“It’s not like that for me,” Stacey told her. “Kit and I are going to have JW for the next eighteen years.”
Bay wagged her tail.
“Easy for you to say.”
For some reason, Bay wasn’t bothered by the baby’s cries, nor was Ashton. He’d already mastered feeding and had no problem with diapers, regardless of their contents. Like Bunny, he had an ability to calm JW and soothe her back to sleep. Stacey might be able to help people with debilitating diseases, but when it came to her own daughter, she was useless and preferred to stay out of the way.
She was about to retreat to her bedroom to check her work email when Bunny cornered her in the kitchen.
“JW needs to be fed,” her mother told her.
Stacey hoped she didn’t look as terrified as she felt.
“You can do it.” Her mother sighed. “I’ll prepare the bottle. You go get her.”
Stacey wanted to tuck her hands behind her back and refuse. She wanted to say it was Kit’s turn, only it wasn’t and he’d gone to school to finish up some paperwork for the end of the semester. He’d mentioned going to lunch with a couple of his friends and Bunny had encouraged him, no doubt because he was a man.
JW began to whimper in her crib. Stacey tried not to wince as she walked down the hall and into her daughter’s room.
The nursery decor had turned out well, she thought. The cool gray walls had just a tint of pink to them, which went nicely with the cream-colored furniture. Cheerful prints hung on the wall and Kit was talking about painting some kind of mural. But all that faded in the background as Stacey approached the crib. Fear clawed at her throat, making it difficult for her to breathe. Adrenaline triggered her fight-or-flight response and she had no intention of fighting.
“Just a baby,” she chanted softly to herself. “Just a baby, just a baby.” Somewhere she’d read those words were supposed to help, the assumption being a baby wouldn’t judge. Stacey had yet to find the words the least bit comforting.
JW lay on her back, tightly swaddled in a blanket, her eyes closed, her mouth opened as if she were going to start crying for real. Panic joined fear. Stacey hurried close and wrung her hands as she said, “It’s okay. I’m here and your grandmother is just in the kitchen.”
JW opened her eyes. Stacey knew that her daughter’s vision was still blurry and there was no way she was reacting to Stacey’s voice directly, so it was all circumstantial that JW stopped whimpering at that exact moment, but it was gratifying, nonetheless.
“Hi,” Stacey whispered. “I’m your mom. Your dad is going to be much better than me, but he’s out right now. I’m sorry about that.” More sorry than JW would ever know. “I need to pick you up and feed you. Your grandmother has you on a schedule. Everything I’ve read said schedules are important and I can support that. Your cooperation would be appreciated.”
JW began to cry.
All right, it was obviously too soon for reasoning, Stacey thought as she sucked in a breath, then bent over to pick up her daughter.
Despite several lessons in the hospital and Bunny showing her over and over again, Stacey still had trouble getting her hands and arms in the right position. Plus, even while swaddled, JW tended to move. Stacey couldn’t imagine the horror of trying to bathe her. As far as she was concerned, Kit could deal with that.
She cradled her daughter the way she’d been taught and slowly walked over to the rocking chair. After sitting down, she got JW in position just as Bunny appeared with a bottle.
Stacey tested the temperature of the formula. Her mother would have done that already, but Bunny would lecture her if she didn’t do it herself, then she pressed the bottle to JW’s tiny mouth and hoped her daughter would take the meal.
There was a second of nothing, then JW opened her mouth and latched on to the bottle. Stacey relaxed.
“See,” her mother said. “You’re doing just fine.”
Stacey thought maybe fine was stretching it, but she allowed herself to relax a little. JW drank steadily while Stacey held her and slowly rocked back and forth.
This wasn’t so bad, she told herself and tried to believe it. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about her daughter, it was that she was ill equipped to deal with her. Babies frightened her—especially her own. She felt inadequate and helpless—not emotions she enjoyed.
Ashton and Bay wandered in just before JW finished her bottle. He sat cross-legged on the floor and Bay flopped next to him. Seconds later, the last remaining puppy raced in and threw himself at his mom.
“You’re getting it,” Ashton said as JW finished the bottle. He leaned over and grabbed a small towel from the changing table, then held out his hands for the baby.
“I wish.” Stacey glanced toward the door and lowered her voice. “This is a nightmare. I can’t do this for the next eighteen years. I can’t.”
Ashton grinned as he shifted JW into position, up against his chest and shoulder, then began to gently pat her back. “You don’t have to. From what I hear, she’ll be eating solid food by at least five years old. So that’s thirteen years of no bottle feeding.”
“You think you’re funny.”
“I am funny.”
Stacey glared at him, but didn’t speak.
JW burped twice. Ashton kept her in position for a few more minutes.
“I heard from my mom again,” he said.
Stacey stared at him, trying to read his mood. “Are you okay?”
“No, but I’m dealing. She wanted money again and I told her no again. I said that I loved her and wanted her to get better, but I wasn’t going to help her buy drugs. She started screaming at me so I told her I was going to have to let her go until she wants to talk to me because I’m her son and not just to get money.”
“What did she say?”
He looked away. “Nothing I want to repeat.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. I love her but I can’t let her drag me down.”
There was something about his voice. She stared closely and wondered if he was crying. Did men his age cry? Kit almost never did, although he had teared up the night he’d proposed and again when she’d told him she was pregnant.
Stacey sat in the rocking chair, feeling awkward and ridiculous. Ashton had done the right thing—he would be fine. Only...
She slid onto her knees, then leaned forward to hug him. He wrapped his free arm around and held on tight, JW nestled between them. After a couple of seconds, he drew back and smiled at her.
“Thanks.”
She had no idea for what but decided to take the easy way out. “You’re welcome.”
Ashton offered her JW. “Want to hold her?”
“Do I have to?”
He grinned. “Not for me. I’m happy to carry her around forever.”
Which was wonderful except, come September, Ashton would be gone. Bunny would leave even sooner, then Kit and Stacey would be on their own. It was going to be a level of hell she couldn’t begin to imagine.
* * *
Becca couldn’t stop smiling. She’d aced her driving test with what she thought was an impressive 91 and now was able to drive her car anytime she wanted, as long as it was okay with her mom and she followed the rules of her provisional license. But still!
Her mother had suggested a dinner out to celebrate and told her she could invite Ashton. Lucas had joined them, as had Bunny. They were at Pescadores, a local seafood restaurant in town.
“I’m so proud of you, I’m ordering myself a glass of champagne,” Bunny declared, her smile impish. “Although part of the celebration is that Kit and Stacey are home alone with the baby for the first time. I suspect I’ll be getting a lot of texts.”
Harper shook her head. “Mom, don’t. You know it’s terrifying to have an infant in the house. You must have been scared when you first had me.”
“Don’t get in the way of my fun. I’ve earned it.”
Becca’s mom ordered a glass of red wine while Lucas had a Scotch. Becca and Ashton each got a soda.
“School’s out, you have your license and a new job,” Lucas said, grinning at Becca. “It’s pretty good to be you.”
“It is. I’m excited about the summer. I’ve got a lot going on.”
Harper leaned toward her mother. “Did Becca tell you she’s getting Jazz certified as a therapy dog? She’s going to take her to the memory unit at your retirement community.”
“She did tell me and I think it’s wonderful.” Bunny smiled. “You can come visit me when you’re done with your volunteer work so I’ll get to see a lot more of you.”
Harper caught Becca’s gaze and gave her a sympathetic glance. Becca smiled. She wouldn’t mind seeing her grandmother a little more, but stopping by every time she went over with Jazz would be difficult. Of course Bunny was super busy with her friends, so maybe she wouldn’t always have time.
Lucas said something and her mom leaned close to hear what it was. As Becca watched, Lucas touched her mom’s arm.
It was no big deal—just a light brush of his fingers, but there was something about it that made her feel funny. Like her stomach was upset, but different. She told herself she was acting crazy, only when her mom straightened and saw Becca looking at them she got the strangest look on her face—like she’d been caught doing something wrong.
Becca felt her mouth drop open as she stood up. “You’re dating!”
Everyone stared at her and she blushed. She didn’t know what to think or say or do, but somehow she knew this was all Lucas’s fault. He was supposed to be her friend, not her mom’s. Everything about this was wrong.
“Becca,” Ashton began, but she shook her head, then turned and ran out of the restaurant. When she got to the parking lot, she realized she didn’t have anywhere to go. She’d come with her mom and Lucas. Ashton had brought Bunny. She could walk home but the house was far and she would feel stupid the entire way.
She pulled her phone out of her pocket. She and Jordan were supposed to be friends again. Maybe Jordan could pick her up. Or—
“Becca, I’m sorry.”
She put her phone back in her pocket and started to walk away from her mother, weaving between parked cars. “I’m not talking to you.”
“Becca, please. I’m wearing heels and I’m going to hurt myself.”
Becca slowed, then turned. Her mother walked over to her, her mouth turned down at the corners. They were between a Mercedes SUV and a Lexus sedan.
“A lot of people in Mischief Bay have money,” she said, folding her arms across her chest.
“Yes, they do.”
“But not us.”
Her mother gave her a slight smile. “We are more in the average income range.” Her mother drew in a breath. “I feel like an idiot. Not just because we’re talking out here like this, but because I didn’t realize how much you’d grown up. I treated you like a kid and you’re not. I should have told you about Lucas.”
“So you are dating him?”
Her mom hesitated. “We’re seeing each other.” Her tone was cautious.
“What does that mean? What aren’t you telling me? Are you getting married?”
“What? No. God, no. Becca, it’s Lucas. He’s a really nice man and I enjoy his company and yes we’re seeing each other, but it’s not anything more than that. Let’s all think about his last girlfriend and the one before and the one before that. Which one of these isn’t like the other?”
“Because you’re—”
“Please don’t say old, I beg you.”
Becca held in a smile. “So it’s just temporary?”
“Yes. I’m getting my dating feet wet again, so to speak, and he’s, well, I’m not completely sure what he’s doing with me. For now, it’s nice.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I honestly don’t know. It was a knee-jerk reaction because I know it’s temporary and I don’t want you to think I’m sleazy or anything. Plus, he’s the first guy I’ve seen since the divorce and that’s weird.”
Becca wondered if they were having sex, then shuddered at the thought. No way she was asking that question. Parental sex was just not supposed to happen under any circumstances.
“I was keeping the secret because of me, not because of you,” her mother added. “I hope you can understand.”
There was something in those last words. Becca groaned. “Because I didn’t tell you about Ashton?”
“Did I say that?”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Mo-om.”
Her mother linked arms with her and they started back toward the restaurant. “Maybe it’s a thing with the women in our family. Maybe we all keep romantic secrets.” Harper grimaced. “God, I hope that’s not true. If it is, your grandmother has a secret man in her life, too.”
“Grandma’s too old to want a boyfriend.”
Her mom grinned. “Let’s see how you feel about that when you’re her age.”
“I can’t imagine it at all.”
“You should enjoy being young. It goes fast.” Her mom stopped walking and faced her. “Becca, I really am sorry.”
“I know. You can stop saying that.”
“I will, it’s just we’re finally back talking and I don’t want to mess that up.”
“You didn’t. I promise.”
“Good.” Her mom hugged her. “I love you, sweet girl.”
“I love you, too, Mom. And if Lucas breaks your heart, I’ll tell Ashton to beat him up for you.”
“I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
The looked at each other and began to laugh, then together went back in to dinner.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
HARPER WATCHED THE CLOCK, waiting five full minutes past the time when she knew Terence would be in his office, then dialed his private number. After a busy morning dealing with clients, she was feeling productive, empowered and a little bit smug about her latest sexual encounter with Lucas.
The things that man could do to her body with just a few well-placed kisses. It was damned impressive.
“Hello?”
The male voice startled her for a second and she had to push away the erotic memories to remember who was on the other end of the phone.
“Terence, it’s Harper. I want to talk to you about Becca.”
“What about her? Is she okay?”
“If you’re asking if she’s been in an accident or fallen out a window, then yes, she’s fine. If you want to know how she feels about having you as her father, then she’s not so great.”
“Dammit, Harper, I don’t have time for this—”
“I couldn’t be more clear on that,” she said, interrupting. “But that doesn’t matter. What does matter is your daughter also knows it. You came by to see her. You told her she was important to you. You said you wanted to spend time with her and made her trust you all over again, and then you disappeared.” She didn’t care that her voice rose with every word until she was shouting at him. “You are the lowest life-form ever. What is wrong with you? She’s your kid. You’re supposed to love her and if you can’t manage that with your selfish, asshole heart, then at least pretend for her sake. She’s nearly seventeen. Give it a year, and then turn your back on her.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he began.
“You couldn’t be more wrong. Were you or were you not here ten days ago telling her you wanted to have her over to dinner?”
“Yes, but—”
“Did you or did you not promise to text her and invite her over?”
“Yes, but—”
“Did you or did you not forget to do it? Or not mean it in the first place? My G
od, Terence, you’re breaking her heart. Is it fun for you? Is it for sport?”
“I don’t need this shit.”
“Becca doesn’t need your shit, either, but you’re her father. Grow a pair and do the right thing.”
There was a long silence. Harper was determined to wait him out and hopefully make him squirm and see that what he was doing was hurting their daughter. Becca had tried to play it cool, but Harper had seen the truth—that she wanted to spend time with him.
“I’ll get in touch with her,” Terence said at last.
“Whatever you do, don’t lead her on. The divorce was only supposed to mean you and I weren’t together anymore. Not you and Becca.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“You’re not acting like you do. She loves you, Terence. You’re her dad. It would be nice if you acted like it.”
“I have to go.”
With that, he hung up.
Harper tossed the phone on her desk and leaned back in her chair. Had he always been like this? Was she finally seeing who he really was? Except for Becca, she wasn’t sure it mattered. He’d moved on and she’d moved on.
Funny how when she tried to remember what she’d seen in him, she couldn’t. They’d met through mutual friends at a party and had hit it off right away. He’d been a couple of years older and nearly done with his bachelor’s degree, while she’d been in her first year of college—a year she’d never finished because she’d dropped out to get a job so she could help put Terence through podiatry school.
She’d been so sure he was the one, so sure she would love him forever and now she honestly couldn’t say why she’d married him. She supposed their lies had doomed them from the start—her getting pregnant without telling him, his getting a vasectomy without telling her. His cheating. Maybe, if they’d tried harder, they could have worked things out. Looking back, she had to admit she was glad they hadn’t. The divorce had been hard and she’d made a lot of mistakes, but over the past few months, she’d grown so much as a person. Her business was thriving. She and Dean could barely keep up with the work, and except for Terence, things were good with her daughter. Even Bunny moving out had been for the best.
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