Rowena had always been too afraid of herself and her position to try what they had.
But for the first time since Joanne had returned from her first tryst all rosy-cheeked and filled with details, Rowena felt her courage swell.
She wanted to know this man. It didn't make sense. She had spent her lifetime trying to convince men to lay aside their swords and yet here she was about to hand her most prized possession over to a knight.
But he wasn't just any knight.
He was Stryder of Blackmoor.
"Will you hurt me?" she asked, remembering how Bridget had cried the night she'd first been with a man. Even though he had been a minstrel, he'd been less than gentle with her friend.
Stryder looked offended by her question. "How could I ever hurt you?"
Taking a deep breath for courage, she cupped his face in her hands and forced herself to speak her heart. "Then I am yours, milord."
Stryder couldn't breathe as her words played havoc with his foggy senses. Surely she wasn't really going to let him…
"Do you not understand what I'm telling you?"
"Virgins aren't daft milord," she said as she laced her fingers in his silken black hair, sending chills down the length of his whole body. "I'm a woman full grown and I understand completely what it is you're wanting from me. And I'm willing to give it to you."
He returned to her lips then and let the full weight of his desire course through him. For so long he'd been numb to the world. Numb to the appeal of a woman's caresses.
How ironic that now with his senses dulled by wine, he was strangely lucid and fully aware.
He felt so deep inside for her that his body actually ached. He didn't know what it was about her, but she touched something in him. Some alien part he'd never known before.
Right now, he needed a physical connection to her.
Needed to feel her wrapped around him as he lost himself to the softness of her woman's body.
Rowena was nervous and even a little scared as Stryder reached to loosen the stays on her gown. This moment was irreversible. Once she let him inside her body, there was no way back.
She would be forever changed.
She would know things about the world and most especially about the man in her arms that she had never known before.
But then she already knew things about Stryder no one else did.
She moaned as he buried his lips against her throat and teased her skin with his tongue, his teeth. Though her friends had described the physical act, they had never mentioned the overwhelming chills she felt now. The way her body was on fire from his touch. The uncertain fear that made her breathless and weak even while her desire and curiosity consumed her.
Stryder moved away from her and pulled his surcoat over his head.
Rowena reached up and ran her hand over his sculpted shoulders. They were hard and filled with strength. And the way they rippled when he moved…
It was more than she could stand.
He lay himself down between her spread thighs. The material of her gown trapped her legs while he loosened her undertunic.
"Are you afraid of me, Rowena?" he asked. His breath tickled the skin of her cheek.
"I'm not afraid of you, Stryder." It was herself that scared her. These reeling feelings that made her tender toward him.
He smiled those dimples down at her before brushing her top aside and bearing her right breast. Heat stung her cheeks as he dipped his head down and took her taut peak into his mouth.
Hissing in pleasure, she cupped his head to her and held him there while he tasted her. She felt every flick of his tongue deep inside her body, all the way to her stomach that contracted with each nibble.
Stryder growled at the taste of Rowena. Her hands were buried deep in his hair. The velvet of her gown caressed his skin, but was nowhere near as soft as her pale, tender skin.
Suddenly, he hated the gown that kept her body from him. Kissing her nipple, he moved back enough so that he could pull her gown lower on her body.
His breath caught at the sight of her upper body bare.
She was scared, he knew that. Could sense it and yet she didn't say anything as he slid her gown lower and lower until he finally could see the part of her he wanted most.
Rowena was mortified to be lying naked before him. She'd dressed so quickly, she hadn't even thought to put on stockings or shoes.
She was completely bare to him both physically and emotionally. He pulled her up to sit and kissed her lightly on the lips.
"You are beautiful," he whispered. "Definitely worth a few milksop words of dribble."
She was aghast at him. "Should I be flattered by that?"
But the devilish, charming air about him told her that no harm was intended. He was only teasing her.
She watched quietly while Stryder disrobed. There was something odd about lying naked with him in his cell. But at least there were no windows on the door. The only one was set high in the wall far over their heads. No one could see them.
And they spoke low enough so that no one could hear them either.
"Have you ever touched a man, Rowena?"
She shook her head.
He took her hand in his and kissed her open palm, then moved it slowly toward his erection. She bit her lip in expectation before he placed her hand on him.
He closed his eyes and hissed in pleasure as she gently explored his rigid shaft. It was so strangely soft and yet rock hard. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to take that into her.
But soon, she would know.
She lowered her hand down the velvety length of him until she could cup him.
Stryder dipped his head to tease her breast while she explored the part of his body that was so incredibly different from hers.
He sat up on his knees and framed her face in his hands. "You've no idea of how I want to take you, Rowena. How badly I want to ride you."
"Ride me how?"
"In shocking ways." His eyes tender, he kissed the corner of her mouth. Then he moved lower. This time he barely flicked his tongue over her breast before he moved down toward her stomach.
He pushed her back on her arms while he trailed his lips lower and lower.
"Stryder?"
He didn't answer her as he nudged her legs apart, then buried his lips against her.
Rowena fell back at the incredible feeling of him there. She swore she could see stars as his tongue did the most incredible things to her.
Stryder took his time teasing and tasting her body. He'd dreamed of claiming her since the first moment they had met and she had thrown herself into his arms. Now that he had her, he wanted to take his time with her. To explore every inch of her body until they were both sated and exhausted.
And when she came for him, he smiled, but still he didn't stop. He refused to. He wanted her to know the full sensation of her first orgasm.
Growling, he looked up to see the pleasure on her face as she writhed and moaned.
It was a beautiful sight.
Stryder waited until the last tremor shook her and she begged him for clemency. Kissing his way up her body, he was more than ready to show her the rest of her womanhood.
He spread her legs gently and placed his body there carefully so that he would cause as little pain as possible with his breech.
Rowena tensed as she felt the tip of his manhood against her. Stryder took her hand in his and held it tight an instant before he slid himself into her body.
She cried out the instant he filled her. The foreign fullness was shocking and yet strangely gratifying.
So this was carnality, she thought, as he held himself still while her body adjusted to the size of him.
This was what it felt like for a man to claim her.
She'd wondered many times, but no dream could compare to this feeling of sharing herself with him. Aye, there was pain, but more than that there was a special closeness she felt to Stryder.
Stryder held his breath as he fought
down the urge inside him to ride her hard and fast. The male animal part of him didn't want to be gentle, but he wouldn't hurt her.
She had given him what no other lady ever had. He'd purposefully avoided virgins for fear of the wedding noose.
Rowena wasn't out to trap him for a husband. Nor was she out to claim him as a trophy. She was sharing herself with him. Offering him comfort and warmth.
He'd never felt anything like this.
She was special to him in a way no woman had ever been. He doubted if any woman could ever mean as much to him as she did right now.
Rowena almost wept from her overwhelming emotions as Stryder tenderly kissed her hand that was joined with his while his gaze never wavered from hers. Slow and easy, he started to thrust against her hips.
She wrapped her body around his as she felt his restrained strength. He was incredible. He could fell a man with a single blow and yet here he was with her even more gentle than a noble minstrel.
It was the fact that she knew what he was capable of that made his tenderness all the more touching.
She listened to his breathlessness that matched hers as she arched her hips to draw him in deeper.
Stryder tried to wait for her, but it wasn't possible. All too soon, he felt his pleasure build until he could hold back no longer. Growling deep in his throat, he buried his face in her neck and inhaled her sweet scent before he released himself inside her.
Rowena lay still as he clutched her. His heart pounded against her breastbone while his ragged breathing caressed her ear.
"Thank you, ma petite," he whispered.
Rowena squeezed him tight. " 'Twas my pleasure, my lord."
Stryder kissed her as he withdrew. She was amazing. He'd been told that virgins most often cried during their first time, and yet there were no tears in Rowena's eyes.
Instead, she looked up at him like a woman. Sated. Pleased and welcoming.
And it was then he knew he would have to do the right thing by her. No matter his convictions on the subject.
No matter his common sense.
He was honor-bound to this.
Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to utter the very words he had sworn to himself that he would never speak. "Will you marry me, Rowena?"
She looked up at him, blinked twice, then burst out laughing.
* * *
Chapter 10
« ^ »
Rowena was quite certain Stryder had to be jesting. Surely he didn't really expect her to marry him now? What madness that would be.
But the offended look on his face told her his question had been an earnest one.
Suddenly, she felt quite guilty for laughing at his offer. She wasn't the kind of woman to ever intentionally hurt another's feelings, least of all those of Stryder. "You're serious?" she asked as she reached for her chemise and pulled it on over her head.
Some things were best done dressed, and confronting a man about an unwanted marriage proposal was one of them. She adjusted the linen around her while she sat on the floor, watching him as his offer echoed in her ears. If she were sane, she would take it.
But in her heart she knew neither of them would ever be happy. Not if they married simply for this. She wanted more than Stryder's body. She wanted his heart.
Stryder made no moves to dress himself. Instead he lay there in all his naked glory, completely bare and enticing. "Of course I am."
"But why?" she asked, as she gathered her waist-length blond hair and pulled it over one shoulder to keep it from knotting any further. The ends of it pooled in her lap. "Why would you consent to marriage… with me?"
He looked as baffled by her question as she was by his. "I took your maidenhead."
"I gave it to you, Stryder. That doesn't require a marriage proposal. Indeed, I have friends aplenty who meet with their lovers enough to know better."
"But you are a lady."
"As are they, and you are a lord. What has that to do with anything?"
He sat up with a stern frown on his face. "What if you're pregnant with my child?"
"What if I'm not? Will you be content in nine months if no child is born and you feel trapped by my actions?"
His frown deepened as did his stern tone. "Rowena, be reasonable."
"You be reasonable," she said, brushing back a lock of his hair from his face. "I am sure that I'm not the first woman you have been with. In fact, I know I'm not and yet I doubt you have ever proposed to the others."
"They were different."
"I'm certainly glad to hear that," she said as a strange wave of satisfaction went through her. It was nice to know that he hadn't just tupped her without thought. Perhaps he even held some true feelings for her. That thought made her much warmer than it should. "But it changes naught. I do not wish to marry."
She gave him a hard, meaningful stare. "And neither do you."
"But—"
She placed her hand over his lips to stop his words. "Answer me honestly, Stryder. Do you truly, deeply wish to marry me, or are you only asking because you think it is the right thing to do?"
He looked away and she had her answer, even though it stung a bit.
" 'Tis as I thought," she said, letting her hand fall away from the softness of his mouth, a mouth she could remember tasting only too well. If marriage ever did appeal to her, she couldn't imagine having it with anyone more handsome or gentle than Stryder of Blackmoor.
His taste and feel would haunt her forever.
But that was no reason to rush headlong into a lifetime commitment that could destroy the deep feelings they shared. Eleanor had once loved Henry, and now look at them. They were both miserable in their marriage.
Rowena desired more than that in her life. The last thing she wanted was to come to hate the man she was forced, by the laws of nature and man, to submit to. As insane a notion as it was, she wanted a man she could love for all her life. One who respected her and who took her wishes into account whenever he made a decision that regarded her, her children, and their life together.
"You wouldn't be happy married to me, Stryder," she said gently. "Any more than I would be happy married to you. What we shared today was wonderful incredible—and I thank you for being my first, and for being so considerate with my body. But it shouldn't make either one of us do something we will both regret one day. I want to be a troubadour and you are on a quest to save the world. What kind of marriage could we have?"
Lying on his back while he watched her, Stryder took her hand in his and held it over the center of his chest where she felt his heart beat a slow and steady rhythm. His grip was firm and binding, her hand pale against the darker tone of his skin. His hard, muscled body was taut with his masculine strength and power. Even naked, he was a force to be reckoned with. One she found almost impossible to deny.
But she must for both their sakes.
"And if you carry my child?"
"We will deal with that when the time comes. There are plenty of women who have survived the birth of illegitimate children, and when a lady has as much standing as I do, the scandal is far from debilitating. For now, let us not rush headlong into disaster."
Stryder was amazed by her as he watched her honest and open stare. Never in his life had he met her equal when it came to courage and conviction. He kept her hand in his and reached with his other hand to tease a lock of her hair that was nestled in her lap. "You are truly remarkable."
Her light green eyes teased him with mirth. "You say that only because you are drunk."
"Nay, I think I'm rather sober now."
Her smile dazzled him.
Not once in his life had he thought to meet a woman who could tempt him to marriage. Yet he felt that temptation now.
What would it be like to have a wife this strong at his side? Someone who wouldn't just submit docilely, but who would question and speak her mind regardless of consequence?
Unlike the others of her species, Rowena wasn't turned by his looks. While other women crawl
ed naked into his bed just to boast later that they had been with him, he knew Rowena would never tell anyone else of what they had shared.
And it was a sharing. Unlike anything he'd ever experienced before.
He felt his body stirring again at the memory of what she had been like under him.
Rowena's eyes widened as she noticed it herself. "Does it do that a lot?"
He shook his head and pulled her closer to him. "Only when I think of you."
Rowena moaned as he captured her lips. He released her hand so that he could bury his hand in her hair. She felt his fingers splay against her scalp as he held her tightly to him.
Oh, this was heaven. She inhaled the crisp, manly scent of him, letting the warmth of his body seep into every part of hers. She could just melt into him.
Skimming her hand down his lean, hard body, she delighted in the rugged male terrain. She loved the sensation of the short hairs that dusted every part of him, especially the thick thatch of hair that nestled his maleness.
He growled and deepened their kiss as she raked her fingers through that most private area until she could cup him in her hand. His shaft turned rigid once more as she explored it from the very bottom to the tip.
Stryder hissed as he pulled away from her. "Oh how you tempt me, Rowena." He covered her hand with his and showed her how to stroke him before he pulled her hand away.
"You'd best stop doing that."
"Why?"
"Because if you don't, I shall make love to you again, and you're far too new at this to take me into you again so soon. It'll make you even more sore."
She didn't feel sore, but then as he said, she knew very little about this physical side of love. "Have you taken many virgins?" she asked before she lost her courage. "You seem to know much about us."
"Nay, love. I've only had you. But I've heard other men talk enough to know."
She smiled at his confession. Though why it pleased her, she couldn't imagine. "Who was your first lover?"
He looked a bit startled by her question. "Do you truly wish to know?"
"You know who mine is."
He gave an odd half laugh at that as he reached for his clothes and dressed himself. "She was a lady in France where I was sent to foster. She'd come to the count's domain with her father that winter."
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