by Carrie Elks
“Yep.” She pulled five bills from her pocket. “There you go.”
Her mom nodded, then leaned forward and ruffled Van’s hair. “You’re a good girl, you know that?”
Surprised by the uncharacteristic show of affection, Van blinked. For a moment she felt bad, thinking about her college money. She knew it would help, but she couldn’t bring herself to give it away. Not when she knew her mom would spend it on drink and good times.
“Thanks, Mom,” she said, pressing her lips together. “Good night.”
“Night, honey. Sleep tight.”
Van closed the door again, and slumped on her bed, grimacing at the way the mattress sunk down in the middle. Just a few more months and she could leave this place – and her mom – behind forever.
Strange how that made her feel more than a little nauseous right then.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Hey, Tanner!” Johnny Fairfax called out as he hurried across the verdant town square. The flowers were blooming in their beds, a pool of color at the base of each oak tree. “Hold up a minute. I want to talk to you.”
Tanner glanced at his watch. He was due to meet Van at the drive-in. “Everything okay?” he asked.
“Everything’s great.” There were dark circles of sweat beneath Johnny’s armpits. “I drove past your site yesterday. It’s coming on. I heard on the grapevine you’ve set the opening date. July fifth, is that right?”
“Yeah.” Tanner nodded.
“When are you sending the invitations out?” Johnny asked, a hopeful smile on his face. “I know that Mrs. Fairfax is hoping one will land in our mailbox.”
“They should be going out this week. And you’ll be invited, of course. Everybody in town will.” Tanner gave him a short smile.
“And how’s young Savannah getting on? I have to say I was surprised when I heard you’d employed her to manage the place.” Johnny lowered his voice. “Her mom once stole a lot of money from me. I think it’s laudable that you’re trusting her with your business.”
“She’s working out great.” Tanner took a deep breath and checked his watch again, this time making a show of it. “I need to go. Have a good day.”
“Wait!” Johnny grabbed his arm and Tanner did his best not to shudder. “Just keep an eye on her. That’s all. Take it from me. There are certain families around here that would steal the coat off your back if you let them. I always check my staff’s work. Even Regan’s, and she’s so stupid she couldn’t steal money if she tried.”
God, he was odious. “I trust Van implicitly,” Tanner said, shrugging him off.
“Wait! Did you check out that house Regan emailed you? I’ve had a couple of other interested parties.”
“I’m thinking about it,” Tanner told him. Without saying goodbye, Tanner stalked across the pathway, past the bandstand and the benches, to where his car was parked on the far side of the square. Wrenching the door open, he sat down heavily in the driver’s seat and let out a sigh.
Is this what Van dealt with every day? Sneaky words and pointed judgement? People comparing her to her mom? No wonder she wanted to fly under the radar.
He hated that they didn’t see her the way he did.
Switching the ignition on, he pulled from the parking space onto the road, steering his car in the direction of the drive-in. And as the town disappeared behind him, he felt his muscles relax and a slow, steady breath escape from his lips.
Every roll of the wheels took him closer to her, and though it had only been a few hours since he escaped from her room, he couldn’t wait to see her again.
She was worth a hundred of all of them – the judgers and the haters.
She was everything.
And now that he had her, he wasn’t planning on letting her go.
“Hey,” a soft voice broke through her dream, making Van blink her eyes as she sat up in bed. “You fell asleep.”
Tanner was walking across her bedroom, her curtain still swaying from his climb through the window. She stretched her arms up and smiled at him. “What time is it?”
“Only eleven. Am I wearing you out already?” He pulled his shoes off, then his t-shirt, followed by his jeans. She lifted the bedcovers and he climbed in, wearing only his shorts.
“I was up early this morning,” she reminded him. “Thanks to your alarm.”
“Yeah, well Aunt Gina’s getting suspicious. And I can’t stand the way Becca smirks every time she looks at me. I need to get home before any of them are up.”
He pulled her against him, then rolled her over on the mattress, adopting their usual position with him spooning her. His arms were warm, his biceps hard against her sides. She tipped her head back and breathed him in.
“And it doesn’t look at all suspicious when you saunter in at six a.m.? I’m sure you’re fooling every single one of them.”
“You’re the one who insists I leave before the town wakes up,” he pointed out. She could feel him grin against her hair. “And anyway, we won’t have to do this for much longer. I’ve found a place to rent.”
“You have?” She tipped her head back to look at him.
“Yup.” He lifted an eyebrow. “No more sneaking out, no more banging my head every time I climb through your damn window.”
“You should have stopped growing at fourteen. You wouldn’t have that problem then.”
He chuckled. “I might make you climb through my window. Just for fun and giggles.”
“Who says I’m coming to your place?” she asked, biting down a grin. “Maybe I prefer staying here.”
“I say you are,” he told her, pressing his lips to her shoulder. “I can’t sleep without you.”
“Just what every girl dreams of hearing. That she puts the guy she likes to sleep.”
He kissed her neck. “I like the things we do when we’re awake, too.” Sliding his fingers beneath the hem of her tank, he feathered them up her side. He was hard against her, his desire a reflection of her own. He only had to touch her and she felt like she was on fire.
So far they’d done everything, with one exception. The big one. The one that set her heart racing and her mind reeling. At twenty-eight years old, it made her feel like a teenager afraid to take that final step. Teetering on the edge, then stepping back, so afraid that when she let go she’d tumble.
Until she met rocky ground.
“Where’d you go?” Tanner murmured, brushing her soft hair from her face. “I lost you for a minute.”
“I was thinking.”
“What about?”
“Sex.”
He coughed out a laugh, and she turned quickly, slapping her palm over his mouth. “Shh,” she reminded him. “Zoe’s across the hall.”
“You surprised me,” he told her, his lips caressing her hand. “I wasn’t expecting such a blunt reply.” She released her hold on his mouth, and his lips immediately curled into a grin. “Tell me exactly what kind of sex you were thinking about.”
God, he was beautiful. He had the kind of face ancient greeks would have killed for. Strong nose, defined jawline, full lips. He wouldn’t look out of place at the Met. She reached out, tracing his bottom lip with her finger, watching as his eyes darkened.
“I was wondering why we haven’t done it yet,” she told him.
He captured her hand with his, pressing his lips against her palm. “I was waiting for you to be ready.”
“How do you know I’m not?”
“Because you have a big mouth. And when you’re ready you’ll tell me.” He winked.
“That’s exactly the kind of talk that’ll get a girl going.” She rolled her eyes at him, and he kissed her hand again, before releasing it and cupping her face with his palm.
“Seriously,” he said, keeping his voice low. “If you’re worried that I don’t want you, stop it right now. I want you, Van. I always have.” He glanced at the space between them then grinned. “Touch me if you don’t believe me.”
“Oh I believe you.”
“Good. Then I have a question for you.” He paused, then continued, “Actually, I have three.”
She ran the tip of her tongue across her dry lip. “What are they?”
“First, are you okay with condoms?”
“Yeah.” She was completely okay with them. And touched that he wanted to check with her. “What’s the second?”
“Can you wait until I move into my new place? Because when we have sex you’re gonna want to make a lot of noise. And we don’t want to wake up Zoe.”
“You’re very sure of yourself,” she said, her voice teasing.
“I’m more sure of you. You can be loud when you’re having a good time.”
She shook her head, biting down a smile. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”
“Yeah, but I’m your idiot.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask what the third question is.” She wrinkled her nose. “Am I gonna hate it?”
“Probably.” He gave her a soft smile, brushing her hair with his fingers. “But I need to ask it anyway.” The smile melted away, and his serious expression made her chest feel tight.
“Okay then.” She took a deep breath. “Hit me with it.”
“Shouldn’t we talk about what happened at Duke?”
Her muscles tensed. Without realizing it, she’d pulled away from him, the inches of air between them a cold barrier. “I…”
“Because I think we should. It’s like a huge dancing elephant in the room, and no matter how hard we ignore it, it’s always there. And I don’t want it to be there, Van. I don’t want that reminder of how I hurt you so much. I want it gone, and the only way is to talk about it.”
She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering that day. The one when he tore her heart out of her chest and trounced it all over the ground. She tried to breathe in, but her lungs wouldn’t expand, forcing air out in short pants that provided no oxygen at all.
“Breathe, Van,” Tanner urged, grabbing her hands and holding them against him. “It’s okay. We’re here in your room. And I’m not going to hurt you again.”
She opened her eyes, and he was staring right at her. He winced, as though he could see the pain in her eyes.
“I’m so fucking sorry I hurt you. I’ve thought about it every day since, and it’s pretty much killed me. I called you and left voicemails. I sent you emails, letters…” his voice trailed off.
“I got them.” Her voice was thick. It hadn’t been easy to ignore them. It had crushed her already-broken heart even further. In the end, she’d changed her number and her email address, and told her mom to burn any mail once she’d moved out. It had been the only way she could cope.
A one-eighty turn. Forget he existed.
Although that had been impossible, of course.
“What I did was wrong. I could give you excuses about being angry with you, about being too young to know how to deal with my emotions. But that’s all they are. Excuses,” he told her. “And I’ll never stop apologizing for hurting you in the worst way.”
He looked distraught. His face was close to hers, his eyes searching as though they were trying to find all the answers. She leaned forward, gently pressing her lips to his. “I forgave you a long time ago,” she whispered. “I just never knew what to do with that.”
“You forgave me?” Warmth rushed through him. He didn’t deserve it, not one bit.
She nodded, and the tension melted from his face.
“Because I’d understand if you didn’t.”
She scooted closer to him, until her breasts molded against the hard planes of his chest, her thighs intertwining with his. “It was such a long time ago. We were kids. Too naïve to understand that things aren’t always black and white.” She took a deep breath. “I owe you an apology, too.”
“You do?” His brows knitted together. “Why?”
“I’m the one who ruined our plans. Who broke our promises. I told you I’d go to Duke with you, and I didn’t.”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “Yeah, but I know why you did it.” His smile was sad. “Or at least I know now. I didn’t then.”
“Yeah. That’s what makes it so sad. I didn’t know how to talk to you, and I didn’t want to listen. I was so afraid of what everybody thought of me, when the only opinion that mattered was yours.”
“I’ve always thought you’re amazing,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her cheek. “And funny, and beautiful, as well as the strongest woman I know. And every time I see you smile at me, I feel like the luckiest bastard in town. Not everybody gets a second chance.”
She smiled at him, a soft, hazy kind of smile, and he leaned forward to press his lips against hers.
“Are we done talking now?” she asked, sliding her arms around his neck and deepening the kiss.
“I am,” he rasped, as he broke away. “If you are.”
“Yep. Completely done.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
“What’re you doing?” Zoe asked, leaning on the doorjamb. Van was pulling out all the dusty old boxes that had languished at the back of her closet for years.
“Sorting through my old memory boxes.” For too long she’d ignored them, the same way she’d tried to push down the memories of that time. But since it was a Saturday morning, and she’d already checked in with the contstruction team, it felt like a good time to clear out the cobwebs. Get rid of the things that didn’t give her joy.
“Can I look?” Zoe asked, kneeling down beside Van and taking a box, sending dust flying into the air. “Oh god, these are ancient.” She sneezed, then screwed her face up. “How long have they been in there? Centuries?”
“Don’t be rude.” Van shook her head, then passed a photo to Zoe. “This was me at your age. Or maybe a little younger.”
Zoe glanced at the photo, her eyes wide. “Oh my god, are those flares? Why is the waistband so low?”
“They’re bootcut jeans, not flares. I wasn’t born in the seventies, thank you very much. And it was the fashion to have low waistbands.”
“Who’s the boy with you?”
“That’s Tanner.”
“As in Tanner Hartson?” Zoe’s mouth gaped. “But he’s shorter than you. And his jeans are even worse.”
Van laughed. “He was shorter than me until seventh grade. I hated it when he grew and I didn’t. Felt like I was losing a race or something.”
“What’s that?” Zoe asked, pointing at an egg-shaped piece of plastic.
“A tamagotchi.”
“A what?”
“It’s an electronic pet. You had to keep it alive by feeding it and cleaning up after it. I used to sneak it into my pocket at school, because if I left it at home it’d be dead by the time school was finished.” She pressed the tiny button at the top, but nothing happened. “I guess the battery’s dead.”
“And the pet,” Zoe pointed out.
“Touché.” Van put the tamagotchi back in the box, and replaced the lid. “Actually, while you’re here, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“What?”
“Tanner’s found a rental house to live in. And he’s asked if I’d like to stay over with him sometimes.” Her words came out in a rush, like she couldn’t wait to be rid of them. “But that would mean leaving you here with mom. Unless you want to come with me. He has lots of rooms.”
Zoe frowned. “Why would you want to stay over with…” Her words trailed off, as realization covered her features. “Is he your boyfriend?” she whispered, her eyes wide.
“Um, I don’t know. Sort of. Though it’s early days and we’re just getting to know each other again.” She gave Zoe an awkward smile.
Zoe nodded and looked away, her face serious as she took it all in. “Are you planning on moving in with him forever?”
“No. Absolutely not. It’s too soon, and neither of us are ready for that.” Van flashed her a smile. “We just want to spend a bit of time together. And I don’t want you waking up and being scared because
I’m not here. Though if you do, you can call me. I’ll always have my phone on.”
Zoe pressed her lips together, then looked at the photo in her hand again. “I like Tanner,” she said. “He’s always nice to me.”
“Yeah, he’s a good guy.”
“So, it’s okay with me if you want to have sleepovers at his place.” Her expression was so serious it made Van want to laugh.
“Thank you. It won’t be all the time. Maybe twice a week.”
“Does Mom know about him?”
Van shook her head. “No, I haven’t told her yet. I haven’t told anybody, really. Except you.”
Zoe smiled. “Wow. So now I know all your secrets. You’re gonna have to bribe me with chocolate.”
“It’s not a big secret. Just something I don’t want people knowing about yet. I’ll talk to Mom and tell her. I don’t want you feeling like you need to keep things from her. But I’d prefer it if you didn’t share it with anybody else just yet. We’re both getting used to being close again, and I’m not ready for the whole town to stick their nose in.”
“A bit like when I learned to ride a bike. I didn’t want anybody knowing in case I failed.” Zoe pressed her lips together. She put the old photograph carefully back in the box and pulled another one out. “Is that me?” she asked, pointing at a photo of an eighteen-year-old Van holding a baby.
“Yeah. The day Mom brought you home.” Van smiled. “You were so tiny, I was scared to even touch you. Eventually she persuaded me to hold you, and it felt perfect. Can you see how happy I look?”
“I look happy, too.”
“That’s because you were full of gas. You were always burping.”
“Hey!” Zoe mock-pouted. “That’s rude.”
“And true.” Van winked. “Come on, let’s finish sorting through these, and then I’ll take you out for ice cream. It’s too nice of a day to stay inside for long.”
“Can you meet me at the drive-in in twenty minutes?” Tanner’s voice echoed down the phone line, like he was on speaker.
Van lifted her head from the book she’d been reading. Zoe was playing a game on Van’s laptop, and their mom was staring at Alex Trebeck on the TV, her hands curled around a cold mug of coffee. She showered today, and washed her hair. With no make-up on, and just a cute top and jeans, she looked young and beautiful. It made Van’s heart ache.
