Do Penguins Have Knees?

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Do Penguins Have Knees? Page 29

by David Feldman


  Soles, sunburn and

  “Son of a gun,”

  Sonic booms, frequency of

  Sororities, Greek names of

  SOS pads, origins of

  Soufflés and reaction to loud noises

  Soup, alphabet, foreign countries and

  Soups and shelving in supermarkets

  Sour cream, expiration date on

  Sourdough bread, San Francisco, taste of

  South Florida, University of, location of

  South Pole

  directions at

  telling time at

  Sparkling wine, name of, versus champagne

  Speech, elderly versus younger and

  Speed limit, 55 mph, reasons for

  Speeding and radar

  Speedometers, markings of, in automobiles

  Spelling, “i” before “e” in

  Sperm whales, head oil of

  “Spic and span,”

  Spiders and web tangling

  Spitting, men versus women

  Spoons, measuring, inaccuracy of

  Sprinkles, jimmies versus

  Squeaking, causes of

  “St. Martin’s Day,”

  Stage hypnotists, techniques of

  Staining, paperback books and

  Stains, elimination of, on clothing

  Staling of bread

  Stamp pads, moisture retention of

  Stamps

  perforation remnants

  postage, taste of

  validity of ripped

  Staplers

  fitting of staples into

  outward setting of

  Staples

  clumping of

  fitting into staplers of

  “Starboard,”

  Starch on shirts

  Stars in space, photos of

  Starving children and bloated stomachs

  States, versus commonwealths

  Static electricity, variability in amounts of

  Steak houses and baked potatoes

  Steak, “New York,” origins of

  Steam and streets of New York City

  Steelers, Pittsburgh, helmet emblems of

  Steins, beer, lids and

  Stickers, colored, on envelopes

  Stickiness of peanut butter

  Stock prices as quoted in eighths of a dollar

  Stocking runs

  direction of

  effect of freezing upon

  “Stolen thunder,”

  Stomach, growling, causes of

  Stomachs, bloated, in starving children

  “STOP” in telegrams

  Strait, George, and hats

  Straws, rising and sinking of, in glasses

  Street addresses, half-numbers in

  Street names, choice of, at corner intersections

  Street-name signs, location of, at intersections

  Streets, glitter and

  String cheese, characteristics of

  String players

  left handed, in orchestras

  Styrofoam coolers, blue specks on

  Submarines, anchors and

  Sugar

  clumping together of

  spoilage of

  Sugar cube wrappers, slits in

  Sugar Frosted Flakes, calorie count of

  Sugar in packaged salt

  Summer, first day of

  Sunburn

  delayed reaction in

  palms and soles

  “Sundae,”

  Sundials, mottoes on

  Sunglasses and professional golfers

  Sunrises, timing of

  Sunsets, timing of

  “Super” glues

  and Teflon

  versus ordinary glues

  Supermarkets

  check approval policies

  public bathrooms in

  shelving of soup

  Surgeons’ uniforms, color of

  “Swan song,”

  Swarming of gnats

  Sweating, swimmers and

  “Sweating” and drinking glasses

  Swimming

  cats and

  sweating and

  Swiping of credit cards

  Swiss cheese

  holes in

  slice sizes of

  Switches, light

  Syringes, hole in needle of

  Tails, curly, pigs and

  “Talking a blue streak,”

  Tall old people, rareness of

  Tamers, animal, and kitchen chairs

  Tape counters, audio and VCR

  Tar Heels and University of North Carolina

  Taste, sense of, in children versus adults

  Tattoos, color of

  “Taw,”

  Tax forms

  disposal of

  numbering scheme of

  Taxes, April 15 due date of

  Taxicabs

  rear windows of

  seat belts in

  Teachers, apples for

  Teddy bears, frowns of

  Teeth, silver fillings and

  Teeth direction of keys

  “Teetotaler,”

  Teflon, stickiness of

  Telegrams

  exclamation marks and

  periods and

  Telephone cords, twisting of

  Telephone rings, mechanics of

  Telephones

  911 as emergency number

  area code numbers

  dialing 9 to get outside line

  fast versus slow busy signals

  holes in mouthpiece

  pay, clicking noise in

  “Q” and “Z,” absence from buttons

  rings, mechanics of

  third-party conversations

  three-tone signals

  touch tone keypad for

  unlisted phone numbers

  windowless central offices

  Telescopes, inverted images of

  Television

  advertising sales for overrun live programming and

  cable and channel allocation

  channel 1 on, lack of

  “snow” on

  sound of, in bars

  volume levels of

  Television commercials, loudness of

  Television sets

  diagonal measurement of

  measurement of, Canadian versus U.S.

  Temperature

  babies and tolerance for high

  cold water, kitchen versus bathroom

  human comfort and

  in public buildings

  perception of air versus water

  Ten percent of brain, alleged use of

  “Ten-foot pole,”

  Tennis, scoring in

  Tennis balls

  fuzziness of

  high-altitude

  “Tenterhooks,”

  Tequila, worms in bottles of

  Thanksgiving, Thursday and

  “That’s all she wrote,”

  Theater, “legitimate,” origins of term

  Thermometers

  color of liquid in

  in ovens and refrigerators

  placement of

  standing temperature of

  Thimbles, holes in

  Thinking, looking up and

  “Third degree,”

  “Third world,”

  Thread, orange, and blue jeans

  Three Musketeers, musketlessness of

  “Three sheets to the wind”

  Three-way light bulbs

  burnout of

  functioning of

  Throat, uvula, purpose of

  Throwing, sex differences in

  Thumb notches in dictionaries

  Thumbs-up gesture, “okay” and

  Thursday, Thanksgiving and

  Tickets, red carbons on airline

  Tickling of self

  Ticklishness of different parts of body

  Ticks, diet of

  Ties, origins of

  Ties, ceramic, in tunnels

  “Tinker�
�s dam,”

  Tinnitus, causes of

  Tips, waiter, and credit cards

  Tiredness and eye-rubbing

  Tires

  atop mobile homes

  automobile tread, disappearance of

  bicycle

  bluish tinge on new whitewalls

  inflation of, and gasoline mileage

  white-wall, size of

  Tissue paper in wedding invitations

  Title pages, dual, in books

  Toads, warts and

  “Today,”

  “Toast [salute],”

  Toasters, one slice slot on

  Toenails, growth of

  Toffee, versus caramels

  Toilet paper, folding over in hotel bathrooms

  Toilet seats in public restrooms

  Toilets

  flush handles on, location of

  loud flushes of, in public restrooms

  seat covers for

  “Tom Collins [drink],”

  “Tommy gun,”

  Tongues, sticking out of

  Tonsils, function of

  Toothpaste

  expiration dates on

  taste of, with orange juice

  Toothpicks

  flat versus round

  mint flavoring on

  Tootsie Roll Pops, Indian and star on wrappers of

  Toques, purpose of

  Tornadoes

  lull before

  trailer parks and

  Tortilla chips

  black specks on

  price of, versus potato chips

  Tortillas

  black specks on

  size of, versus corn

  Touch tone telephones, keypad configuration for

  Towels

  number of, in hotel rooms

  smell of used

  textures of

  Traffic control

  55 mph speed limit

  traffic lights

  Traffic flow, clumping of, on highways

  Traffic jams, clearing of, on highways

  Traffic lights

  colors on

  timing of, in New York and Washington, D.C.

  Traffic noise in U.S., versus other countries

  Traffic signal light bulbs, lifespan of

  Traffic signs

  DONT WALK, lack of apostrophe on

  FALLING ROCK, purpose of

  placement of “Dangerous Curve,”

  Trailer parks

  tires atop mobile homes in

  tornadoes and

  Train stations, ceilings of

  Trains

  backward locomotives in

  EXEMPT signs at railroad crossings

  Tread, tire, disappearance of

  Treasurer, U.S., gender of

  Treasury, printing of new bills by

  Treble clefs, dots on

  Trees

  bark, color of

  growth in cities

  growth on slopes of

  Triton, orbit pattern of

  Tropical fish, oxygen in

  Trucks

  idling of engines of

  license plates on

  origins of term “semi” and

  “Tsk-Tsk,” stroking of index fingers and

  Tuba bells, orientation of

  Tuesday

  release of CDs

  U.S. elections and

  Tumbleweed, tumbling of

  Tuna, cat food, cans of

  Tunnels, ceramic tiles in

  Tupperware and home parties

  “Turkey,” in bowling, origin of term

  Turkeys

  beards on

  white versus dark meat

  Turn signals in automobiles, clicking sounds of

  TV Guide, order of listings in

  Twenty-four second clock in NBA basketball

  Twenty-one as age of majority

  Twenty-one gun salute, origins of

  “Twenty-three skidoo,”

  Twins, identical, DNA and

  Twitches during sleep

  Twix cookie bars, holes in

  “Two bits,” origins of term

  Two by fours, measurement of

  Two-minute warning, football and

  Typewriter keys, location of

  “U” in University of Miami football helmets

  Ultraviolet and attraction of insects

  Umpires and home plate sweeping

  “Uncouth,”

  Underarm hair, purpose of

  Underwear, labels on

  Uniforms

  painters’ whites

  surgeons’, color of

  United States Mint and shipment of coin sets

  United States Postal System (USPS)

  CAR-RT SORT on envelopes

  translation of foreign mail and

  undeliverable mail

  University of Miami

  football helmets

  “Hurricanes” nickname

  University of North Carolina and Tar Heels

  University of South Florida, location of

  Unleaded gasoline, cost of

  Unlisted telephone numbers, charges for

  Unscented hair spray, smell of

  “Upper crust,”

  Upper lips, groove on

  UPS

  shipment of coin sets

  used trucks, nonexistence of

  Urinals, ice in

  Urination, running water and

  Uvula, purpose of

  Vaccination marks, hair growth and

  Valve stems on fire hydrants, shape of

  VCRs, counter numbers on

  Vegetable oil, vegetables in

  Vegetable oils, vegetables in

  Vending machines

  bill counting and

  freezing of soft drinks in

  half dollars and

  pennies and

  placement of snacks in

  “Use Correct Change” light on

  Vent windows, side, in automobiles

  Vestments

  color of Catholic priests’

  color of popes’

  Videocassette boxes, configuration of

  Videocassette recorders

  counters on

  power surges and

  Videotape recorders

  “play” and “record” switches on

  storms and

  Videotape versus audiotape, two sides of

  Videotapes, rental, two-tone signals on

  Violin bows, white dots on frogs of

  Virgin acrylic

  Virgin olive oil

  Vision

  Vitamins, measurement of, in foods

  Voices

  causes of high and low

  elderly versus younger

  perception of, own versus others’

  Volkswagen Beetles, elimination of

  Vomiting and horses

  “Waffling,”

  Wagon wheels in film, movement of

  Waiters’ tips and credit cards

  Walking the plank, pirates and

  Walking, race, judging of

  Wall Street Journal, lack of photographs in

  Warmth and its effect on pain

  Warning labels, mattress tag

  Warts, frogs and toads and

  Washing machine agitators, movement of

  Washing machines, top-versus bottom-loading, and detergent

  Washington, D.C., “J” Street in

  Watch, versus clock, distinctions between

  “Watch,” origins of term

  Watches and placement on left hand

  Water

  bottled, expiration dates on

  chemical manufacture of

  clouds in tap water

  color of

  Water faucets

  bathroom versus kitchen

  location of, hot versus cold

  Water temperature

  effect on stain

  versus air temperature, perception of

  Water towers

  hei
ght of

  winter and

  Water, boiling during home births

  Water, cold, kitchen versus bathroom

  Watermelon seeds, white versus black

  Wax, whereabouts in dripless candles

  “Wear his heart on his sleeve,”

  “Weasel words,”

  Weather

  clear days following storms

  forecasting of, in different regions

  partly cloudy versus partly sunny

  smell of impending rain

  West coast versus East coast

  See also particular conditions.

  Wedding etiquette, congratulations to bride and groom and

  Wedding invitations, tissue paper in

  Weigh stations, highway, predictable closure of

  Wells, roundness of

  Wendy’s hamburgers, square shape of

  Western Union telegrams

  exclamation marks and

  periods

  Wet noses, dogs and

  Wetness, effect of, on color

  Whales, sperm, head oil in

 

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