by Hart, Eve R.
My mind was already working.
“No problem, big guy,” she said getting to her feet.
One thread. One scent. That was all I needed.
She made her way to the door and I was pretty sure I mumbled a thanks before she slipped out of the room. The door clicked closed softly and the sound was enough to snap me out of my daze.
I didn’t hesitate to strip down once I heard her feet pounding away from my room. Honestly, I didn’t even think about it at this point. I flopped down on my bed and rested my back against the headboard. I had a plan to try and read for a bit while her words rattled around in the back of my head. Maybe I would subconsciously come up with a new avenue to head down.
But as I sat there, my mind started to think about other things.
I was getting to that fuck it point. I had nothing to be ashamed of. I hated the confines of clothing. I hated feeling fabric on my skin, no matter how worn in or loose it was. I didn’t own a pair of underwear because even boxers set me on edge. I was comfortable in my own skin and I didn’t have an issue if people saw me walking around naked. I had held myself back and hid it away for other people. But maybe now it was the time.
I wasn’t saying that I would strut around all cheeky or anything. Though, I would have said my ass was rather nice. I definitely wouldn’t go down to the kitchen and sit next to everyone in my birthday suit while they ate breakfast. But I figured that while I was in my room, I was going to do what the fuck I wanted.
Ha. Could you just see me sitting there in Church with nothing but my cut on?
I imagined a dead silent room and not a single one of them would know what to say. Yep, that would cause too much of a distraction.
“Oh, hey, Cable. I forgot my—” Bridget stopped short after she opened my door and walked in a few steps.
We just stared at each other for a long moment. Her eyes remained locked on mine and I didn’t know what the hell I should do.
“Okay,” she said drawing out the word like she didn’t know what else to say. “So, you’re naked.”
“Yep,” I said quickly.
“Is this a thing?”
“I guess?” I said and it came out more like a question.
“Your… cock… is hanging out.” She whispered the word ‘cock’ like it was something she shouldn’t say. And I knew it wasn’t because she didn’t use that word.
“That it is,” I replied calmly as my head did a bobbing nod.
“Cool,” she said shaking herself out of her frozen state and walking over to the other side of the room where she left her coffee cup.
“Bridge? You in here?” Lake’s voice came from just outside my room. You know, from right there in the open doorway since she hadn’t closed the door. “The fuck?”
His eyes bounced from me to Bridget and back again.
“You’re naked,” he said with more confusion in his tone than anger.
“Ah, yep,” I said suddenly feeling very awkward. But he could see I didn’t have a stiffy, at least there was that. It wasn’t like I was trying to get all up on his girl.
“Why are you naked?” He turned his gaze to Bridget. “Why is he naked?”
“It’s his thing,” she said with a shrug, looking way more cool about this whole thing than I felt. “It’s not my thing. Hence, still clothed.”
“Yeah,” Lake said as he looked at her like she was crazy. “Well, I mean, you sort of like being naked…”
“Only for you, Lake. Only for you.”
“Okay, that’s good,” he said scratching the back of his neck.
“I wasn’t trying to seduce her,” I said. “I’m not attracted to her.”
“We can all see that,” Bridget said with a small laugh.
“Hey!” Lake said at the same time like he was somehow defending her honor or some shit. She didn’t seem bothered by it and I wasn’t trying to be mean.
“Not everyone has amazing taste like you, Lake,” Bridget said as she moved over to him and planted a quick kiss on his lips. “Come on, we have shit to do.”
“Should I get used to this?” he asked me after giving Bridget a gooey smile.
Those two. They were awkwardly adorable.
“Yes,” Bridget replied for me as she grabbed his hand and headed for the door. “You need anything else, you know where to find me.”
She pulled him out and closed the door behind her.
And I just sat there stunned and not sure what the fuck just happened.
CHAPTER THREE
Claire
All those years out on the streets and I never once dove so dark I’d never be able to find my way back. Even when I was in and out of foster homes and with abusive boyfriends I didn’t even think to go down that road. No matter how much I hated the things around me, I knew better than to find my escape in the way that would only end up taking me down further.
But now I had no choice.
As I stood in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror, my hands shook so hard that I gripped the cold surface of the countertop in hopes to calm the sickening beast.
Everything was visible in the huge, ornate mirror that hung above the sink.
The dark circles under my eyes.
The skin that was so pale it made the bruises stick out even more.
The lifeless color that my hair had become.
The dullness in my eyes.
The scars that marred my body everywhere.
And my ugly, lost soul.
It was all there staring back at me with a sickening torment.
How did I get here?
It was the question that I asked myself over and over again each time I came down and tried my hardest to grab on to reality. I wanted to keep it, even if it made me so physically ill to do so. I knew it was more sick to go back to the blissed-out, numb state.
Not that I had any choice in the matter.
And not because the drugs had gotten the better of me.
“It’s time, Claire.” His voice sent chills down my spine as it filtered through the closed door. “There is no use in hiding.”
He was right. I couldn’t run. I couldn’t escape. I couldn’t save myself from this one.
Sweat poured out of my skin and instantly I was soaked and cold. But burning up at the same time. Snot dripped out of my nose and it felt like I had a million needles poking into my muscles.
With cloudy vision and legs so shaky I wasn’t sure I could stay upright, I made my way to the door and opened it.
Then I practically collapsed into his arms.
“There, there. I will take care of you. Next time, we don’t wait so long, huh?”
He was scolding me but I didn’t give a shit.
I hated him.
I hated myself.
But I’d never be free again.
I was sure that my end would come, here in this fucking place with a man who didn’t have a name. Or if he did, I didn’t know it and it certainly wasn’t ever said. A man that didn’t care about me. He didn’t care about anyone but himself.
He dumped me on the bed and I faded out before he even pushed the needle into my arm. I didn’t want to be there for it. I hated feeling so helpless against it.
He left me there. I was only half aware of him walking out of the room but it was what he did every time. And I knew he’d be back later when he needed me.
What I wouldn’t give to be back out on the streets. At least then I was in control. I made the choice to do what I had to do in order to survive.
I wasn’t saying that it was an easy choice. And every man that I let touch me darkened my soul even more. I knew it.
The first time had been the hardest.
I actually cried when he came.
He didn’t care enough to deal with someone as broken as me, so he ran off, leaving me curled up on the dirty pavement in a dark alley. At least he had the decency to toss the money beside my sobbing body.
Sketch found me later that night.
He’d
been worried and out looking for me.
I walked so far from where we were hunkered down at the time. I was ashamed and I didn’t want anyone to see what I was about to do, not that any of them would even bat an eye at if they did find out.
It was just what most of us did. The low point we resorted to in order to survive.
That night, Sketch just pulled me into his arms and said nothing. When I looked into his eyes I couldn’t tell what was going through his head. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t even disappointed or disgusted. There was something else. It was almost as if he was lost.
Even though he was younger than me, he had kind of taken the big brother role with me. Hell, with most of us. He looked after us and worked harder when we were suffering. Yeah, he had no room to talk right now and I had a feeling that he wasn’t going to lecture me.
But that didn’t mean that it hadn’t broken him in some way.
“Let’s get you something to eat,” Sketch said as he pulled me to my feet and helped me right my clothing. He snatched up the money and tucked it into my front pocket, then took my hand in his.
It was warm and comforting.
He was the closest thing I’d have to family now.
I admired him so much but I didn’t think he knew that. He’d been out here for years and I didn’t have the first clue why. He never talked about it. Sometimes, in my mind, I just saw it like he’d always been out here.
“Wait here,” he said as he ducked into the shady as hell gas station in the middle of a section of down I referred to as dead row. There wasn’t much out here. Only people like us and junkies. I wasn’t worried that he was leaving me alone because I knew him well enough that he wouldn’t take his eyes off of me for a second. And if trouble did decide to mess with me, he’d be right there to protect me.
To save me.
Like always.
It was weird to think of the skinny, dirty vagrant as an angel, but he was to me. By definition, he was still a boy, barely old enough to grow facial hair. But he held the world on his shoulders like a man. As much as I knew he would hate it, I sometimes pitied him.
I also never understood why he felt he had to take on so much.
As a rule, out here you were on your own. It was you against the world and no one gave a shit if you disappeared for good.
But Sketch, well, he sort of pulled people in and took them under his wing. He shifted us around and kept us as safe as one could out here. He took care of us and never asked for anything in return.
“Here,” he said as he walked out of the store, the bell dinging so loudly that it jolted me in place. “I got you the works.”
“You didn’t have to splurge for me,” I said with a shaky smile as I wiped away the tears that had managed to escape my eyes. And no, it wasn’t a joking remark laced with sarcasm. I meant it. Because that was splurging in our world.
“Anything for you, kiddo.” He gave me a cocky smile and shoved half of his plain dog into his mouth at once.
Was it strange to say that I missed those days? Which was so fucked up because I’d just given away the first part of my soul then. I’d taken a leap into something I’d never be able to take back or shake off. But I just kept reminding myself that it was still my choice. It was my doing. I may have hated it, but I could have walked away. I could have let Sketch take care of it all. Sure, I felt like I needed to pull my weight, but that was all on me. No one there ever made me feel like I had to. Not even Monty, and that guy was an asshole in the biggest way.
It wasn’t long after that night in the alley that I gave up again. Gave up on trying for some kind of freedom. I figured that maybe a warm bed was worth the risk of what kind of house I might get placed in. But it wasn’t, and soon I was right back there with Sketch and our weird, fucked up family.
“Are you ready?” His voice sent chills down my spine even in my hazy state. It didn’t matter if I was or wasn’t ready because his words weren’t meant to be a question.
Out of all the times I felt trapped before, I’d never felt as helpless as I did now.
CHAPTER FOUR
Cable
Sketch paced my room and I watched him with a raised brow while I sat there calmly.
He’d asked me once before when shit was really crazy to look into something.
Or someone, rather.
But I’d been too busy and hadn’t had much of a chance until recently.
He got it, I knew he did because he hadn’t been up here pestering me about it.
I’d found something, but it wasn’t much.
A driver’s license with an address that seemed to be a dead end. Sketch had muttered something about an ex-asshole boyfriend but I didn’t have the first clue of what he was talking about. I didn’t know this chick. Never heard of her before.
Claire Lively.
I only knew what I’d been able to dig up on her, which had been jack-shit, basically.
She was twenty-two.
Steel gray eyes by the look of it from her driver’s license. And at the time it was taken, her jet black hair was cropped short and had dyed hints of electric blue strands through it.
Her face was pale and her eyes looked a little tired.
I could tell she carried a weight, even in the shitty, taken off-guard picture.
While her eyes were wide and almost doe-like, there were a million ghosts in her stare. Like someone that knew more than anyone should ever know.
“Can you give me more information on her? Maybe if I had a little back story, I would know where to dig,” I suggested, which made him pause his pacing and glare at me.
He hadn’t given me much. A name and a bland description. I was a little surprised when I did find something. I could tell it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about and I wasn’t one to push. He had a past. I knew it. I also knew he didn’t like to talk about it.
And this woman, she was clearly part of that past.
I rubbed the bridge of my nose and tried to calm the edge in my tone.
“I have a lot going on. I want to help you but I have to be honest, this is something that I don’t know if I can give you much help with. If I’m thinking right, it’s going to require legwork. Something we both know I’m not good at and don’t have the damn time for. And neither do you.” I had to say that last part because I had a feeling he might tear off into the night.
Right now, Sketch was giving off the vibe of a caged animal— ready to crawl out of his skin and lash out at anything.
We couldn’t have him going off the rails right now.
And that was what I suspected he was on the verge of doing.
“What if…” I spoke before I meant to. No, it wasn’t a good idea. But now I’d opened up the floodgates and by the hopeful look in his eyes, I knew I couldn’t just close them.
“What if what?”
“Fuck.” I blew out a harsh breath. Lake was going to kick my ass for this. “What if we asked Bridget for help? She’s good at this shit and it has nothing to do with the club. It should be safe enough, right?”
His brows furrowed as he stared at me. More like through me.
“I don’t know how I feel about that,” he finally said.
“Look, you want to find this chick then we need help.”
“She…” he hesitated like he didn’t want to say what he was thinking but at the same time, he needed to know something. “She won’t judge me?”
“No, brother. Bridget is as real and goodhearted as they come.”
I didn’t bother to tell him how far I’d tested her on that, not that I meant to do it.
“Okay. But can you talk to her? I just need to go do… something,” he said as he rocked his head from side to side cracking his neck.
“Yeah, I got you,” I said with a little nod.
“Thanks,” he mumbled then was out the door.
I let out a long breath and shook my head.
I was curious who this chick was but also didn’t have the time to think about it.<
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Since it was late, I decided to send Bridget a text asking her to stop by my room in the morning after she got her coffee.
Then I got more comfortable and figured I might as well try to get some sleep while I had the chance.
It didn’t surprise me that I wasn’t out all that long before I snapped myself awake. Stress tended to do that to me. Knowing that I wasn’t going to go back to slumber land, I dragged my ass over to my computer.
I sent Lucy a message. I knew if she found anything that she would get in contact with me right away, but I felt like I had to do something. I did the same to my other contacts in the dark underbelly of the nerd world.
Hey, I knew what I was and I wasn’t ashamed of it.
Hours passed. The sun came up and lit up the room around me.
A knock sounded at my door and I was so into what I was doing I didn’t even think as I called out for them to come in.
“So this is a thing?” Lake said looking up at the ceiling as I swung my chair around to see who was walking in.
“I told you it was,” Bridget said before I could get anything out. “You needed to see me?”
“Can you, like, at least put a pillow or something over it when my girl is in the room.” Lake sounded more strained than joking.
Bridget rolled her eyes and while holding her hot coffee in one hand she walked over to my bed, snatched up a pillow and brought it to me. The whole time her eyes were on mine. Not once did she try to sneak a look at my junk that was all hanging out. And of course, Lake saw this and a stupid smile lit up his face.
“I need Bridget’s help with something,” I said to Lake, my hands casually resting on the pillow in my lap.
“First of all,” Bridget said sharply, “I’m right here and if I want to help then I will.” Lake shrugged like he wasn’t even going to argue with her. “And second of all, I would like to help.”
“Is it safe?” Lake asked as he pinned me with his eyes.
“Yeah,” I responded because I couldn’t see how it wouldn’t be. Bridget would be doing a little legwork if she agreed but wouldn’t be approaching anyone. And while Sketch made it sound like this Claire chick picked the worst kind of boyfriends, I didn’t think it would be anything that Bridget couldn’t handle. Especially because I knew she had a Ruger GP100 registered in her name and enough hours logged at a gun range to know how to use it by now.
