“Well, I’ll email you the link for the practice schedule. You already have the game one, right?”
“Yeah. I got that when you forwarded it to me a month ago.”
“Good. I’m kind of stupid excited about this, you know?”
I chuckle at his use of words. “Stupid excited? What the hell does that even mean?”
“I don’t know. Heard one of my students say it before school let out for the summer and thought it was funny. I assume it means I’m excited over something simple or stupid? Fuck if I know. They’re a bunch of high school students who talk in code all the time.” Chris is a vice principal at the school we graduated from, which is strange because he was a terror and the last job I’d ever expected him to want to have was working in a school, especially as an administrator. But he’s a great VP and I think the kids respect him even more because he’s real with them and doesn’t pretend to have been perfect.
“Truth,” I grunt, thinking of the few juniors and seniors that we have working on our crews in the summer. Students who he worked closely with because they were on a bad path and needed straightened up, or because their families needed his guidance. It’s hard work and they don’t shy away from it. They’re also eager to earn a hefty paycheck but damn, they’re freaking weird.
“Talk to you next week. They don’t practice much anymore since they’re playing games, but since you’re new to them, I think the parents would agree that it would be good to have a few practices with the kids first.”
“You got it. Email or text. You know how to find me.”
“See ya, brother.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
I toss my phone on the counter and look out the kitchen window. The skies are dark and it doesn’t look like the rain clouds will be letting up anytime soon. I wonder if Alden had to change his plans for proposing or if they’re suffering through a rainy camping weekend.
Just as I’m thinking about it, my phone buzzes with another text. This one from none other than Alden. A picture of him and Hannah, Hannah proudly displaying a diamond ring on her left finger, both drenched from what I assume is the rain, and the caption only saying “You were right. She said yes.”
I grin and feel a twinge in my gut. I’m happy for him. He fell hard and fast for Hannah, so much different than the way I fell in love, and he’s never once second-guessed himself. Never wavered. I have a lot to learn when it comes to love, apparently. If only I’d always been as confident as he was when it came to the woman I love.
Maybe I wouldn’t be looking at a future alone and wouldn’t have hurt the woman who didn’t deserve to be hurt. I have a lot of if onlys in my life… the biggest one of them all being:
If only I’d noticed what was right in front of me all along and never taken that one look back.
Chapter Two
Beau
Monday morning I arrive at work after the perfect weekend. Sleeping in, working out in my home gym, a little bit of yard work once the rain stopped, and quiet. The quiet is what makes me happy.
Alden can’t wipe the smile off his face, rightfully so after his girlfriend accepted his proposal, and everyone gives him shit for how sappy he seems. He takes it all pretty good, though, and doesn’t seem bothered by it. Just smiles and shrugs.
We spend the day cleaning up some messes that the storm over the weekend brought in and get calls for patch jobs, which means our week is going to be even busier than normal.
When it’s time to head for home, my body is more than just aching. The humidity in the air is stifling, making the heat that much more unbearable. When the temperatures reach into the mid-90s, we have to consider the health of our workers above getting a job done. We sometimes work until eight at night but with the weather the way it was today, we shut down around four. Let everyone get home and get cooled off and rested up. The heat can make a man exhausted pretty quickly.
I’ve just said goodbye to the last of our employees when my cell rings. I reach for it, seeing “Mom” light up my screen so I say goodbye to Alden and watch as he walks out the door and take the call.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Beau?” my mom whimpers.
The sound of her voice has me instantly on alert. My muscles strung tight and my hand that’s not holding my phone is fisted at my side. I might be over thirty now, but my urge to fix things with my hands hasn’t dulled in time. That’s not to say that I’m getting into bar fights — or any other kind, for that matter — but that’s only because I’ve learned how to control myself.
“What is it?”
She sniffles and hiccups. “It’s… it’s…”
“What,” I grind out, jaw clenched.
“Your brother. Christopher. He… he... Oh, god, Beau!”
Dread fills me and I plop back down in my chair, leaning over.
“What happened?”
“He’s...”
“Mom. What. Happened?”
The phone fumbles around a little bit before I hear my other brother’s voice come through the line telling her to sit down and breathe. Then all I hear is heavy breathing and the swoosh of what sounds like an electronic door sliding open. “Beau, it’s me, Max. Chris told one of the secretaries at the school that he had a migraine so he left the school to sleep it off,” my youngest brother Max says urgently. “He texted me when he got home, said he was going to let me know when he woke up. We were supposed to go to dinner tonight but I told him if he needed to sleep it off, that was okay, obviously. But, he never texted me, wouldn’t pick up. I couldn’t shake this bad feeling so I went over there to check on him. Something told me I needed to.”
He pauses for a few seconds and I hear a car door slam shut then rustling around before the sound of him taking in a smoke from his vape pen filters through the phone. He blows out the vape and I bite my tongue to stop myself from getting on his case about using it. “I let myself in because I didn’t want to wake him up in case he was just sleeping. Fuck, I wish he was just sleeping, Beau. Why wasn’t he just sleeping?” he asks but I know he’s not looking for an answer. “He was in his bed but something… dammit, I don’t know. I just… I knew without even checking.”
“What do you mean? Check what?” I growl.
“I did it, though. I fucking checked, Beau!” he shouts angrily, a sob escaping his throat. And then I only hear his cries. Gut wrenching sobs that have my blood turning to ice.
I want to reach through the phone and slap him to get his attention. “Max! Max. I need you to talk to me. What happened?”
“I checked on him. I promise I did. As soon as I felt like something wasn’t right, I went over there. I wanted to make sure he was okay.”
“And?”
Neither of us are making that much sense. In my gut I know what happened but until I hear the words, I refuse to actually believe it.
“But it didn’t matter.”
“What didn’t matter? When, Max? When was this?”
“It was less than an hour ago. That’s it. And since then everything’s happened so fast. Fuck, man. He wasn’t…” His voice trails off and I hear him crying, sucking in air.
“No,” I croak out, shaking my head.
“I called an ambulance but…”
“But what?” I ask, even though I know what he’s about to say. I need to hear the words but I don’t want to. Need to hear the words that my little brother…
“He didn’t make it. They think it was a ruptured brain aneurysm. He just… fuck me, Beau. He just died. Just like that. What the hell?”
“I don’t understand. Why would he have an aneurysm? Was he sick?” I know my question is stupid but right now logic isn’t really something I have much of.
He vapes again and I want to scream at him to stop that shit before he has a problem, too. He started vaping to help him quit smoking last year and so far, he hasn’t touched cigarettes. Unfortunately, he’s now addicted to vaping and I’m not sure which one is better or worse. “That’s the thing. No warning. Aside
from his migraine.”
“Shit. I just…” I feel like I’m going to throw up. Christopher is — was — only two years younger than me. Max being the youngest of us, another two years younger than Chris. He was the perfect middle child. Always making sure we were both happy. He’d be my best friend one year and Max’s the next. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
“That’d be good.”
“How’s Zoey?” I ask, knowing my five-year-old niece must be devastated.
Max is silent for a few beats before responding. “Right now, I think she’s numb to it all. I mean, we just told her five minutes ago. She’s here with us now at the hospital. Mom, Dad, and me, I mean. Addy’s here, too.”
The sound of Addy’s name tugs on my heart. And not in a gentle way. No, this is a reminder of what could have been if I hadn’t had my head stuck so far up my ass. It’s also a reminder of what will never be mine.
“Beau? You with me?” I hear Max’s voice through the line again. In the background I hear his door shut and it sounds like he’s walking. Back to the hospital, I assume.
“I’m here,” I tell him quietly. “I gotta go. Need to call some people and let them know I’m going to be gone for the foreseeable future. I’ll be home soon.”
“Drive safely, brother. Just come to Mom and Dad’s and stay there, okay?”
“Yeah,” I say, absentmindedly. I’m not sure what I’m agreeing to other than getting to the people who need me most.
“Beau? You okay to drive?”
“I am. I just… what the hell, Max?” I ask, pressing a thumb and finger to my eyes.
“I don’t know, man. Just get here. We need you. All of us,” he says.
“Yeah, see you soon. I love you, Max.”
“Love you, Beau.”
We hang up and tears spill down my cheeks and I sniffle. Before I can stop myself, I’m full on crying, not even caring. My brother is gone. Forever. When was the last time I spoke with him and why can’t I remember? Two days ago? No, he called me again last night around nine to let me know that he’d gotten it all squared away to have me coach.
My head is swimming, feeling more out of it than ever before. I’ve heard of people saying they’ve had out-of-body experiences, and for the first time, I understand it.
After I’ve gotten myself together, I call Grant to explain the situation. He tells me not to worry about a thing and that he’ll take care of everything.
I barely remember the drive to my house and when I walk in the door, I drop into my recliner in the living room and let the weight of my mother’s phone call and brother’s words wash over me. I’ve been blessed in that I’ve never had to say goodbye to someone I’m close with so navigating this is completely foreign territory to me.
It’s also in my nature to fix things and I don’t know how to fix this. Not for my parents or my brother or my niece Zoey. None of it makes sense. Chris was perfectly healthy. He would work out in the high school weight room after school almost every day and the students would challenge him to different workouts. He didn’t drink alcohol. Didn’t smoke. It makes no sense and I’m having a really hard time wrapping my brain around how this could be happening.
The last thing I want to do is face this new reality, but Max is right. I need to be there for my family. Thirty minutes later, my pickup is loaded up with everything I can think of that I’ll need, including a suit. I may or may not have thrown it into the back seat angrily. I point my pickup in the direction of home, with far too many thoughts to keep me company.
Chapter Three
Addy
I curl my body around my little girl and hold her tightly. Peter and Bethany, Chris’s parents, wanted us to come to their house for the night but I know my girl. She needs her home. Even though she has another home she shared with her dad.
Her tears have slowed down a little bit, but not much. To Zoey, her daddy was a Super Hero. Untouchable. Her hero. She would look at him with stars in her eyes and he would look right back at her the same way.
A soft knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts and I lift my head, not sure I heard it correctly. Then our lap dog (he really isn’t a lap dog, but try telling the giant lab mix that) we adopted from the shelter a year ago starts to lazily bark.
“Macaroni, shh,” I tell him, scratching behind his ear as he lays cuddled next to Zoey, always on watch for his girl. Every time I call the dog by name I have to stop myself from laughing. Obviously, Zoey named him and at the end of the day, Macaroni doesn’t care what we’re calling him, as long as we’re showing him love and affection.
I start to shift out of the bed to see who could be here but am stopped by my daughter’s thin arms wrapping tighter around me.
“Mommy?”
“It’s okay, Zoey. I’m here.”
“Don’t go.”
“I’ll be right back. I promise.”
“No, you can’t go, Mommy!” Zoey cries harder and shifts so her entire body is wrapped around mine.
I place a hand on her back and do my best to soothe her. “Shh. Shh. Baby, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Just need to see who’s at the door, okay?”
Another knock and I move to stand but she won’t release her grip. So I shimmy out of bed as best as I can and stand, holding onto Zoey as she clings to me.
“Hang on,” I call out. I move aside the shades and glance out the front window, noticing Beau’s big black pickup is parked in the driveway.
“It’s okay, Zoey, it’s just Uncle Beau.”
She lifts her head from my shoulder and I open the door. He enters without asking, taking Zoey from my arms immediately and holding her tight, burying his face into the crook of her neck. He looks up at me and holds out an arm for me and I fall into his strong embrace.
No words are spoken, the only sounds to be heard in the living room are of our cries. Beau shifts his hold on Zoey and she wraps her arms and legs around him. He takes a seat on the couch and I sit next to them, keeping a hand on Zoey’s back. Over her head, our eyes connect and I see so much sadness in the depths of his hazel eyes, I feel my heart breaking all over again.
Zoey sits back a little and looks at Beau, holding his face between her little chubby hands. “My daddy went to heaven, Unca Beau.”
“I know, Squirt. I know.”
“I want him to come back.”
“Me, too.“
“Can you make him come back? He said you’re so strong, you can do anyfing,” Zoey says, looking so closely at Beau like she’s willing him to make it happen for her. A tear slides down his cheek and he leans forward, resting his forehead against hers.
“I wish I could, Squirt. You don’t know how much I wish that I could make him come back. But it’s not how it works. I guess God thought it was time for him to be with Him and he’s going to help God keep an eye on us.”
Her eyes widen and she gasps. “He can do vat? Weally?”
Beau wipes her cheeks with his thumb and tugs her closer. “Yeah, really. Your daddy was so important that God needed his help in heaven. We might not have been ready to let him go, yet, but I know God’s taking care of him.”
Her lower lip trembles. “I still want him here.”
“I do, too, Squirt,” he says, hugging her tightly. “I do, too.”
The two cry together for minutes, hours, I don’t know how long. What I do know, is that when she falls asleep in his arms, he doesn’t move her right away. The two have always had a special bond, though Zoey is easy to bond with. After one more squeeze and kiss to her head, he stands and carries her to her room but when he shifts to lay her down, she starts whimpering, eyes opening wide on alert.
“No. Don’t go.”
He looks at me with such sadness that more tears spring to my eyes. “What do you mean, Squirt? You need sleep.”
“Mommy’s room,” she mutters, shaking her head and pointing in the direction of my bedroom.
I nod to let him know it’s okay and he lifts he
r back up and carries her to my bedroom. I lie down and he places her next to me after kissing her cheek.
“Love you, Squirt.”
“Love you, Beau,” she murmurs while burying her head into the pillow. He starts for the door and she bolts up in bed crying out, “No! You can’t go!”
He scrunches his eyebrows and then Zoey pats the spot next to her, indicating that she wants him to lie down with us. His eyes shoot to mine and I know he’s worried he’s overstepping but right now I’ll do anything to help my baby girl feel more comfortable.
I motion for him to lie down and after he removes his shoes, he climbs in on the other side of her. Together, we help Zoey fall asleep. Over my daughter’s head, our eyes connect.
I can see the sadness written across his face. He and Chris weren’t just brothers, they were friends. Sliding a hand over Zoey, I take hold of his and squeeze lightly.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
“Me, too. I went to my parents’ house and couldn’t even make myself go inside. Not yet. Which makes me a shitty person because I know they need me right now but…”
“It’s just too real? Too soon?” I ask quietly, guessing.
He nods against the pillow. “Yeah.” His gaze shifts down to her sleeping form and he kisses the back of her head, his eyes falling shut for a moment. “And… I just kept thinking about Zoey and I needed to see her. And you.”
“I think she needed to see you, too.” I did, too. If I’m being completely honest, I needed him as well. Since we got the news of Christopher’s passing, I’ve wanted Beau here with us. With me. The relief I felt when I opened the door to see him standing there should alarm me.
“I don’t want her to be hurting,” he says, voice breaking.
I trail a finger over her cheek. “Me either.”
“I don’t want you hurting, either.”
I raise my eyes and they collide with his. I can’t see the hazel in the dark, but I know his eyes just as well as I know my own. The green and yellow flecks like a starburst through the hazel. His eyes have always fascinated me. “He was your brother,” I tell him something he obviously already knows, but emphasizing why I’m more worried about him than myself. Nothing much has changed there.
The Path To Us: A Single Parent Romance Page 3
