by Faria, Cyndi
She gasped and glared at Emily’s hand on his chest, holding him back. “You’re drunk! And angry with me? I don’t blame you for returning to... old habits. Some are harder to break than others. But some habits are worth fighting to destroy, worth taking time to find another path to something better. I thought we had that.”
He swiped off Emily’s hand and in two strides came to stand in front of Maggie. The smudged mascara under her eyes made his gut twist and he reached out.
“Don’t.”
The hurt in her voice and her rejection was deserved. He was a coward. Not deserving of her as he stood. “I was coming and find you. But, first, I needed to—”
“Lose your mind.” Maggie folded her arms across her chest and flickered her gaze between his drink and Emily.
With his wide stance and arms held out from his body, he blocked her view of both distractions. Couldn’t stand her gaze to shame him more. “Without you, every passing minute I lose my mind.”
“Oh, please.” Emily pulled back his shoulder a few inches. “Maggie kissed Dane, and, by the looks, she enjoyed every minute.”
Maggie lowered her arms. “Looks are deceiving.”
His mouth puckered, remembering the apple pie. He stared at Emily. How strange something once so enticing could actually become poison to the palate. “Emily, I’m sure there’s more to the story than what I witnessed.”
“Ah, yeah, there’s more to the story. You didn’t have to see Maggie slink around Dane like a cat in heat for three hours.” Emily slipped her hand across his shoulder. “She’s not for you. So, come on, let’s get out of here.”
Only, Garrett wanted Maggie more now than he ever had, wanted to console her and hold her and kiss the glassiness from her eyes. “Things have changed, Emily. I’ve changed. I’m not interested in what you have to offer. Not now. Not ever.”
“I’m not seeing a change. But I’m not wasting any more time…” Emily flipped her hands and studied his expression. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder and stomped off.
“Emily’s right about one thing.” Maggie tore off last year’s white satin sash, an identifier she’d been expected to adorn when wandering through the fairgrounds, and plopped the fabric onto the bar, right in the amber puddle. “You haven’t changed. And until you face what’s eating you, what’s stopping you from going after what you love, you’ll be miserable in your own skin.”
Pain stabbed his chest. Saying he loved her hadn’t mattered. He’d doubted her loyalty and that had marked her. “With you, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Everything I’ve done has been for you.”
Jerking her chin upward, she turned around.
“Where are you going? Maggie, I love you. Only you. And I’ll change. Tonight. I promise. We can go off together. We don’t need to stay in this town any longer.”
Gaping, she flashed him her palm. “I’m quitting veterinary school. It’s not what I truly want anymore. So stop pleasing others while sacrificing your own happiness.”
But he wasn’t unhappy standing before her. On the contrary, he’d lived more in the last week than in his entire life. “Maggie, I’m doing this for you. For us. Don’t you understand that me being with you is all I’ve ever wanted? Let’s go somewhere and talk.”
“Talking is over. Now is time for doing and I pray, Garrett Parker, you listen to your heart’s desire before all you’re left with is regret.”
# # # #
Shaking in her skin, mouth dry, fake nails picked off to the sensitive cuticle, and any mascara that had clung to her lashes a smear of black on her cheeks, Maggie stalked to the dressing room to confront her mom. Maggie’s state of disarray was reflected in Emily’s pursed lips, her pageant coach’s hushed whispers, and Beatrice Pritchard’s cavernous stare. But Maggie stood firm.
Her mother hurried toward her, squeezing Maggie’s upper arm. “You’re a mess.” She dug in her purse. “Where’s some makeup removing pads...?”
Maggie grabbed her mom’s hand. “You know, Mom, I’m tired of holding back. Tired of coordinating dresses and shoes. Tired of smiling, when inside I’m a wreck. Pageants used to make me happy, but now, they don’t.”
Her mom smiled and pulled Maggie’s arm to align her backbone toward the cottage cheese ceiling. “Oh, dear, here comes your pageant coach…”
“Mom!” Maggie jerked away. “Are you listening? I have to make myself happy and find another way.”
After her mom waved off the coach, Maggie gave her a little shake. “People’s lives aren’t perfect. Everyone has their fears, and we’re good enough just as we are. Right now, I’m not even sure I want to compete in the dance competition tomorrow.”
Her mom’s lips pinched into a straight line. “Honey, I’ve supported you all this time because I thought pageants made you happy.”
Maggie rolled her brows and eased backward, her heels dragging across the floor. “What?”
“I love you and wanted to spend time with you. That’s why I’ve always encouraged pageantry. You want to go another direction, I’ll be there to support you.”
Background music played Kiss of Fire.
Maggie flashed back to Garrett—his sweating brow, his straining arms, his blistered feet—as he’d learned the tango. Again, he’d sacrificed for her, but because he really loved her? “But I thought you and Grandma wanted me to enter because of tradition.”
Her mom draped an arm over Maggie’s shoulder. “Well, sure. After your father passed, we all needed the distraction.”
What am I hearing? “Distraction...” Had Emily and the beer acted as a diversion to keep Garrett from heavy thoughts of her leaving town after the pageant? And of seeing her in Dane’s arms?
“Honey, what’s wrong? There’s more going on here than you’re telling me.”
Maggie buried her face in her hands and leaned into her mom’s shoulder. “Everything. I don’t want to go back to college in the spring. In fact, I’m not sure I want to be a vet. I can run my doggy rescue without a veterinary license right here in town, if that career means staying with the man I love.”
“Garrett?”
Maggie’s eyes widened and she pressed back to hold her mother’s grey gaze. “Yes, but how did you guess?”
“A mother knows when her daughter is in love.”
“But love is scary.” Her heart raced and her chin quivered. “We don’t know where we’re going or where we will end up.”
“Neither did your father and I. But because we loved each other, we decided to figure out life together.”
A memory of her parents laughing and sharing a tender moment rose in her mind and she smiled, even though the funeral overlapped the happy memory. “Do you regret marrying him?”
“Heavens no. I regret him dying. But how could I regret being with him? He was a great man. My hero.” Her mom gave her a gentle squeeze. “And together, we made you.”
Maggie’s heart fluttered, then fell like a wet feather. “Dane kissed me and Garrett saw. When I went to find him and explain, I found him with Emily suctioned onto his leg, like a vernal pool leech onto a cows hoof.”
Her mom winced and glanced over at Emily, whose dress plunged down her spine all the way to the small of her back, and her eyes widened. “Oh, dear. Then what happened?”
Maggie explained the scene and how she’d turned her back on her best friend. “Right now, I’m frustrated at myself for not telling him he’s perfect as he is. I want to tell him how much I love him and that he doesn’t have to make any hard decisions about his career right now. But, whoever stole my bag also took my purse and phone.”
Her mom shifted a turquoise taffeta dress over her arm. “So, I guess you’re forfeiting the dance tomorrow?”
Maggie shrugged and gathered the dress from her mom. She considered dropping it in the lost-and-found pile, but instead hung the gown in her locker. Confronting her mom had been easier than all the years she’d spent doing what she hadn’t particu
larly loved and holding back. But she still had college debt, and that responsibility tugged her to finish the competition. “This will be my last competition.”
In her mind, Garrett’s words surfaced. “Tonight, I’m going to change.”
She clutched her mom’s arm. “I have to stop Garrett from committing to firefighting—something he really doesn’t want to do—and reliving something that haunts him.”
Her mom threaded her arm under Maggie’s. “Be honest and tell him how you feel.”
“I will. I’m willing to take time to figure things out. He doesn’t have to force a career because he believes he has no other options.”
Her mom dug through her purse and handed Maggie the keys to her new sports car. “Go get him. I’ll catch a ride home…”
# # # #
Up over the fairground footbridge, Garrett strolled between the fair animals bedded down for the night. Wiring overhead strung a finite series of forty watt bulbs and turned the straw, where the farm animal menagerie bedded down, a sickly yellow. Wheelbarrows piled high with waste matched the way he felt inside.
If something didn’t change, if he didn’t face his fear of disappointing another, like he’d let down Maggie, he might as well replace his last name with failure. He needed to take time to explore his options, even if that meant breaking his promise to his father.
Breaking a promise—a deathbed promise…
He choked on his tight throat and crushing chest, staggering toward the fun zone that blurred to a dizzying array of white light in his colorless existence. If he didn’t capture the illusive change, then he’d never become that fun-loving guy.
A ewe bleated.
Near her head, Garrett spotted a lifeless lamb, half the size of the other that rooted at the ewe’s teat, tail wagging like a silent celebration of life. Instead of focusing on the healthy lamb however, the ewe drew her tired tongue in long pulls over the weakling.
It reminded him of everyone encouraging him to find his happiness.
A virtual lost cause.
The ewe gave the lamb a wasted nudge.
If Garrett didn’t take drastic measures, he might as well be that poor animal coiled up in a fetal position, cold, stiff, and finally succumbing to his failure to thrive.
Scrubbing a hand at his leaking eyes, he tried to swallow past the unmoving bulge in his throat. No longer a cadet, not yet a firefighter, in a fog, he shuffled along the concrete walkway toward the fun zone while the walls of his life closed in and cloaked his future.
Couldn’t breathe…
Heart racing…
Damn panic attack striking hard in the middle of a wide open space. What would he do with his life? He restored old fire trucks and had a degree in firefighting—all his life he’d put his energy into a place he didn’t belong.
“Change for yourself...before all you’re left with is regret.”
Maggie was so smart, but how could he do what she said? How did he change when all that surrounded him was death? How did he let go of his promise to his father?
Vision blurry, Garrett glanced upward, searching for stars but finding instead a mildewed canopy. Though he hadn’t believed in spirits and ethereal signs, he prayed to anyone who might listen, to the spirits said to inhabit Safe Haven, to his father. “Dad, what do I do? Tell me what to do… I’m scared I’m letting you down. I don’t know how to make things right without hurting the ones I love. Without hurting Maggie. Without hurting myself…”
Bells and whistles sounded to his right and a fortune-telling machine declared, “for the price of a quarter, all of life’s questions answered.” The plastic-headed woman with the black nylon hair and a fringed leather wrap moved up and down on a metal stick, her mouth opening and closing, synchronized with the tinny statement.
He dug through his pocket and retrieved the quarter that had helped him survive the refrigerator experience. His thumb massaged each side, spinning the quarter so familiar after thirteen years… The fortune was his last chance.
He slipped the quarter into the slot.
Like a gasoline engine filled half-way with water, the machine sputtered and popped. Then everything fell silent. The fair music faded. That Native American woman who seemed more human than doll chanted, “Breaking a promise that should never have been made isn’t wrong if you uphold the intent. Upholding the intent is honoring the promise.”
Like some spiritual rubber band, the world snapped back. The fairground sounds bubbled all around him. Children’s laughter he hadn’t noticed before filled the space he breathed. The scent of cotton candy, corndogs, and kettle corn wafted through the air and seated in his soul. The one-dimensional lighting turned rainbow, and behind him, two little lambs bleated.
All along the answer had been right in front of him. He was holding on to other’s dreams and forcing them to be his own when they were not. His dad always said, “Everyone gets scared, but firefighters move beyond their fear.” So Garrett might not be a true firefighter, but he could overcome his fear if the situation is important enough, just like he had when he’d rescued Ms. Aubrey.
At the realization, air whooshed from his chest and his shoulder’s sagged, releasing the tension from his neck and back. He’d been using his claustrophobia as a crutch, when the fact was he didn’t want to be a firefighter.
He had to take time to figure stuff out. Take time to find his happy place, not separate from Maggie, but a life that included the woman he loved. Only Maggie wanted to travel, which meant he’d have to find a little slice of Safe Haven—new roots in a new land—somewhere else. She’d said that together, they could conquer anything. And he loved her. That bond couldn’t be broken by a kiss from a guy she didn’t like, or by his ex’s flirtations.
With jerky moves, he rummaged through his pocket and found his cell. When her voicemail answered, he left an extended message, telling her how he loved her and so much more. Because what made him the happiest was having her in his arms. They’d nourished their relationship from a seed and he was ready to reap the reward—her love. Didn’t matter where they went as long as they were together—that’s what made him happiest.
“Garrett!”
At the sound of his name, he spun, his heart thumping in his chest.
One of the guys from the firehouse jogged up to him. “Mitch couldn’t reach you, so he sent me to find you. The lock has been repaired. He’s ready to administer the test.”
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you’ve imagined.”
–Thoreau
Chapter Four
When Garrett entered the station, he hadn’t expected the entire squad to cheer him on. In a way, their support made his decision to enter the confined space bittersweet, because passing meant he’d be offered a job he planned to decline.
Mitchell held his gaze and gave Garrett’s shoulder a squeeze. “Whatever the outcome, we’re proud of you.”
With stiff fingers, he clutched the corrugated door. “Thank you, Mitch.”
The door clicked shut and praise from his brother and the other men, even Dane, echoed outside. Garrett took a deep breath, tipped his head against the ribbed wall, and closed his eyes. Maggie’s speech of how she’d found peace after her father’s death came to mind.
First, her words circled him—we make a good team, we can conquer anything, we’ll find a way to get through the rough patch.
The lightest sensation, he imagined as her fingertips, stroked his cheeks. She pulled him into a kiss that lasted hours. In here, they circled the dance floor, her beautiful blues locked on his. Maggie endowed his world with strength enough to face his greatest fear and never look back. She made him want to be a better man, who thrived and laughed.
Most of all, the container surface that pressed against his back and surrounded his sides became her loving arms. The murmurs outside were replaced by her lips whispering the words he longed to hear and telling him she wanted to be part of his life forever.
United, like Mr. and Mrs. Deter for decades to come. Hell, eternity.
If he were with her now, he’d get down on one knee and ask for her hand.
Mitchell had been right. Long ago, Garrett had found the one. That’s why he’d never been satisfied with anyone else. Had always dated superficial girls, like Emily. Because that type was safe, he realized—no deeper than a Friday night hookup that ended at midnight.
Maggie wasn’t superficial. Soon, she’d listen to the message he left. Tonight, he prayed she’d be waiting at his house. He’d make love to her all over again, like the very first time.
Then tomorrow at the dance, they’d wow the judges. He’d tell her about how he’d visualized her in his arms and their future and passed the test. He’d share his plans to travel right along beside her and figure out life together.
The buzzer dinged, and the door popped open to reveal wide-eyed stares and silence when he’d expected jubilation. He squinted, allowing his eyes to adjust to the overhead light. “Well, aren’t you all going to say something?”
# # # #
From her position outside the fence, Maggie hadn’t expected Garrett to emerge from the container jumping up and down, slapping the other men with high-fives, or chest-butting his brother. She back tilted her head and smiled, and then clutched the chain link fence to keep her weight off her weakened knees. Even in the midnight hour, the dimness couldn’t shade Garrett’s boisterous shouts and beaming smile. He was happier than she’d ever seen him.
The men lifted Garrett into the air and carted him inside the firehouse then back into the yard they circled.
An ache built in her chest. He belonged with the other firefighters…and his path no longer included her footsteps beside his.
She mashed her lips to hold back a sob. But worse, all along she’d misguided him to seek another option. She should have encouraged him to try to pass his test, stood beside him, and cheered him on with the other men. Been his friend…
