by Kat T. Masen
A smile graces Mom’s face as a sigh escapes her lips. “Yes, it’s quite something, isn’t it?”
We both grow heavy, tired from the rollercoaster we’ve found ourselves in over the last few days. In my wildest of dreams, I would never have predicted this to happen. It’s something you watch on a soap opera or read in some angsty romance novel. How this has become my reality, I will never understand. Though, there is no point dwelling on what cannot be changed. Not when there is a small baby lying inside the room across from us, needing all the love in the world right now.
“Mom, what happens next?”
“As the doctor mentioned, it’ll be weeks before the baby can go home. Then, there is the question of custody of the child.”
“Since Will is the father, will he be given custody?”
“It’s a little more complicated. There is the matter of the paternity.”
I raise my brows. “Paternity?”
“The fact is, Ashley Stone was the custodial parent of this child. According to her parents, Will is the father. However, Will won’t be granted custody until that’s proven in a court of law.”
“So, a paternity test is required?”
Mom nods. “Under the circumstances, the court is required to do it before releasing the child to Will…or anyone else should he prove not to be the father.”
“Does Will know this?”
“Not exactly. Nikki and I were discussing this earlier. Millie, Will wasn’t exactly coherent when he arrived. I believe when he returns, we can have a proper discussion about this. At the end of the day, everyone needs to be protected here, including this baby boy.”
I had to agree with Mom. Will is not his usual self and unable to think straight, given the shock of it all. There are so many things running through his mind; grieving for a woman he barely knew, learning of this little boy being his son. I can’t blame him for sinking into a depression, but as we discuss the paternity test, what if he isn’t the father? Then what happens to the baby? The thought of this little boy being all alone is heartbreaking. How will we ever know who the father is with Ashley gone?
There were too many glass balls in the air, none of which could be safely caught without another one shattering.
It’s a relief to know Mom and Nikki are trained to handle these legal situations. While I had studied it, being thrown into the situation is a whole other story. The legal side, while crucial, is only part of the picture.
“Mom?” I call softly beside her. “I need to do something but may not be back until late tonight, possibly tomorrow morning.”
Mom pats my hand. “I’m here. You do what you need to do.”
“Promise me you’ll be here when Will returns? I don’t want him to be alone right now.”
“I promise,” she assures me, squeezing my hand.
I can see in her eyes she knows exactly what I’m thinking. It is time to take control of my life, but first, I need to close a chapter that should never have been opened.
Mom offers a slight nod as I take a deep breath and head back to Manhattan.
People walk out of the room in groups, chatting animatedly while carrying their textbooks. I tilt my head forward, searching through the groups of students but nothing. Maybe I got my days mixed up, or perhaps he skipped class altogether.
Just when I am about to take my phone out to call him, Austin walks behind another student, the last one to leave the classroom. With his head hung and chin lowered to his chest, his shoulders sag as he steps closer, almost dragging at an agonizingly slow pace.
I wait patiently, aware I also look like death until his eyes lift to meet mine. Gone is the spark, the twinkly hazel speckles which radiated happiness when they fell upon my own. I bite my lip with a quivering chin, sad to see him miserable and know I am the one who caused it.
“Hey,” I greet, with a soft smile to try and ease the tension between us, “can we please go somewhere and talk?”
“We can talk here,” is all he says.
People scurry around us, but shortly after, the busy hall at Columbia is quiet, and it is just the two of us standing in the middle.
“I’m sorry about the other night,” I begin with, finding the courage to be honest to which he is owed that respect. “You deserve better, and it was wrong of me to betray you.”
He shakes his head, averting his gaze toward his left while flattening his lips into a hard line. “So, what now, Millie? You’ve admitted what I suspected. I thought I was going crazy, but it turns out I was right.”
I raise my hand and slide the ring off, extending it toward Austin. His gaze falls upon the diamond with a look of anguish.
“I know your intentions to marry me were nothing but pure. But I should never have accepted it. I love you, Austin. I will never stop loving you. However, we are two best friends, not two people hopelessly in love with each other. We were comfortable, but you can’t mistake that for the real thing.”
And with that said and off my chest, he takes the ring, unable to speak to only raise his eyes moments later.
“It could have been great between us.”
I smile softly. “It’ll be better with someone else, I promise you, Austin. Some woman is going to completely own your heart, and you’re going to wonder how you ever lived without her.”
There’s nothing left to say, no other words to erase the past or validate what we were to each other. What’s done is done, and now—we both need to move onto the next stage of our lives.
Austin places the ring in his pocket to turn his back and walk away. I don’t shed a tear, though I take a moment to grieve the loss of a friend more than anything. I shared so many first experiences with Austin, creating fond memories to last me a lifetime.
No one can ever take that away from us. I just hope Austin will eventually forgive me for my mistakes because losing him entirely is a heavy cross to bear.
I don’t stay in the city any longer, booking the next flight back to Orlando. The trip back was just as tumultuous as flying over. Last-minute tickets meant awful seat allocation, crammed between two people, and neither of them budged with their arms, utilizing both armrests.
I eagerly took whatever snacks were on offer, unsure of the last time I ate. Somewhere during the flight, I dozed off, my head against some older man beside me. He didn’t seem to mind, and frankly, being embarrassed is the least of my problems.
Back at the hospital, nothing much has changed. I had been gone for most of the day, returning late at night. The hospital is strict on visiting hours, but given the circumstances, they allowed us to stick around.
Nikki and Will only just returned before me. Nikki looks rejuvenated, out of the pants and blouse she wore for the last day and into a pair of jeans and a buttoned-down shirt. Her hair appears to be washed, and her skin somewhat back to its usual glow.
Will hasn’t bothered to shave, though he did change into a pair of khakis and a white tee. Ava did well with sizes and helping with such short notice. He looks better than before he left for the hotel, but nothing like the Will I’d grown accustomed to. The dark circles remain, a reminder of the burden he carried on his shoulders.
“Is everything okay?” Nikki asks, eyeing my finger dubiously. “Charlie said you had something to take care of?”
“Yes.” I sigh, trying to remain optimistic. “Everything is fine with me.”
“I think it’s about time you and Charlie get some rest.”
“You’re right. I could use a shower and a few hours’ sleep.” I pause, fidgeting with my hands. “Did you speak to Will about the paternity test? Mom mentioned it.”
“I did. The fact is, he doesn’t have a choice.”
“But why would Ashley lie?” I question Nikki. “If she’s the same woman Will claimed she was, why would she tell her parents any different?”
Nikki shrugs his shoulders. “In my years of being an attorney, I’ve seen it all. There could be several motives, or maybe she did tell the truth. The fact is, we
need to protect Will and this baby. If this is his child, the last thing we need is social services stepping in.”
My head begins to hurt at the thought of social services stepping in. This is not the way any human being should start their life.
“What about you?” I ask, worried about Nikki’s wellbeing as well. She is a strong woman, but we all have our limits. “How are you doing?”
“I don’t know, to be honest.” Her stare fixates through the glass window and toward where Will and Mom stand beside the baby. “This wasn’t exactly how I envisioned becoming a grandmother. I always thought it would be you, pregnant with a baby.”
I lower my head, rubbing my elbows. “I was pregnant, Nikki. Just before it ended with Will, it's one of the reasons I chose to walk away as well.”
Nikki's eyes widen as she turns my way. “Please don’t tell me you—”
“No.” I’m quick to stop her and set the record straight. “I lost the baby very early on. I wasn’t prepared to fall pregnant at nineteen to a man I’d been fooling around with, so the shock was a rude wake-up call to how deep we were in the mess we created for ourselves.”
Nikki places her hand on my arm. “I know that was hard to tell me, so thank you. It’s not easy being a woman, that’s for sure. We endure so much. In the blink of an eye, life can completely change.”
“I felt ashamed, blaming myself for losing the baby despite the doctor telling me it is quite normal,” I admit, swallowing the lump inside my throat. “But being here in the NICU, it’s made me realize how precious life is. I just really wish it was something women spoke about.”
“It’s not something to be ashamed of. Though I will admit, I felt that way when we were trying to conceive Beau. Infertility is such a lonesome journey.”
Dr. Rossmore, a neonatologist who is responsible for the babies inside the NICU—walks out of the room with Will. Mom stays behind, talking to a nurse from what I can see behind the glass.
Nikki raises the subject of DNA testing to confirm Will is the father. Dr. Rossmore explains how it works; a simple swab taken from the cheek. Will remains quiet with his head hung low, not asking any questions.
“We will have the results by the morning,” Dr. Rossmore informs us. “I understand this is a very trying process, but I suggest you go home and rest.”
Dr. Rossmore and Will walk down the corridor to perform the test. Mom exits the NICU, looking exhausted.
“I’ll stay here,” Nikki tells us. “Please grab something to eat, shower, and rest. We all need the energy to get through this.”
Mom agrees, so we say goodbye before Will returns, glancing at me from down the corridor.
“I’ll meet you at the hotel, Millie,” she says before leaving me alone with Will.
We both take steps closer to each other, then stop just outside the nurse’s station. Thankfully, only one nurse is there, and her head is buried in paperwork.
“Your mom said you left.”
I keep my stare fixated on his face. “There was something I had to do.”
“I thought you left for good,” he admits, dropping his gaze to his feet.
Placing my palm on his cheek, I caress it softly. “I promised you I would never leave.”
A sigh of relief escapes him while he places his hand on top of mine. For a brief moment, his eyes close only to spring open a second later. Slowly, he drags my hand away from his face, where his eyes fall upon my empty finger. A slow smile escapes his beautiful lips, the first I have seen since the moment I arrived here yesterday.
“I should never have accepted it.” I lower my voice, choking on my words from the raw emotion. “It’s always been you, Will.”
And just like that, his arms wrap around me as he holds my head against his chest. His heart is beating a beautiful melody, one I know belongs to me. My doubt had permanently shadowed the truth, but there is no denying he feels the exact same way I do.
“You don’t understand how much I needed to hear that,” he tells me while kissing the top of my head. “But if it’s true, if I am his father…”
“We will make it work, Will, together. But right now, there is absolutely nothing you can do until the morning.” I pull away, staring into his eyes. The mesmerizing ocean blue I’ve known my whole life. “Can you forgive me? For saying yes to marrying another man.”
As Will stares at me with his bright eyes, all I see is the man I love. No animosity, no resentment. Just two people fighting for the same thing—each other.
“There’s nothing to forgive, baby,” he murmurs, tracing my lip with the tip of his finger. “We were both hurting. We both made mistakes. What matters is what happens from this moment forward.”
I couldn’t agree more.
The trouble with us is that we could never let go.
And finally, we’re both where we belong.
23
WILL
It is going to be the longest twenty-four hours of my life.
A DNA test to determine the paternity of baby Stone.
There were only two times I envisioned being a father. The first time, I was lying in bed with Amelia not long after New Year’s Eve. She was telling some drawn-out story, and I remember watching her with this big grin on my face wondering if our kids would have her emerald eyes or my blue ones.
The moment caught me by surprise. I was not a family man, nor did I want children of my own. I started to question my sanity; when in reality, I had fallen so hard it began to terrify me. I wanted things I’d never wanted in my entire life. Amelia did all that over a story involving meatloaf from the dining hall at the Yale campus.
And then, there was our moment in the Hamptons when she unveiled the truth about our break-up and the events which led up to it. I never even suspected Amelia had been pregnant, let alone miscarried. We were too caught up in trying to hide our relationship to think about the consequences aside from her parents finding out.
There are so many “what if’s” running through my mind. But what did it matter now? Life took us in different directions. It was never meant to be all those years ago. However, no matter how I play it in my head, the damage is done, and the hurt still lingers. It surely doesn’t erase my regret over how I handled the situation. Maybe if I was more of a man and stood up for what I wanted, things would have been different.
Though never in my wildest thoughts did I ever imagine I would be waiting inside a hospital for a DNA result.
All because of one reckless night.
When Mom and I flew down here upon learning the news, I didn’t even question whether I was the father or not. The fact is, I slept with Ashley. The timing matched, and Gordon Stone knew I was the father since Ashley told him before she died.
Yet Mom admitted she did question the paternity from the beginning. However, given how distraught I was, she wanted to wait for the right time to go through the legalities. When both Mom and Charlie insisted the test be performed, we only made sure we followed protocol to protect everyone involved.
At first, I hesitated, unsure why. There is no reason why Ashley would lie. We spent the night together, and while the details of the night were hazy, it doesn’t negate the fact it happened.
The more I allow myself to dwell on it, the more it dawns on me Ashley was a complete stranger. Sure, I learned some things about her that night but far from knowing who she truly was. Ashley Stone was a woman hurting, just like I was a man going through the same emotion.
And that’s as far as our connection went.
I followed procedure and did what I needed to do, which started with the DNA test. It was painless and straightforward, but the soon-to-be results weighed heavily on my shoulders.
The palms of my hands are increasingly sweaty with a slight tremble that refuses to disappear. An empty feeling forms in the pit of my stomach, to then flutter from nerves. The fluttering then turns into a lead weight—the heavy feeling trumping everything else. I feel sick, unable to think with a clear head.
I walk out of the testing room to see Amelia and Charlie walking down the corridor. The two of them look just as exhausted, dropping everything in their lives to be here with me. It goes without saying I appreciated their support, but I am unable to relay my thoughts and put together a coherent sentence to thank them properly.
Charlie mentioned earlier that Amelia left to take care of a few things, and the truth is I was terrified this would all be too much for her. And how could I blame her? If the roles were reversed, there is no way I could watch Amelia have a child with someone else. I might as well be dead.
But seeing her here is enough to settle my anxious thoughts. Amelia has been my pillar of strength through all of this, never once castigating me for my one foolish night, which led to this moment.
I don’t even think I would still be standing here if it wasn’t for her.
My mother suggested the two of them get some rest, something to eat, and shower. Given we had just done the same, I urged them to have a break. It has been non-stop since we arrived, and each of us felt the pressure in different ways.
Charlie left for the hotel leaving Amelia behind. I sensed something different straight away but couldn’t see past the pained stare. It hurt me to see her so broken, knowing it wasn’t just being here which affected her but what happened back in the Hamptons too.
Amelia rubs the back of her neck as her skin bunches around her eyes. Her normally radiant skin is dull, lifeless—and it kills me to know I am doing this to her.
I move closer to her, baring the truth of my fear of losing her entirely. Her reassurance, a simple gesture of caressing my cheek as she’s done so many times in the past—is what caught my attention.
The ring is no longer there.
The entire universe shifts. Everything we were or had become—has been given another life.
We have lived through it to be able to tell our story, but the darkest of clouds still hover above us like a storm on the horizon. If I am the father, what does this mean for Amelia? It’s one thing to love me now, but will she love me if my life will involve taking care of my son? The thoughts place doubt inside my head. In a desperate need to drown out the incessant noise, I wrap my arms around her, placing her head against my chest. The warmth spreads throughout my entire body, straight to my core. I need her to hear how my heart beats for only her, how from the moment she was born, our connection was greater than either one of us could ever imagine.
