Kelly wanted to believe her. “I didn’t feel very brave. I was afraid.”
“Answer me this. Are you a good doctor?”
Kelly nodded. “Yes. I work hard for my patients, and I care about them.”
“So you gave first with your daughter, and now with your choice of career. You’re a good person. We can all understand why you did what you did. I suspect you would understand these circumstances in another young woman’s life. You would offer her compassion and support. Perhaps it’s time to offer the same to yourself.”
Mary’s words hit home, but not in the way the other woman had intended. Kelly remembered her conversation with Corina, and how she’d rushed off before reassuring the young woman. Corina’s situation was too much like her own for her to be comfortable. Kelly realized that was one time when she hadn’t been a good doctor.
“Let go,” Mary told her. “Be happy. Find some young man and fall in love. Have more babies, babies that will grow up to be as wonderful as Annie Jane.” Tears filled Mary’s eyes. “Every time I hold that beautiful girl I’m thankful to you. And I’m grateful to know my granddaughter has such a warm, caring person for her birth mother.”
Kelly leaned into Mary’s embrace. She let herself absorb the other woman’s comforting words. Maybe Mary was right. Maybe it was time to forgive herself and move on.
* * *
Plans spilled over Ryan’s desk until there wasn’t any room for their sandwiches. Tanner pointed to a computer printout of a calendar. “Artie’s ready to start coordinating with hospital personnel about the installation of equipment,” he said. “This is the part of the project that’s going to get tricky. Everyone thinks his or her department is the most important.”
Ryan nodded thoughtfully. “You’re going to have a tough time keeping egos in check.”
“Agreed. That’s why I want Artie in charge. He’s going to trample over everyone, which will at least make it fair.” Tanner grinned. “Seriously, he’s good at this kind of thing. Plus if I stay out of it, he can use me as a point of arbitration when it gets really ugly.”
Ryan looked at the calendar, then at the progress report. “You’re only about three days behind where you’d initially projected you’d be. I’m impressed. I mean that as your customer. As your big brother, I’m proud as hell.”
“Thanks,” Tanner said. He’d worked damn hard on this project, and it was gratifying to see it come together. “So how was your second honeymoon?”
Ryan grinned. “Great. Patricia and the kids are the best thing that ever happened to me.” He moved the plans to the side and pulled out his plate. Tanner did the same. Both men took a seat.
Ryan took a bite of his sandwich and chewed. “I tried talking her into having another, but she said she’s done. I don’t mind. Three is a nice number.”
“She loves them.”
“Yeah, she does.” Ryan smiled, his love for his wife obvious. “She’s a great mom.” He looked back at Tanner. “We both really appreciate that you helped Kelly out with the kids.”
“It was fun. We had a great weekend.”
“So I heard. Drew said you two did very well for adults unused to being around children.”
Tanner laughed. “That sounds just like Drew.”
“He also said that you spent a lot of time making eyes at Kelly.”
Tanner concentrated on eating, hoping to avoid an answer. But when Ryan continued staring at him, he knew he wasn’t going to get that lucky.
“We’re friends,” he said at last. “Good friends. We get along.”
“That’s not what I heard,” Ryan teased. “Rumor has it you’re a little bit more than friends.”
Tanner couldn’t believe it. How had his brother... Of course. “Patricia.”
“Oh yeah. They were on the phone nearly an hour. Patricia told me later she was gunning for details, but Kelly was fairly closemouthed about all but the big picture.” Ryan raised his eyebrows. “So? Now that you’ve done the wild thing, when are you going to make an honest woman of her?”
Tanner stared at his brother. He doubted he would have been more shocked if Ryan had decked him. “What?”
“Marriage,” Ryan said. “You know, long white dress, diamond ring, happily-ever-after?”
“No way.” Tanner swallowed against the tightness in his chest and his throat. “I don’t do commitments, at least not like that. Nothing good lasts forever. I’ll admit that Kelly’s very special and that I’m lucky to have had her in my life, but it’s not a forever kind of thing.”
Ryan’s mouth tightened. “It’s time to let go of the past, Tanner. We didn’t get many breaks when we were growing up, and I can understand why you worry about things lasting. But you’re not that scared kid anymore. You’re a man. You can take care of yourself.”
“It’s not me I’m worried about.”
“Then who? Kelly?”
He didn’t have an answer, so he shrugged. “I told you I don’t do permanent.”
“So what about Lia? A kid is a pretty permanent fixture in a parent’s life. You planning on dumping her in a couple of years?”
“Of course not.” Tanner couldn’t believe his brother would even suggest such a thing. “She’s my daughter.”
“Explain the difference.”
Tanner opened his mouth, then closed it. Obviously there was a difference between a wife and a child, but that wasn’t what Ryan was talking about.
Tanner leaned back in his chair and tried to figure it all out. He’d never really put it together before—the forever part. He’d known that Lia was his child and that he’d made the decision to keep her. He’d known it was going to be for a long time, but until this moment, he hadn’t realized that he’d signed on for the rest of his life. That no matter what he would be there for her—because he loved her and he no longer wanted to live in a world where she wasn’t a part of his life.
He waited for the terror, for the second thoughts and plans for getting away, but none of them appeared. All he felt was a deep and profound love for his daughter.
“Lia is everything to me,” he said at last.
“Exactly,” Ryan told him. “Loving a child uses a different part of your heart than loving a woman, but the principles are the same. Commitment, patience, time, respect. So I’m going to ask you again. What about Kelly?”
What about Kelly? Tanner didn’t have an answer. Because he’d never allowed himself to think of her that way. Not only because of who he was, but because of who she was.
“She’s a doctor,” he said.
“I’ve heard that.” Ryan’s voice was teasing.
“No, I mean she’s a doctor. I’m just some contractor.”
“So this is about what you do for a living?”
“Yeah.”
“What about the fact that you love her? Doesn’t that count?”
“I don’t love her,” Tanner insisted, but the words rang hollow. Love? Him? Did he love Kelly?
“You’re a fool if you let her go,” Ryan told him. “Women like her don’t come along every day.”
“You think I don’t know that? But say you’re right. What am I supposed to offer her?”
“Your heart.”
“As simple as that?”
Ryan smiled. “It’s only complicated if you make it complicated.”
Ryan made it sound so easy, but Tanner knew that his brother was wrong. Even if Kelly was the right woman for him, he sure as hell wasn’t the right man for her.
Chapter 14
Tanner hesitated outside his front door. Every instinct screamed at him not to go inside.
“You gotta do it, boss,” Artie said. “It’s not so bad.”
Tanner glared at his foreman. “How do you know? Have you done this before?”
Tanner completely understood the other man’s reluctance. Sure, Artie was with him, and Ryan had promised to drop by. Probably just to laugh, Tanner thought grimly. But Kelly had insisted so there was no point in putting off the inevitable.
Tanner sucked in a deep breath and pushed open his front door. At that moment, a gale of female laughter drifted through the house. He shuddered and stepped inside.
The living room was as he’d left it that morning. Still half-finished and empty except for the Christmas tree in the corner. But the family room was a different matter. Chairs from the dining room had been pulled in beside the sofas, forming a rough circle. Kelly had told him this would be a combination Christmas party and baby shower, so he hadn’t expected quite such an explosion of femininity. Come to think of it, he didn’t see a single nod to Christmas in the room. This was 100 percent baby shower. Pink-and-white streamers fell from the ceiling, while matching balloons had been gathered in bunches and tied to chairs, window sashes and even the refrigerator handle. A dinner buffet covered the counter closest to the family room, and he could see the large cake waiting in the dining room. Piles of presents stood by one of the few empty chairs left. Nearly two dozen laughing, talking women sat in the remaining chairs and on the sofa.
If hell was a baby store, then purgatory was a baby shower. Why had he let himself be talked into this?
Tanner swallowed hard and thought about retreating. So far no one had seen him. He could make a clean escape and call from his car, claiming a work crisis kept him from attending. But before he could take even one step back, Kelly glanced up and saw him. Then she smiled.
He hadn’t seen her much in the past week. First she’d taken her trip to San Francisco to visit her daughter’s adoptive grandparents. Then she’d had a couple of emergencies. He’d had a crisis or two of his own, and while they’d spoken on the phone, they hadn’t had the chance to spend any time together since the night they’d made love.
Just seeing her sitting there, her wide eyes bright with humor, her smooth skin begging to be touched, he wanted her. Not just for sex but also for conversation and even to hold. He’d missed her.
“Tanner!” she called. “You’re finally here. We were beginning to wonder.”
All the women turned to look at him. He recognized several of his female employees. There was Kelly, of course, and Patricia, along with the wives of some of his employees. Artie made his way to the side of a petite brunette in a business suit.
Tanner gave a general wave and walked to the waiting chair next to Kelly. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d been more uncomfortable.
“Isn’t this great?” Kelly asked as he sat down. “Everyone came.”
“Great. Where’s Lia?”
“Napping. She was up a little bit ago and was a hit with your guests.”
He wanted to point out that the guests were hers, along with the idea of a baby shower. Why on earth had he agreed?
“We were about to start the games,” Patricia said. “Would you like something to drink first?”
“Games? What kind of games?”
His sister-in-law grinned. “Nothing all that tough. You’ll be fine. Why don’t I get you some punch?”
As she stood up and started walking toward the kitchen, Tanner had his first chance to notice what the women were eating and drinking. As he did so, his mouth turned down in an involuntary grimace. Everything was pink. The punch, the salad accompanying the small sandwiches, even the cookies. Now that he thought about it, the cake had been pink, too. Or the icing had been. He didn’t dare think about what it would look like when they cut it open.
He leaned toward Kelly. “If I’d had a son, would everything be blue?”
“Of course.” She smiled. “Normally the baby shower occurs before the blessed event, when the sex of the child is unknown. But when the shower comes later, or the parents already know the sex, the shower theme reflects that.” She patted his hand. “Don’t worry. You’re going to have a great time. First we’ll play a few games—then you can open presents.”
“I can’t wait,” he muttered. “What about the cake?”
“Oh, we’ll do that while you’re opening presents.”
What he really wanted to know was when everyone would be going home. After all, this thing couldn’t go on too late—could it? He wanted to spend some time alone with Kelly. He wanted to sit with her and talk; then he wanted to take her upstairs and make love with her.
The front door opened, and Ryan walked in. “Over here,” Tanner called, feeling the tiniest bit rescued from the situation. “You’re just in time for the games.”
Ryan looked as puzzled as he had at the mention of games. Then his older brother glanced around the room and started to laugh.
Patricia handed Tanner a plastic cup filled with bright pink, foamy punch.
“It tastes better than it looks,” Kelly said. She waited until Patricia had settled back on the sofa and everyone had moved over to make room for Ryan. “Let’s get started.” She stood up and walked into the kitchen.
“There are several pads of paper on the coffee table. Take one and pass the rest along until everyone has one. We’re going to play the first game.” She returned, carrying a large tray covered by a dish towel.
Today she wore her hair up in a twist of some kind. Her long bangs hung to her eyebrows. Something shiny stained her lips, making Tanner think about licking them clean, then maybe licking her all over. A navy pantsuit emphasized her long legs and slender waist. She was tall and lovely and so much more than he’d ever known in the past. Was she all he’d ever wanted? Was Ryan right about it being time for him to let go of the past?
“The point of the game is to remember as many objects as possible. I’m going to walk around with the tray. No one can start writing until I say so. Are we ready?”
Tanner glanced at Ryan who shrugged.
Patricia grinned. “To answer that unasked question, yes, of course you two are going to play. The prize is a facial at a beauty salon near the hospital. If a man wins the game, which is so incredibly unlikely as to not even be worth mentioning, he will give the prize to his significant other.” She patted Ryan’s cheek. “In your case, that would be me.”
“Thanks for the reminder,” Ryan grumbled.
Kelly took off the towel and made a slow circuit of the room. Tanner studied the various items. He recognized most of them. A rattle, baby powder, a pair of earrings that Kelly frequently wore, Lia’s baby bracelet from the hospital and a condom. The last made him raise his eyebrows, but he didn’t say anything. Finally she returned to the kitchen and told them to begin.
Tanner wrote quickly but steadily. He mentally reviewed the tray, going clockwise, filling in the spaces. Had there been two cotton swabs or just one? He figured it didn’t really matter. After a couple of minutes, Kelly called time. She asked everyone to count up how many items they had. The person with the most had to read his or her list aloud to verify accuracy.
“Eleven,” Patricia called out, looking smug.
“Fourteen,” Gloria, Artie’s wife, said.
Tanner counted his list again but didn’t say anything.
“How many, Ryan?” Kelly asked.
“Nine.”
The women all laughed.
“Hey, I got ten,” Artie called. “At least I did better than him.”
“How could you remember all that?” Ryan asked.
Kelly settled her gaze on Tanner. “What about the proud father? How many do you have?”
He thought about lying, t
hen figured Kelly would probably be able to tell. “Eighteen,” he muttered.
There was a collective murmur of surprise.
“Really?” Kelly said. “Want to read them back to me?”
“Sure.” He cleared his throat. “A diaper, cotton swabs, an earring, a condom—” Several women laughed.
“Yeah, well, it didn’t keep me out of trouble,” he said, then continued with his list. “Lia’s hospital bracelet, baby powder, a rattle, paper clips, a fork, toothpicks, diaper ointment, a sock, lipstick, a car key, a quarter, two theater tickets, a wedding band—yours, right?” he asked, shooting his brother a look.
Ryan nodded.
“And a pager.”
“Wow.” Kelly picked up the tray and carried it back into the living room. “The only two things he missed are the washcloth and the battery. Very impressive, Mr. Malone. Looks like you’ve got yourself one facial.”
Which they both knew he’d give to her. “Gee, thanks.”
Somehow their gazes got locked together. Even though he told himself to look away, he couldn’t. Kelly seemed to be having the same problem.
“I, um, think it’s time to cut the cake,” she said. “Want to help?”
“Sure.”
He excused himself and followed her into the dining room. He knew that they were the center of attention, but right now he didn’t care. Instead he pulled her into a corner, out of sight of the family room, and drew her close.
“I’ve missed you,” he told her just before he kissed her.
“Me, too.” Her words were muffled against his mouth.
She felt so right in his arms, he thought, needing her more than he thought possible. She wrapped her arms around him and deepened the kiss. He cupped her face and pulled back enough to talk.
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