I climbed into the spare bed and stared at the ceiling.
Jenna hadn’t spoken a word to me since she arrived home.
I hated atmospheres and was happy the girls were with her parents for the weekend. It wasn’t fair to put any of this on them, and too young to understand, they would easily pick up on the tension between Mummy and Daddy.
I’d turned my phone off and left it in my coat pocket, unable to deal with the constant stream of messages from Chad.
Please answer your phone…
Zane. Are you there?
Are you okay? x
Answer me or I’ll come round. I’m worried
And that was just four of the messages.
I wanted to speak to him, but what was I going to say? I didn’t want Jenna to see me texting, or speaking to him, for that matter. She was already on the edge and I didn’t want to be the one that gave her the final push.
She was the love of my life and the most important person in this mess I’d created.
But, I needed answers.
If she’d known from the very beginning, why hadn’t she spoken up before today?
My mind whirled. It would explain the change in her sexual appetite.
I felt ashamed and angry she’d been privy to the intimacy between Chad and me. I had to find out exactly what she knew.
Giving up on sleep, I climbed out of bed and made my way down to the kitchen. I needed Scotch, and plenty of it. I reached up and opened the cupboard where we stored the booze. I grabbed the bottle and walked to the fridge, pulling out the soda water before a voice startled me.
I jumped and twisted around, the light cast from inside the fridge shining on Jenna. She was sat at the breakfast bar, cigarette in one hand with my phone in the other. I felt a rise of panic, knowing she was reading his messages again.
“Jenna, what are you doing?” I asked.
“He loves you so much,” she replied. “I don’t even know him, but I can feel it.” She tapped her chest, right above her heart. “Right here.”
“It doesn’t matter how he feels. I’m not in love with him, only you. I need you to believe that.”
“Why do I even care how he feels?” she asked. “He’s quite happy to rip our family apart.”
“Because you’re the better person in all of this… mess,” I said, not knowing what to say for the best, and if I was honest, I didn’t know what she would do if I said anything to push her any more.
“I just want the truth, Zane.” She was pleading with me. “It’s the only way we can try and move on from this. But, none of your bullshit, or trying to bamboozle me -- just the truth.”
“I’ll tell you the truth, but you have to listen and not jump to conclusions.”
“If you do love him, as much as it’ll kill me, I’ll let you go.”
“Why the fuck would you do that?” I asked, pissed off she was being so rational.
“Because I love you that much,” she replied, and I couldn’t answer her. I was trying my best to swallow the lump in my throat. “I think you need to move out until you decide who you want.”
Her words hit me like a thunderbolt. That was the last thing I wanted to do.
“No.” I walked toward her. “I don’t want to.” I tried to reach for her hand, but she slapped it away.
“Don’t touch me,” she hissed, a sting in her voice.
I stepped away from her. “I won’t go.”
“But it’s what I want, and if you have any consideration left for me, then you’ll do as I ask.” She placed my phone down on the breakfast bar.
“That’s not fair, Jen…”
“Not fair,” she said, picking up the glass and throwing it at me. I managed to dodge it, not even bothering to look where it had shattered into hundreds of pieces. “Don’t stand there feeling sorry for yourself, telling me what’s fair. This mess isn’t fair on me, or your children,” she spat. “Did you even think of them when you were bending over for him?”
“I always thought of the three of you.”
“Don’t. I’ll throw up.”
“I didn’t mean during it like that, but the guilt has been unbearable for me.”
“Ah, poor you. Don’t ask me to sit here and take pity on you. You’ve had your cake and stuffed the rest down your lying throat.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, reaching out to touch her again, as she flinched and pulled back. “None of this was meant to happen.”
“Then why did you carry on and allow him to fall in love with you? Why couldn’t you have had your tawdry affair and left it at that?”
“It wasn’t an affair,” I argued.
“Then what the hell was it?” she said, striding toward me, screaming in my face. “I can handle the sexual side of what you’ve done, but when love is involved, you’ve crossed a line you can’t step back behind.”
“Please, Jenna, don’t make me leave. It isn’t like that for Chad and I, well, not for me at least.”
“So, what was it? Just a fuck. A game you’re playing with both of us.”
“That’s not the person I am, and you know damn well.”
“I didn’t know my husband took it up the arse, so what do I know about you that’s real?”
Her anger was laid bare for me to see. As belittled as I felt, I begged her, but nothing I said would dissuade her.
“Let me stay, if only for the girls. We can work through this – I know we can.”
“I want you to go, but if you won’t, I will, and I’ll take the girls with me.”
“What will we tell people?”
“I don’t know – I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
“I’m begging you, just give it some time, and if you still feel the same, I’ll go.”
“You won’t change my mind. I don’t want you in this house – even looking at you makes me feel sick.”
“It wasn’t meant to be like this. You were never supposed to find out.”
“But I did find out.”
“And you still haven’t given me the answers to my questions.”
“I don’t have to,” she replied. “But, I will do if it means you’ll pack a bag and go.”
“I don’t have anywhere to go,” I stressed
“Your parents,” she replied.
“And what will I tell them?”
“Tell them you take it up the arse and when you’re not doing that, you let your boyfriend ram a butt plug up you.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I watched you. I watched the both of you fucking like dogs, and you know what the worst part is?”
“What?” I dreaded the answer.
“I liked what I saw.”
She looked surprised by her own revelation.
I gasped. “Why are you saying this?”
“Does it make you feel better? That I loved to watch? Because I did.”
I didn’t know how to respond so walked out of the room, sprinted up the stairs and grabbed a suitcase from under the spare bed.
Storming into our bedroom, I grabbed what clothes I could and sat down on the bed, trying to make sense of my jumbled thoughts.
My wife had been spying on me all this time. She knew everything and a part of me was furious with her, but what right did I have to feel any anger over what she’d done when my own actions had caused this entire mess?
If I hadn’t betrayed my vows, she wouldn’t have had to sneak around to find out what I was up to.
I had to get out of there and bounded down the stairs, picking up my mobile phone and car keys without saying another word.
I couldn’t hold back the tears as I pulled open the front door and walked away from my marriage.
To be continued…
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
My wife and two beautiful daughters – You are my world!
Chad – When I look back… had I lost my mind?
Gloria – Well, what can I say? Part One has been a journey, and you made it so much fun. You h
ave the kindest heart, the sharpest mind, and an unbelievable desire to succeed and I have the utmost respect for you, my friend.
Carolann & Susan – You’re both a huge part of ‘Team Zane’ and it wouldn’t be the same without either of you. You work tirelessly for me and never ask for anything in return. I just hope you know how much I respect, admire and appreciate you both. Not many people would go to Facebook jail for me… You’re simply the best!
Everyone in Zane’s Hangout / Zane’s Angels. You are a crazy bunch, but you make me laugh with your dedication, and your passion. Thank you for everything! You are all appreciated more than you know.
Angela Watson, Kylie Madden, Marcus Brown and Serena Amadis. My Beta readers. Thank you so much!
Junction Publishing – Jeanette & Marco. I couldn’t do it without you. Thank you for the unwavering support. I am honoured to be part of your team.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Zane Michaelson lives in the North-West of England with his Wife and two adorable children.
For more information or just to touch base with Zane you will find him at:
Facebook
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Copyright © 2017 Zane Michaelson
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