“You’ll be fine. Just take things one step at a time.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re a doctor.” He followed her back to the entrance, where they both dropped off their hats. “I guess we should take my car,” he said as they walked through the hospital. “I drive an Explorer, so there will be plenty of space for furniture.”
“Good idea.” She didn’t dare tell him that she doubted they would fit everything in his sports utility vehicle in just one trip.
Tanner shrugged into his jacket, then held the door open for her. He was parked in the main parking lot, which had been recently enlarged as part of the new project.
“I appreciate you helping me with this,” he said, leading the way to a black Explorer. “I’m sure you’re very busy, and it’s nice of you to give up your time.”
“I’m glad to help,” she said sincerely. “Most parents have several months to get used to the idea of having a baby around. They take classes, talk to other parents, buy slowly. You’re going from zero to sixty in less than twenty-four hours. It’s a daunting concept.”
He flashed her a grin. “So you’re trying to tell me that it’s okay to be terrified?”
“You wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t. But I have every confidence in you.” Which she did, she thought with some surprise as he unlocked the passenger door and held it open for her.
She stepped up into the well-used but clean vehicle. Her skirt rode up slightly on her leg, and she had to resist the urge to cover her thighs with her hands. Like Tanner was even looking, she thought.
As she tried to casually glance at him, he closed the door and headed to the driver’s side. So much for bowling him over with her feminine charms, she thought humorously. So what if the man made her body react in ways it hadn’t before? All that meant was that she wasn’t dead. She should enjoy the occasional flickers and sparks. Feeling them didn’t mean she had to do anything about them.
He backed out of the space, then drove toward the exit. “Which way?”
“Do you know the big electronics store on the corner of Green’s Way and Carson?”
“Sure.”
“There’s a place called Baby Town in the same shopping center.”
He glanced at her and frowned. “Are you sure? I’ve never noticed it.”
“I’m not surprised. We only see what’s important to us at the time. You probably never noticed the designer outlet beside the electronics store, while I didn’t know there was a sporting goods store there until I called for directions and they told me the baby store was next to it.”
“Gotcha,” he said, then concentrated on his driving.
Honeygrove, Oregon, was a charming place that hovered on the cusp between town and city. Large enough to have all the amenities, but with the cozy feel of a small town. Next week, on the day after Thanksgiving, the annual tree-lighting ceremony would take place. Already wreaths had been hung from streetlights downtown.
Kelly leaned back in the seat and tried not to stare at her companion. Why was he so intriguing? Was it because he was about to take on a daunting task? Or was it more simple—had she just gotten tired of being on her own? She couldn’t remember her last date. Certainly she hadn’t been out with a man since she’d moved to Honeygrove, and that was three years ago. Talk about pathetic.
“I talked to Patricia today,” Tanner said, interrupting her thoughts. “She said you’d called her.”
Kelly pressed her lips together, not sure if she should apologize for that. Before she could decide, Tanner continued.
“I appreciate that you wanted to check me out. I’m an unknown to you, some construction worker who suddenly wants to keep his kid. You’re concerned about the baby’s welfare. Thanks for that.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you understand why I did it.”
“Sure. You wanted to make sure I’m decent father material.” His mouth twisted down. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’ll give it my best shot. Of course, Patricia didn’t help things.”
“What do you mean?” She couldn’t imagine her friend being difficult.
“The good news is that she said she would be happy to be the baby’s pediatrician. That’s a relief. What with her being family and everything, I’ll even know how to get her at home.” He grinned; then the smile faded. “It was the rest of what she said that scared me. She says she knows a couple of great baby nurses. Aren’t babies too small to need their own nurse?”
“It’s because they are small they have a nurse.”
“Yeah, well, that’s what Patricia said. She pointed out what we already talked about—that I can’t put her in day care for a while and that I have to be at work, so a baby nurse is a good solution. In a few weeks I can look into home day care until she’s old enough for a regular place. I’ve even been thinking of getting a college kid or someone like that to look after her at my office. Not the one at the hospital,” he said. “I meant after the project’s done. There’s room, and I’d see her more.”
Kelly impulsively touched Tanner’s arm. “I know it seems overwhelming right now, but you’re taking things one step at a time. That’s what’s important. The baby nurse is a great idea. It will give you some space to make other decisions. As for bringing your child to work—I think it’s terrific that you want to.”
“Yeah?” He looked at her briefly before returning his attention to the road. “I guess. Ryan told me that Lily said she’d be available in a pinch. Lily is Patricia’s mom.” He frowned. “After Patricia went back to work, Lily moved in to help with the kids. She’s still there and plans to stay. Anyway, she said she’s happy to help out, but I figure she’s got her hands full with Ryan and Patricia’s three.”
He pulled into the parking lot. “I wish I could take time off work, but with the hospital wing still behind schedule, it’s not possible.” He stomped on the brakes and swore under his breath. “I’ve never seen that before. And it’s huge.”
Kelly glanced out the window and saw the Baby Town store. A gigantic wreath decorated with pastel blocks hung above the entrance. Teddy bears and snowmen rode sleds down hills painted across the windows.
After parking the car, he stopped the engine but didn’t get out right away. “I spoke to Lucy,” he said. “She’s going to sign off on the kid. She doesn’t want to be involved. I know the relationship was a mistake, but I’m kind of surprised she’s just going to walk away. It’s not that she can do it so much as it seems like it’s going to be easy for her.”
Kelly didn’t know what to say to that. After all, she’d given up a child, too. But for her, it had been anything but easy. In fact the pain continued to haunt her, fifteen years after the fact. “Not every woman finds it easy to walk away.”
“Probably,” he agreed. He looked at her. “Listen to me. This is the most I’ve talked in a month. I’m sorry for dumping it all on you.”
“Tanner, don’t apologize,” she told him. “Really. I’m happy to listen. You’re working through a lot, and, in my opinion, you’re incredibly calm.”
“That’s on the outside.”
“In time you’ll be calm on the inside, too. You and your daughter will get used to each other. You’ll develop a relationship with rituals that will be so meaningful, you won’t be able to imagine what life was like without her. I’m happy to be a part of this.”
“I have this bad feeling that the only reason I’m going forward with this is that I don’t have a clue how hard it’s going to be.”
Kelly couldn’t help laughing. “Unfortunately, you’re exactly right.”
* * *
This was hell, Tanner thought grimly from his place in the center of the store. Hell with miniature furniture, too many cutesy, fuzzy things and Christmas carols sung in high-pitched cartoon voices coming from speakers all around the store. He looked around
and spotted Kelly talking to one of the salespeople. The older woman was nodding and typing information into a computer.
Not knowing what else to do, he glanced at a display of quilts. They were small, about four feet by three feet. He turned over the price tag and took a step back. Six hundred dollars? He peered at the quilt again, trying to figure out why on earth it cost so much. Jeez. Six hundred dollars. He thought about the list in the book and swallowed hard. Kelly hadn’t been kidding about his credit limit. He wondered if it was going to be enough.
“Okay, here’s the plan,” Kelly said, coming to stand next to him. “I had the store—what’s wrong? You’re practically green.”
He pointed to the quilt. “It’s six hundred dollars. If a scrap of cloth costs that, how much is a crib?”
She looked from him to the quilt, then fingered the cream-colored lace and read the tag. When she returned her attention to him, humor danced in her hazel-brown eyes. “Don’t panic, big boy. That’s a handmade quilt, covered with imported lace. They’re a one-of-a-kind item, and not for the likes of us.”
He breathed a sigh of relief.
“Besides,” she added casually, “babies spit up on just about everything, so it’s better to have bedding you can just throw in the washer.”
Her words planted an image in Tanner’s brain that made him uncomfortable. “How much do they spit up?”
“Don’t worry about that now,” Kelly said. She waved a long computer printout in front of him. “This is a basic baby registry. It lists every possible item a baby could use. Between that and the list in the book, we’ll be sure to remember the important stuff. This second list tells us what’s in stock. There’s no point in falling in love with a crib or dresser only to find out it’s not available.”
“I don’t generally fall for furniture,” Tanner muttered, but Kelly wasn’t listening.
“Let’s start with the big stuff,” she said. “Crib, stroller, car seat, changing table, dresser, maybe a couple of mobiles. Then we’ll move on to linens, bath stuff and clothes.” She tapped the list. “You’ll want some kind of portable crib, as well, so you can take her to a babysitter, or even to work. They have some that turn into playpens for when they’re older.”
Tanner could only nod as he tried to take in what she was saying. He felt as if he’d entered a strange and frightening new world, and he wondered if it was too late to go back.
“Furniture,” Kelly said, pointing to the large display on the far side of the store.
He followed her down an aisle crammed with car seats and wondered how on earth he was going to pick one. Maybe he should have asked Ryan to come along. He knew about this kind of stuff. But it hadn’t occurred to Tanner that buying a kid a bed or a car seat was going to be complicated.
“How big is the room?” Kelly asked. “And is there furniture in there now? Do we have to work around anything?”
Tanner shook his head. “I have a guest room, but it’s not furnished. It’s about twelve by fourteen, with a big closet.”
“Okay, so size isn’t an issue. Basically all cribs serve the same function. These are all new and look well made. The important factors are the height of the mattress when it’s all the way up, and the spacing of the rails. So pick what you like, and then we’ll check for the safety features. I’m guessing all of them are going to comply with safety recommendations.”
Pick what he liked? He looked at the various displays. Many were set up to look like individual rooms. There were dividers covered with wallpaper and border prints, cribs filled with ruffled comforters and too many stuffed animals for any man to be comfortable. He found himself stepping around fuzzy bears and pink elephants. There were tigers and lions, fluffy kittens, puppies and some creatures of undetermined species.
He glanced from the displays to Kelly and back. The cribs all looked the same to him. Too-small beds with guardrails. The dressers were almost normal-looking.
“What kind of wood do you like?” Kelly asked, coming to his rescue. “Light or dark. Or would you prefer something painted?”
She stood next to him, looking patient and completely comfortable. Was this a chick thing? Did all women have the baby gene, or was she relaxed because part of her job was bringing infants into the world?
He allowed himself a moment to appreciate the way the overhead lights played on her medium-blond hair. It fell to about the middle of her back, and she’d pulled it into a neat but fancy braid. Bangs hung down to her eyebrows, but in a soft, sexy way that made him think about wanting—
Down boy, he told himself. He didn’t have time to get distracted. His life was one big crisis right now, and he didn’t have room to add attraction to a female doctor to his list.
“I don’t know what she’d like,” he said. “You used to be a little girl. What would have made you happy?”
“I’m not sure babies have strong opinions on furniture, but I’ll give it a try.” Kelly turned in a circle, then pointed to a display of white furniture.
They moved to that aisle. While Kelly read the tag and made sure the rails were the right distance apart—or whatever—he checked the construction, the quality of wood used and made sure there were no sharp edges.
“I like it,” she said. “What do you think?”
He shrugged. He wouldn’t have picked white as his first choice, but he didn’t have strong opinions about any of the other colors, either. “It’s fine.”
But she wasn’t listening. Instead her face had taken on an expression of such tenderness, Tanner felt his blood heat up about ten degrees. Then he noticed that her longing gaze wasn’t directed at him but focused on a comforter in the next display. He stared at it, blinked twice and bit back a groan.
If he’d given a second’s thought to decorating a child’s room, he would have pictured primary colors, or building blocks, or maybe even a train. But that wasn’t what had caught Kelly’s eye. She’d been transfixed by a pink-and-white comforter decorated with a teddy bear in a ballerina getup.
“It’s darling,” she said, taking his sleeve and tugging. “Don’t you love it?” She pulled him toward the display. “They have the comforter and linens and bumper pads. Oh, look, there’s a diaper stacker. I’ll bet there’s a border print for the walls and even a valance for the window. You could...”
Her voice trailed off. She released his sleeve and sighed. “You hate it.”
Hate implied an emotional energy he wasn’t willing to commit to ballerina teddy bears. Kelly was a woman. She’d once been a little girl; therefore, her taste had to be better than his. With any luck, the pattern would fade in the wash.
“It’s fine,” he said. “Let’s get it. What’s next on the list?”
“But, Tanner, you don’t think it’s cute. We can pick something else.”
He looked at her and found himself intrigued by her height. In her heels, she was only about an inch shorter than him. He’d generally gone in for the petite types, but there was something to be said for looking a woman dead in the eye without having to tilt his head.
“Kelly, this is fine. I’m sure she’ll adore it.”
By this time, the sales clerk had joined them. She was a middle-aged woman with a cheerful smile—and she was dressed like an honest-to-goodness elf. Pointy ears, bells on her toes and all. By the way she kept out of the discussion, Tanner suspected she’d heard more than her share of arguments over baby accessories.
“If you’re sure,” Kelly said and turned to her. “All right. The white crib, the four-drawer dresser and the three-drawer changing table. Then this bedding set with the diaper stacker.” She paused. “We can worry about the wallpaper another time.”
Like never, he thought, trying not to picture a wall covered with ballerina teddy bears. The three of them moved on.
They spent nearly thirty minutes in a discussion about car
seats before they all agreed on one. Then they chose a mattress, crib pads, receiving blankets—although he didn’t know what they were going to receive—towels with hoods, a stroller and dozens of things he couldn’t recognize. Tanner surprised them and himself by insisting on a mobile of fuzzy animals, of which his favorite was the lion, and a matching wall hanging.
When they moved onto baby clothing, he told himself not to watch as Kelly chose tiny shirts and nighties and wraps, plus sleeper things with and without feet. The store clerk carried armloads over to the cash register, toes jingling with every step, then returned for more. They even bought a diaper bag, which Tanner could not imagine having to carry through the construction site. When they reached the stage of discussing bottles for feeding and the best brand of diapers, he couldn’t stand it anymore. He touched Kelly’s arm.
“Could I talk to you for a minute?” he asked.
“Sure.” She excused them from the clerk and led him to a corner of the store. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this,” he said. “You’re buying bottles, and I don’t know how to physically feed her. Or how much. Or how warm it’s supposed to be.” He could hear the sharp edge to his voice, but he didn’t think he could control it.
Kelly looked at him for a long time, then reached in her purse for her cell phone. Tanner panicked. Was she calling the hospital to tell them he couldn’t be trusted with his own child?
“Patricia, hi, it’s me. I’m with Tanner at the baby store.” She paused, then smiled. “Oh, he’s definitely having a dose of reality, and he’s looking longingly at the door. But he’ll be fine. Tomorrow when you drop by Tanner’s to give him the diaper-changing lesson, could you also teach him about feeding and anything else he might need? You know, the first-time-parent baby lesson.” She paused again. “Clueless is a strong term, but in this case appropriate. I’ll let him know. Thanks. Bye.”
She hung up. “That was your sister-in-law.”
“I guessed that.” He was going to complain that he wasn’t clueless, but unfortunately he was. It was pretty sad.
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