“I left Hell for you. I travelled across the Earth for you. Now we’re finally together, you seem further away from me than ever!”
“I’m right here.” She walked over to him. “What are you talking about?” Didn’t he realise they were in a dangerous situation?
“It doesn’t feel like it,” he muttered.
She took his hands in hers and squeezed them. “Everything is so messed up right now. I’m not trying to make it worse, but we can’t get a minute where something bad isn’t happening. I don’t know when the crazy will settle down, but I’m here with you.”
“So, you’re my girlfriend?”
She’d never been anyone’s girlfriend before. The concept was alien to her, but she nodded. She loved him. That was all that mattered. “Yes I am.”
His muscles relaxed, and he wrapped his arms around her. “Okay then. That was all I wanted to know.”
She snuggled into his broad chest and felt a moment of peace. It was the first time since she’d returned to Earth that she felt safe. The howls and gunshots from outside seemed to fade as she enjoyed the warmth of his embrace.
They both jumped when the old wooden door to the crypts opened behind them with a loud creak.
Her pulse raced as the door cracked open.
Did they get in through the crypt?
She stared at the door, certain she was about to have a panic attack. She sighed with relief when Mortimus skittered through the doorway, pulling the reins of a horse behind him.
She stared in awe as the horse came into view. It was an ebony mustang with pearl-coloured hooves and a matching horn at the centre of its forehead.
As it cantered through the doorway, its white mane brushed against the cobwebs.
Mortimus tutted before brushing them away with a long-handled, feather duster.
“Is that Peggy?” she asked, staring at the beauty of the flying unicorn.
Her black wings rested at her side. Her dark hide was glossy and smooth, and her white mane and tail shone with flecks of brushed silver.
Mortimus nodded. “Yes ma’am, but she keeps getting so dirty.” He brushed her flank with a cloth, appearing to be polishing something that was already shining.
“She looks amazing,” Kieron said, and the steed puffed out her chest and raised her head at his words.
“Thank you, sir. It took longer than we expected with all the ghouls in crypt, but we came through it, didn’t we girl?” Mortimus patted Peggy.
Peggy snorted and neighed in reply.
“That’s great, Morti—wait, ghouls in the crypt. What ghouls?” Dora stared through the open doorway.
It had been a long time since she’d been in the old crypts beneath the church, but there had never been anything supernatural down there.
“There were many down there, ma’am. They make such a mess that I had to clean Peggy several times.” Mortimus shook his head. “So I thought it best to bring her up here.”
A door burst open behind them with a loud crash as Lucian and Terrance tumbled through it and hit the floor.
“Both of you behave!” Carissa’s voice followed them as she entered the room behind them.
“What the hell happened?” Dora spun around and peered at the Lucian and Terrance, as they lay on the floor in a bloody mess.
Lucian sat up and dabbed his split lip while Terrance groaned and rolled onto his knees to stand up.
“They got bitch-slapped.” Pooey’s voice came from behind Carissa as he wandered into the room.
“Trust me, they deserved it,” Carissa said, peering at her feet.
“No violence in the house of God!” Dora’s father’s voice echoed down the hall.
“Great,” Dora muttered as her father ran into the room.
“Is that Peggy?” Lucian jumped up and ran over to his steed. “What have you done to my horse!” he cried at Mortimus.
“She looks great, doesn’t she?” Kieron said.
Lucian inspected the mount with a critical eye. “Is she okay? Peggy, what did that thing do to you?”
Peggy neighed and flashed her giant wings, causing a gust of wind in the chamber.
“An angel’s steed!”
Dora turned to see her father fall to his knees before the horse.
Okay, that’ll work.
“I’m very pleased with your work, Mortimus.” Terrance told his familiar.
The giant arachnid smiled as he bowed to his master, almost glowing with pride.
“Dad, what’s in the crypt?” she asked her father.
Theodore glanced up at her and tilted his head to the side. “The same things that have always been there, some catacombs, old headstones, and I think your mother might have stored some old furniture down there.”
She nodded. It was just as she remembered, but something was wrong with the church. She needed to find out what it was, preferably without her father around.
“Lucian, why don’t you take Peggy upstairs and feed her? I’m sure my dad can help you find something for her to eat.” She shot the warlock a look, hoping he would understand her meaning.
“What the hell for, she’s a—oh, a—yes, okay. Show me the way padre.” Lucian shook his head at her, wearing an expression that was full of unspoken questions.
“We’ll talk about the plans later.” She told him as he picked up the reins and followed her father out of the room. “We’ll all be up for dinner soon. Thanks dad,” she added.
Once they were out of sight, she turned to the rest of the group, who were staring at her as if she’d lost her marbles.
“Okay, we need to go into the crypt and find out what’s down there. Mortimus, can you show us where the ghouls are?”
“Ghouls?” Terrance asked. “I don’t like undead things.”
Pooey shot him a look of disbelief. “You don’t like yourself?”
“I am a complicated man.” Terrance stood up, brushing dust off his waistcoat. “Often misunderstood by the world, especially the working class.”
Carissa slapped him across the back of the head.
“Ow! Sorry, my dear. I mean, there are no classes anymore. We are all equal in this new world, except for wealth, etiquette, personal hygiene and blood lines—ow!” he cried as Carissa slapped him again.
“He’s still learning,” she said.
Dora stared at Terrance as something he said caused a flash of inspiration to pop into her mind.
“Are we going in the crypt then or just going to watch you stare into space with your mouth hanging open?” Pooey asked her.
“What? Oh, no. Um, I just realised something important.” She pointed to Terrance. “You just gave me an idea that might save us all.”
“Really?” Terrance beamed with pleasure. “I have been known to be a great thinker of my time.”
“Really, him?” Pooey stared at the vampire with a look of disbelief.
“Blood lines,” she said. “You and Carissa can join the blood lines. Maybe it is more than just talking. What if it is actual bonding of some kind?”
“Like a blood pact?” Kieron asked.
“Yeah, they’re the rightful heirs to the vampire and werewolf clans. What happens if they join together?” She considered it.
“Joining can mean many things,” Pooey said.
“Well let’s try blood first.” Carissa extended her finger, and a sharp claw grew on the end of it.
She grabbed Terrance’s hand and scratched a shallow cut into his palm. Next, she did the same to her own palm and pressed it against his.
They all waited for something to happen.
A small farting noise came from behind them.
They spun around to see Mortimus staring at his feet in shame. “Apologies, I appear to have wind.”
Pooey rolled his eyes.
“What about sex?” Kieron asked.
Pooey rolled his eyes again.
“Now really isn’t the time,” Dora said.
“No, I mean them!” Kieron pointed to Terrance
and Carissa. “The joining of two souls comes from the act of love.” He glanced at Dora. “But we will someday, in the not too distant future, right?”
She flashed him a look that silenced him before glancing back to Terrance and Carissa. “It could work.”
“Well, we have been dating for over a century.” Carissa appeared unsure of herself for the first time since Dora had met her. “I mean, if you want to.” She refused to look Terrance in the eye.
“No, I’m not ready.” Terrance widened his eyes. “It just can’t happen.”
Carissa raised her eyes to him, appearing hurt by the comment.
“No, I don’t mean that. It’s not that I don’t want to, but like this. No, my love for you is deeper than the ocean. There should be poetry, sonnets of love. We shall rejoice in each other in a beautiful world.”
“So, never then?” Carissa asked.
“Ye of little faith, my sweet angel.” He cupped her face in his hands. “I shall show you the world my sweet girl, and we shall—” The was a loud clank as Carissa kicked him in the balls.
“What the fuck was that?” Pooey peered at Terrance’s crotch.
“What?” Terrance pulled an innocent expression.
“In your pants. We all heard it.” Pooey wandered over to him.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Terrance looked away from them all.
Carissa gasped. “Are you still wearing that thing?”
“What thing?” Kieron asked.
Terrance moaned. “Do not shame me, my love. I will die before I speak of it. I will take this unholy life and throw it into the wind. My soul shall weep for all time for those who absconded with my—ow!”
Carissa held his ear and frowned at him. “Is that why you won’t get undressed in front of me?”
“What is it?” Kieron said. “What evil thing could possibly make a man keep his clothes on?”
“A chastity belt,” Carissa said. “Something my mother had put on him when she found out we were dating.”
Pooey snorted with laughter. “A virgin vampire! Ha ha!”
“You’re a very cruel, little demon,” Terrance said to Pooey.
“Why not just take it off?” Dora asked, staring at Terrance.
“I tried! It’s made of silver and has some kind of spell cast upon it.” He bowed his head. “Nothing works. The lock is unbreakable, and it really chafes.”
“I know someone who can break into anything.” She eyed Pooey.
“Oh, hell no!” Pooey backed up a step while shaking his head. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. I’m not using my ninja skills to have undead junk in my face. Nu uh, I’m not doing it.”
“You’ll be saving us all.” She cajoled, giving him her sweetest smile.
“I’m not doing it!” Pooey stamped his foot down on the floor.
“I feel violated,” Pooey said as he walked out of the bathroom, carrying a silver chastity belt in his hands. “You owe me an entire planet for this!” He dropped the metal contraption onto the floor with a loud clank.
“I’ll just make sure he’s okay,” Carissa said as she knocked on the door to the bathroom before entering it, then closed the door behind her.
“Check he’s okay, what about me? I’m scarred for life!” Pooey stared at Dora with wide eyes.
“Now you know how I felt when you put me in your pit pocket.” Kieron laughed.
“Sorry Pooey, but you did really well.” Dora offered him a sympathetic smile.
“It better work,” Pooey muttered.
They watched the bathroom door in silence, jumping in unison when there was a scream from within.
Carissa stormed out of the room, her face red with anger, and her eyes flashing yellow. Terrance followed her, looking humble until she slammed the door in his face.
“Is er, everything okay?” Dora asked.
“He won’t do it!” Carissa said. “For how many years should I wait?” She pulled off her engagement ring and threw it in Terrance’s face as he walked out of the bathroom. He caught it and stared at her with sadness in his eyes.
“What’s wrong with you, man?” Kieron said. “She’s gorgeous!”
Dora scowled at Kieron, who frowned back. “What? She is.”
“We cannot do this until we are betrothed. My love, you are all that I think of. You consume me. But if we are not joined in the eyes of God, then we will never be truly joined.” Terrance fell to his knees before Carissa and pleaded with her, holding the ring out to her. “Marry me, my love.”
Pooey wiped a tear from his eye after rolling around on the floor laughing. “You’re undead, and she’s a were-thingy. You think God is watching over you?”
“Shut it,” Dora said to Pooey out of the side of her mouth.
“My father can marry you.” She told Carissa and Terrance. “And we are in a church …”
Terrance smiled up at Carissa, who was biting her bottom lip as a smile seemed to grow on her face. “Can we really get married?”
“Of course you can?” Dora said.
I’m going to Hell anyway. This can’t hurt, right? I’ll just tell dad they’re holy beings.
Carissa took the offered ring from Terrance’s hand and smiled. “Yes. I’ll marry you,” she said.
Terrance jumped up and crushed her in his arms, overjoyed by the news.
“Okay then, you guys go and tell the priest to get his wedding outfit on while we check out the crypt,” Dora said.
The happy couple were both beaming with joy as they left the room.
That’s gotta be a good thing, right?
She wasn’t sure, but it felt like a good thing. She turned to Kieron, Pooey and Mortimus. “Let’s find these ghouls, shall we?”
Dora yelped as she walked through a cobweb, and the clingy strings covered her face. She urgently brushed them off her, and goosebumps popped up all over her body. She shuddered as the thought of spiders crawling all over her filled her mind.
Kieron rushed to her side and brushed her back and shoulders. “It’s okay.”
“It’s a bit lame,” Pooey said. “Do you do the same thing when feathers brush past you?”
“It feels so creepy.” She turned towards the little demon. “You try a face full of spiders, and see how you feel.”
Pooey pointed to Mortimus, who was the staring into his face. “Been there, done that.”
“It wasn’t me, ma’am.” Mortimus’ hollow voice echoed through the crypt.
She tried to shake off the feeling and continued through the crypt. It seemed so much darker than she remembered. Mould grew up the walls, and the ancient stone was cracked in places she didn’t recall it being cracked before. Dust and cobwebs covered every inch of the place, and it was much colder than she remembered.
Their footsteps echoed through the large chamber as they made their way through broken old furniture and ancient catacombs.
A sharp breeze howled through the room from an unknown source.
She turned her head to try to locate the source, but the gloomy darkness was only lit by the tiny windows dotted along the top of the room, showing moonlit grass.
She shivered and rubbed her bare arms. There was something dark here, a presence that seemed familiar and alien at the same time. She had played in these crypts as a child, and—although her mother called it morbid—she had never felt unsafe here before. It had been an adventure for her, a place where she could become lost amongst the ancient engravings.
“Just how old is this church?” Kieron asked as he brushed dust and cobwebs away from one of the many stones engraved into the wall.
“Dad said it was over a thousand years old, but I don’t think anyone really knows. They had some archaeologists down here once, but they couldn’t understand the symbols.” She pointed to the strange sigils on the engraving. “Some of it is Latin, but some of the other stuff isn’t any known language.”
“Maybe someone got bored with Latin down here.” Pooey wandered over to the engraving and frowned
at it.
“That one is ancient Greek,” he said, pointing to one of the symbols.
“Can you read what it says?” She was intrigued. She’d always wondered what these stones said.
“Nah, there’s only one word in Greek. The rest is swirly bullshit if you ask me. Also, what kind of moron writes in ancient Greek and Latin on the same tablet?”
She stared at the tablet. It was the largest and oldest in the crypt. It was made of light limestone. Of all the things in the crypt, it appeared to be the only one that wasn’t cracked or marred by time.
The stone went from roof to ceiling, making up a section of the wall, jutting out a little to create shallow alcoves on either side of it. It was covered in engravings of words she didn’t understand that mingled with a few words she did.
She could read the words: holy, death and repentance. Out of hundreds of engravings on it, those were the only ones that made sense. But they were so far apart from each other the sentences could mean anything.
“What does the Greek word mean?” she asked.
At least I can add a new word to my collection.
“Gatekeeper,” Pooey said in a dark voice.
They all jumped when there was a loud creak behind them. The sound was sharp, as if old metal was being ground against stone.
She spun around to see a pair of feet in sensible shoes dangling through an open window across the room from them.
“They must have broken the barrier.” She gasped as she rushed around the old furniture to try to stop the person or creature entering to church.
“I’ll stop them,” Kieron cried as he vaulted over the furniture to try to reach the intruder before they got through the window.
Meanwhile, the pair of legs lowered into the room, stopping abruptly when the person’s large ass became stuck in the narrow window frame.
“Damnation!” a familiar woman’s voice cried as Kieron reached her feet.
“Wait!” Dora cried. She knew that voice.
“Mom?”
“Dora honey, is that you?” Her mother jiggled half in and half out of the window as if trying to turn around. “Are you a ghost?”
“No, I-I didn’t die,” she said.
Deceased Dora Page 19
