“It is.” I turn to face her so that I can make sure she’s listening to me.
“No. It’s not. I’m so tired and I should play with Zoey more often but I have no energy to do it. Last night I fed her grilled cheese for dinner. That’s it. Grilled cheese. No veggies. No fruit. Just bread and cheese.”
“And did she complain? Addy, come on. That sounds delicious. I’d eat ten of ‘em and nothing else. Or add some chips. Who gives a shit. It’s one meal.”
“But…”
“No way. Do not let your mind go wherever you’re going to let it travel to. Listen to what I’m telling you, Addy. You are an excellent mother and you’re more than capable of handling every single obstacle and cheer her on as she succeeds. But hear this, sweetheart.” Her bottom lip quivers when she gives me her beautiful deep brown eyes. “You are not alone. Understand me?” She nods but I wonder if she realizes how much truth there is to my statement. I’ll never leave her or Zoey. She’s my reason for being.
“You’re not alone. Never have been and never will be,” I tell her and pull her closer and lean my forehead against hers. The need to be close to her goes even deeper than instinctual. It’s primal. What I really want to do is pull her onto my lap so she’s straddling me but I hold back.
We breathe each other in and I lift a hand, threading my fingers through her wet hair. I want to kiss her pain away. Make her realize her worth. Help her to forget why she’s feeling any kind of uncertainty about her ability to be an amazing mother. That she’s already everything Zoey needs and more.
We sit back and she wipes away the last of her tears with the palm of her hand. “I’m so tired of crying. Of feeling sad and overwhelmed and exhausted.”
The sadness in her voice nearly brings about my own tears.
Rather than answer her with more words of understanding and praise, I hand her the box of pizza. “Eat yourself to sleep.”
She gives me a tight-lipped smile but a small laugh breaks free. “You always have thought food fixes everything.”
“I sound like an Italian grandmother now.”
“You may as well be. Sad? Eat. Happy? Eat. Tired? Eat. Excited? Eat. Hor…” She clears her throat and her cheeks turn a bright shade of pink.
“Go on,” I say in a teasing voice. “What is it you were about to say?”
“Oh, shut up,” she says before shoving a piece of pizza into her mouth and chewing dramatically.
“That’s right. Eat so you don’t have to tell me what you were about to say.”
She covers her mouth as she laughs. But I’m grateful for the distraction. My words seem to have settled and where moments ago she was saddened, she now seems to be more relaxed. I know the pain of the last few months won’t just disappear. For either of us. But, I see the possibility of moving forward. Maybe she needed this break down today in order to do just that. The pain of losing Chris will never be gone but maybe some of that pain can be used to help us heal together.
Together, we go through our options on Netflix and settle on a series based on books about the Highlanders and time travel. It’s confusing as fuck at first but then it becomes entirely uncomfortable as the husband goes down on his wife. I shift on the couch when all I can think about is me doing the same to Addy.
Her eyes are glued to the television as if she’s engrossed in what’s on the screen. I don’t blame her. A show that I expected to be all about history is shockingly sexual. And apparently what she just about said, if you’re horny, eat, is a good plan because the two of us are demolishing a large pizza as we continue through the episodes, only breaking to get more water and a bag of buttery pretzels. Attempting to eat away my desire for her probably isn’t the best plan, but she seems to be doing the same.
Which begs the question, does she want me the same way as I want her? Or is it just simply a case of being turned on from binge watching a program that shows others having sex. Damn, it’s hot in here. This show, for as grotesque as it can be, is also hot. Neither of us can stop watching, not that I want to. The scenes are so hot they may as well be having real sex. It’s hard to believe they’re not having sex for how real it seems. Maybe that’s just because I’ve had a dry spell of so long, that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to have a woman wrapped around me.
Next to me, Addy suddenly jumps up and mumbles something about needing more water and rushes into the kitchen. I take the time alone to adjust my hardening dick, pushing it down so it’s not so obvious in these damn thin shorts. I’m about to look like a teenager with a tent in his shorts if I don’t calm down my raging hormones.
I hear her turn on the faucet for thirty seconds. That’s right. I count it out, hoping that the mundane activity will help me get control of my hormones. It doesn’t help. Not a single bit.
I’ve never wanted her so badly and that’s saying a lot — because there have been countless moments where I’ve imagined taking her from every single angle and position I can think up, of which there are many.
When she comes back, she looks no less flushed when she hands me a fresh glass of ice water, which I thank her for and suck down as if I’ve not drank for weeks. The cold liquid slides down my throat and I welcome it, hoping it tames the flames building inside me. I notice she has moisture gathered on her neck as if she splashed water on herself and I look down at the water in my hand but don’t hide my smirk.
She takes a deep breath and sits down a little farther away from me this time, turning off the TV. “You said you wanted to show me the listings?”
I appreciate her change of topics, and the fact that I’m no longer staring at bare breasts, though I wouldn’t complain if they were Addy’s. “Yeah, there’s a few I’m looking at but Noosma’s place isn’t listed yet so that’s not one of them we’ll look at.”
“What? Then how did you know he was selling?”
“Insider information,” I say, which isn’t a lie. I do have inside information — she just doesn’t know how I have it or who gave it to me.
“So secretive. Anyway, show me the houses you’re looking at.”
She’ll know soon enough that I’ve already made my decision, but I reach for my phone on the end table and pull up the listings to show her before handing it over to her. She looks through each of them carefully, pointing out the pros and cons of each. There are only three, but she examines each one as if it’s one of the biggest decisions of her life.
“This one has a lot of potential but you know, I just don’t know that any of these are your house.”
My heart thumps against my chest. “What do you mean?”
“Honestly? I don’t really know. It’s hard to explain.”
She doesn’t need to because she’s right — none of them are meant for me. When I walked into Richard Noosma’s house, I felt at home immediately. Just like she says it’s hard to explain, it’s the same for me. Just like being around Addy and Zoey, my parents or Max, I felt at peace in that big old farmhouse. As if it’s where I’m supposed to live. I can picture my future laid out before me so perfectly there.
The only thing is, in my dreams, Addy and Zoey are with me. And that makes me an awful person. I can’t take over Chris’s life, or the life that he wanted. I can’t step in as if I deserve to have Addy and Zoey as my own and pretend that any of this is okay.
“I’m inclined to agree with you, but I haven’t seen inside any of them so I’m not sure what to think. It’s not like I need to buy something immediately.”
She laughs. “Oh, right. I’m sure you’re eager to move back in with your parents.” She pauses for a second then, “Wait. What are you going to do here?”
“What do you mean?”
“For work.”
I didn’t realize I hadn’t even told her my news yet. We’ve been so busy skirting around any subject that doesn’t revolve around Zoey that we’ve forgotten we have lives as well.
“I didn’t tell you?”
She turns her head to the side, eyes alight with eagerness. They sparkle and shin
e, and for the first time in weeks, it’s not because of the tears that are building there. “Tell me what?”
I rub a hand over my face to try to smother my enormous grin over the idea of running my own business, even if it’s with someone else. It just feels right. “Grant is expanding his business and I’m going to run the operation here.”
“Beau! That’s great!”
“There’s more. As a partner.”
Her eyes widen and she launches herself into my arms, the force of it causing me to fall backward a little bit. “Are you serious?!” she cries out excitedly, the sound slightly muffled against my neck. “This is amazing!” She leans back and cups my face in her soft hands. “So perfect. I’m so happy for you!”
She’s wrong. Perfect and amazing is what it feels like to have her body over top of mine, the feel of her breath against my skin, her face buried in the space between my neck and shoulder. Her hands on my face as her beautiful eyes stare down at me. No, perfect and amazing doesn’t even scratch the surface. The adjective hasn’t been invented yet.
I clear my throat and grip her waist, pushing her back a little bit as gently as possible so she doesn’t think I’m pushing her away but I also don’t want her to feel the effect she’s having on me. I swallow hard, hoping to produce some moisture in my mouth, and she follows the movement in my neck. I know she’s staring at my mouth, my own eyes darting between hers and her mouth as well.
Her lips look plump and so damn tempting. When she wets them, her pink tongue snaking out, I almost groan. Our chests are heaving and I can’t think of a moment in my life that I haven’t wanted her. Sure, I was an idiot for a lot of years but now my eyes are wide open and I’m not sure I can settle for anything less than all of her.
But how do I risk what we have?
To go from best friends to realizing I was in love with her then becoming her daughter’s uncle was hard but Chris was always in the mix and kept my mind where it needed to be. I can easily envision what a relationship with her would look like. It’s my future. The thing stopping me? Not knowing if she’s in the same place as me, even with the sexual tension between us that’s impossible to miss.
Our relationship hasn’t really changed over time, we’ve always been affectionate and flirtatious with each other, so it’s hard to differentiate between a desire for more and the same friendship we’ve always had.
“Thank you,” I say, voice a little rough. She nods and seems to force her eyes off my mouth. Maybe I’m reading everything correctly. Maybe she feels for me the same as I feel for her.
But then she abruptly moves away from me, tucking hair behind her ear. Her face is flushed and she looks like she’s gonna be sick, and all thoughts of her wanting me vanish into thin air.
Once we’re both seated and no longer, unfortunately, draped in each other’s arms, she asks me more about expanding the business. Likely to shift the focus off our hormones.
“I’ll work out of my home for a while. One of the reasons I’m looking for a place with some extra buildings.”
“So you’ll work when you’re not playing farmer?” she teases
I chuckle. “Exactly. I’ll make sure to roof a few houses and run a business when I’m not trying to take care of donkeys and goats.”
“You’re seriously considering getting animals?”
“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I?”
She shakes her head laughing lightly rather than answering. “I won’t even go there. Anyway, have you hired anyone yet?”
“A few people asked to come with me. They’re closer to home here and I already know they’re hard workers, so it’s a win for all of us. Plus, I trust them which is obviously a good thing for more reasons than just I’ll be paying them.”
She looks at me and smiles. “Boss man Beau Aikin. I always knew I’d see this day.”
She did? I never saw myself as a business owner — or partner, rather. Helping Grant run his business? Yes. But never one of my own. It was one of those far-fetched dreams I never could see as a possible reality. Found that I was a great manager for Grant and was satisfied. Now I’m realizing simply being satisfied isn’t enough. “Quite the fortune teller, aren’t you?”
“Nah. I just know you.”
Man, if that isn’t the truth. Sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself. Though, there are parts that I’m certain she knows nothing about. Like the fact that I’m in love with her.
“That you do,” I admit to her. “But, remember, I know you, too. All your secrets, right?” I tease, reaching up and lightly tugging on a lock of her dark blonde hair.
She bats my hand away. “Gah, do you ever stop picking at me? And, no, you cocky shit, you don’t know all my secrets.”
“Oooh, do tell.”
“No way,” she says, standing from the couch and bending over to pick up the pizza box.
I want to press, partly because I want to know all her secrets, but I don’t because if I demand to know hers, she’ll demand the same out of me. And I only have one to tell. And she’s not ready to hear it.
Addy
I dump the pizza box in the recycle bin in the garage and come back inside. I’m about to turn off the kitchen lights when the container of oatmeal fudge bars catches my eye. I’d forgotten all about them. I grab a napkin and pick out two squares of chocolatey goodness. These things are so addicting I could eat the entire container by myself. Taking only two is displaying quite a bit of self-control, to be quite honest.
I take a bite and moan. “Holy crap.”
They taste a little different than usual but in a really good way. I finish the first bar and turn off the lights in the kitchen.
“Beau?” I holler.
“In here! Just brushing my teeth,” he replies from the bathroom.
“Okay!”
Since it seems he’s getting ready for bed, I decide to do the same. But not before I eat the other chewy bar.
I get into my pajamas and wash my face, brush my teeth, use the toilet, and stop in my tracks when I see Beau standing in my bedroom, sans shirt.
“Thought I’d come say goodnight.”
I nod. “Good night.”
He licks his lips and allows his eyes to trail the length of my legs. I’m not naked but the way he’s looking at me right this second, I might as well be. Something between us is shifting, the relationship we once held is different than it was. When his eyes meet mine, desire radiates. Or maybe that’s my own.
Holy shit. My bedroom isn’t small, but with Beau’s large frame stealing so much space, it feels tiny. I swallow hard and take a step closer.
He does, too, and when we’re directly in front of each other, he slowly lifts his hands, gripping my upper arms.
“Addy,” he whispers, looking down at me. It’s his turn to swallow hard and I know that he can see the swell of my breasts from where he’s standing. I wonder if he can see the hardness of my nipples, too.
I stare at him, because I can’t tear my eyes away from his bare chest or the look in his eyes.
“You’re so beautiful, Addy. Have I ever told you that?”
I shake my head but it’s a lie. He has told me that before. Just not in the way I think he means right now.
“I should have.”
My tongue begins to tingle and my head feels fuzzy. I try to take a deep breath to calm my racing heart but I can’t. Then my tongue begins swelling inside my mouth making it impossible to speak, much less breathe easily.
“Say something,” he begs.
But I can’t.
I can’t speak.
And it’s not because I’m struck speechless because of being around him while both of us are half naked.
No.
It’s because I’m having some sort of allergic reaction and not only is my tongue swelling but I can’t catch a breath.
I gasp and gasp again.
Nothing helps, though.
“Addy?”
I shake my head and bend over, trying t
o take in a deep breath, but it’s useless. I’ve only experienced this one other time and it was terrifying to say the least. I can’t breathe no matter what I do.
“Addy!” he shouts, eyes fearful and voice high and worried.
I grip his arm and do my best to look at him.
“Pen…” I manage to say, and point to the bathroom.
“Pen? What? What’s happening, Addy?” His eyes are darting between mine, pure panic in his eyes. I don’t blame him. I’m feeling a lot panicked myself.
“Epi… pen…” I tell him and he somehow understands what I was trying to say even though the words are barely able to be heard. He helps me sit down on the floor and runs to the bathroom. I hear drawers and cupboards opening and slamming shut, things being strewn all over the room until he finds what he’s looking for.
“This is it. I found it. Right?” he says loudly, bringing it to me. Luckily, he’s right and he found my EpiPen. I nod my head to let him know that he’s got the right thing. “I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do!”
I point to my thigh and take the pen from his hand, showing him what he’s supposed to do. He watches closely and quickly follows my instructions before jamming it into my thigh and pushing the button to inject the adrenaline into me. He holds me, my head cradled against his chest as the medicine works its way into my system. He rubs his hand up and down my arm and whispers, “don’t leave me, breathe for me, baby, you got this” over and over.
After a few minutes, I start to regain my breath but it’s uncomfortable.
Beau doesn’t release his hold on me. “Come on, Addy. Breathe deep. Just don’t leave me, okay? You can’t.”
“I’m okay,” I tell him but I’m not entirely. Better, yes. But far from a hundred percent.
“Fuck,” he says, blowing out a breath and bringing me even tighter to his chest. “I thought… holy shit. What was that?”
Once I can breathe easily again, I put a little bit of space between us. “Hazelnuts.”
His eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. I get it. He didn’t know of my allergy. “What?”
“The bars, I think they had hazelnut chocolate in them.”
The Path To Us: A Single Parent Romance Page 10
