My attention slid past Zak to a table even farther from the rest of us. Ezra leaned against it, his arms folded as he gazed absently at nothing. I remembered Kai’s words on our flight to LA. He’s been quiet lately.
Ezra had been quiet. Withdrawn. His deadpan humor had been noticeably absent, his smiles reserved, the sparkle in his eyes half-hearted at best. I couldn’t imagine how he’d gone so long pretending everything was fine, but the future was weighing on him too heavily now for him to hide it—or maybe I was only now noticing the true weight he carried. Either way, his time was running out.
Pushing to my feet, I announced, “I need a shower. Later.”
I felt my friends’ attention on me, but I strode determinedly to the stairs. Rushing down them, I paused at the bottom to take in the number of guildeds filling the pub, drawn here by the attack on the SeaDevils. Over half our combat mythics, already in their gear, waited for the MPD’s permission to get out there and start tracking down the culprits, and the rest were here because the company of their guildmates eased their disquiet over the attack.
How I wanted to slip in among them and let the conversation and camaraderie ease my discomfort too.
Instead, I wheeled around the corner to the door, hidden behind the upper staircase, that led into the basement. The lower level was abandoned, the exercise equipment waiting patiently for tomorrow’s morning workout. Movie posters covered the walls, a glaring mishmash of colors that brightened the space.
I took a long shower, the falling water echoing off the tiled walls. As I massaged conditioner into my curls, my thoughts spun and anxiety poured into my poor stressed stomach. Kai and Makiko and his family. Zak and Lallakai and his stolen grimoire. Ezra and Eterran and the full moon only a few days away.
Then there was Varvara and her schemes. Two attacks in one night. Those terrifying golems. An unknown number of rogues. What exactly was her goal? A city-wide takeover? Did she want to run the guilds out so she could reign unopposed?
I splashed water over my face, eyes squeezed shut. A vision flashed in my head: the Death card, its dark reaper holding a bloody scythe, and Sabrina’s quiet voice, her warning.
I think you need to tell him soon.
Shivering under the hot spray, I hurriedly finished my shower. I dried off and dressed in yoga pants and a sweatshirt from my locker, then dealt with my hair—back into a bun. Just before shutting my locker door, I touched the buckle of my combat belt. Hoshi’s pouch was empty; she must’ve been off in fae land.
I’d come so far from the girl whose first weapon had been an umbrella, but I still wasn’t strong enough. At this rate, I would lose all of them—Ezra, Kai, Zak. It’d just be me and Aaron left, and we’d both be miserable.
Rubbing a hand over my eyes, I shut my locker and wrinkled my nose at my smoky clothing, lying in a heap on the bench in front of the lockers. Yuck. I kicked them down to the end of the bench to deal with later. My pants fell onto the floor, and something colorful peeked out of the pocket.
Stooping, I picked up the small folded square. The deep purple fabric was soft, supple, and strangely heavy. The Carapace of Valdurna. Even at the cost of its user’s magic, it seemed like a tool that could solve any problem. Invincibility! What mythic couldn’t use that from time to time?
But I got why Zak didn’t care for the Carapace. Invincible, but magic-less. Invincible, but useless. Invincibility couldn’t save Ezra, Kai, or Zak. Keeping them alive wasn’t strictly the problem. I needed to save Ezra’s mind and soul, Kai’s freedom, and Zak’s … I wasn’t sure what Zak needed, but he definitely needed some kind of help.
Sighing, I stuffed the Carapace in my pocket to return to Zak and pushed through the door into the workout room. The muffled clatter of a locker brought me up short. I paused, squinting at the door to the men’s showers.
Another clatter, then Ezra appeared, his damp curls brushed back from his face as though he’d combed his fingers through them. He’d changed into a t-shirt and sweats, his baldric gone—which made sense, seeing as he no longer had a weapon for it to hold.
My stomach flip-flopped strangely. “Hey. Showered too?”
“Yeah.” He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Without you to babysit them, Aaron and Zak started a new glaring contest. It was getting on my nerves.”
Since I wasn’t all that eager to go give them shit for acting like twelve-year-olds, I dropped onto a weight-lifting bench, the leather giving off the faint smell of sanitizer.
“I don’t know what to do about Zak,” I muttered. “He’s not a bad guy, but …”
Ezra sank onto the bench beside me. “That’s an ominous ‘but.’”
I bit my lip. I hadn’t told anyone what I’d witnessed on that rooftop, and I didn’t know why. It wasn’t that I was protecting Zak. I just couldn’t seem to bring it up—but maybe I needed to.
“When we got back in town last night, he ran a rogue onto a rooftop, questioned the guy, then …” I swallowed back my stomach, hearing the sound all over again. “Then dropped him off the building.”
Ezra sucked in a sharp breath.
“I didn’t think he’d do it.” I wrung my hands together. “I mean, it crossed my mind, but I didn’t believe he’d go that far. If I’d thought … maybe I could’ve stopped him.”
“It isn’t your fault, Tori.”
“But I was right there. I should’ve … I should’ve realized …”
He slid his warm arm around my waist and drew me against his side. “You couldn’t have guessed what he was planning, and I don’t think you could have stopped him even if you had.”
My gut swooped in a sickening way. What would Zak have done if I had tried to save that man’s life?
“He was annoyed …” The words came slowly, the realization blossoming as I spoke. “When he realized I’d seen the whole thing, he was annoyed … and when he noticed I was upset, he got angry at me.”
Ezra studied the floor, his gaze distant. “When you take a life, which is worse? Feeling tormented over it, or being at peace with it because you believe it was the only option?”
A shudder ran through me. Twice I’d killed a person, and both times there’d been no other option. Aaron, Kai, and Ezra had all talked to me about it, checking every few weeks that I was okay. And I was, mostly. Nightmares were a thing, but not every night. Guilt was a thing, but not all the time.
I tried to imagine pushing that witch to his death and feeling only steady assurance that killing the man had been necessary.
“What do you feel?” I mumbled. “Are you at peace with the lives you’ve taken?”
His arm tightened around me. “No. Never.”
How many times had he killed to protect his secrets? To prolong his life even though he believed he’d die in a few years anyway? I didn’t know. He almost never talked about his past—just like me.
My mouth popped open. I stared sightlessly, mentally smacking myself in the forehead.
Just. Like. Me. I never talked about my past. I wanted to know Ezra’s whole story, the nightmare tale about how he’d become a demon mage, what Enright was, and how’d he escaped the “extermination”—but aside from a few vague comments, I’d never told him anything about my own ugly history.
Sweat broke out on my forehead. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t expose that part of me to anyone. I couldn’t …
But this was Ezra.
“My dad was a drunk,” I blurted.
His head snapped up, confusion and surprise scrunching his forehead. I took one panicked look at his face and squeezed my eyes shut.
“He was a drunk. He hit my mom. She couldn’t take it and she left. She said … The last night, she said she couldn’t do it anymore and she cried, and she told Justin to take care of me, and she said Dad would never hit his kids so we’d be okay. And she left.”
“Tori …” Ezra whispered.
“A week later, he hit Justin for the first time. He—he just had to hit someone, I guess.” My mouth trembl
ed. “But Justin wasn’t my mom. He was twelve then, almost thirteen, and he didn’t take it lying down. So my dad hit him harder. By the time Justin turned fifteen, we—we were afraid he’d kill Justin. And Justin … it was the same as with Mom. He came to my room one night, and he said he had to go. And I told him to go. And we cried, and he left.”
Ezra wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. I struggled to breathe, eyes still closed.
“That …” I cleared my throat in a vain attempt to reset my voice from the hoarse quaver it had become. “That’s all I’ve got for today.”
A long pause. “I don’t understand.”
I opened my eyes, proud that they were tear-free, and offered him a wobbly smile. “It’s really difficult for me to talk about, and I can’t—if I talk about it for more than sixty seconds, it’s like going back in time. I can’t do it.”
He pulled me onto his lap and banded his arms around my shoulders, holding me tight against his chest. I snaked my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest.
“You don’t have to tell me,” he whispered into my hair. “You don’t have to relive it for me.”
“I know.” I inhaled his calming scent. “I want to. It’s just going to take me a while.”
He gently caressed the back of my neck. “Okay. But Tori? Can I ask … why now?”
“It just seemed fair. You told me some stuff, but I haven’t told you anything.”
“Yes, but why now? This particular minute?”
I shrugged, face still buried in his chest. “Because I thought of it right now.”
A moment of surprised silence, then a quiet chuckle. “Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“That makes sense in a very Tori way.”
“What does that mean?” I grumped.
He tightened his arms around me. “It’s fine. I enjoy a bit of unpredictability to spice up my boring life.”
I straightened—which put us nose to nose. I was sitting on his lap, my legs hanging off the back of the padded bench.
“You should put yourself out there more,” I told him seriously. “Take more risks. Have more adventures.”
“I do play it safe,” he agreed so somberly I wasn’t sure if he was serious or not.
“Live life to its fullest,” I said in my best inspirational-speaker voice. “Take the bull by the horns. Seize the day. Carpe diem!”
The corner of his mouth twitched.
“You should be more like me,” I decided loftily. “I know how to have a good time.”
His lips pressed tight together.
“I mean, if you’ve never broken a mythic’s face with an umbrella, are you even living?”
He made a strangled sound in his throat—then a snorting laugh broke through his control.
“Aha!” I crowed, throwing my hands into the air. “You laughed first! I win!”
He caught my waist before I could topple backward off his lap with my exuberant celebration.
Laughing, I looped my arms around his neck. “Admit it. I won.”
His eyes met mine, strangely serious even as they sparkled with mirth. “You’re too stubborn to lose.”
My fingers tangled in his damp hair as I leaned in. “Damn right.”
His gaze drifted to my mouth—and I was already closing the distance. Our lips met.
I kissed him slowly, savoring every feeling: his mouth, soft and firm; his scruff against my chin; the rush of his escaping breath; his heavenly scent, the nameless ambrosia I couldn’t get enough of. Everything about him wrapped around me, a warm cocoon that blocked out the world.
My lips drifted across his, then I pulled back. Every atom of my being demanded I keep kissing him, but I shoved it all aside. This wasn’t about me.
“Ezra, is this okay? You said you want to be friends, and if that’s what you want, I can …” My nose scrunched. “I can do that, I swear. I can just be your friend.”
I ignored the ridiculousness of that statement while I was straddling his lap, hands tangled in his hair, moments after kissing him.
He brushed his thumb across my cheek as sorrow darkened his eyes. “I don’t want to cause you more pain.”
Telling him I’d find a way to save him wouldn’t change his mind about anything, so I said, “I can handle it.”
“Maybe … but I’m not sure I can.”
My heart twisted. I blew out a long breath. “I understand. Do you want me to get off you?”
He stared at me, then shut his eyes with a muttered curse.
“Is that a … no?”
“I don’t know.”
He didn’t open his eyes, probably hoping a lack of visual stimulation would bolster his willpower—though he hadn’t moved his hand from my neck, which told me his strategy wasn’t working in the slightest. Sympathy welled in me. This wasn’t fair to him. He was trying to do the right thing for me, and I wasn’t making it easy for him.
Besides, since I was going to save him anyway, I could wait. Patience was my middle name.
Actually, no, it wasn’t. Not even close. But I could still be patient.
I dragged one leg off the bench, shifting backward so I could slide off his lap. His eyes flew open, and I smiled reassuringly as I withdrew my hands from his hair. I pushed to my feet—
His hand tightened on the back of my neck, and he pulled my mouth down onto his.
My stomach did a free-falling somersault. My hands were back on him in an instant, my lips crushed to his, lungs empty and heart racing. He grabbed my waistband and dragged me back onto his lap. I clamped my arms around him, erasing the space between our bodies. His hands found my hips, fingers digging in, holding me down in the absolute sexiest way possible.
“Goddamn it, Ezra,” I groaned against his mouth.
“Sorry,” he breathed. “I—”
I covered his mouth with mine before he could talk either of us into separating again. His tongue slipped between my lips and I moaned softly. Resisting him was a losing battle. Totally futile. What was the point?
I needed him so badly it hurt to breathe.
Pulling back, the air cold on my lips, I looked into his mismatched eyes. My mouth opened, terrifying words building up in my throat, fighting to escape, but I wasn’t sure I could say them. I should. I needed to. But—
Ezra’s brow scrunched—and his head jerked to the left. I looked in the same direction.
Oh shit.
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shiiiiit.
Kai stood three steps away, arms crossed over his bare chest, one dark eyebrow arched.
Chapter Nineteen
I squinted critically at my reflection. Combat belt over fitted leather pants. Snug-fitting top with a leather jacket over it, discreetly padded for extra protection. Heavy black hiking boots with steel toes. My red curls, gently tamed with hair product, fell around my shoulders, and I’d applied just enough makeup to not look like a pasty corpse with all the black I was wearing.
With a flash of silver, Hoshi swirled down from the ceiling, blinking her huge pink eyes.
“How do I look?” I asked her. “Would you believe I’m an experienced combat mythic on the trail of a dangerous rogue?”
She chuffed softly and bumped her nose into my shoulder. Colors flickered through my head, along with an image of my face. Was that a yes?
Dipping down, she pushed her head into the pouch on the back of my belt. She slid into the pocket, coiling her body into a tight orb with blue and pink ridges. Weird, but cool.
Relieved that she was coming with me, I grabbed my plain brown folder off the counter, pushed open the bathroom door, and walked into the pub. It was another busy evening, the Saturday dinner rush worse than usual. Everyone was buzzing over the inexplicable attack on the Pandora Knights two days ago, and the SeaDevils last night.
Cooper rushed around behind the bar, his greasy hair sticking to his face. Sliding a drink to Bryce, he spotted me on my way by.
“It’s busy,” he said accusingly, as thoug
h I’d invited all these people to make him work harder. I hadn’t, but it was a good idea. I made a mental note to try that on his next shift.
“You’re here,” he added, slapping a cloth down on the bar. “You should take over. Saturdays are your night.”
“But you wanted last Sunday off, remember? We traded shifts.” I gave him my best shark smile. “So suck it up, buttercup.”
“I covered for you last night too, and—”
“And I’ll make it up to you, but not tonight. I have plans.” I waved cheerily as I walked away, enjoying his hot glare on my back. Cooper took slacking to a whole new level, and I found perverse enjoyment in forcing him to work hard.
After way too much chaos in too short a time, last night had ended on a quiet note. Zak, Aaron, Ezra, and Kai had shared their thoughts on what had happened, but no one had a clear idea on what to do next. Finding Varvara was our top priority, but she was one hell of a slippery snake.
After agreeing to keep me in the loop on his tracking efforts, Zak had skulked off into the cold night. Shortly after, Kai—his arm healed of burns—had carried Makiko outside, where a black sedan had mysteriously appeared to pick them up. He’d promised to contact us within a day or two, once he found out what the Miura clan intended to do about Varvara.
I wished he was with us, but a teeny part of me was relieved he wasn’t around. After catching me and Ezra making out, he walked into the showers without a word—but for the rest of the evening, he’d given us all sorts of looks, ranging from annoyed to thoughtful to concerned. It worried me that he hadn’t said anything.
Pushing it out of my mind, I wove through the tables, calling hellos to everyone who greeted me and scanning for a less familiar face.
Robin had found the loneliest, most shadowy corner in the pub. Perched nervously on the edge of her chair, she stared into her glass of water like it held all the secrets of Demonica in its shallow depths.
“Hey,” I said as I tucked in a chair someone had left two feet away from its table. Lazy butts messing up my pub. I needed to crack down on that shit.
Druid Vices and a Vodka: The Guild Codex: Spellbound / Six Page 18
