“Of course not,” Jo said. “If you don’t want to—of course there’s no rush.”
If Emma wanted to get away from her, Jo wouldn’t stop her. But she didn’t, apparently. Jo felt marginally less terrible about the whole thing.
* * *
—
Jo didn’t like to make a big deal of her birthday. Evelyn was right about why; it never felt like people were making a big deal for her, so much as because she was a celebrity, they thought they were supposed to. She didn’t need to be the center of attention any more than she’d already been for most of her life.
Last year, a cupcake had appeared on her desk when she wasn’t in her office. She knew it was Emma, of course, even if she hadn’t seen her actually do it. A cupcake appeared, and at the end of the day, Emma had quietly wished her a happy birthday. That was all Emma did, and Jo liked it. It felt like she did it for her, her specifically, not just because that was something you did on someone’s birthday, but because she wanted Jo to feel special on her birthday. Jo appreciated it.
This year, even after the almost kiss, even after all of the awkwardness between them, there was still a cupcake on her desk when she came back from a meeting. It was huge, as it was last year. Dark cake and a tower of white frosting with crushed red-and-white mints on top. From the smell, Jo guessed it was a cupcake version of a peppermint mocha. She immediately unwrapped it. It was so big she had to find a plastic fork in her desk to eat it; otherwise she’d end up with frosting all over her face.
Jo savored that first bite. The mint was sharp and the cake was deep and rich and delicious. Emma was too good to her. Too good for her. Emma was smart and kind, and sometimes it seemed like she worked even harder than Jo. Jo ate the cupcake Emma bought her, and inexplicably felt like crying.
That evening, after Jo told Emma she could go home, Emma hovered in her doorway for a moment.
“Happy birthday, boss,” she said quietly.
Jo wanted to tell her she loved her. Wanted to tell her she was sorry for everything.
In the end, all Jo said was, “Thank you, Emma.”
19
EMMA
Emma had narrowed down the pool of candidates for Jo’s next assistant to four. It was weird, picking her own replacement. Weirder still doing it in the wake of . . . everything.
Of realizing she had a crush on Jo and then almost kissing her and then imagining how things could work, only to have Jo invite her girlfriend out for a week. Jo and Evelyn had gone out to dinner with Sam, Jo’s former coworker, and the tabloids might have taken it as confirmation of Jo and Sam’s relationship, but Emma knew better. She knew those weren’t the two dating at that dinner.
Of course Jo had a girlfriend. Why wouldn’t she? She was gorgeous and successful, funny and kind. All the reasons Emma was interested in her were all the reasons she obviously already had a girlfriend. It made sense, even if it hurt.
Emma wished Jo would’ve just said she wasn’t interested in her. Instead, Jo had her girlfriend visit like she was pointing out she was off-limits without having to have the conversation with Emma. What was worse was how Jo offered to promote her early—like Jo wanted to put distance between them, like she no longer trusted Emma to be professional.
But whatever. Emma was being professional. Things between her and Jo were fine—normal, almost. Emma was hiring her replacement.
All of the candidates she found were qualified. Any of them would probably do fine. But she wanted better than fine. Jo deserved better than fine. If Emma hired the perfect assistant for Jo, it would prove this stupid crush didn’t affect any of her work. Her palms sweat every time she looked over the candidates’ résumés.
The only interview Emma had left was Phil. She was surprised he’d applied. He’d been on the show a year longer than she had and had never switched departments or, really, shown any desire to advance. When she was on props with him, he was the jokester. They’d gotten along because he made her laugh, but he was always more likely to go for a joke than to volunteer for extra work. Jo could use someone laid-back, though, so Emma set up an interview.
Phil grinned as he shook her hand.
“Let’s get this over with so I can get my promotion,” he said.
Emma bristled. “Phil, I’ve interviewed three other really strong candidates. This isn’t a formality. You don’t automatically have the job just because we’re friends.”
“Of course I shouldn’t have the job because we’re friends,” Phil said. “But you know I’d be great at it.”
“And why is that?” Emma tried to pivot to a serious interviewer tone. She sat at the conference table and gestured for Phil to sit across from her. “What do you think you’d bring to the job?”
“Emma, it’s just an assistant position. I think I can handle it.”
Emma raised her eyebrows. “You think my job has been easy the past year and a half?”
“No, of course not,” Phil backtracked. “It’s just not like you’re guarding nuclear launch codes.”
Emma chuckled along with him, but seethed inside. People always acted like being someone’s assistant wasn’t hard, like it was all ordering lunch and picking up dry cleaning. Phil should’ve known better. Emma folded her hands on the table in front of her.
“How would you deal with the more difficult aspects of the job?”
Phil must have recognized the frustration in her voice—he seemed to flip a switch, taking everything more seriously. It ended up being a pretty good interview. Emma was going to have a hard decision ahead of her. After, they slipped back into their roles as friends, chatted about nothing important—Emma and Jo’s upcoming trip to Calgary and what Phil was doing over the winter break.
“Do you have any questions for me?” Emma asked before officially ending the interview.
“Can you give me tips to keeping her happy, you know, behind the scenes?” Phil waggled his eyebrows at her. “I want to make sure I get as good a recommendation out of this as you got.”
It was a joke. Emma knew that. But the words chafed against her skin.
“I appreciate you taking the time to interview,” she said, straightening the notes in front of her. “Unfortunately we’re going to be going in a different direction.”
Phil guffawed at her. “You’re kidding.”
“I don’t think it’s appropriate to insinuate that your interviewer has been sleeping with her boss,” Emma said. “I can’t imagine any situation where you’d expect to get the job after that. I’m sure Aly will appreciate not having to find another PA for the second half of the season.”
“You’re unbelievable,” Phil said. “It was a joke.”
“A joke that demonstrated you’re not ready for a position like this,” Emma said. “You’re a good PA, Phil, but this isn’t the right job for you.”
Phil left. He just left the room with a scoff and nothing more. Emma’s skin tingled, her heart raced. Phil was her best friend on set, but friend or not, that had been completely inappropriate. No, her job wasn’t guarding nuclear launch codes, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t important. That didn’t mean it could go to someone who couldn’t read a room and understand when a joke might not be a good idea.
She gave him a few minutes’ head start to get away from the conference room and maybe blow off some steam before she headed back to her desk. Thankfully, there was no sign of him.
“How’d the interview go?” Jo asked as soon as Emma returned.
Emma tried to smile at her. “Fine,” she said. She didn’t want to think about it. “I’ll have a decision made by the time we go to Calgary.”
“Great,” Jo said. “Our last business trip together.”
Emma didn’t want to think about that, either. She was nervous about the promotion. Rationally, she knew she already had plenty of production duties. She knew she had stepped up, done more than
she needed to as an assistant. But staying on Innocents in a new position while Jo left? Something about it made her skin crawl. It wasn’t her crush—she had no chance with Jo whether they worked together or not, clearly. But not working with her directly . . . except for the week they were fighting, Jo had always had her back. She had this unwavering belief that Emma would succeed. No matter what happened between them personally, Jo had always been there for her professionally. Emma was nervous to lose that, especially at the same time she was stepping into a new position.
“Don’t forget to bring your inhaler,” Jo said with a wink.
Emma half laughed at her. “Of course not, boss.”
Moments like this, everything felt normal between them.
“Hey.” Emma started at the voice behind her. She turned to find Chantal, whose approach she hadn’t noticed. Chantal was just as small as Jo, but without heels to add height or announce her arrival.
Chantal looked between Jo and Emma, eyebrows not quite raised. “Got a question for you,” she said to Jo.
“Come in,” Jo said, giving Emma one last smile before retreating to her office.
Chantal followed.
Emma wished she could ask Jo if they were really okay. Wished she could tell her that she was sorry for almost kissing her, that she understood Jo was with Evelyn and it didn’t matter even if she wasn’t. But of course she couldn’t. Better just to make sure she didn’t look at Jo too long, didn’t stand too close, didn’t let their fingers touch when she handed over papers or Jo’s coffee. Better to make sure she didn’t call Jo boss where anyone else could hear.
* * *
—
The trip to Calgary was the final step of location scouting for an arc of Innocents. It had been well vetted, approved all the way up the ladder to Jo. All that was left was for her to fly out and take a look at various sites to give her own approval. She and Emma were scheduled for a quick two-day tour, flying out Friday morning and back on Saturday evening, the day before Emma’s birthday. Normally, Emma might have minded going on a weekend or so close to her birthday, but Innocents only had one more week before breaking for the holidays. The trip felt like Emma’s last adventure in a job she wasn’t quite ready to leave. She wasn’t going to complain about any part of it.
On Thursday, Emma went to Avery’s for dinner to see her before heading off on her trip. Dylan was picking up the twins from a friend’s house, so it was just Avery and Emma as Avery prepared dinner. She was using turkey stock from Thanksgiving to make soup. Emma sat on a stool and watched her, not allowed to help.
“So who’d you hire to replace you?” Avery asked as she sautéed carrots, celery, and onions.
“A woman named Marlita,” Emma said. “She’ll do well.”
“Is Phil gonna be pissed it wasn’t him?”
Emma rolled her eyes. “I’m the one who’s pissed at him. I told him he didn’t get the job at the end of his interview.”
Avery added broth into the pot and stirred it quickly before joining Emma at the kitchen island.
“Tell me everything.”
Emma did. She felt vindicated when Avery announced, “Fuck Phil, then.”
“Right?” Emma said. “My job is important. If it weren’t important, why’d Jo say—”
She cut herself off. Avery didn’t know that story.
“Why’d Jo say what?”
Emma shook her head. “It’s nothing.”
Avery narrowed her eyes. “Sounds like something. The way you’re blushing says it’s something.”
“I’m not blushing,” Emma said, and blushed harder.
“What did Jo say?”
Emma would’ve buried her head in her hands, but that was worse than blushing.
“She said I was the only thing that got her through her day,” she mumbled.
She expected Avery would make her repeat it, just to be a jerk, but her sister just blinked at her instead.
“When did she say this?” Avery asked.
“A while ago.”
“And to whom?”
Emma could feel exactly how red her face was. “Her father.”
Avery’s eyebrows went up. “Explain.”
Emma hadn’t told Avery about Jo’s father visiting. It was too fragile. Too real. Plus, then Evelyn flew in and Jo turned almost girlish, giggly and happy. Emma spent the week complaining to Avery about Jo’s girlfriend. Avery had called her jealous and hadn’t known just how true it was.
But Avery had said explain. So Emma did. She told her about Jo’s father, about the milkshake, about Jo telling him off and looking so broken that Emma had to do something.
“And what you had to do was kiss your boss?”
“We didn’t kiss!”
“And why was that again? Was it because you didn’t want to, or was it because a security guard called?”
Emma hung her head.
“That’s what I thought,” Avery said. “Did you want to kiss her?”
Emma closed her eyes. Nodded.
“Do you still?”
Emma cracked one eye open. “Your soup’s going to bubble over.”
Avery went back to the stove to stir the soup and let Emma get away with not answering. “So let me get this straight. You’re telling me that Jo Jones yelled at her father about how great you are, about how you’re the only reason she gets through most days, and then you almost kissed her, and you’re claiming this isn’t a big deal?”
“Well, see—”
“No,” Avery said. “There is no ‘well, see’ here. You almost kissed her! You would’ve if you weren’t interrupted! Right?”
Emma picked at her fingernails. “Right.”
“Yeah. That’s a big deal.”
It wasn’t. It didn’t matter. Jo was dating Evelyn and that was fine; Emma was fine with it. It didn’t matter that she’d wanted to kiss Jo then, wanted to kiss her still. What she really wanted was to go back to her normal relationship with Jo, like over the summer, where they got along and made each other laugh and worked together well. Where Jo didn’t think she had a crush on her. Where there was none of this awkwardness. Where Emma wasn’t so damn unsure about everything.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” she said. “I’m just worried because after Evelyn left, Jo told me we could make my promotion official as soon as I hired the replacement, even if it was before midseason. Like the promotion was because she was trying to get rid of me instead of because I deserved it.”
Avery gaped at her. “Emma, she decided on this promotion at the end of last season. It has nothing to do with you guys almost kissing.”
Emma shrugged. “Plus, we’re going on this trip and—I don’t want things to be awkward, is all. I want things to be normal again.”
Avery kept staring at her for a moment. Then she shook her head and put rolls in the oven.
“And what’s normal?” she asked.
“Like this summer,” Emma said. “When it was easy.”
“So normal is you guys getting along so well people think you’re dating?” Avery said. She seasoned the soup.
“No,” Emma said immediately. “No, that’s not what I mean.”
“It kind of sounds like that’s what you mean.”
Emma leaned her elbows on Avery’s kitchen island and dropped her head into her hands.
“I just want things to be easy,” she said. “I don’t want to have to worry about all of this.”
“Things aren’t always easy, Em,” Avery said. “Especially when you’re taking steps forward.”
“I’m not taking steps forward with Jo.” Emma paused, then grumbled, “Especially not since she has a girlfriend.”
“I meant that you’re moving on to a new job, but way to be totally not convincing about not wanting to date Jo,” Avery said, and Emma cringed. “You’r
e moving to a new job and Jo is moving to a new show, and that’s going to make things different and weird between you and Jo, even if you hadn’t almost kissed.”
Emma rested her chin in one hand and looked up at her sister.
“You’ve got a work trip,” Avery said. “Focus on work.”
“And just ignore the almost kiss?” Emma asked quietly.
“Sure.”
“Because it’s not a big deal?”
“It is a big deal,” Avery said. “I’m just letting it go because I’m a good sister. I’ll bother you about it after your trip.”
“You’re an okay sister,” Emma said.
Avery pointed the wooden spoon in her hand at Emma. “If you’re going to be like that, I’ll bother you about it right now.”
Emma giggled. “No, no, you’re a great sister, the best sister.”
“Better.”
Dylan and the twins arrived then, and Emma was glad to put the discussion aside to greet them and help Dani and Ezra set the table for dinner.
* * *
—
After they ate and Emma got her fill of cuddling both the twins and the dogs, Avery walked her to the door and brought up Jo again.
“I know I’ve teased you about it forever, but you’re allowed to have a crush on her, you know?” she said.
Emma admitted nothing. “She has a girlfriend. And she’d never date an employee anyway.”
“You’re not going to be an employee soon,” Avery reminded her.
“Exactly,” Emma said. “Any crush I might have on her doesn’t matter. She’s going to move to Agent Silver and I’ll stay with Innocents and we won’t even see each other. It’ll be fine.”
“How do you feel about that? About not seeing each other?”
Awful.
When Emma didn’t actually reply, Avery sighed.
“Have fun on your trip,” she said. “Try to get some work done instead of just making out the whole time.”
Something to Talk About Page 23
