He’d have to hit the road, forget about her—this time for good. Maybe he’d move across the country where he had no chance of running into her or Hawk.
Or maybe he’d eat a bullet.
He began packing up his shit, tugging on his holsters as he waited for Randy to show up.
“What are you doing?”
He turned around to find Sophia standing there in an oversized t-shirt that barely reached her thighs. “Getting out of here. We’re both free. No contracts on our heads.”
“You can’t just leave. Where will you go?”
Her concern only angered him at this point.
“Don’t worry about it, little girl.” He winked at her just to piss her off.
“Stop it,” she said. Sophia approached him. “You’re hurt. You have to lie down.”
“I’ve been through worse.”
“I don’t care.”
She reached for him, but he grabbed her arm to keep her back. “I know I don’t come across as much, but believe it or not, I have feelings. Stop screwing with me, Sophia. You and Hawk can have your happy ever after now. Leave me the fuck out of it.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I’ll make it easy for you. Turn around and go back to the bedroom. I’ll be gone next time you come out.”
“No!” She grabbed his harnesses, pulling herself closer. He tried to push her away, but she screamed and latched on with both fists.
“What the hell’s going on?” Hawk came out in his boxers, tugging Sophia off him and spinning her around. “Tell me, Sophia.”
She shook her head and shrugged him off, walking to the windows. Her arms were wrapped around herself, her body shuddering as she silently continued crying.
Hawk looked at him. They both stood in place, no words, nothing but eye contact. He wanted to hate the other man, but he came up short. It was better for him to leave without a fight.
“I’ll be out of your hair in twenty minutes. Just waiting on my ride.”
Hawk nodded once.
“Sure you’re up to it? You’ve been through a lot,” said Hawk.
Cayden scoffed. “And you care?”
“I gave you my fucking blood. Take that however you want.”
They both shut up again, but the emotions were strong in the room.
Cayden hadn’t even realized Hawk had given him a transfusion. He’d been too out of it last night. Hawk’s blood flowed through his veins. No one in their world would go to such a length. Hitmen were selfish, heartless, and greedy. Hawk wasn’t like that.
“You guys should lay low for a while. Antonio Jr. will be looking for you. Get married, have a bunch of kids. He’ll move on,” said Cayden.
Where was Randy? He needed to get out of the suite. It would have been better if neither of them had woken up before he left.
Sophia turned around, her face blotchy from crying. She approached them. “I screwed up, okay? You guys shouldn’t hate each other. I’m the one you should hate. I’m the one pitting the two of you against each other, but I swear it was never my intention.”
Hawk bristled. “You want to be with Cayden, is that it? Just say it.”
“I want something I can’t have. Maybe it’s better for me to leave on my own, to forget both of you. I’m a big girl. I’ll figure things out.”
“Are you kidding me?” said Hawk. “You’re my responsibility.”
“No, actually I’m not. My father’s dead. And you know what kind of a monster he was, anyway. Maybe I’m no different. What I want is sick. You both deserve better.”
“What do you want that’s so terrible?” asked Hawk.
She looked at him. “You know what I want.”
Why was Cayden out of the loop?
“How can I give you that? You really expect me to share you?”
“Whoa, hold on here,” said Cayden. “Share what exactly?”
Someone knocked on the door. It had to be Randy. This was all over now. He’d hop on his bike and keep riding. The alternative appeared to be sharing Sophia with another man in some twisted threesome. He’d never played nicely, and certainly wasn’t good at sharing.
As he thought about it, he realized it may be better than living without her, of feeling sorry for himself forever. Once he walked out that door, it would be over, and he wasn’t sure how he’d handle that overwhelming feeling of want and loneliness.
He went to let Randy in.
“Cayden, no. Please don’t leave like this,” she said.
“Stop playing games, Sophia. You can’t have everything you want.”
“You’ve told me that before,” she said. “I refuse to believe it.”
Chapter Eighteen
Hawk stood on the sidelines, not knowing what step to take. He couldn’t lose Sophia, but also couldn’t make her happy if he cut Cayden out of her life. None of this would have happened if he’d claimed Sophia when they first kissed. Now everything was fucked up, and he had to make a choice. Accept Cayden into the fold or risk losing Sophia forever.
Maybe a woman like her needed two men behind her. Trouble followed her wherever she went. He and Cayden were more alike than different. They understood each other and had one very important thing in common—their love and devotion for Sophia.
Cayden opened the door, and someone passed him a black duffel bag. He couldn’t hear what they were saying. Just before he closed the door, the other person tossed a set of keys to Cayden. He caught them in a tight fist.
“I’m going to get dressed. I have a long drive ahead of me,” said Cayden.
As he passed, Hawk put a hand to his chest to halt him. “Sophia doesn’t want you to leave.”
“And?”
“So, stay,” said Hawk. “You have somewhere else you need to be?”
Cayden laughed without humor. “You’re just as bad as her. Are you telling me you think her little threesome fantasy is a good idea? It’s called a fantasy for a reason. It’s bullshit and bound for disaster.”
“So, you’ll run from what you love? Maybe you should take a good look at yourself and decide it’s time to stop running.”
Hawk knew Cayden was damaged goods. They all were in their own way. He had a good sense for people, and he knew Cayden loved Sophia unconditionally. And he had a conscience. A rare commodity in their world. Everyone he’d grown up with was ruthless and shallow. Hawk wouldn’t trust anyone with Sophia. Cayden proved himself different time and time again.
“What do you want, Sophia?” asked Cayden. “Don’t tell me you think Hawk has a great idea here.”
“None of us having anything left. Why not stay together? Is it so bad?”
“You want to be one big happy family?” Cayden dropped the duffel bag on the coffee table. “You think it will be all rainbows?”
“No family is perfect,” said Sophia.
They were all orphans, all alone in the world. Why the fuck not? Hawk wasn’t insecure with himself or his body. He just needed Sophia’s love. As much as he wanted her for himself, filthy images of sharing her kept creeping into his thoughts.
“So, who gets Sophia in this arrangement?” asked Cayden.
“We both do. That’s the point. If she can’t choose, that means she loves us equally.”
They turned to Sophia at once. She stood quietly. Listening. Wide-eyed.
Cayden brushed the hair from his eyes. “You’ve known Hawk all your life. You can’t love us equally. I’ll always be your second choice.”
“He was my babysitter until my father died. Everything happened so fast. My feelings aren’t in question for either of you,” she said.
“This is ridiculous. It would never work,” said Cayden. He threw up his hands, but Hawk could tell he was intrigued. Looking for confirmation that it was possible.
Hawk knew one way to test this arrangement.
“Come here, Sophia.” Hawk used a curled finger to beckon her closer. She came within arm’s reach. “You know that sharing means
taking both of us, right?”
She bit her lower lip. The sexiest thing he’d ever seen.
“At the same time?”
“Maybe.”
“Yes,” said Cayden. “That should be enough to scare you.”
“It doesn’t,” she said. “It’s what I want.”
Hawk looked to Cayden. “We won’t know until we try. Or are you too weak from your gunshot wound?”
“Hey, it was just a scratch.”
“You do have my blood inside you,” said Hawk. “Must be that.”
Cayden huffed and walked away, leaning against the closest wall. He ran a hand through his hair again, his expression hard. “Neither of you have thought this through. What happens after today? Antonio Jr. is still a threat. Where are we supposed to live? How can it work?”
“You’ve never had a real family. You’ll get used to it,” said Hawk.
“That answered none of my questions.”
Cayden exhaled, appearing to settle down slightly. Hawk almost laughed out loud, but held it in. He was trying to convince another man to fuck his woman, to live with them under the same roof. He wasn’t sure why he felt so confident in the arrangement, but it felt almost natural, like it was exactly what was supposed to happen. It fixed all the problems.
Since realizing Sophia had a thing for Cayden, it tore him up inside. But then the other man grew on him, and he could understand what Sophia saw in him. He’d give her the fucking world, his life, so why not the unorthodox relationship she craved? Their lives had always been far from normal.
“I need you, Cayden. Please stay,” said Sophia. She approached him but kept her distance.
“How can this not bother him?” Cayden waved a hand in his direction.
“I’m right here, you know? It’s not exactly my first choice,” said Hawk. “But I know what I bring to the table, and if she says she loves me, too, I have to believe it.”
He was confident in his prowess. Hawk was a man, not a boy, and having another guy in the family wouldn’t make him feel insecure. He was willing to make it work—for her.
“I’ll stay the night … but only to recuperate a bit more. I still need to think about things, so don’t think I’ve agreed to anything.”
****
Sophia awoke to a whisper against her ear. Was she dreaming? She rubbed her eyes and twisted in the blankets. It was still dark outside.
She’d been sleeping alone. Hawk was in the second bedroom and Cayden on the sofa. Cayden said he’d stay on one night, but one night had turned into three. They all seemed to be avoiding the topic and keeping their distance from each other. She was tired of walking on eggshells around the suite.
She could love them equally.
She knew that.
Not a doubt in her mind.
Sophia was just grateful Cayden was even considering a ménage relationship. Ménage. It sounded wrong and crazy and taboo, but the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. It was her ultimate fantasy. The only answer for her in this situation. She’d inadvertently given her heart to two different men.
It already surprised her that Hawk had changed his tune so quickly. She remembered his tone of voice when he mentioned double-fucking her in the ice room. It intrigued him.
“Come with me.”
Cayden had one knee on the bed as he hovered over her.
“Where? What’s going on?”
“I need to be alone with you. We have to talk. Just you and me,” he whispered.
“Okay…”
She sat up, still partly in a daze. He was fully dressed, his jacket and boots on, ready to leave. She’d taken her usual shower before bed, so she just pulled on some clothes and tied her hair into a ponytail. Only the moonlight gave her enough light to see. As soon as she was dressed and had her flats on, he took her hand and led her to the front door.
“What about Hawk?”
“He’s sleeping like a baby. We won’t be too long.”
It felt good to hold Cayden’s hand, so strong and warm. She hadn’t really been close with him since she left the trailer. She missed him—their talks, the silliness, their growing connection. It had all been building into something beautiful when he cut their time together short.
The light in the hallways stung her eyes. She cuddled against his side as they walked down to the elevator, only the sound of keys jingling in his free hand. He smelled so damn good, a mix of woodsy cologne and leather. Although she had no clue what he was up to, she didn’t care. She trusted him and wanted him to trust her in return.
They exited on the lower level, and he led her to a motorcycle. She stared at the beast, black, chrome, and badass. He handed her a helmet.
She shook her head. “I can’t, Cayden. I’ve never been on one of those.”
He smirked, putting the helmet on her head and buckling it up. “We can’t waste time. I need to show you something. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“Do I get to know where we’re going yet?”
“You’ll find out soon enough.” He put his own helmet on, then straddled the Harley, bringing it to life. The roar of the motor echoed in the underground garage like an angry dragon. He nodded behind him, and she reluctantly climbed onto the back. She wrapped her arms around his waist, loving the feel of him so close to her.
“Hold on tight, princess.”
Then they were gone, racing through the narrow rows in the garage before bursting out onto the street. He hit the highway, the sky still dark and a chill in the air as it chased through her hair and up her pant legs.
She slid her fingers under his leather jacket, feeling his bare skin and the hard grill of his abs. Sophia dared to reach lower, cupping his crotch and giving him a squeeze. He hit the gas in response, making her squeal and wrap her arms around him again in fear of flying off the back.
They kept driving, mile after mile. As her nerves subsided, she savored the freedom, the speed. She’d wonder where they were heading on occasion, but she mostly stayed content resting her head against his back and holding on.
“Sophia, look,” he said a while later.
She peeked around him at the sky ahead. The sun was making its debut, a brilliant red sphere appearing on the horizon. Like magic, the sky began to transform into a canvas of pink, orange, and red. She was awestruck, staring as the world continued to shift from night to day in a spectacular display of color. Even the clouds became things of beauty.
If only she had a canvas and full set of acrylic paints. She’d try to capture the beauty forever.
Cayden turned off the next exit, taking a sharp right onto a rough dirt road. He knew precisely where he was going. Her body jostled as he navigated down the uneven trail. He finally came to a stop, his foot coming down to support the bike. Silence settled in once he cut the engine.
“Where are we?” she asked. There was a dilapidated cabin of sorts, but it was on the edge of a narrow river where she could still get a clear view of the sunrise. It was stunning. “Another one of your hideouts?”
He helped her off the bike, and they removed their helmets. Cayden took her hand and led her toward the river. “I used to come here when I was younger.”
They carefully stepped over the loose stones. She held onto his arm for balance. “To fish?”
“To escape.”
She swallowed hard. Sophia knew he’d had a hard upbringing, but they never talked too much about it.
“When things got too hard, I’d come here to get away. To think. It was my therapy. Sometimes I’d sleep in that cabin. I’d close my eyes and pretend my life was anything than what it was.”
She touched his face. “Cayden…”
“It’s okay. Now I don’t have to pretend. Because I have you.” He combed both hands into her hair, securing her head as he stared into her eyes.
Her breath caught.
“Please don’t hate me.”
“Trust me, I’ve tried. It’s not so easy.” He stepped back, then squatted down to ski
p a flat stone across the water. He glanced up at her. “Are you happy, Sophia? Is this the life you want? What’s enough?”
“Are you talking about Hawk?”
He went back to skipping stones, and she couldn’t help but stare at his broad shoulders and his thick hair starting to fall into his eyes. She thought of him as a little boy, here, escaping his living nightmares. Sophia wanted to be the change he needed.
“What if it doesn’t work?”
She squatted down next to him. “It will. I won’t let it fail.”
“Right, you’re used to getting everything you want.” He winked at her but couldn’t hide his pain.
“And I want you, Cayden.”
“I’ve been thinking about everything for the past few nights. It’s been like having a fucking devil on my shoulder. I’m used to having things my way, and in this situation, I’d normally tell both of you to fuck off. I have no problem being on my own. It’s all I know.”
“Don’t say that.”
He ignored her. “But things changed somewhere along the way, you know? I did something I promised myself I’d never do.” They stood up. He was so much taller. “I fell in love with a girl. And everything changed.”
Her lips parted as her breathing picked up. She could feel him all the way to her marrow—everything Cayden, the good and the bad. Sophia wanted all of it. “What’s going to happen now?” she whispered.
His jaw clenched. “When I was a kid, grade five, one of the foster fathers did something to me that changed me forever. I’d already been through countless fucked-up homes. The beatings, the burns, the neglect—nothing compared to that. I wanted to tell my teachers, but it was too embarrassing. I was just a kid. I felt dirty. Humiliated. Disposable. People never cared about foster kids. I did the only thing I knew that would get me out of there. I stabbed him when he was watching TV. He survived, but I ended up in juvie, exactly where I wanted to be. It was hard to give a shit after that, impossible to trust.” He took a breath. “Once my feelings changed for you, I didn’t feel worthy. You were too pure. Too perfect for a piece of shit like me.”
Witness Protection Page 19
