece of glass which was filed down on one side and it made it easier not to cut her hand in the process. These are, without a doubt, going with me. Deep down inside, I know Sarah would want me to keep her secret.
“Don’t worry Sarah, I got you covered. They won’t find out.” I promise, looking at a small picture of her sitting on her dresser.
I put all of her cutting supplies back, and place the bag in my purse. This way Donna won’t see it.
I replace everything, making sure it’s all back the way it was. When I’m done, I have several of our most memorable things, several pictures in frames, scrapbooks of our lives together, and the friendship ring I gave her.
The scrapbooks touch me the most. We took all of our pictures and turned them into scrapbooks. We went through the pictures and split them. Then, we made the book and planned on exchanging them when we were older. The plan was supposed to be on our graduation day from college. This really upsets me because I know our plan wasn’t ever going to happen.
This is enough. I can’t take being in here any longer. I have to get out of here. I made my way to Donna’s office to make sure it’s fine that I take the pictures and scrapbooks.
“Donna, you busy?” I ask.
“No, come in.” Donna replies, laying down a folder on her desk.
“I want to make sure it’s all right if I take the scrapbooks we made over the years and the pictures of us together.”
“Oh, yes those. I was planning on g
iving them to you anyway. It’s a good thing you found them. I didn’t know where she placed them.”
“I have a stuffed animal I bought her, a few pictures, and some of the ones she had in frames.”
“That’s fine dear.” Donna says, through sniffles.
I can tell by the look in Donna’s eyes, it’s hard for her to give away Sarah’s things.
“Tell me...how are you’re dealing with this? Honestly!” I say giving, emphasis to the last words out of my mouth.
“It’s very hard,” Donna says, trying not to cry. “I never imagined I’d be putting my daughter in the ground when she’s so very young. I had so many plans for her. She had so many plans. She wanted a family, and she wanted her own place. I’ll never get to see this. It hurts so bad that my dreams for her will never take place.”
I try to hold everything inside to keep from crying, “I’d love nothing more than to sit here and tell you everything will be fine. I’m not totally sure if I believe that. I know I have my own life, but Sarah has always been part of it. We experienced all of our firsts together; our first day of school. Our first dance. It’s hard to see me being married without her there as my maid of honor. I had that dream for us. We had a plan for our lives.” I finish and sink into a chair, putting my head in my hands, and sob.
Donna puts her hand on my shoulder. “I’ve had experienced death before in my life. I’m not saying that those I have lost didn’t mean anything to me. I have to say, this is the hardest, and I hope this never happens to you.”
I don’t know how to react. It seems like I’m unsure of a lot lately. I know for a fact I wouldn’t want anyone to go through this if it was me.
“I don’t know how you’re sitting there telling me all of this when you just lost your daughter. I appreciate what you’re saying, but shouldn’t you be worried about healing your heart? That’s the most important thing you should be doing. Sarah’s your daughter, and my best friend. If you ever need anything, Donna, I’m here.” I say trying to hold my emotions back.
Silenced 2: The Overtaking (Silenced Series) Page 6
