“Oh yeah,” I say. “Never better.” I wave my arm in Dominic’s direction. “You know Big D, don’t you?”
“Not personally,” she says. “But I’ve seen you play. You’ve got some mad skills.”
“Thanks,” he mumbles from behind me.
“We were just studying,” I say. “I’m helping him with his essay writing skills.”
“Is that what they’re calling it these days?” she mumbles with a huge smile on her face. “I’m just gonna head to the kitchen to make a hot chocolate. You guys want anything?”
“I’m good,” I say, just as Big D mumbles, “No thank you.”
As Heather disappears, I feel the awkwardness of the moment creep in to replace the embarrassment at being discovered.
Dominic tosses my pillow to one side and shifts himself until he’s standing. I feel so fucking small next to his hulking great frame. I can’t look at his face, but everywhere else my eyes land makes me flush. His cock is still hard and the outline of it is clear as day. And what an outline it is. My fingers itch to touch it, to circle it and stroke, to feel it swell and jerk as I tease him. His hands hang by his sides; the fingers that were searching out ways to give me more pleasure so close but so far. I can tell he’s breathing fast by the way his abs are moving under his T.
“You gonna look at me, Hannah?” he says gently.
I raise my eyes to his and find him looking serious. We stand with two feet of space between us, like virtual strangers again.
“We shouldn’t have done that,” I say, feeling a tightness in my throat at the realization that I have to push him away again.
His eyes are dark, fathomless pools and he doesn’t say anything for a while. I wish I knew what was going on inside that fascinating head of his. I wonder if his thoughts are as jumbled as his written words, and it makes me want to reach out and brush my fingers across his forehead, as though I could soothe them into order.
“Now that your roommate’s back, I’ll head out.”
I nod, hating the easy way he can move from frenzied passion into nothing. Did he not feel what I felt between us? As much as I know this is the wrong thing to do, I realize that we had something pretty amazing going on there, until Heather’s interruption, that is.
“Sure,” I say, trying to sound breezy through the lump in my throat.
He turns and strides to the door, as though he can’t wait to get away. “I’ll see you Tuesday then,” he says as he’s halfway out of the door.
“Sure, Tuesday,” I say, but he doesn’t register that he’s heard me before disappearing into the stairwell.
I reach for the remote and turn off the annoying background noise of the television. Heather comes back into the room as I’m starting to get changed for bed.
“So, you and Big D,” she says like she’s just discovered the best piece of gossip EVER.
“Yeah. I’m his tutor,” I say, dropping my skirt and reaching for my pajamas.
“Oh, don’t give me that. You were all over that huge man before I interrupted. I’m not stupid.”
I cringe, but I don’t admit to anything. Heather is great, but I have a feeling this gossip would be all over campus by tomorrow if I did.
“For someone who’s been like a nun, you sure switch quickly.”
“There’s nothing going on,” I tell her. When I turn, I see she has something in her hand.
“A sexy guy gave me this for you. He was parked outside. I thought I’d better wait until Big D left, in case there was some kind of conflict.”
She goes to hand it to me but I don’t reach out to take it. “What is it?” Heather looks at the envelope, as though she’s missed something. “What did he look like?”
She blinks, looking up as she tries to remember. “Smart. Suit. Amazing blue eyes and dark hair.”
“Fuck.”
“What?”
“Will you open it for me?”
“What’s in it?”
“I don’t know. Probably just a note.”
Heather studies the envelope a little more, then slips her finger under the flap. I shudder, imagining his tongue sliding over the glue to stick it down. There’s a white card inside, that she draws out. It’s blank on both sides, but when she opens it, she reads what it says aloud.
“Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light.” She pauses, looking at the words before her eyes flick to mine. “It’s beautiful,” she says. “You must have made quite an impression on him for him to be sending you poetic shit like this.”
My hands are trembling at my sides. “Do me a favor, Heather. You see that man again, you stay as far away from him as you can.”
“What’s going on? You in some kind of trouble?”
“I think I am,” I tell her. “And I have no idea what to do about it.”
11
Dominic
Today’s game is crucial. The tension in the locker room is palpable. The usual jokers are trying to keep things light, but most of the guys are in their own zones, doing whatever they have to do to keep focused and keep lady luck on their side. I have a badge that Lana made when we were in grade school. It has a stick drawing of a little boy and a little girl holding hands. Us. She wore it on her jacket for a while, then she put it in her jewelry box for safe keeping. It’s been with me for five years – the most important of my football career – and it’s become my good-luck charm. I always used to scoff at the pro-ball players who talked about needing to complete certain rituals before each game, but here I am, holding my pin, and I’ll be back to touch it again at halftime, too.
“You ready, D?” Harrison asks.
I nod because my throat feels tight with the anticipation. I’ve been feeling off since last night. When I left Hannah’s it was as though I’d slipped off my axis. My heart was pounding as I jogged down the stairs. I ran home, wanting to shake off the tingling frustration that I felt in my thighs and my dick. I was sweating by the time I made it back to my dorm so I took another shower, remembering the sweet outline of her pussy in those little pink panties. Nothing like a cold shower to kill thoughts like that dead. At least, until I got into bed.
Shit. Hannah Star is something special. Not just because she’s hot as hell, or because she’s got a brain on her, or because she’s sassy in a way that I love. Fuck. Who knows why some people just light each other up from the first touch. I pressed my mouth against her sweet lips and we just ignited. It was crazy to be with someone who was physically a perfect match for me. The way she moved…it was like she was inside my head, hearing all my thoughts and acting on them. When she ground against me, well, it took every ounce of restraint I had not to hitch that little skirt up around her waist and slide my cock right into her.
Every ounce of my restraint, and her roommate’s stellar timing!
Now, all I can think of is that she’s going to think that I took advantage of her. She was scared and unsettled, and I pounced. What a douchebag. I’m disgusted with myself, to be honest.
So here I stand, with my sister’s pin in my hand, and all I can think about is how I let Lana down last night. I should have been a better man. I should have focused on what was important to Hannah, rather than thinking with my dick. She needed support and maybe an ear to confide in. Even if she didn’t want to tell me what’s going on with her, I could have let her know if was okay to tell me about how it was making her feel.
I know from personal experience how hard it can be for women to talk about the things that are hurting them in their lives. For fear of judgment or consequences. I don’t know which is driving Hannah to keep her troubles a secret. If I’d been less concerned with sticking my tongue down her throat, I might have found out that much.
The team makes their way onto the field, bumping shoulders and slapping backs. The crowd roars in a way that always sets the hairs rising on the back of my neck. The opposition looks big and fierce, but I know we can win this game if the guys just get their brains in gear. I need to do tha
t too. I need to stop trying to figure out what had Hannah so freaked out. I need to stop rolling that license plate number around in my head and thinking of ways I can find out who was driving that fucking car. Or maybe I need to keep thinking about the fucker that has Hannah so freaked. Maybe if I think of crushing his skull, I’ll be angry enough to fuck the opposition and pound this victory into the turf.
+++
We’re up at halftime, and our lead stretches wider during the second half. I’m on fire and so are the team. Our plays seem to catch the other team by surprise and by the end of the game their padded shoulders slump, and we’re cheering like bitches.
The locker room is more raucous than I can remember it ever being. It’s like the victory tastes sweeter because we’ve been so bad in training this week. Connor, the quarterback, is at the center, telling the boys that it’s time to let off some steam. I know what that means. Connor has a thing for the seedy side of life. If he’s not gambling with his drinking buddies at poker nights, he’s splashing the cash at lap dancing clubs. Seriously, the dude has more money than sense, growing up in one of the richest families in the area. He has a good heart but lost his brain somewhere along the way when he opened his wallet.
“You coming, D?” he shouts across the loud conversations happening around us.
“Nah. It’s not really my scene.”
“You don’t like tits and ass?” There are a few chuckles from around the room. I guess I haven’t had enough cheerleaders on my arms recently to confirm my manhood.
“I like tits and ass plenty,” I say. “I just prefer the kind I don’t have to pay for.” There are a few more chuckles and Connor’s eyes narrow just enough for me to know he’s on for this challenge.
“You gotta pay for all kinds of tits and ass, D. Haven’t you realized that by now?”
His words are jibing, but his tone is off. I stare at him, wondering what the fuck is going on with him. Dudes who are chasing a rush all the time always have some problem they’re trying to cover up.
“I guess.” I shrug.
“Come on. It’ll be a good night. Team bonding. You’re always talking about us needing to get some team spirit and commitment going.”
I turn to grab my sweatshirt out of my locker. None of us is dressed for a night out. I can tell this is going to be a long night, but Connor is right. I am always trying to get the team to think like a unit. If a night out is what it’s going to take, then I’m prepared to put my money where my mouth is. I guess I’ll have to go along.
I turn back to Connor, noticing that the rest of the guys are watching our discussion. I shrug again, trying not to make any of this look like a big deal. Connor looks smug, as though he thinks I’m going to turn him down. He wants to undermine me, I realize. He wants to take over the unofficial role that I have to keep the team together and motivated. I never wanted the role, but I’m damned if I’m handing it to Connor on a plate either. The dude doesn’t have the maturity for it.
“Okay, man. I’m in. What’s the plan?” And just like that, I win and lose all at the same time.
12
Hannah
I drive to work early, knowing that I need to psych myself up before I talk to Kaleb about the car and the notes. For him to understand why I’m so freaked, I’m going to have to confess about what I did for the Gray Suit and how much he paid me. Without knowing that, the context just isn’t there.
My little bag containing my uniform sits on the passenger seat as usual, but today it feels weird. Where I’d usually be thinking about who was going to be on shift and how much I’d make in tips, tonight my heart is beating too fast as I worry about Gray Suit sitting in my section. Maybe Jack will expect me to start giving private shows to other patrons. I feel more vulnerable now than I ever did before.
I bump into Cindy in the parking lot, as I’m scanning the parked cars for the one I saw outside my dorm. It’s not there, and despite my nerves Cindy manages to make me laugh, telling me about one of our regulars who always talks to our tits rather than our faces. It’s just what I need to help me feel more normal. When we get into the changing rooms, it’s busier than usual.
“We got some big groups in tonight,” Sandy tells us as we struggle to find a station to apply our make-up. “Big tippers, I hope,” she calls out, and the rest of the girls laugh.
“More likely big assholes,” Cindy replies with a flick of her head. I chuckle because she’s right. The dudes who come in big packs tend to have large mouths and small pockets. Still, at least we’ll be busy. I’m hoping that will make the night pass faster.
I pull on my uniform and mask, plaster on my lipstick and spray my glitter, and I’m off to try and catch Kaleb.
He’s behind the bar, resting his head on his hand, seemingly bored. The tables are mostly filled but everyone has drinks. It’s the perfect opportunity for me to tell him what’s been going on, but I’m so nervous that I hang back, nibbling on my fingernails. I remember the look he gave me when he handed over that envelope. The disappointment. Maybe he won’t be sympathetic. Maybe he’ll tell me what I know; that I brought this on myself; that Gray Suit is Jack’s friend and I’m going to risk my job if I take my fears and make them official.
Just as I’m considering not saying a word, Kaleb turns his head and catches me out.
He nods, and because I’ve been seen, I have to head over there. He looks at his watch and then looks up at me.
“You’re early.”
“I know. I’m…I just wanted to talk to you about something,” I blurt out.
“Sure.” He nods and motions towards a less exposed section of the bar, as though he understands I might want some extra privacy. “What’s going on?”
“This is really hard for me to say,” I mumble, picking at my cuticle, trying to find reasons not to make eye contact.
“Hey,” he says, reaching across the bar and tipping my chin. “What’s going on?”
“You know the other night?” I feel the color rising to my cheeks as he registers what I’m talking about.
“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” Kaleb says, taking a step back.
“I know. It isn’t that.” He nods for me to continue. “There was a guy here. Gray Suit. I told you about him.”
“The rude one. Jack’s friend.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I think he might be stalking me…since…”
Kaleb frowns and looks around the bar as though he’s thinking Gray Suit might be lurking in a corner somewhere. I look around too, the fear catching up with me again.
“Go back to the beginning,” Kaleb says. “Why do you think he might be stalking you?”
“He left a note in the envelope…about stars only being able to shine in darkness. Then I saw a car outside my dorm with a vanity plate reading D4RK. I just freaked out, thinking it was him. My friend came up to the dorm with me, I was so shaken, and after a while, my roommate comes up with another note, similar to the first one. I thought I was being paranoid, but the guy was outside my dorm. How did he know I live there? He must have followed me from the club.”
Kaleb rubs his face with his hands. “Shit, this isn’t good.”
“I know. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to call the police and report it because I don’t want to risk losing my job. But I can’t just do nothing. I’m scared, and paranoid he’s going to turn up here or maybe come to my dorm again. I don’t want to walk around after dark on my own anymore.”
“I get that, but you can’t do nothing.”
“What should I do, then?”
“I think you should have a word with Jack. Keep it light. Say the guy has obviously taken a liking to you, but that you have a boyfriend and that you’d appreciate it if Jack can mention that to him.”
I nod, thinking that Kaleb might be on to something. I don’t have to say that Gray Suit is freaking me out. I don’t have to mention that I feel like I’m being stalked. I can just call it out as unwanted attention.
“Okay. I think that could work. Jack won’t mind me bringing it up, will he?”
“I don’t know. He doesn’t like to get involved in stuff like this, but he was the one that approached you in the first place, so you’ve got a connection there that might make him take you seriously.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Brianne comes to the bar with a long drink order and Kaleb starts preparing a tray for her.
“Hey Star,” she says, standing on one leg and rotating her ankle as though it’s hurting her. I’m not surprised considering the killer black stilettoes she’s wearing. “There was a guy in here earlier who was asking about you.”
“Oh yeah,” I say.
“Yeah. I didn’t catch his name but he was well dressed. Maybe you served him before. He had these amazing blue eyes.”
“Dark hair?”
“Yeah. You know him?”
“I wish I didn’t.”
“Oh, it’s like that?” She reaches out to pat my arm. “It’s okay, honey. This shit comes with the job. Guys see a girl in her underwear and they think we’re all nymphomaniacs who need saving. Fucking egomaniacs.” She screws up her face in disgust and I giggle because she’s totally nailed most of the guys that come in here. They’re either disgusting letches or dudes who think they’re going to enact their own version of Pretty Woman. It’s sad and upsetting, all rolled into one.
“If you see him again, can you tell me or Kaleb?”
“Sure.”
Kaleb pushes Brianne the drinks. “Here you go, beautiful.”
“Now, he is one of the good ones,” she giggles.
“That’s what she thinks,” Kaleb huffs. “When I get out of here, I’m the big bad wolf.” He growls and Brianne squeals as she heads to the table with her tray.
I lean on the bar so I’m closer to Kaleb. “He’s been in tonight, asking about me.”
“Oh yeah?” Kaleb says, looking around the bar again. “Is he here now?”
“I don’t think so. Brianna didn’t say.” Kaleb shakes his head as though it’s all too much. “Look, I’m going to head back to the changing rooms until my shift starts. If you see him, can you call back there? Just so I know. I’m going to try and catch Jack at the end of my shift.”
BIG D: A SPORTS ROMANCE Page 7
