Holding on to those thoughts like they were his only lifeline stopping him from completely losing it, he hurried down the small incline to where the large medic tent had been set up.
Inside was a hive of activity. All the medics—doctors, sub-doctors, and nurses—from both the base and Valiant Knox had converged here in the last few hours, triaging and treating the injured as they trickled in from the fight.
Cam rushed over to a nearby wheeled metal stand of tall shelves and started searching for a med-kit.
“Something I can help you with, Colonel?”
He glanced over to see one of the Valiant Knox sub-doctors Archie Moore, standing at his elbow, grabbing a few things out of the shelves.
“I need an emergency med-kit. And a medic, actually.”
Moore pointed to the right. “Which kind?”
“Actually, I have no idea.” He dragged a hand over his hair, exhaustion making his thoughts murky. “Seb commed me to say Lieutenant Brenner’s fighter jet went down about ten clicks from here—”
“Why didn’t you say so in the first place?” Moore spun around and grabbed a passing male nurse. “Garcia, take these over to bed twelve. Doctor Dalton is waiting for them.”
Moore bundled the supplies into the nurse’s arms, not even bothering to wait for a reply before he hurried around to the other side of the shelves and came up holding a large red backpack with a white cross on it.
“Lead the way, Colonel.”
“Call me Cam.” He held out a hand to shake briefly with Moore.
“Mostly everyone calls me Ace,” he replied as they headed out of the tent.
They jogged through the tent city that’d popped up in less than an hour after the troops had arrived. On the outskirts, there was a line of all-terrain vehicles parked. Cam jumped behind the wheel as Ace chucked the med-kit in the back and then climbed into the passenger seat next to him. The GSW in his arm throbbed as he steered the ATV free of the other stationary vehicles. The doctor that’d bandaged it hadn’t offered any pain meds. Smart woman had obviously realized he would have refused them anyway.
They headed out of the camp, Cam picking out a road that’d take them east. Seb organized for his comm to be connected to the beacon on Bren’s jet. He handed it over to Ace, leaving the directions to the sub-doctor while he navigated the uneven landscape, especially once they left the rough road and started driving across fields and through light forest.
In the distance, a plume of black smoke spiraled into the sky—one of several. He was trying not to let the thought that it was Bren’s jet lodge itself into his mind. Except as they followed the beacon, they seemed to be heading right for it.
“Dammit,” Ace muttered as they cleared the forest into an open field.
“What’s wrong?” He pressed his foot down harder, increasing the speed now that he didn’t have trees to navigate.
“The beacon. It dropped out. But I’ve got an approximate location.”
Cam didn’t reply. Couldn’t say anything with the way his throat had tightened as the dark plume of smoke loomed closer.
If the beacon had gone out, did that mean the jet wreckage was burning, destroying everything inside it?
Seb hadn’t said whether Bren had ejected or not. What if she was trapped? What if they were too late?
They reached the other side of the field and plunged back into forest, sending frustration thrumming through him at needing to slow down again or risk crashing. They had to get to the wreckage. He had to find Bren. She had to be okay. There was no other option.
They were maybe two miles from the last beacon signal when Ace tapped him on the shoulder and pointed.
Bren was a few hundred yards off, walking through the sparse trees. Relief shot through him like a dose of adrenaline straight to the heart, almost making him lightheaded. He turned the ATV in her direction, weaving through a few trees to reach her.
When they got closer, he could see she was holding herself stiff, one of her arms cradled against her chest. There was a decent-sized gash on her forehead, leaving blood trickling down her face.
She stumbled to a halt, like she hadn’t noticed the ATV until they stopped right in front of her.
Shoving the ATV into park, he jumped out and hurried over to her, Ace a step behind with the med-kit.
“About time you got here,” she mumbled, before pitching forward.
He caught her shoulders, trying to take her weight gently, but she cried out in pain. He adjusted his grip, heart bumping over the fact he’d hurt her without meaning to. Lowering her, lowering them both to the ground, he sat with her against his chest. She seemed to be a little out of it. He cast a glance over her as Ace ripped into the med-kit.
“Hell, she’s dislocated her shoulder.”
“And I’m guessing that head-lac caused a pretty decent concussion,” Ace replied. He set a few bandages on the open side of the med-kit. “First things first. Let’s get that dislocation taken care of.”
Ace instructed him to hold her up, and as the sub-doctor gently took her arm, Cam’s heart took up residence in his throat. He’d never dislocated a shoulder before, but he’d heard they hurt like a bitch, and he didn’t relish the idea of putting Bren through any more pain.
Holding her tight against him, when Ace counted down, he held his breath as the sub-doctor worked the joint back into place.
Bren jerked against him, but her jaw was clenched against making any noise. A sweat had broken out on her brow, but when the shoulder ended up back where it was meant to be, she blew out a long breath and sagged against him.
“Remind me never to do that again,” she muttered, more lucid as Ace turned his attention to her head.
“Which part? Crashing your jet or dislocating your shoulder?” Ace asked with a note of humor in his tone.
“All of the above.”
As Ace started wiping blood from her face and sealing the wound with a special gel, Bren pulled herself upright and cast him a wary glance.
“Didn’t think I’d be seeing you again so soon.” She winced as Ace stuck a temporary bandage over the laceration.
“Seb commed me when your jet went down. He asked me to send a medic, but I didn’t have anything better to do, so I thought I’d come along.”
“You didn’t have anything better to do?” she repeated. “Not anything like oversee the UEF forces currently trying to take key enemy targets?”
He shrugged. “They mostly run themselves. Besides, we’re about to claim victory, and I think I was cramping Commander Emmanuel’s style.”
She stared at him after he said that, like she didn’t know what to do with him. Sure, making jokes hadn’t exactly been his thing while they’d been in enemy territory. And last time they’d really spoken, in the CSS camp, he’d pretty much told her—
Yeah, he didn’t want to go there again.
“I owe you an apology,” he forced himself to say before he could let his stupid, stubborn pride talk him out of it like earlier when she’d flown off with Alpha.
“How about I give you two a moment?” Ace hastily chucked stuff into the med-kit, flipped the lid closed, and practically ran back to the ATV like he wanted to be as far away from this awkward conversation as possible.
Bren got to her feet, wincing, but shaking her head at him when he tried to reach out and help her. “I appreciate you saying so.”
She started to step around him, but he got into her path. “I am sorry. About all of it. And I mean all. The entire past ten years. I should never have assumed you were anything like your brother.”
She warily met his gaze. “And I shouldn’t have assumed what happened with Jordie was all your fault. I guess we would have saved ourselves a lot of trouble.”
“No doubt.” He smiled at her, but it felt forced.
They’d moved beyond the ghost of her brother, but what did that mean for them? He wanted to get to know Bren, wanted to spend time with her. Hell, there was a large part of him that desperately want
ed to keep her for good. But the Valiant Knox would be redeployed, possibly within the week. And he’d be reassigned as well. There’d be opportunities in other systems or the possibility of staying to help rebuild Ilari and stamp out pockets of CSS forces. It depended on what kind of action he wanted to see.
Talk about bad timing. He couldn’t ask her to stay when he didn’t even know what he was going to do himself. And even if he did know, he couldn’t have asked her anyway. Not any more than she could have asked him to go with her if she did have feelings for him. Which he wasn’t sure about. Maybe this was all one-sided. She wasn’t exactly an open book; she kept herself locked down pretty tight.
He probably should have found that ironic, since it was usually people saying that about him.
“Well, I’m glad you’re okay.” The words came out lamely. “I was worried when Seb said your jet had gone down.”
“I would have been fine, except I landed in a tree. My arm got caught in the parachute, and when I cut myself free, I fell.” She gestured to her arm and head with her good hand. “That’s how this happened.”
“We should get you back to the Knox and patched up properly, then.”
He stepped aside, indicating she should go ahead of him. She stared at him for a long moment, like she wanted to say something else or wanted him to say something. Sure, there were words bubbling in his chest, but it seemed pointless letting them out.
She let out a small sigh and then walked over to the ATV where Ace was waiting. Cam scrubbed a hand over his face before following and climbing into the driver’s seat.
He’d apologized. They’d put the thing with Jordie behind them. So why did he still feel like a complete ass?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Bren paused on the stoop of the modest house, smoothing down her hair, and then calling herself ten kinds of idiot. She’d cleaned off the blood, had all the scans Ace had ordered, and then sat through the cut being laser-repaired, leaving a pink scar, and the machine that healed internal bruising to take the swelling down in her shoulder and reduce the severity of her concussion.
She was as healed as modern medicine could make her and didn’t look too worse for wear. Maybe a little tired. But Neve wasn’t going to care about that. Just as she went to take the last step up to the door, male voices reached her, and she turned around to see Cam and Halden approaching the house.
She probably shouldn’t have been surprised to find Cam returning for Neve. He’d promised the little girl exactly that, after all. Like her, he’d changed into clean clothes, had his injuries taken care of, leaving him looking in almost perfect health.
When he saw her standing there, his blue gaze meeting hers made her heart crash into her ribs.
“Bren!” Halden came up the steps and took her hand. The energy rolling off him was tired, but excited. “Thank you for everything you did. You and your fighter pilot squadron. I can’t believe I get to come home today and tell my daughter we’re free. I’ve been dreaming about this since the day I found out Merrie was pregnant.”
He pulled her into a tight hug. She returned the embrace, laughing at his enthusiasm.
“You’re welcome. It’s definitely been a long time coming.”
Halden stepped back again. “Neve will be excited to see you.”
“And I can’t wait to see her.”
Halden nodded and then glanced at Cam, who’d hung back.
“Well, come in when you’re ready.” He disappeared inside, leaving her alone with Cam.
Great, just what she wanted. Another awkward conversation with him. At least this time they didn’t have an audience. Ace might have gone back to the ATV after fixing her shoulder, but she was sure he’d been listening to every word they’d exchanged.
She was glad Cam had apologized—that they’d apologized to each other—and had started to put the ghost of Jordie behind them. But it didn’t solve what was or wasn’t between them.
And it seemed pretty damn likely there wasn’t anything between them. Cam hadn’t said a word about their relationship. Not that they’d had one. Hooking up under stressful circumstances didn’t exactly make for happily ever after. Besides, she had decisions to make about her future, and she couldn’t base them off feelings that had sprung up in the space of a week and might not even last.
“You were planning on taking Neve back up to the Valiant Knox?” Cam shoved his hands into his pockets and slowly walked over to the step.
“Not sure, actually. A battleship probably isn’t the place for a kid. I’ve secured a couple of bunks for us on base for the time being.”
Surprise flitted across his face. “So you’ll be around?”
“For now. Until I decide whether to leave with the Knox.” She was definitely hedging with that answer. “You can see her whenever you want until then.”
Cam dragged a hand through his hair and then stepped up so he was right in front of her.
“Bren, I know there’s a lot we’re not saying here, and I don’t want you to think I’m avoiding it on purpose. I care about you, but everything is in transition, I don’t know what I’ll be doing next week—”
She placed a hand on his cheek. More than his words, she could see it in his eyes, which were suddenly so open and vulnerable. He was struggling with exactly the same thing she was. The worst thing a person could face: the unknown. She could have smiled at the fact that once again, he’d proven how similar and practical they both were.
“You don’t have to explain, Cam. I know.”
He let out a pent-up breath and leaned forward to set his forehead against hers. “I’m going to hate it when you leave. Or when I leave. Maybe once we’re both settled, if we don’t end up posted too far apart, we can catch up.”
“I’d love that.” The words were positive, but her tone was hollow. Because the chances of them ending up posted close enough to see each other regularly was miniscule. This was going to be their good-bye.
But she wasn’t going to say it. No way. Instead, she closed the distance between them, gratified when he met her halfway and their mouths fused together. Easily, naturally. Like it was meant to be.
Cam wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer, the kiss getting deeper. But it wasn’t desperate or despairing, even though this could be the last time they ever saw each other. It was intense, though; intense enough to make her toes curl. To make her wish they had more time. That there was a bed and a lot of long, lazy naked hours in their immediate future.
And that wish only made things harder, which was why she broke the kiss, resisting when he tried to pull her closer again.
She forced herself to step back, well out of his reach. When he stared at her, the thwarted desire in his gaze was obvious. And he had that now-familiar stubborn look on his face, like he was going to dig his heels in. But what good would that do? Would he decide their feelings were worth him dropping everything to follow after her? Or ask her to follow him wherever he went next?
Her heart skipped, because more than anything, she wanted one of those scenarios to unfold. But it was ridiculous. The complete opposite to sensible or logical. What if a few months from now they realized the mistake they’d made?
They’d had a fling. It wasn’t a sturdy enough foundation to base a relationship from. Wasn’t a good enough reason to make some insane decision to completely change the course of her life. She’d always been a soldier; she didn’t know how to be anything else. Her commission was her life, and making room for Neve was going to be a big enough concession by itself.
It was no secret Cam hated being in space on the Knox, and by the same token, she hated the idea of being stuck on the ground with no prospects of flying. If one of them made the sacrifice to follow the other somewhere, they’d likely end up unhappy, dooming the relationship before it started. Better not to drag themselves through the emotional turmoil when she could already see it would never work.
He caught her hand, and she knew he was getting ready to make some huge declar
ation, causing her heart to pound crazily, because she didn’t know what her answer would be, despite knowing it could never happen.
She wanted to think she’d follow her logic and refuse whatever he offered, but her emotions would get the better of her and she’d possibly agree, despite her reservations.
Cam tugged her closer again. “Bren—”
He’d barely gotten her name out before the door to Halden’s house slammed open, accompanied by an excited squeal.
Neve had barreled into them before Bren even had time to pull out of Cam’s hold.
“You came back!” Neve had one small arm wrapped around each of them.
Cam gave a short laugh, before bending down to pick her up.
“That’s what we told you, wasn’t it?”
“Halden said the war had finished. That we can do whatever we want now.”
The fact that this child even understood what war was made her chest tighten. Bren wanted to give her back that sense of security and love. She’d never be able to replace Neve’s parents, but at least she could make sure the little girl never lived another day in fear or uncertainty.
The way Cam held Neve in his arms, expression relaxed and tender, a slight smile on his lips as he stared at the little girl, made her heart spasm.
Dammit. She wanted this family, exactly like this.
She’d thought she hadn’t let herself fall too deeply for him. Had thought she’d be okay when he left, that it was going to be sad, and yes, she wished things could be different. But she’d assumed she’d handle it like she always handled everything and eventually get over it.
Instead, a crack had weakened her heart. And she could tell it was already well on the way to breaking.
Chapter Thirty
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