by Amy Cross
“I love you, Kate,” she imagined Edgar saying. “You and only you.”
“No,” Estella whispered, with her eyes still shut as she imagined Edgar and Kate's naked bodies writhing together on a bed of rose-petals. No matter how hard she tried to stop, all she could think about was Edgar's muscles straining as he filled Kate with his love. “Please,” she continued, trying not to panic even as she saw, in her mind's eye, Kate gasping with pleasure as Edgar's buttocks rose and fell between her open legs. “No, that can't -”
Opening her eyes suddenly, she briefly saw Kate's face staring back at her from the mirror, and Kate's body wrapped in the beautiful wedding dress she had spent so long choosing.
And a bulge on Kate's belly. New life, growing within, mocking her from the womb.
“No!” she shouted, taking a step back as the mirror shattered, sending glass shards flying through the room.
Turning, she put her arms up to protect herself, but she felt scores of tiny cuts all over her body as the pieces of glass fell to the floor around her.
Pausing, breathless, she waited a moment before turning back to see that the mirror was ruined. Looking down, she realized that pieces of glass were covering the floor. She reached down and picked up one of the larger pieces, holding it up so she could see her own reflection and check that it was now her face, not Kate's, staring back at her.
Sighing with relief, she saw that things were back to normal.
Except for the dress. Looking down, she realized that the breaking glass had caused a series of small cuts all over the fabric, and in some spots her own blood was starting to seep through.
“No,” she whispered, hurrying across the room and starting to unhook the back of the dress, “please, no, not now, there's no time to fix it...”
As her hands fumbled, she became increasingly desperate until finally she felt the fabric starting to tear. Unable to help herself, she pulled the dress away from her flesh, trying to keep it away from the blood, until after a moment she ripped the entire dress off and threw it onto the bed, where it fell in a tattered, bloody mess. Looking down at her naked body, she saw that blood was dribbling from several wounds, running down her flesh.
“M'am? Are you alright in there?”
Turning, she realized that Jacob was at the door. Grabbing her dressing gown, she quickly slipped it on and tied the waistband, before hurrying to the door and pulling it open.
“I'm fine,” she told him, trying not to sound too upset. “I just... There was an accident with the mirror, that's all.” She pulled the door open all the way, so that he could see the broken glass. “It just shattered all by itself. I never thought such things could happen, but fortunately I'm uninjured, even though there was glass flying everywhere. Someone really ought to maintain these things better.”
“I'm glad to hear that you suffered no injury, M'am,” Jacob replied, glancing at her shoulder as a hint of blood began to soak through the gown.
“You must clear it up once,” she continued. “Come on, man, what are you waiting for? Get a dustpan and brush, and sort out this mess! That's what Edgar keeps you around for, isn't it?”
“Of course,” he said, turning and hurrying along the corridor. “Right away, M'am.”
“And where is Edgar?” she called after him. “I haven't seen him for quite some time now.”
Stopping, Jacob turned back to her. “I'm not entirely sure, M'am. His Lordship appears to have stepped out for a short while, but I'm afraid he didn't tell me of his plans.”
“So who else is in the house?”
“Miss Madeleine,” he replied, “and Master Nixon, and Ms. Langley.”
“Kate's here?”
“Yes, M'am.”
Estella paused for a moment, feeling strangely uncomfortable, as if suddenly Kate's presence was like an itch just below her skin, something she couldn't scratch or dismiss.
“What are you waiting for?” she snapped finally. “I want the mess in my room cleaned up immediately. Do you want me to cut myself? It's lethal in here!”
“Of course not,” he replied, turning and hurrying away.
Stepping back into the room, Estella made her way to the bed and reached down, slowly lifting the wedding dress. Shuddering, she saw that although there weren't too many tears, she'd bled in several spots, leaving crimson blotches that she would never be able to get out, not in a million years.
“This is your fault,” she whispered, once again picturing Kate in her mind's eye: Kate at Edgar's side; Kate in Edgar's bed; Kate giving birth to Edgar's children. “Everything was perfect until you showed up. So if I want things to be perfect again...”
***
Stopping as she reached the end of the corridor, Kate looked over her shoulder. She'd heard something a moment ago, just the faintest creak of a footstep, but now there was no-one to be seen.
“Edgar?” she called out.
Silence.
She waited for a moment, before turning and -
“Jesus!” she shouted, startled as she found Madeleine grinning at her.
“What's up?”
“You scared me half to death!”
“I just went down to get a glass of water, that's all,” Madeleine replied, clearly amused by the fact that she'd almost made Kate jump out of her skin. “I was trying to sleep, but... Well, you know what nightmares are like, right?”
“I've got some idea,” Kate replied. “Have you seen Edgar this evening?”
“Nope. Obviously Mr. Smiley has better things to be doing with his time.”
“Like what?”
“Beats me,” she added with a shrug. “I don't really get where else he can be, either. I mean, it's not like he's the kind of guy who'd go down for a drink or two at the cantina. I suppose he's probably off somewhere alone, maybe standing moodily on a hill, looking out at the beach, something like that. My brother always likes a good brood.”
Turning, Kate looked back along the corridor. “Did you hear that?” she asked after a moment.
“Hear what?”
“I don't know,” Kate continued, turning back to her, “I just feel as if... Something isn't right.”
“You're on Thaxos,” Madeleine replied. “Nothing's ever right here. Just go with the flow.”
“But it's almost as if something's watching us.”
“Are you serious?”
“You think I'm being paranoid.”
“I think you still need to get used to the prevailing mood around this place. Don't worry, Kate, there's nothing lurking in the shadows except more shadows. And spiders. God, I hate spiders.” Slipping past her, she made her way toward her bedroom door. “If you're going to stay the night, Jacob can show you to one of the spare rooms. As for Edgar, he'll come back when he comes back, and there's nothing any of us can do about that.”
“Maybe he's working out how to face Quill,” Kate suggested.
“I hope so,” Madeleine replied, pushing her door open. “We need him.”
Once she was alone again, Kate turned and headed toward the top of the stairs. Stopping, she looked back along the corridor yet again, convinced that someone somewhere was watching her every move. Finally, realizing that there was no point letting her fears run out of control, she made her way down to the hallway.
***
“Midnight,” Nixon muttered, staring at the grandfather clock and then looking down at his pocket-watch. Turning, he looked back across the drawing room and listened for a moment, but all he heard was silence. “Huh.”
Making his way to the door, he leaned through into the corridor, and finally he realized there were footsteps in the distance. Feeling rather at a loss, he headed to the kitchen, only to find Jacob wincing a little as he eased his old frame down onto his knees and started taking the dustpan and brush from one of the cupboards.
“Everything alright, old boy?” Nixon asked.
Jacob turned to him, with weary eyes. “Just a small matter to take care of.”
“No r
est for the wicked, eh?”
“I must attend to Ms. Estella.”
“Causing trouble, is she?”
“Just a broken mirror.”
“Seven years bad luck, then,” Nixon replied, watching as Jacob got to his feet again. “That's all the poor woman needs. Tell me something... How did this mirror break, exactly?”
“I'm not entirely sure that I know, Sir.”
“Still, a broken mirror...” He paused for a moment, as if some dark thought was flitting through his mind. “I suppose accidents do happen, don't they? From time to time, I mean.”
“Evidently, Sir,” Jacob continued. “I'm terribly sorry, but I feel I must attend to the matter at once. Ms. Estella is waiting, and she seems in a rather distressed mood this evening.”
“I'm sure she does,” Nixon replied. “She's had a busy old day, to be sure.”
He watched for a moment as Jacob shuffled over to the door at the far end of the kitchen.
“Got any family?” he asked finally.
Stopping, Jacob turned to him.
“I just never see you take a day off, old man. That's all.”
“I had a family, once,” Jacob replied, a little cautiously, “but they are gone now. That is to say, I no longer see them, not since I entered His Lordship's service.”
“Out of choice, or out of necessity?”
“It is simply the way things must be,” Jacob continued. “If one clings too much to the past, one cannot reach the future.”
“Wise words,” Nixon replied with a faint smile. “Now off you go, don't keep Estella waiting or she'll stamp her little foot and throw the most frightful temper.”
As Jacob headed along the corridor, Nixon turned and wandered back into the library, where he paused for a moment and looked around. Making his way to the drinks cabinet, he poured himself a glass of brandy and took a sip, before turning and looking across the empty room. He was used to there always being someone around, yet on this particular evening it was as if everyone was busy.
Everyone except him.
“The calm before the storm,” he muttered, taking another sip of brandy. “Well, let's hope not, eh?”
IV
“Eat,” Ms. Eversham said, smiling at Anna from the other side of the table. “It's good food, I promise you. Very nutritious.”
Staring at the desperately unappetizing bowl of soupy meat in front of her, Anna felt her stomach rumbling. She was starving, but at the same time she felt revolted by the food. All she wanted was the simple porridge her mother usually made for her.
“Can I...” she began to say, before stopping as she realized that she might get into trouble. “I mean...”
“Don't worry about using your knife and fork,” Ms. Eversham continued, reaching across the table and taking a piece of meat from the bowl. “You're allowed to eat with your hands here.” Biting into the meat, she smiled as thick juices ran down her chin and dribbled onto the table's surface. “Go on,” she added, with her mouth full. “Eat.”
Anna shook her head.
“Would you rather go to bed hungry?”
“I just... Can I have porridge? Please?”
“Porridge?” Ms. Eversham frowned as she took another bite, allowing even more juices to splatter down onto the table. “We don't have porridge here, Anna. We eat almost exclusively meat.”
“I don't want meat right now,” Anna replied. “I want -”
Spotting movement nearby, she turned and saw that Constant was entering the room. He smiled blandly at her, before heading over to the counter. Staring at him, Anna felt nauseous as she saw the thick scar on the back of his head.
“Anna doesn't want to eat,” Ms. Eversham said, turning to Constant. “Just like all the other little girls on their first nights.”
Constant nodded, as if he understood only too well.
“She keeps saying she wants porridge,” Ms. Eversham added.
“There's no porridge here,” Constant replied, turning to Anna. His voice sounded empty somehow, as if there were almost no thoughts at all in his mind. “No porridge. Just meat. Don't worry, though. We've got all the meat we need, so it's not like we're going to run out. Even if there's none here in the kitchen, why, it's no problem for me to go to the meat shed and bring some more in a wheelbarrow.”
“I don't want meat,” Anna replied.
“You don't?” he asked, wide-eyed with shock. “Oh, you'll learn. Yeah, you'll definitely learn. By the time you've been here a few days, you'll be loving the meat just like everyone else. I mean, without the meat, how are any of us supposed to stay alive?”
“I've told her that already,” Ms. Eversham continued, smiling at Anna. “I suppose we'll just have to let her realize that she has no choice. She'll thank us in the end, don't you think?”
Constant nodded again. “She'll thank us. When she realizes how delicious the meat is, she won't be able to stop thanking us for a month!”
Reaching across the table, Ms. Eversham took the bowl and slid it toward herself. Reaching her hands into the soup, she pulled out another chunk of meat and took a bite. “Maybe you'll be hungrier by breakfast,” she said finally. “It'll still be meat on the table, though. We only serve meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”
“You shouldn't talk with your mouth full,” Anna replied.
“I beg your pardon?”
“My mother told me. It's rude.”
Ms. Eversham paused for a moment, as if she was shocked by the words, before her smile finally returned. “Well,” she added, “I must take that into account, mustn't I? Clearly your mother, while a whore and a murderer, placed a great onus on the important of good table manners. I must admit, it has been a long time since I was told how to behave in my own home.”
“I'm sorry,” Anna replied, “I didn't mean to...” Her voice trailed off as she realized that both Ms. Eversham and Constant were watching her intently, almost as if they were studying her. She didn't know what they wanted, but she was certain it wasn't good.
“She looks tired,” Constant said suddenly. “You look tired, little girl. Like you haven't slept in a while and you could use some rest.”
“She does, doesn't she?” Ms. Eversham continued, keeping her gaze fixed firmly on Anna. “Perhaps it would be good to get some sleep, Anna, don't you think? It's a wretched night, but things always seem so much clearer and calmer in the morning. Constant will show you to your dormitory. It's too late to introduce you to the other girls properly, you'll have to wait until morning for that, but still, we need to get you into your new routine as quickly as possible.”
“I just want to go home,” Anna whispered, although she knew no-one was going to listen to her.
“Take her to hall C,” Ms. Eversham said, turning to Constant. “She can have Elizabeth's old bed. After all...” She paused, before glancing back at Anna. “Elizabeth won't be needing it anymore, will she?”
***
“You'll be alright here, you will,” Constant told Anna as he led her by the hand along a dark, gloomy corridor. “You'll be just fine, just you wait and see. Everything's going to be okay.”
Although she didn't want to be rude, Anna desperately wanted to slip her hand out of the man's grasp. His skin felt cold and clammy, and she could feel something dried on his flesh, like old glue and pieces of hair. He was holding her firmly, however, and she knew that even if she managed to get away, he'd just grab hold of her again. All she could do was hope that he'd leave her alone soon.
“You're going to be in hall C,” he explained with a grin, as if he thought the news would make her feel better. “Hall C's one of the best. If you ask me, it's easily as good as halls A, B and D.”
“How many halls are there?” she asked.
“Four!” Stopping at a metal door, he turned and crouched down, before tilting his head to one side. “See?” he added.
Staring at his misshapen head, and at the thick scar that ran across the top, Anna felt as if she wanted to vomit.
“See?” he asked again.
“See what?”
Holding her hand up, he forced her to touch the scar, which was surrounded by bristly stubble and thick, twisted pieces of flesh that had healed together over the years.
“I had an operation,” he told her proudly.
She pulled her hand away.
“Before the operation,” he continued, still grinning, “I was very different. I used to have all these horrible thoughts about people, and my mood used to go up and down, up and down, all day long. Ms. Eversham said I was like a yo-yo in my head. Sometimes he thoughts were nice ones, but sometimes...” He paused. “Well, sometimes they weren't nice. I caused a lot of blood to come out of people with my hands. For a while, I was a real troublemaker. I bet you can't believe that, can you?”
Anna took a step back.
“Not now, though,” he added. “Ms. Eversham took care of me and got me my operation, and now my mood's always flat and calm. It's constant, that's why she told me to drop my old name and take the new one. It's why I'm called Constant now. No highs and lows, no ups and downs, just constant.” He paused for a moment. “I was so scared when she first told me what she wanted to do, they had to tie me down to get me into the operating theater. Even then, I was so tense, the needles kept breaking in my muscles, and...” He paused, as if remembering that moment was causing him some discomfort. “Well,” he added finally, “I saw the error of my ways later on. When I woke up, it wasn't like I'd changed. It was more like the whole world had changed around me, and I didn't have to be so angry anymore.”
Sniffing back tears, Anna realized that he seemed more like a child than an adult.
