“Police are gone and I brought our new cards.” Jared laid them on the coffee table then wrapped me in his arms. A shudder worked its way up my back and I wilted against him. “It’s late. Why don’t we all get some shut-eye and we’ll talk more in the morning?”
If I let them touch me, I would never leave. My love for them had blinded me but I couldn’t allow that to continue. If I was going to determine what I needed, I had to do it before any of us could be hurt further.
“I’ve loved you both for so long. I don’t remember what it’s like not to.”
Jared recoiled. “Why does that sound like goodbye?”
I wanted to memorize his features. His masculine strength was inherent in every smile, every raised eyebrow. It almost changed my mind. They could remove my robe and take me to bed. Replace all the pain and hurt with something warm. Something pure.
But I couldn’t do it. I grabbed my card. “Because I’m going to go do some thinking.”
Jared glanced from me to Chris, who remained silent. “What do you mean go? You can think right here.” He continued to watch me. A muscle ticked in his jaw, betraying his anger and uncertainty.
“I need to stand on my own two feet and decide what’s going to be best for me.”
“And what I want, what Chris wants, doesn’t matter?”
“It matters more than you can ever know, J. But I need to sort through everything. I’m tired and angry and I want to sleep for a week. The clock stuck midnight somewhere and my carriage is a pumpkin again. This fantasy world the past few days with you has been wonderful. But I need to decide if I can accept the reality of it. Along with the fantasy.”
“What are you talking about? What reality? Don’t leave when everything is so upside down. We can work through this,” Jared pleaded.
I didn’t want to hurt either of them but this was too important to decide while riding such an emotional rollercoaster. “I’ve got decisions to make.” I shook my head, unwilling to be swayed.
Jared scoffed. “What the hell kind of decisions to make?”
“How about if I’m going to be okay with you tying me up? And you have a whip, don’t you? You can’t tell me whipping me, flogging me while I’m bent over and helpless hasn’t crossed your mind.”
“Every fucking day,” he blurted.
“Do you think that appeals to me now?”
“But, Cyn—”
“I feel damaged and don’t have a clue which end is up right now.”
“It’s all about trust. We can work through this.”
“No, it’s not all about that. It’s about love too. So I need you to trust that I know what I need. I’ll never be able to think clearly with the two of you hovering and that’s exactly what you would do. Have some faith I won’t hurt you in the long run. Either of you.” I squeezed my eyes shut, blocking out this horrible night for a minute so I could get through the rest of what I had to say. “I need some time to myself and I don’t want you guys to barge in if I’m not ready. So…I need my spare key.”
Jared’s face fell and swiftly changed to anger. I’d hurt him, and when I looked at Chris, he appeared empty. I didn’t want Chris assuming his past was the reason I was leaving, but before I could get the words out, Jared cursed.
“What the fuck are you talking about? I leave for a few minutes and when I come back, everything’s turned to shit. Will somebody tell me what the hell is going on?”
He glared at us until Chris spoke up. “Give her the key and we’ll talk. There are some things I need to tell you. Things you should have learned a long time ago.”
After a few seconds of silence punctuated only by harsh breathing, Jared wrenched his keys from his pocket, found mine and threaded it off the chain with jerky motions.
He laid it in my palm but firmly held my wrist when I tried to move. “We aren’t done, Cyn. Not by a long shot.”
“I hope not, Jared.”
Desperate emotion linked the three of us but I couldn’t handle it any longer. Not tonight.
“You remember the room that was always locked at our parents’ house…”
I walked out. I wanted to slam the door. I wanted to curse and stomp my feet at the injustice of it all. I wished for a do-over for tonight and for Chris so many years ago—and for Jared’s reality crumbling behind me. But yanking the door closed wouldn’t fix anything and it surely wouldn’t solve any of the questions I now had to answer.
Rather than causing a scene, I pulled the handle until it latched into place. Never in my life had a noise that quiet sounded so final.
Chapter Eight
Three weeks later, I was alone in the brothers’ apartment, looking out the windows at the entry to the club.
It was a fitting place to see Jared and Chris again, since this was either going to be a new beginning or the beginning of the end. An apt location to lay everything on the line for the two most important people in my life. I wasn’t going to lose them without a fight.
My phone went off with the call I’d been waiting on. I answered it immediately. “So did you give it to them?”
Jenna snickered. “Oh yes, I did, and I was lucky to get out of there alive. They grilled me like a steak when I entered the bar, even before I handed them anything. Not like that’s any different. They’ve interrogated me every chance they got when they learned we were hanging out.” Wind whistled in the background. She had the sunroof open on her Mustang, I bet. “But as we agreed, I didn’t say a word other than the package explained everything.”
“Thanks, Jenna.”
“Anytime, sister. Well, other than eight o’clock in the morning.”
I laughed despite the nerves. “I needed someone to be my cheerleader the past few weeks and you’ve stood with me through it all, especially the trip to the police station. I didn’t want to do it alone. Certainly don’t know how I can ever repay you.” After I walked out of the club, I called Jenna and asked her to go with me to the PD to press charges for the night before—and formally file charges for the incident two years earlier.
“If you’d gone alone, I’d have been so pissed. It took balls of steel to decide to prosecute. I’m so proud of you. Plus, Chris and Jared, they’re good guys. Jared was pissy for a few days at Chris for some reason. Kept mumbling about him being a dipshit for keeping secrets, but it wasn’t my business so I kept my head down and made no eye contact.”
I had been terrified about how Jared would handle the news. I wanted to be there for them but I’d had to get my feet underneath me after that night.
“They’re still hellaciously grouchy in general,” Jenna continued, “but I’m sure that has something to do with the fact that a certain woman won’t return their calls. I’ve waited forever for those two to admit they need you. As more than a simple friend, that is. Anything I can do to help them pull their heads out of their asses and admit the rest, I’m all in. Plus, I’ve needed a partner in crime for years. I’ll think of something you can do to repay me.”
“Lord, that sounds…scary.” I expected some flippant response, something light and funny, but instead she went quiet.
“These past couple weeks, they’ve been so different. They told me the world had lost its brilliance. I ached for them and I thought I was immune.” Her wistful tone caught me off guard.
“Are you ever going to tell me what happened? Why you keep refusing the date Nick keeps asking you for? Why you keep shooing everyone away when—”
“No reason, just not interested.”
I couldn’t let her ignore this any longer. “Then why do you call for Ian at night while you sleep? I heard you several times at your apartment and once in the hotel when you stayed with me.” The sound of the wind whipping past the phone filled our connection.
“I don’t.” The tone of her voice made me weepy.
“I’m here when you’re ready. Okay?”
Her response was barely more than a whisper. “’Kay.”
A soft sniffle filtered across the line, fo
llowed by a short, barked-out laugh, and I understood she wasn’t ready to talk. My situation had taught me that everyone has to come to terms on their own time. I was determined to be there when she decided it was her time to heal.
She laughed more genuinely. “They’re breaking several traffic laws trying to get to you.”
“You’re following them?” I squeaked, sweat beading along my skin.
“Well, duh. How else was I supposed to fulfill my 007 fantasies? Hey, what was in the package I delivered? Just tell me it was naughty pictures of you and my work here will be done.”
I shook my head at her though she couldn’t see me. “It was my diary and two keys.”
“Your diary? But didn’t they read it all?” She downshifted—they must have exited the highway.
“They read it cover to cover the first time but I’ve added a few entries. Things they needed to understand.”
“Did you tell them you quit your job and about the townhouse? I’m pretty sure I saw Jared yelling into his phone the other day about the moving truck. He saw it in front of your townhouse with you nowhere in sight.”
“The phone message they left after that was a doozy. Especially asking at the gym and being told I had quit two weeks ago.” It was time I let them know what I’d decided. What I was willing to give up and what I needed from them in return.
“You were more than welcome to stay at my place but it’s probably good you stayed in a hotel. They showed up at my house right after they left the gym. They wouldn’t leave until I let them search the whole place.”
My thoughts froze when Chris and Jared raced down the drive in Chris’ truck. Sunlight glinted off the windshield and my heart thudded hard. I caught Jared searching for me from the passenger seat. “Always knew they’d come for me. They always do. And if they can’t agree to meet me halfway? I’m all packed and ready to find somewhere new.”
“And the keys?” she asked. Her car came into view after the guys were already out of sight. I imagined the door slamming in the garage and hoped they were sprinting for the elevator.
“They’re for my collar. I had it modified with two locks.”
The door opened and the men I hoped were my future strode in.
“I have to go,” I whispered as Jared and Chris stalked forward.
“Good luck,” she said as I flipped the phone closed.
Jared took it from me and tossed it on the couch as Chris laid my diary on the coffee table next to my purse.
“I’ll love you both with everything I have and I will never walk away again, but I won’t do it alone. I don’t know how I’m going to react to some of what you want but I’m willing to try. If you’re willing to open your heart…” I looked at Chris as he moved closer. “I’ll fight for us. I’ll love you enough for both of us until then.”
He cupped my cheeks, laid his lips against mine and I prayed it wasn’t for the last time. He paused for an eternity then said, “I love you.”
I jerked away, holding onto his wrists, trying to find something steady since the entire world had shifted on its axis. He let me see him. Inside him. Never flinched, never looked away. He was an open book for the first time in my life. “But you said…”
He kissed me again, silencing me, claiming me. He rubbed his nose along mine until I sighed. “I lied about not loving you. I loved you as a scrawny little thing in pigtails. I loved you when you were nothing but a pesky girl in junior high. I loved you while we were away on missions and I’ve loved you every day since. If I admitted it and you ever walked away…I didn’t think I could live through it.”
“Oh Chris.” I could barely form the words.
“But being without you these past weeks… I couldn’t live with myself if you left and didn’t know.” He thumbed away my tears and I bathed in his attention. “I love you, Cyn. I will love you until I take my last breath.”
“I love you,” I cried into his shirt and he hugged me close.
“Hey, what about me?” Jared teased.
Chris kissed my temple and actually chuckled.
Jared made love to my mouth. I clutched at his shirt. The smell of his cologne permeated my senses. “God, I’ve missed you, blondie.”
I captured his full bottom lip between my teeth. I pushed my tongue past his lips, flicking it against his. “Missed you too. I was worried about you. I’m glad you two are okay. And I’m glad the club is okay after that night. Jenna tells me you’ve had an influx of applications but the secrecy of the club is still somehow intact.”
Jared said, “We were worried the rumor mill would get wind of it but several of our cop friends are members and strongly reminded Bryce of the confidentiality agreement he signed. We could sue and that’d be real tough to fight from a jail cell. It’s his third offense and apparently he didn’t want his good name dragged through a trial. We thought about going public with what we are, and if something changes with the case, we may need to, to protect you, but what happens here is consensual and private. Everyone has different needs and desires and that should never be ridiculed. It should be cherished and nurtured.”
“I figured that out. I was so wrapped up in peoples’ perceptions. Plus trying not to end up like my parents. I couldn’t stop and truly admit what I wanted, needed—to please you both. If you’ll be patient with me, I’ll try my hardest to learn how.”
“You don’t have to try, Cyn. You please us with everything you do.” Chris retrieved one of the keys that had been in the envelope along with my diary. “You said in your diary that you had the collar altered.”
I nodded and picked up my purse. “I had a jeweler remove the broken metal and replace it with high-tensile bronze. Plus, he added a lock that needs two keys.”
“We never knew we were destined for one woman, Cyn.” Chris lifted the collar and Jared gathered my hair up and away from my neck.
Completeness washed over me when the collar settled against my throat. I seized my hair, holding it out of their way. The guys inserted their keys and my heart broke free at the unmistakable dual snap of the lock clicking home.
I focused on them again; then Jared placed a small, black-velvet box in my open palm. I lifted the lid and my jaw fell open. The most stunning engagement ring I’d ever seen was nestled in the satin fabric.
“There are three square-cut diamonds. The larger one in the center is you and we’re the two surrounding it. The ring is a combination of three intertwined bands. One gold, one sterling silver and one bronze that matches your collar.” Jared pulled the ring out of the box and slipped it on my finger with a kiss.
“It’s beautiful.” I sighed, unable to say anything else.
“We’d already decided we weren’t going to live without you any longer. I’m glad you made it easy on us,” Chris added. He kissed me, gifting me with love. “Also, we told the owner of the townhouse we’d be moving here permanently. I hope you don’t mind living here. We think we can grow the club into something great and want to be here full time.”
I gawked at the ring on my finger, grinning from ear to ear.
Jared added, “And we’ve hired a new manager for the bar. We want to be here…with you.”
“So will you marry us?” Chris seemed unsure as they each took one of my hands. “We don’t care which of us has our name on the paper. We’ll know when you say ‘I do’ that you’re marrying us both.”
A high-pitched noise rattled the windows and it took me a minute to realize it was me. I jumped up and down before flinging myself at them. “Yes,” I shouted as I kissed them.
Several long, charged minutes later, we all stood panting as we fought to get closer.
“You are extraordinary. Someone able to take our darkness and relish it,” Chris uttered against my mouth and rushed me to our bedroom. I felt Jared behind me.
“You make it hotter. You make it burn brighter because it’s what you need too,” Jared added.
“I need you like I need air. These weeks have been awful but I know I can stand on
my own. And I know I don’t want to be without you. I’m not going to lie and tell you I’m not scared but I’m not going to let that fear rule my decisions anymore. And I’m not going to run if things get intense.”
Chris promised, “And I won’t keep things that I’m worried may hurt you from either of you. We’ll handle what comes our way together and be stronger for it.”
We shed our clothes in record time.
“From this day forward, we make a pact to be honest with each other,” Jared said. He marched to the front of the bed, naked and aroused. He held his hand out like we did when we were kids. I yanked my last sock free and made it over to Jared just as Chris did.
“No more secrets,” I agreed, laying my hand on Jared’s. The air crackled with the pulse of electricity surrounding us and I stared at the men I had waited my entire life for.
“Agreed, and we’ll fight our demons together,” Chris confided.
He kissed me, grinding his cock against my abdomen. I stroked his dick but it slipped through my grasp. He maneuvered around the bed, tossing the pillows and comforter off. He jerked wrist restraints up and tossed them on the bed. My heart skidded to a halt.
Jared came up behind me, running his hands along my torso. He rubbed his stubble against my shoulder. I blocked the world out and breathed in deep as he said, “Baby steps. We’re starting with baby steps tonight.”
I couldn’t focus on being afraid with his lips on me. He brushed my hair over one shoulder and kissed up my neck, nipping and biting along the way. His tongue trailed along the edge of my collar. I tilted my hips against him. He sank his teeth into my earlobe then nibbled on the sensitive skin on my nape. He twisted me around and gathered my wrists together in front of me.
I watched as he bound my wrists. He secured them together using a two-column tie. It was beautiful. I glanced up, completely confused. “But…the restraints on the bed…” I cast a quick peek over to the bed and froze.
Chris was sprawled across the center of the mattress. He had finished attaching one of the restraints. He must have sensed my attention trained on his movements. He put his free wrist by the cuff on the other side as Jared stood me beside the bed.
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