CHAPTER II
THE MAN IN BLACK--THE EMPEROR OF GERMANY--NEPOTISM--DONNAOLYMPIA--OMNIPOTENCE--CAMILLO ASTALLI--THE FIVE PROPOSITIONS
In the evening I received another visit from the man in black. I hadbeen taking a stroll in the neighbourhood, and was sitting in the dinglein rather a listless manner, scarcely knowing how to employ myself; hiscoming, therefore, was by no means disagreeable to me. I produced thehollands and glass from my tent, where Isopel Berners had requested me todeposit them, and also some lump sugar, then taking the gotch {5a} Ifetched water from the spring, and, sitting down, begged the man in blackto help himself; he was not slow in complying with my desire, andprepared for himself a glass of hollands and water with a lump of sugarin it. After he had taken two or three sips with evident satisfaction,I, remembering his chuckling exclamation of 'Go to Rome for money,' whenhe last left the dingle, took the liberty, after a little conversation,of reminding him of it, whereupon, with a he! he! he! he replied, 'Youridea was not quite so original as I supposed. After leaving you theother night I remembered having read of an Emperor of Germany whoconceived the idea of applying to Rome for money, and actually put itinto practice.
'Urban the Eighth then occupied the papal chair, of the family of theBarbarini, {5b} nicknamed the Mosche, or Flies, from the circumstance ofbees being their armorial bearing. The Emperor having exhausted all hismoney in endeavouring to defend the church against Gustavus Adolphus, thegreat King of Sweden, who was bent on its destruction, applied in hisnecessity to the Pope for a loan of money. The Pope, however, and hisrelations, whose cellars were at that time full of the money of thechurch, which they had been plundering for years, refused to lend him ascudo; whereupon a pasquinade picture was stuck up at Rome, representingthe church lying on a bed, gashed with dreadful wounds, and beset allover with flies, which were sucking her, whilst the Emperor of Germanywas kneeling before her with a miserable face requesting a little moneytowards carrying on the war against the heretics, to which the poorchurch was made to say: "How can I assist you, O my champion, do you notsee that the flies have sucked me to the very bones?" Which story,' saidhe, 'shows that the idea of going to Rome for money was not quite sooriginal as I imagined the other night, though utterly preposterous.
'This affair,' said he, 'occurred in what were called the days ofnepotism. Certain Popes, who wished to make themselves in some degreeindependent of the cardinals, surrounded themselves with their nephews,and the rest of their family, who sucked the church and Christendom asmuch as they could, none doing so more effectually than the relations ofUrban the Eighth, at whose death, according to the book called the"Nipotismo di Roma," {6a} there were in the Barbarini family two hundredand twenty-seven governments, abbeys, and high dignities; and so muchhard cash in their possession that threescore and ten mules were scarcelysufficient to convey the plunder of one of them to Palestrina.' Headded, however, that it was probable that Christendom fared better whilstthe Popes were thus independent, as it was less sucked, whereas beforeand after that period, it was sucked by hundreds instead of tens, by thecardinals and all their relations, instead of by the Pope and his nephewsonly.
Then, after drinking rather copiously of his hollands, he said that itwas certainly no bad idea of the Popes to surround themselves withnephews, on whom they bestowed great church dignities, as by so doingthey were tolerably safe from poison, whereas a Pope, if abandoned to thecardinals, might at any time be made away with by them, provided theythought that he lived too long, or that he seemed disposed to do anythingwhich they disliked; adding that Ganganelli {6b} would never have beenpoisoned provided he had had nephews about him to take care of his life,and to see that nothing unholy was put into his food, or a bustling,stirring brother's wife like Donna Olympia. He then, with a he! he! he!asked me if I had ever read the book called the 'Nipotismo di Roma,' andon my replying in the negative, he told me that it was a very curious andentertaining book, which he occasionally looked at in an idle hour, andproceeded to relate to me anecdotes out of the 'Nipotismo di Roma,' aboutthe successor of Urban, Innocent the Tenth, and Donna Olympia, showinghow fond he was of her, and how she cooked his food, and kept thecardinals away from it, and how she and her creatures plunderedChristendom, with the sanction of the Pope, until Christendom, becomingenraged, insisted that he should put her away, which he did for a time,putting a nephew--one Camillo Astalli--in her place, in which, however,he did not continue long; for the Pope, conceiving a pique against him,banished him from his sight, and recalled Donna Olympia, who took care ofhis food, and plundered Christendom until Pope Innocent died.
I said that I only wondered that between Pope and cardinals the wholesystem of Rome had not long fallen to the ground, and was told in replythat its not having fallen was the strongest proof of its vital power,and the absolute necessity for the existence of the system. That thesystem, notwithstanding its occasional disorders, went on. Popes andcardinals might prey upon its bowels, and sell its interests, but thesystem survived. The cutting off of this or that member was not able tocause Rome any vital loss; for, as soon as she lost a member, the losswas supplied by her own inherent vitality; though her Popes had beenpoisoned by cardinals, and her cardinals by Popes, and though priestsoccasionally poisoned Popes, cardinals and each other, after all that hadbeen and might be, she had still, and would ever have, her priests,cardinals, and pope.
Finding the man in black so communicative and reasonable, I determined tomake the best of my opportunity, and learn from him all I could withrespect to the papal system, and told him that he would particularlyoblige me by telling me who the Pope of Rome was, and received for answerthat he was an old man elected by a majority of cardinals to the papalchair; who, immediately after his election, became omnipotent and equalto God on earth. On my begging him not to talk such nonsense, and askinghim how a person could be omnipotent who could not always preservehimself from poison, even when fenced round by nephews, or protected by abustling woman, he, after taking a long sip of hollands and water, toldme that I must not expect too much from omnipotence. For example, thatas it would be unreasonable to expect that One above could annihilate thepast--for instance, the Seven Years' War, or the FrenchRevolution--though anyone who believed in Him would acknowledge Him to beomnipotent, so would it be unreasonable for the faithful to expect thatthe Pope could always guard himself from poison. Then, after looking atme for a moment stedfastly and taking another sip, he told me that Popeshad frequently done impossibilities. For example, Innocent the Tenth hadcreated a nephew; for, not liking particularly any of his real nephews,he had created the said Camillo Astalli his nephew; asking me, with a he!he! 'What but omnipotence could make a young man nephew to a person towhom he was not in the slightest degree related?' On my observing thatof course no one believed that the young fellow was really the Pope'snephew, though the Pope might have adopted him as such, the man in blackreplied, 'that the reality of the nephewship of Camillo Astalli hadhitherto never become a point of faith; let, however, the present Pope,or any other Pope, proclaim that it is necessary to believe in thereality of the nephewship of Camillo Astalli, and see whether thefaithful would not believe in it. Who can doubt that,' he added, 'seeingthat they believe in the reality of the five propositions of Jansenius?The Jesuits, wishing to ruin the Jansenists, induced a Pope to declarethat such and such damnable opinions, which they called fivepropositions, were to be found in a book written by Jansen, though inreality no such propositions were to be found there; whereupon theexistence of these propositions became forthwith a point of faith to thefaithful. Do you then think,' he demanded, 'that there is one of thefaithful who would not swallow, if called upon, the nephewship of CamilloAstalli as easily as the five propositions of Jansenius?' 'Surely,then,' said I, 'the faithful must be a pretty pack of simpletons!'Whereupon the man in black exclaimed, 'What! a Protestant, and aninfringer of the rights of faith! Here's a fellow who would feel himselfinsulted if anyone were to ask him how he could believe in the miraculousconcepti
on, calling people simpletons who swallow the five propositionsof Jansenius, and are disposed, if called upon, to swallow the reality ofthe nephewship of Camillo Astalli.'
I was about to speak when I was interrupted by the arrival of Belle.After unharnessing her donkey and adjusting her person a little, she cameand sat down by us. In the meantime I had helped my companion to somemore hollands and water, and had plunged with him into yet deeperdiscourse.
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